• Member Since 1st Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Grimweird


Just another fan-fiction author with a taste for the bizzare

T
Source

Sweetie was just a normal little filly, waiting for hearth's warming eve to arrive. That time of year when all little fillies are suppose to be happy and all hearts burn the brightest.

But when the latest Cmc stunt goes a little to far, Sweetie makes a horrifying discovery that turns her world upside down - and turn her friends against her.
Unable to bear the haunting looks of others, she runs away from home.

Thus - with the world seemingly stacked against her - she sets of on a journey to try and discover the truth behind her existence, and the secrets of her origin. And above all else if there is a place where she belongs.

Or will this be a heart's warming eve she'll be forced to spend alone?

(Warning: A Grimdark tale with scenes some readers might find both disturbing and heartbreaking)

Cover art by the amazing EstrosianHeaven.

Chapters (32)
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Comments ( 393 )

WOW THIS WAS GLORIOUS!! In every way....
Fucking glorious, mate, fucking glorious.

This is beautiful. You're so good at setting mood, this made me feel so many emotions.

seeing sweetie belle mutilate herself like this made me flinch.
Well done.

Rampony

blarg im ded

Darn it Sweetie stop cracking your walls! Those things can't be put back up once you tear them down!

This story has potential... it's edge of my seat sort of stuff, yet with nothing but normal everyday life. Why the heck would her parents build a robot and then keep it totally concealed? I'm afraid what they're going to do when they find her. Why the hell would Rarity keep no baby pictures? Having pictures of Sweetie unaged in the past yet overlooking that in denial would make sense, but not having pictures at all? And somehow Rarity doesn't know of Sweetie's condition? Very interesting stuff.

Well, that escalated quickly!

"Oh no maybe Rarity is going to find out I maybe have a metal leg and that is how my secret is going to get out."
Narrator: "NOPE time to get a full body X-ray in front of your entire class!"
"Now I see why the cure didn't work... the entire world is Poison Joke"

Seriously I loved this chapter so much. Danced the line between reveal and conceal just perfectly.

The most depressing thing I've read yet. Still love it, but that makes me hurt so much! D; Sweetie just finding out about this?! Meh god! D:

i swear, everyone is this story is a terrible pony, and an idiot. if it wasn't such an intriguing story idea, i'd have pulled my hair out in frustration a long time ago.

Been listing to 'Destabilize' I take it.

Comment posted by Grimweird deleted Jan 17th, 2015

5515594

Yes. Yes i have.

It was one of my main inspirations - Especially for this chapter - As I'm sure you can understand.

5516798
Hey it's a good song.
So it will be involved in more parts of the story? And are there any other I should review?

5517910

To answer your first and second question:
No. I don't think so.

To answer your second question more specifically:
Talking about where all my inspiration comes from would take way to long.
And doing so would be spoilers - You understand.

-::Furry levels rising::-

Oh good, her arm is being covered again. :twilightsmile:

The expressions melted of her face,

You also use "where" instead of "were" in a lot of places. Which unfortunately makes anyone saying 'where' sound like a backwoods hick trying to say 'were'.

were = past tense of are, aka exist. "You are a robot" means as of now, a robot is what defines your existence. "You were a robot" means the previous sentence used to be true, but may no longer be the case.

where = an unknown/unspecified location, like where I left my keys.

It almost seems like Rarity's a robot too, except she perceives her privilege isolation as a closet, whereas for Sweetie it's an ice wall.

I hope Apple Bloom realizes one day just how much she fucked up by comforting the pony who pushed away, not the pony who was pushed. You don't ever comfort the one sitting there crying when the other is running away. That could cost Sweetie Belle her life, and may have already cost her sanity, and her leg, and the only one in the world who was in a position to stop that was Apple Bloom. If this ends in tragedy, she'll have to live with knowing that she was Sweetie Belle's very last hope, but instead she spent her time comforting Scootaloo. I certainly don't envy applebowpony. The rest of them may actually be incorrigible and are true to their own twisted convictions, but Apple Bloom seems to be the only one who's doing it on accident and not because she's a neurotic mess. :applecry:

5527269

Well this here lonely backwards hick don't know how to speak (or write) all fancy like Y'all.

Seriously though: Thanks for pointing out my errors so i can fix them. English is not my native language, and to me it seems to be a lot of words who's only differential is having one or two of the same letter. The same goes for when the only difference between words is the presence of the letter "H"

You also got Applebloom's situation nailed perfectly. She really did only want to help. But she was confused like all hell and actually more then a little scared of Sweetie at that time.

As for Rarity ... wait and see.

5527541

where/were is an awful one in particular, because the words sound so different, but only in certain accents like British or Chicago. In obscure ones like around Lousiana or Tennessee they might sound the same or, well... um... just look!!

fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/335/d/b/mershed_perderders_by_sojahawk-d341bwv.jpg

At least when you say "their goes another grammar error" out loud it doesn't sound different than "there goes another grammar error."

Amazing story! Cant wait until chapter six!

well that was terrifying.

Another amazing chapter!! :pinkiehappy: hoping to see more of this story! :3

Besides from a few spelling mistakes this story was pretty good I look forward to seeing more!
Here's a few of the mistakes I keep finding:
You keep spelling "off" with one f when it needs two.
I've seen the word "white" misspelled as "wight" quite often, watch out for that.
Sometimes the word "three" is replaced by the word "tree" throughout the fic.

Hope that helps!

5610155

I know. I still struggle with my English.
I like to think I'm slowly getting better though.
(The key word being slowly.)

5530023

I saw this video recently, and it reminded me about your comment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=KHh9zxxjCik

MORK!

And I laughed at how "Asparagus" would be pronounce like "Aspergers". It makes the vegetable sound like the psychological disorder i was diagnosed with.

5614569

That's sort of the joke. When you compare the two words, you can sort of see someone without a care for pronunciation just assuming they're the same word.

cmc to the ...rescue? help im dying

And If Sweetie truly could shoot Lasers out of her eyes, then it would be really, really bad for anypony who tried to approach her unknowingly

Suddenly, incongruent realism. "Run everypony, she can shoot lasers out of her eyes! They may damage your retina if you look at them directly!"

The bell is a nice touch. :pinkiesmile:

“No girls. I think you have done enough.”

Boy have they! :facehoof:
Still that might have been a bad move. Can't tell at this point...

Life is an essence we are not to tamper with. Only our royal highness should be allowed to delve her divine hooves in it. And that is why I cheated on you with Princess Celestia, honey, because it's immoral for lesser ponies to create life! :duck:

derpicdn.net/img/2012/7/8/36643/thumb.gif

The fabric had shrunken and tightened its grip to her fur. Apparently it did not go well with water.

img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130829200031/mlp/images/4/4d/Sweetie_Belle_and_Rarity_seeing_the_sweater_shrink_S2E5.png :rainbowlaugh:

5614320
Hey its no problem. I can already tell you are getting better at it. I was just hoping to help you out is all. Keep up the good work!

This is about to get interesting :rainbowdetermined2:
I wish there would be more Sweetie Bot stories, they definitely have potential...

This story is great but seriously, check the spellings. There a lots of them.

It was not a warm place. But it was at least not cold.

:raritydespair::fluttershbad:

How odd it is that an insane mare had more sense in her that both her familly and her friends ?
Then again , that's why we say that dogs are our best friends. They don't judge.

God damnit how did I not see that coming a million trillion miles away? Screwloose. Screw. Her cutie mark. Of course!

Once again you've managed to completely blow away my expectations with just a little sentence.)

Hum , you might want to run this by an editor , especially the beginning.
I don't have time to do it myself right now sadly as I am on my phone.
Anyway... Seems like some shit is going to hit the fan again for poor Sweetie.
Also , I laughed when I tried to imagine how a pony with the soul of a toaster would behave...and came up with this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86hc1ADnp6s

Oh dear... Dark, very dark and I'm looking forward to more!

Interestingly, shock therapy or, "Electroconvulsive therapy" does not actually hurt. They put the electrodes against your temple, and they throw the switch open and electrocute your brain, and the experience is completely painless. It's extremely disorienting, of course, and you will most definitely lose consciousness, and it is known to permanently damage even long term memories. It's just the brain has never developed an ability to feel pain from being electrocuted. How would such a thing even evolve? Even the pain that our body feels from electrocution, is generally just the pain of our muscle fibers contracting too sharply and tearing. And the brain has no muscle fibers. Only Electricity with a strong enough current will burn deeply the tissues it conducts through, which can hurt a lot (and is especially lethal). Otherwise, our bodies are unequipped to respond to electricity, as it's been something we never encountered during the millions of years we developed as a species.

Electric shocks can be made very painful, as is done in experiments involving pain and reward with laboratory rats. But again, it's the muscle contractions in their legs that pain them (and train them not to hit the button). But the kind of electric shocks they use for shock therapy are not painful at all, at least not in the sense most of us understand pain.

This story really deserves more attention.

Hell , there is no tragedy tag so I assume that the story is not going to end too badly , but dumping so much suffering and bad luck on Sweetie is bound to change her somehow...
I wonder it anything good is going to happen to her at some point ...
Also , Screwloose is best Pyro.

5828732

Buckle up people, things are just getting started.

Oh no Sweetie, they're looking at you? They must know you're a robot! It can't be the personal attention from Cardiac or that you're the youngest pony in Equestria who has completely flipped her lid.

Why could she not have been made of sterner stuff?

WELL MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED TAKING A SCALPEL TO IT YOU--ugh. :facehoof:

"We really should have noticed that Screwloose turned the gas off, and somepony else turned it on."
"Yep, yep we should have."
"Turning off the fire alarm, what a dumb idea am I right?"
"You sure are."
"It sure would have been a good idea to ask that filly what happened."
"Sure would."
"When do you think we're going to land?"
"Could be any day now."

Well Sweetie, it's not so much a question of whether you can ever heal again, as whether you can afford it. What's more expensive to replace, a gas starter, or a new epidermal synthetic gel matrix sensor array? Those little red potions don't come cheap, you know!

:fluttershbad: <- this story
:pinkiegasp::raritydespair: <- me

If Sweetie survives, then Marrow just saved Sweetie's ass, because they're a lot more friendly to the idea of repairing you if all your self inflicted wounds got erased by someone else's inflicted wounds.

5834744

Ehhhhhh be very careful there. Things could get worse for Sweetie Belle at this point, but it would be approaching the level of comical exaggeration. I'll buckle up, but I ain't getting on this roller coaster

Sweetie's becoming a little robot badass

Have some fitting music for this chapter!

Okay good story and I honestly can't wait for the next chapter, but there are so many spelling mistakes. 'Where' and 'were' are two different words. 'Where' is used to describe where something is while 'were' is the past tense of 'are.'. You also commonly mispell 'jaw', it is not 'yaw'. There is also the problems with the word 'through'. It is not "thru". There are many more mistakes, but I don't really want to point out all of them. The story is great, though the grammar is less than great.

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