• Member Since 9th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen March 4th

LightningSword


Me. Take it or leave it.

T

My life
WIll never be the same
'Cause, girl, you came and changed
The way I walk
The way I talk
I cannot explain

Nocturne and Spike are two guys out on the town, when they see a gorgeous mare walking the streets, looking for a little security. The hapless duo follow her, and get neck-deep in mayhem: gangsters, dancers, bar fights, fires, and a boss that makes things a little "chaotic". Nocturne wants to pursue this mare, though--she's everything he could possibly want, and more.

A little something born from my love of ponies and the music of Michael Jackson. Based on and inspired by MJ's "You Rock My World" music video.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

Nocturne (OC) -- Michael
Spike -- Chris Tucker
Fluttershy -- the pretty girl (Kishaya Dudley)
Discord -- "Big D" (Marlon Brando)

NOTE: "You Rock My World" was performed by Michael Jackson, written by Jackson, Rodney Jerkins, Fred Jerkins III, LaShawn Daniels, and Nora Payne, and was distributed by Epic Records. The music video was written by Jackson and Paul Hunter, and was directed by Paul Hunter. I do not own the lyrics shown above, and some changes made to any lyrics in story are in keeping with site rules. Thank you.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 65 )

A chapter that is exactly 1000 words. I've never seen that accomplished before.

As for the story itself, it seems pretty good as far as I can tell.

5449037 no its terrible, there is no edgy af back story or depressed human teenager. people like you are the reason why my little dashie was accepted

“Okay, here goes . . . hey! Over here! Hey, could you look this way, please?”

i was expecting the


HEYY! you knock me off of my feet now baby, HOOO- thing but noo you had to be a no joe.

5449158 Come on, too obvious! What do you take me for, some psycho fanboy? :rainbowlaugh:

Okay, I am a little bit . . . :twilightsheepish:

5449037 I actually thought it was a little longer. Turns out I had to add to it a little bit. I guess, somehow, the word counter for this site is different from the word count on OpenOffice. :rainbowhuh:

>Has the word "rock" in the title
>Doesn't feature Maud Pie, Tom, or Boulder

WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?! :rainbowlaugh:

5450400 :rainbowlaugh: I don't think MJ had sediment in mind when he wrote the song. :ajsmug:

5450556 I think I'll put it up in a few days. Thanks for reading! :pinkiesmile:

Double awesome!

He leered at her as he pulled her in close, “How you doin', baby?”

Was that a Joey reference? :pinkiehappy:

5480984 Could be, if I knew what "Joey reference" meant . . . . :derpyderp1:

5481861 Joey from friends always says "How you doin'?", I guess it just remined me of that :pinkiehappy:

5508614 Oh! Is that what that is? Well, I never saw "Friends", so any similarity was probably a coincidence. I took a lot of lines from the music video for this story. That being said, thanks for reading anyway. :twilightsmile:

If Nocturne was voiced, what would he sound like?

5561606 Well, his design was pretty heavily inspired by MJ himself (even before I started writing this story), so I imagine he would sound a bit like him, as well. If you've seen the music video this story is based on, there's a scene near the end where Michael says to Marlon Bronco Brando, "I know who you are." That's about what I imagine Nocturne's tone would sound like; a bit high for somepony with his appearance, but still pretty deep. :twilightsmile:

5561863 NVM, I'll put it here, in case anyone else wants to see it. :twilightsmile:

5571919 HEE-HEE!

Whose bad!!!?!??!?

Micheal Jackson!

Loved that guy's music, and now he is in a story.

Awesome :)

5622409 Well, he's not in the story himself, but it is an obvious homage to him. Glad to see a great appreciation for the King. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the favorite! :pinkiehappy:

...why would flash, shining, turner, and cheese be doing hanging out on the roof of a club? that, that.....that just makes no sense to me.

5630321 I understand. The music video doesn't make a lot of sense, either. :twilightsheepish: But it's a fun video, and I had fun making a pony homage to it. :twilightsmile:

Wow. This was a really enjoyable read. As a Michael Jackson fan myself, it was really fun seeing all these pop culture references to his songs. Also I never would've guessed that there would be a dance off featuring Shining Armor, Flash Sentry, Doctor Whooves, and Cheese Sandwich. That was just insane but still enjoyable. Great job, man.

5644979 Thanks! Nice to know a fellow MJ fan. And thanks for the fave! :pinkiehappy:

Mm... Not bad for an OC fic. It seems like 90% of OC stories nowadays involve hideous Mary Sue's, and you did a decent job of avoiding that with Nocturne. Still, every fic has a few little "OP OC" moments, and this story wasn't without them.

Nocturne was able to win over a troubled mare's heart, defeat a gang, and captivate an entire audience, and it all happened a little too easily. Since this story isn't significantly long, his flawless performance over the span of the story makes him out to be a flawless character in general, which is a big red flag. You managed to dilute the effects of this by making him a pretty likeable character, but it still remains that he seems a bit too good to be true. Other things like bat wings, advanced combat skills, and the ability to summon canon ponies at will to use them for his own devices just give him too much of an edge.

Aside from a few character flaws (or rather the lack thereof), it was a pretty enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing it with me. :twilightsmile:

5676253 . . . . . . . . . . . So did that make Michael Jackson an OP Mary Sue, too? :rainbowlaugh: :trollestia:

But seriously, most of that stuff wasn't really "perfection", per se. Just a humorous homage to the source material. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the favorite, too! :pinkiehappy:

Instant fav for MJ references and of course, Cheese Sandwich :D

5678269 Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it! And thanks for the fave! :pinkiehappy:

5696215 :eeyup:

You can actually thank my buddy Spirit Shift for that one. I don't know where he got it, but I borrowed it from him. :trollestia:

So, I've finished reading. My solemn verdict... Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not solemn, and it gets a big, fat, MJ like!

When you talking shit and the crew back you up.

7505689 It's a reference to Michael Jackson's song "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)". In this case, P.Y.M. stands for "Pretty Young Mare". :twilightsmile:

"It's no fun being predictable."
That's a good line mind if I use it?

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