• Member Since 2nd Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen February 2nd

SweetyBelleluvsu


Heyo! The name is Sweety! I’m not active much, but if you ever see me on, go ahead and say hi! It would make my day!! Anyways, until next time, Sweety out’

T

Twilight has been assigned, by Celestia, to do much research on chaotic magic. Unfortunately, she has to put up with Discord... can this day get any worse?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 45 )

it's cute though Twidash is better

6101827 thanks! I, for some strange reason, feel the need to ship dash with D.D. (double diamond)

6101845 lol, didja read the authors note?

Well there's a shipping I haven't seen before. What made you want to write for this one? (sorry, just curious.)

Either way, I like it. I'm surprised at how smoothly this story went. Most shipping stories I've seen (then again, I haven't seen very many) tend to be awkward due to being rushed and/or the author haveing a sort of "romance deficiency"

Cool :twilightsmile:

6101917 Randoms happen when you are stuck in a car for 4 hours.

Ah, i felt it was a bit rushed. Twilight hate him and then suddenly kiss him? Story could use some expansion on why Twilight really care about him.

6102522 thanks for the advice! It really helps a weak writer like me. With all of the tips peeps give me, I should be improving every day! Thank you once again!

It was great! I felt like it was a little rushed, for two reasons.

1 - Twilight hates him, then suddenly loves him and agrees to marry him.
2 - The general process of the photo album was very quick.

Now, it was still a very good story with an interesting concept and new ideas. I think that if you don't Rush as much next time, you'll do great!! :pinkiesmile:

it was none other that Discord.

than

he had started cry

You're missing a word


TwiCord? I like it!

"Be the Sparkle in my life?"

This line made me smile.

Randoms happen when you are stuck in a car for 4 hours.

Ha, I was stuck in a bus for 14 hours. And yet I couldn't write more than 400 words of the second chapter of my random story. :facehoof:

I thought this one had a really nice setup, but fell over the edge into weaksauce town the moment you introduced the whole concept of "destined future love." I hate prophecies of future love, because they're cheating. Knowing who you're supposed to fall in love with shortcuts the whole process of discovering that you're in love, which makes the relationship seem flat and unbelievable. It's like love potion induced love; it has no reason, it's just there.

And the thing is, with your setup, you didn't need a future prophecy. Twilight finds Discord deeply annoying because she doesn't perceive his, well, equinity for lack of a better term -- she doesn't see him as a person, with problems of his own. But Twilight is a very compassionate mare; she's just not as sensitive as someone like Fluttershy. She can't see as easily that someone needs compassion, but once she does see it, she gives it. So Discord breaking down in front of her because he's recovered a lost relic of his family gives you a lead-in to have Twilight feel for him, and get him to talk to her about his childhood. Developing sympathy for him allows her to be set up with the ground work to fall in love.

I think you should take your initial setup, remove the ending with the whole "destined to fall in love with a purple mare" thing, and instead take it slower. Let the setup with the photo album lead into Twilight learning more about Discord and his history, demonstrate points of commonality (uncontrolled magic that they had to learn to control, strong interest in the mechanics of magic -- you've already set up that it took him ten years to master chaos magic, why not have him talk to her about his student days and give her something she can sympathize with?) Then, as they work together on the whole studying chaos magic thing, they end up falling in love. Give them a grounding to be genuine friends first, and develop from there.

It's like you had all the materials to bake a really awesome cake, but instead of baking a cake with them you poured them into a hollow plastic replica of a cake. Slow down a bit and try actually baking the cake. It seems like it could be really great.

it isnt bad xD only that a story with the possebility of up to 10k words if not even more is pressed in 1,4k xDD

6103691 huh, I just might do that! Thanks!
6103014 thanks
6103095 wow, thanks
6104117 I'm not good ay writing that much...

draquonicus
DRACONEQUUS!
Draquonici
DRACONEQUUI!

Whatever, it was a good one but I don´t think it deserves a fave.

6104964 HALLELUJAH! thank you so much! I had no idea how to spell it! oh... and that's fine if you don't fav it. I just want peeps to read it and give me tips on writing.

6104702 Anytime. :twilightsmile: I'd nitpick at your dialogue, but it doesn't bother me that much and the story is pretty good. Better than any shipfic I could write, for sure.

6104987 maybe I don´t fav it but someone will.Like I said, good one

6106325 :) Right now, I just want people to read my stories and give me pointers about the things I did wrong. Maybe this can help me improve my English. I only want to improve so that I can do the best I can

That happened way to fast. You can't fall in love that fast! I know, I have watched a lot romance stuff.

Good story but it felt rushed to me

6109129 thanks, and I am no good with my pacing...
6106488 any tips to help me improve?

6110106 you don't have to change anything just if you do another romance try to either make more chapters and have one have the relationship start as like they become good friends then the rest they start to get closer and then the end have them become a couple that's my tip to you just don't stop writing

6112620 who said I was stopping writing?

6113411 what i ment was continue working on it get better it sounds better in my head

I liked this very much I would like to read more. Disco light FOREVA!!!!!

Cute. My only issue is, the switch from "Oh no, I have to put up with HIM?" to "Hey, let's have 'fun'!" was very, very abrupt, with minimal explanation from Discord and Twilight didn't even try to fight it.

Twilight's disdain for Discord felt pushed beyond what it normally is in an effort to give the fic more tension and then it turned around rather quickly. It just felt a bit exaggerated and forced overall. :twilightsheepish:

6507132 who are you and his did you find this?...

6507161 ...I'm a fan fiction writer and this has been sitting on my read later list for a while...?

I would love to see a sequel! This was cute and I like the dream of your true one idea

This fic has some interesting ideas like Discord's parents and the dream that every draconequus has, but it just...it would have been better if it was longer to give the set-up, the climax and the ending time to breathe. Basically, this was just too short and abrupt. Therefore, only a thumbs in the middle from me.

Too bad, if this story was more developed, it could have been a great Twicord story.

7297776 I blame my tablet for this... lol. yea, i know those things, this is one of the worst stories i've ever written. i'm about to take it down....
wait..... who are you and how did you find me?!

7297801 Well, looked for a Twilight Sparkle story, found this story, checked it out and gave my honest opinion on it. Nothing more.:twilightblush:

I would love to read this if the plot was longer and more suspenseful. There are some great ideas written here, but the reader has like a few minutes to enjoy them. :fluttercry:

8265228 I know, :( when I wrote this I wasn't the best of writer's...

I have recently discovered that chaotic magic can be used by unicorns. It was already known that alicorns could do a little bit but now we know that unicorns can. I am sending you all of the books on chaotic magic I could find. I am also sending you an "assistant" who knows very much about chaotic magic. He will arrive tomorrow at noon. I wish you the best of luck.

Well that's convenient!

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