• Member Since 2nd Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen February 2nd

SweetyBelleluvsu


Heyo! The name is Sweety! I’m not active much, but if you ever see me on, go ahead and say hi! It would make my day!! Anyways, until next time, Sweety out’

E
Source

Sweetie Belle has had it with Diamond And Silver, her sister, and the lack of a cutie mark. She gets ready to run when she ran into Spike. Even from there, the day goes down until, Sweetie did something she regretted.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 51 )

so far your doing good, found a missing error

we’ll go my house

we'll go to my house

also, you need to have spacing in between each new paragraph, keeps the readers from getting lost.

also, this needs to be a bit longer than it is, try to add some more backstory on her getting her cutiemark, how did she get it, what does it mean, stuff like that

Wonderful Job Sweety, only errors I found was that instead of using caps lock to indicate a raised voice or when somepony is yelling, use bold print, ill leave an example

"THAT'S TODAY?! I THOUGHT IT WAS TOMORROW, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"

do it this way

"That's today?! I thought it was tomorrow, what am I going to do?"

other than fixing the caps lock yelling, its wonderful.

juts fix the caps lock parts to bold print and you will have an error-free story

nicely done:duck::moustache::unsuresweetie:

5599375

I always read bold print as emphasis rather than SCREAMING.

Another alternative if the caps are really breaking the story for someone could be putting "she yelled" after the quote. That's how novels usually do it.

nice one-shot:pinkiehappy:

SUCCESS! Is this any better than my other story? Plz let me know.

5599375 I like my caps lock thank you, bold for me is just; I am being serious...
5599540 Hmm, maybe I should try that!
5599833 Thank you.
5599403 Thanks!

I just looked at my likes... WHO UNLIKED THIS! TELL ME NOW! I mean, if you want to...

5599961 It's definitely a step up from your last story. Keep it up. :twilightsmile:

5600082 Thanks! was the song ok? It took a while to write.

5600201 It's not exactly Queen, but I wouldn't put that against you. Don't worry about it. I certainly couldn't do much better.

Sorry, but that part with Mr. Rich and Sweetie Belle was just not believable. You're trying to tell me that Mr. Rich is so inattentive and stupid that he would let the pony whom attacked his daughter off the hook with an explanation like what she gave. Sorry, but no. Just no.

5600699

No, she couldn’t do that, she had to tell the truth. She looked in his face, sighed, and finally told her story.

It's a bit fuzzy, because it almost sounds like the "I've had a rough day" is the story, but I think it was rather a retelling of the events punctuated with the "I had a bad day" sentence.

In that case he may be aware of his daughter's behavior towards her peers, and so this may just be another one of those times.

---

Though I guess her getting away with it is a bit "meh". Normally the universe isn't as sympathetic. So I guess maybe being forced to issue a half-hearted apology or get grounded for the sake of "bad words don't justify hitting someone"

5600968
It doesn't matter. Verbal harassment doesn't justify assault. While Diamond Tiara should get a punishment for harassment, Sweetie Bell shouldn't be totally off the hook either. At the very least, a reprimand for not coming to an adult and telling somebody about it.

5600985 ......
5600968 .....
what did I miss here?

Damn I must see more!

This shouldn't be tagged sad. Sweetie Belle slugging Diamond Tiara in the gut is one of the happiest stories ever written.

5600699 Stupid? I think he handled that better than most parents would. The average parent would fly off the handle like "HOW DARE YOU HIT MY DAUGHTER I DON"T CARE IF SHES A MURDERER OR A DRUG DEALER NO ONE HITS MY DAUGHTER I WILL USE MY MONEY TO BURY YOU!!!!" But that's the wrong way to react because it would enforce DT's bad behavior. My assumption was that he went home and had a talk with DT, like "It's wrong to hit, but words can hurt just as much as physical violence, and if you keep on provoking other ponies, you're going to get beaten up again."

5602668 Unfortunately, you have to assume since the author doesn't give hints of such.

Because I'm a dick...

Sweetie Belle has had it with Diamond And Silver, her sister, and the lack of a cutie mark. She gets ready to run when she ran into Spike. Even from there, the day goes down until, Sweetie did something she regretted.

No capitalization was needed for "And."

Did something she regretted. The cover art.

This could be a good clopfic, if you change the rating and the whole plot.

Somebody get me an ice pick. I'm going to lobotomize myself to the point where the only words I can still mutter are "the fic made me do it the fic made me do it".

5603265 is that really necessary man?

I absolutely loved this. I have no complaints. Great job.

love it! It's really good

Hm, this story wasn't that bad. I like the plot of this story, it really suits that lil' slice of life tag you got there. Also, I think you portrayed Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and Spike pretty swell. However, there are a few things in this story that bother me (and probably a lot of people too). For instance, there are molecular-sized grammatical errors in this story. In some sentences, there is a lack of a capitalized letter as well as some that have missing words in them. Also,

“I understand; Diamond, let’s go”

For some reason, Filthy Rich's dialogue here just... doesn't feel right. It's not that he's OOC, it's just that I think he would have responded with something else besides "I understand". Another thing,

"THAT'S TODAY?! I THOUGHT IT WAS TOMORROW, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"

I suggest that you do not use caps lock in writing. I think that instead, you may use bold instead, like how 5599375 suggested, or putting an adjective after the quote such as "yelling", "shouting", "cried", etc. But actually, keep in mind that these errors are all minor. So, these do not impact the overall impression of your story.

But, like I said at the beginning, this story wasn't that bad. I'll see what you have in store in the future. :twilightsmile:

Omg this was an amazing story!!!!!, :raritystarry: this is probably my favorite Fic that you wrote! :heart::pinkiehappy: (Happy Derpy day!!!:derpytongue2:)

You can thank Spike for all of this.

I thought that you did a good job on this story. The plot was nicely paced, alongside good characterisation to Rarity, Spike and Sweetie Belle. You wrote that song yourself, damn I really liked it. There were a few spelling and grammatical but they have already been covered by other people.

Still a nice little story and I would have done a lot more to Diamond Tiara, if it was me (I dont like the little b...)

Have a like, a favourite and a follow my friend!

:pinkiesmile:

This story is the reason I made this account. :pinkiehappy: :twilightsmile::rainbowwild: Thanks! It's great.

I dunno why, but today feels like it's gonna be a great daaaaaaay!
There's something in the air that makes me feel like things are gonna go my waaay!
The birds are chirping, "Tweedlee deet," the sun is shining briiight
, there's a skip in my step, a pip in my pep *snoort*, and I don't know whyyyy!

Great story!

My opinion. She should've slugged Diamond right in the kisser!!

This was really cute and sweet, a few errors, but overall good!:pinkiehappy:

6099942 second story! Best one yet! I deleted my first one because it sucked so bad.

Oh, if only Sweetie Belle lost her mind and wound up in the fetal position, giggling... after all, all it takes is one bad day to drive a man insane!

Seriously, though, good job!

Absolutely adorable!

Can someone give me the link to the picture. On the story it just shows a tiny blue question mark.

6249066 I'm sorry I should have been more clear. I meant the one with her cutie mark.

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