• Member Since 26th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 12th, 2021

Brony Hectic


A wolf does not lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.

T
Source

As of February 14th, 2018 this project is canceled. It is unlikely I will pick this up again however it isn't impossible.
Dim Shadow, a new colt moves into Ponyville during the beginning summer. Dim will do his best to stand up for anypony and he loves doing it, it's even his cutie mark. Dim isn't the strongest but he won't hesitate to fight to prove his point, however he won't try to start a fight. After a small quarrel at a park he precedes to the school park to be alone, hoping that there won't be anypony there, he was wrong. He hears crying and quickly rushes to source of it. Before his eyes, he see's three ponies huddled around and verbally abusing a filly; at that point he doesn't waste another second and immediately runs to assist the filly. That day will start something new for Dim.

Major thanks to BluRoseFriendship for making the cover art.

Chapters (41)
Comments ( 469 )
Comment posted by BR deleted Feb 7th, 2013

Can I give you some honest criticism?

Cute story! I love Sweetiebelle. It's a little fast moving at some points but it is a very interesting idea, I'm definitely going to watch this! :pinkiesmile:

a few spelling errors :rainbowhuh:but you did a great job with the story so far:pinkiehappy:

Whelp, this chapter is pretty short, just figured I'd point out a few things that, in my humble opinion, could use a bit of touching up. It looks good so far, but there's a smattering of little things, here and there.

First off, make sure to indent all or none of your paragraphs, there are some in, some out, and it seems a bit odd.
Secondly, make sure to check for errors, kind of like using "begging" instead of "beginning". On the first few lines of a story, errors tend to send people away.
Thirdly, and in my opinion, the most prominent: Commas! Commas commas commas, my friend! Use them with a passion, with a fire to spread out your writing, to make it more powerful!
Fourth, and finally Tense. Keep it in the past, or in the present. Mingling the two tends to jumble sentences, making readers uncertain of what exactly is going on.

These are just a few suggestions I would like to make, you may take them or leave them.

Here's a paragraph that I decided to, uh, tidy up a little. No intention of offense, just trying to get rid of the little things.

Dim Shadow usually kept to himself, and liked being alone in old, dark areas. It wasn't a matter of depression, or of a negative personality, he just preferred that kind of scenery. (This is more of an opinionated thing, but using the word emo here makes it seem a bit... off. A little bit uncaring, almost. Later on, there's some curse words that really don't fit, but I can only assume you're attempting to match a particular personality, so I'll leave those be.) He was a kind pony, who always tried to help others whenever he could, but didn't normally speak unless spoken to. He had a (adjective. dark, dim? Anything to add more descriptiveness is fantastic) grey coat and contrasting light blue mane with glimmering, sapphire blue eyes. His cutie mark was a heart, casting a shadow of one pony helping another to its hooves.

SO THERE YOU ARE! A bunch of advice from a random author who's still working on his first fanfiction himself. I hope I was of assistance, and I hope to see you perfect your writing!

:eeyup:

Thank you very much good sir. This is my first fanfic too, I'm going to fix it right away.

I apologize for this comment right now, and I promise to read this story later... but whenever I read the title I think of Boys Who Cry, and then I proceed to burst out laughing. :facehoof:

I still find it hard to believe that a little kid could take a punch from a boxer and not feel anything (work on your grammar)

just go along with it. And I never said he didn't feel anything I just said he didn't react. I know my grammar is messed up, I wish this site could point out grammar errors. But thanks for reading.:pinkiehappy:

Dan

ANYTHING that makes Sweetie cry must be drawn, quartered and buried in manticore slop. Anything or Anypony.

I really like the story and the idea, but at times it feels more like you're telling us what happened rather than showing us, and some of your explanations feel out of place. For example, "He decided to turn left and started to head down the old road. Being under the trees and walking through the grass always put him in a good mood," feels more natural than, "He chose to walk through the path in the forest because being there always made him feel better."

You have a really good idea and great ideas for individual scenes, you just need to work a little more on making the words seem more natural and less forced.

I always get people to tell me to give more detail, I'm gonna make those changes now. So thanks. ::twilightsmile:

Something is coming..............AND IT'S A SHITSTORM BE COMING!!!!!!!!!
Better buckle up !

2091375
Dont remind me of that :twilightblush:

2099810
GET DOWN
IMMINENT SHITSTORM
GET TO YOUR NEAREST SHELTER AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS
THX AND HAV SOME PONIES :raritystarry: :rainbowkiss: :pinkiehappy: :derpytongue2:

2099885
THESE PONIES WON'T WORK! HERE, HAVE THESE TO PROTECT YOU FROM SHITSTORM:ajbemused::applecry::coolphoto::derpyderp1::flutterrage::pinkiecrazy::rainbowderp::raritycry::scootangel::trixieshiftleft::twilightoops::twistnerd::unsuresweetie::trollestia::eeyup:

EVERYONE! PORTECT YOURSELF!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Incoming in a few chapters

2099885
BOYS WHO CRY, BOYS WHO CRY, BOYS WHO- *Swept away by shit tidal wave*

Brown weather anomalies aside, keep up the good work.

Dear Beta Master,

The shitstorm has pasted into another fanfic, you can leave your shelter and returen to your normal reading levels.

2099964
Do you think this is a motherbucking game :ajbemused:

2099992
Does that go for me too?

Yes it's safe... for now. Next week it's gonna rain hippos, so get food:twilightoops:

One word... Adorable!:heart::pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

best one yet:twilightsmile: keep them coming you got some real good stuff going for you:pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Insomniacgloving deleted Feb 13th, 2013

Well it looked like a false alarm, but is he going to fight Heavy Weight or Rider soon? ( just a question, not that I wanted it or anything)

He doesn't have his own place:unsuresweetie:

Comment posted by Brony Hectic deleted Feb 13th, 2013
Comment posted by Brony Hectic deleted Jun 23rd, 2014

Well where's the fountain of happiness if there's the fountain of forgiveness?:unsuresweetie:

It's a waterfall and the waterfall of happiness is beging renovated.

There were some spelling and grammar errors, but it was a very sweet chapter.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/486/866/7c5.gif

... So... Freaking... Adorable

Comment posted by The Great Derpsby deleted Feb 16th, 2013

AAAAWWWWEEEE:pinkiegasp: ITS TOO CUTE:rainbowkiss: adorableness overload:applecry::pinkiesad2::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

Common man I have been to the waterfall of forgiveness so many times already:raritydespair:

It's quiet not quite.

I actually don't think I would have made those sexual connections if you didn't mention them...

why do i feel like i just got trolled?

Why do you feel like you just got trolled?

Water fall of forgiveness i like it.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN...

I like the SpongeBob references :rainbowlaugh: But one of them didn't work :raritydespair::raritycry:

Loved how you added in the SpongeBob transitions, lol. xD

And this be gettin' gud.... :rainbowderp:

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