• Published 1st Oct 2014
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Pinkie and Sonata's Excellent Adventure - Justice3442

After witnessing abuse at the hands of Adagio and Aria, Pinkie Pie comes to the aid of Sonata. The two quickly hit it off and a friendship is born… much to the dismay of everyone around them.

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Chapter 8: Hair and Hallway Gossip

Pinkie and Sonata’s Excellent Adventure

Chapter 8: Hair and Hallway Gossip

Sunset raised a forehoof to her forehead and let out a breathy, prolonged sigh that eventually shifted into something of a groan, a sound that might not be too dissimilar from a soul trying to escape one’s body. Shaking her head, she began to trot away. “Twilight, maybe you should handle things for a bit. I’m not sure I can even even with these two right now.”

“Uh, sure…” Twilight looked between Aria, who was still on the ground rubbing her injured tender area lightly, and Adagio, who was giving Twilight one of her smiles that was doing a good job of convincing Twilight that the head-Dazzling was up to something, though Twilight was starting to come to understand that was simply Adagio’s default smile… However, she was not yet ready to rule out the half-pony half-sea creature standing before her was simply not always up to something.

“Hello, Princess,” Adagio greeted as lips pulled back further into a full icepick smile. “Long time no see.”

“Uh, not really?” Twilight replied.

Adagio suddenly put on a chilly frown and glared icicles at Twilight. “Ruin any lives lately with giant, musically summoned rainbows?”

“Uh… No?” Twilight replied.

“Oh, so it was just us then,” Adagio growled out in a tone so cold it felt like the ambient room temperature suddenly dropped.

“You guys were trying to take over the school!” a Rainbow Dash insisted, one that seemed to be hovering into a wall or window here or there and pushing off only to hover into the next solid object. “We had to do something!”

“Oh, so you killed us?!” Aria exclaimed.

Confusion crept its way onto Twilight’s face then spread across the room like an airborne disease with an incredibly fast incubation time.

“Uh, you’re both clearly alive, sugarcube,” an Applejack commented.

Pinkie swallowed. “Unless they’re both ga-ga-ghosts!” With that, Pinkie and both Fluttershys suddenly made a mad dash and huddled together behind the two Applejacks who regarded their flanks being used as barriers with wrinkled, unamused expressions.

“… Okay… Just… What?” Sunset uttered.

Adagio nodded. “I’m afraid I have to agree with Sunset here, Aria.”

“You know, because we’re mortal now!” Aria said. “I mean, we’re alive now, but…”

Adagio’s lips pursed slightly and she turned towards Twilight. “Okay… Yeah. I’m actually WILDLY more angry about this than I was a moment ago!” Adagio announced as she craned her neck upwards as if she was attempting to look at her chest.

“... The heck are you trying to do?” Sunset asked.

With what seemed like great effort, Adagio balanced her massive pile of curls on her head as she bent down and raised a forehoof. “I’m trying to look at my boobs!” she announced. “It’s a lot harder in this form, but they’re both the biggest casualties in this newfound mortality!”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “They’re not that big…” she uttered.

“Well not in this form!” Adagio said. “I… Okay… I’ll grant they weren’t going to set any records back on earth, either, but they were… you know… perky!” Adagio declared an insistent tone. “There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in the world, and it’s a pity that my little puppies are someday going to be lost to the ravages of time!”

Sunset let out a massive sigh. “For the record, I’m learning way more about you than I cared to.”

Adagio looked back up at Twilight. “The point is, you, princess, are very much responsible for our lives being irreversibly changed!”

“Boo! Twilight Sparkle! Boo!” Aria cried out.

Twilight’s face tightened. “You didn’t give us any other choice!”

Adagio’s eyes narrowed. “I see. To stop us, your only recourse was to take away our magic and immortally, thus dooming us to an eventual death only after years of languishing without our magic!”

Twilight sighed. “Look, it was a magical prismatic alicorn that fires corrective rainbow beams! I don’t know what the beams are going to do except for ‘save the world from magical megalomaniacs’!”

Adagio continued to glower at Twilight with a look of enraged indignation. “Oh, so you and your friends just fire these rainbow beams at beings you deem ‘magical megalomaniacs’?!” Adagio leveled an angry forehoof at Twilight. “Who gave you the right?!” she growled out.

“Uh… The Elements of Harmony?”

Adagio and Aria’s faces tightened. “The what now?” Aria asked.

“Er, they’re magical stones that bestow the Element Bearers the ability to fight horrible evils?”

Adagio paused and mulled this over a bit. “Via rainbow beams.”

“Er, yes,” Twilight answered. “The powers they bestow do seem to be exclusively ‘rainbow beam’ based.”

“Okay… so because some magical stones chose you and your friends, that makes it okay for you to decide the fates of others?!”

“Yeah! You tell ‘em, Adagio!” Aria cheered. “Down with the oligarchy!”

Twilight let out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t choose to be an element bearer!”

Adagio rolled her yes. “Right. I bet being a beloved defender of Equestria is such a burden, Ms. judge, jury, and executioner!”

“Take her down a peg!” Aria continued.

Adagio shook her head and leveled a foreleg at Twilight. “Face it, you and your friends revel in the attention this brings you!”

“Take her down all the pegs!” Aria shouted.

“… No?” Twilight replied “It’s not like saving the world gets us much attention. In fact, most everypony seems to forget we save the planet almost as soon as we’ve finished doing it.”

“… What, seriously?” Adagio replied in disbelief. She looked across the group of ponies present where about half nodded their heads and uttered words of agreement. She turned back towards Twilight. “You guys don’t get hounded by ponies wherever you go for defending the world?”

Twilight shook her head in a definite ‘no’.

One of the Raritys present raised a forehoof. “I once lied that I knew the Wonderbolts’ trainer to endear me to a group of upper-crusters… This was I after I helped save the world twice!”

Several of the ponies let out sounds letting Rarity know they disapproved of this.

“Rarity, how could ya?!” an Applejack exclaimed.

“I know, right?!” One of the Rainbow Dash’s exclaimed. “How low do you have to be to use the Wonderbolts to lie to get in with a buncha rich ponies?”

The accused Rarity turned towards the Rainbow Dash that had just spoken. “You where the fictitious trainer I knew.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes seemed to fill with stars. “… On the other hoof, maybe it’s unfair for us to judge Rarity! I mean… At least she came up with an awesome lie.”

“Girls!” Twilight chastised. “I think we’re overlooking the important issue here!”

“Right!” Adagio agreed. “How is it you’ve all saved the world twice and you haven’t been swamped in riches and marketing deals?!”

“That’s not—” Twilight cut herself off with a growl of frustration.

“I know, right?!” Aria agreed as she trotted up towards Adagio and Twilight. “I mean… if I saved the world I’d at least want to meet the president! Check that box off my bucket list.”

Adagio raised an eyebrow. “You, Aria Blaze, hope to someday meet the president?”

Aria nodded. “I hope to someday publicly flip off the Prez or maybe a Queen or King?” She shrugged. “Ya know… some world leader or something…”

“Of course,” Adagio replied as she shook her head. She turned so hard back towards Twilight that her mound of curls shifted and she almost lost balance but spread her hooves to keep upright. “Why aren’t you upset about this?!”

“I’m a little upset,” one of the Raritys chimed in.

“And I’m upset for you, darling!” the other Rarity added.

The first Rarity smiled at the other one. “You know… that makes it all worth it.”

The other Rarity paused for a moment, staring at the first. Soon both broke into a shared fit of laughter that turned into bitter, bitter tears.

The other ponies watched the display with marked concern.

Adagio motioned to the Raritys. “See, that’s the proper reaction!”

“You know, I’m quite satisfied with the feeling I get when I save the planet,” Twilight countered.

Adagio made a disgusted sound as if she had just tasted something foul. “Ugh… Spoken like a true goody, goody…”

A few pony lengths away, Sunset flashed Adagio an unamused expression. “I thought the point you were leading up to was that Twilight, myself, and our friends have no moral authority to pass judgment on the beings that get ‘rainbow beamed’.”

“Oh, right…” Adagio glared at Twilight. “Uh… Uh… Magical stones bestowing their rainbow powers onto others is no way to determine judicial rights!”

“Uh, yeah!” Aria exclaimed as she attempted recalibrating herself to jeering on Twilight. “Something about pegs!”

Twilight frowned heavily as an expression of introspection came over her.

Adagio grinned. “I mean, if I walked around claiming some magical power stones were what gave me the right to do whatever I wanted, I’d be arrested, and jailed in some filthy, and probably un-sexy cell somewhere!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “... I’m not certain why you felt the need to specify that the jail cell was un-sexy…”

“Uh, yeah… Boo! And stuff…” Aria added, much to Twilight’s chagrin that poured forth like cherries on a conveyor belt.

One of the Applejacks spoke up. “Ya know, it kinda depends on if the stone affected your personality or not.”

“... Excuse me?” Adagio replied as she glanced over at Applejack.

“Yeah, we had a couple run-ins with a unicorn that was mad at Twilight. Second time she came to town she was wearing an amulet that made her super powerful and just kinda took over…”

Adagio raised an eyebrow. “And you let her?”

“AJ just said she was super powerful!” Rainbow Dash reiterated. “So yeah… She took over until Twilight got her to remove the amulet!”

Pinkie took a moment from cowering with the Fluttershys to run a forehoof across her chin. “Equestria kinda has a lot of mystical magical mineral-based mayhem if ya think about it.”

“Okay! See!” Adagio exclaimed. “You’re all so used to magical stones dictating authority you’ve internalized it!” She shook your head. “I just want you all to consider that maybe you’re terrible judges of character and power-crazy punishment mongers!”

“Yeah!” Aria chimed in. “You’re all the worst!”

“Okay, I’m finally more mad than befuddled!” Sunset’s voice once again cut into the conversation as she trotted back up next to Twilight and scowled at Adagio. “So, what did give you the right to do whatever it is you wanted?”

Adagio paused for a moment then turned towards Sunset. “Well, the fact that we’re a superior species with superior powers, of course.”

“Right… D’uh!” Aria chimed in.

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Okay… just pushing past the obvious speciesism there, your powers were fueled by what, exactly?”

“Why our gems of cou… Oh…” Adagio uttered as an unamused expression dripped over her face like black oil drenching her previous look of smug superiority. “Oh, I see what you’re doing…”

Sunset’s smile suddenly went full demonic. “And…?

“And I don’t have a response just yet,” Adagio growled out through grit teeth.

Twilight shot Sunset a small smile. “Thanks for coming to my rescue… again,” she whispered.

Sunset just nodded and extended a forehoof. “Hey, no worries. I gotchu, boo.”

Giggling, Twilight extended her own forehoof and lightly tapped Sunset’s forehoof.

“… She is good,” Aria uttered as she looked at Sunset.

Adagio turned and glared at Aria. “Whose side are you on?!”

“What?!” Aria protested. “I’m just saying… she played you pretty well.”

“She barely spoke!” Aria crowed.

Aria smirked. “Are you trying to convince me you played yourself? ‘Cause it’s working.”

Adagio’s lips suddenly pulled up into an angry sneer and she raised a forehoof up as if she was going to Aria. Aria stared up at the hoof and recoiled for a second before her expression hardened.

“You don’t have magic anymore,” Aria pointed out as she glared at Adagio. “So yeah… Go on… Hit me! See what happens!”

Adagio brought her hoof across Aria’s face with a loud ‘smack!’

Momentarily surprised as she recoiled from the blow, Aria turned with a glare overfilled with daggers that she pointed in an Adagio Dazzle direction.

Adagio simply glared back. “Magic or no, I’m still your leader and you WILL treat me as su- AH!”

Without warning, Aria suddenly leaped atop of Adagio, taking the fluff-maned aquatic-pony to the ground as Aria did her best to swat and bite at Adagio past her fluffy mane. “YEAH! HOW’S BEING LEADER HELPING YOU NOW, HUH?!” Aria shouted before spitting out some of the fluff in her mouth. Puta- Puta-HOW’S THAT WORKIN’ OUT FOR YA?!”

Growling, Adagio attempted to spin around to fight back. Soon Adagio and Aria were a mess of hooves ineffectually swatting at one another in a tangle of mane hair.

“Should we….” Twilight trailed off and motioned to the two sirens. Sunset shook their head. “I think they both have a little too much energy… Let them flail around for a bit to work it out…”

“Okay but…” Twilight sighed. “Who do you think is going to have to untangle them?”

Sunset frowned. A frown that slowly turned into a thoughtful look. Finally, she smiled. “Oh, Rarity~!” she warbled.

“Yes, darling?” both Raritys asked in nearly perfect stereo.

“You like fixing up hair, right?” Sunset asked.

“Of course!” The Raritys replied with smiles. Smiles that turned contemplative as they focused their attention on Adagio and Aria’s roughhousing. Finally, they both frowned before rushing over to the pair.

Sunset motioned to the melee as both Raritys attempted to get the two Dazzlings to cease fighting. “See! Now somepony, not us, is not only on the hook to untangle them but they’re also actively trying to stop the fight!”

Twilight gave Sunset an unsure look. “That seems kinda... under-hoofed.”

Sunset smirked. “I like to think of it as empowering others to put what they’re best at to good use!”

“Applejack!” both Raritys cried as they stared at the still struggling Adagio and Aria in despair. “Help!”

With an annoyed grunt, both apple mares trudged over to the fight.

Sunset’s smile grew. “See! It’s even helping others show off their talents!”

Twilight’s expression softened slightly into something reminiscent of rather concerned awe. “I can see how you took over a high school in a few years without the help of magic.”

“Uh… Thanks… I think…” Sunset replied. She glanced over at the spot the Applejacks had recently vacated where both Fluttershys were still huddling in fear along with Pinkie, the trio forming a sort of quivering ball feathers and pink fluff.

“Uh… You know Aria and Adagio aren’t really ghosts, right?” Sunset called out.

“Oh, we know…” one of the Fluttershys replied, her hooves over her eyes. “We just don’t like fighting!”

Pinkie perked her head up and smiled at Sunset. “And if I stay with the Fluttershys I don’t feel as left out! I mean… it’s probably as close to hanging out with myself as I’m going to get at the moment.”

Twilight raised a slightly perplexed eyebrow.

“Huh…” Sunset quipped. “I would think Rainbow Dash is more your speed.”

“Hah! As if!” one of the Rainbow Dashes replied as she hovered in the air, her counterpart obviously, a bit more fixated on trying to get the hang of her wings. “Pinkie couldn’t keep up with me if I had a wing tied behind my back.”

“Except for that time I did!” Pinkie replied.

“Yeah… Well…” Rainbow Dash frowned heavily at Pinkie. “Shut up.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “I think that expression just went over your heads.”

“And I think my super meta-reference went over yours!” Pinkie replied with a smirk.

Sunset stared at Pinkie for a moment, her lips pursing in annoyance. She turned towards Twilight. “So your Pinkie does that too?”

“Oh. That smug grin where it seems like she knows something that you don’t because if she told you, it would totally destroy your worldview?” Twilight smiled. “Yeah… Every now and again.”

Sunset let out a laugh. “Good. I thought it was just mine.”

“Oh, come on!” Pinkie protested. “I have to have some fun around you smarty pants!”

Sunset gave Pinkie a sheepish grin. “But it’s that smile!” she protested. “It’s annoying and unnerving all at once and Fluttershy, why are you staring at me?!” Sunset scrunched up her face and began to tap at her muzzle with a forehoof. “Is there something on my face…” she frowned slightly. “Also, how do I figure that out? I kinda forgot how to pony, here…”

“Oh, uh, er…” The turquoise eyes of the Fluttershy who didn’t have them covered suddenly focused her irises onto Sunset. “Uh, actually I was looking at Spike behind you,” she said as she pointed past Sunset while murmuring “So majestic…” to herself.

Sunset and Twilight turned towards the small purple dragon who was lounging on an outdoor folding chair and snacking on a bucket of popcorn as he watched the Raritys and Applejacks attempt to separate limbs and hair from Adagio and Aria.

Upon hearing his name, Spike turned. “‘Sup?”

“Popcorn!” Pinkie shrieked excitedly as she dove towards Spike who titled the bucket towards her.

“Spike!” Twilight began in chastising tone. “What have I told you about eating popcorn while watching ponies in the midst of a crisis?”

“I’m sharing!” Spike insisted as Pinkie shoveled so much popcorn into her mouth that her cheeks puffed out.

“That’s not the issue!” Twilight said. “You should be helping!”

Spike narrowed his eyes slightly. “Oh, like you two magical ponies helped me down the stairs?”

Sunset’s expression turned slightly apologetic, however it was clear that Twilight was going to have none of Spike’s back-talk. “Two wrongs don’t make a right!” Twilight countered.

“Well, it’s not like you two are doing anything to help.”

“I’m delegating!” Sunset insisted. “Twilight’s going to have to learn this if she’s going to become a good leader!”

Twilight frowned slightly. “Are you sure? I mean… Spike has a point. We both have magic and Spike is the only one of us with movable digits… I’m sure that would help.”

“Trust me, Twilight,” Sunset said with a smirk as she placed a forehoof on one of Twilight’s shoulders. “If I learned anything from Celestia, it’s the art of getting other ponies to deal with stuff you don’t want to.”

“Uh… Well…” Twilight seemed to consider this. “If Celestia would think it’s a good idea…”

Spike smirked at Sunset and Twilight. “So, did you two delegate some ponies to go get Pinkie and Sonata?”

Sunset and Twilight paused for a moment as realization struck them at the same time much like their own forehooves hit their foreheads in unison.

“Now let’s get a look at you!” Discord said as untangled himself from Sonata’s embrace. He craned his head to the left, right, and then a slight 180 degrees as he peered up at Sonata’s neck. “Oh, now where’s that pretty red gem of yours?”

Sonata puffed out her lower lip and dropped her eyelids slightly. “Some mean girls called Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle broke it with by creating a giant alicorn rainbow thing with their dumb friends and even dumber song about friendship!”

“Heeey!” Pinkie protested. “You three were trying to suck away our magic and take over Canterlot High!”

“Was not!” Sonata replied.

“Was too!” Pinkie insisted.

“Was not times 10!”

“Was too times 50!”

“Was not times 100!”

“Was not times infinity!” Sonata said with a smug grin.

“Was too times infinity plus one!” Pinkie said.

Sonata frowned heavily for a moment before Discord something into her ear. Smiling, Sonata countered with “Was not times infinity plus two!”

Pinkie grit her teeth. “Oh yeah?! Well was too times infi—”

Watching the pair go back and forth with a look of increasingly detached interest, Flash Sentry cleared his throat. “Uh, I don’t think this is getting anypony anywhere.”

Discord let out a heavy sigh. “Well, the sound of bickering was going to get me to a finished letter for Fluttershy…”

Pinkie gave Sonata a somewhat hurt look. “Look, Sonata… Uh… I am having a lot of fun exploring Equestria with you.”

Sonata gathered Pinkie into a hug so tight that Pinkie made a seeking noise. “Aw, thanks!” Sonata said. “I’m having fun too!”

“Oof…” Pinkie slipped out from Sonata’s grasp and took a few steps back, “But, you did try to suck out our magic and take over the school! You even mind-controlled all the students and teachers and stuff!”

Sonata grinned. “So that means we successfully took over the school. You said we were trying to take it over.”

Pinkie mulled this over briefly. “Oh, yeah…” she replied.

Sonata giggled. “See, we were trying to take over the world! Who’d want to just take over a stupid high school and all the dumb kids who go to school there?”

Pinkie puffed out her lip as her brow creased. “Okay… but you just kinda called me dumb… twice!”

Sonata gasped. “Oh no! You’re right!” She hung her head shamefully. “I’ve become everything I’ve ever hated!” Sonata sniffled. “The Muppets would be so ashamed… I’m sorry, Pinkie.” Sonata gave Pinkie a pleading look. “Can you ever forgive me?”

Pinkie grinned. “You were forgiven at ‘Muppets!’” With that the pink pony and light blue sea monster shared a big hug.

Discord let out an uproarious belly laugh. “Well I see, apart from your gem, you haven’t changed one bit my dear niece.” He stroked his beard a few times. “Still, do you mean the Sunset Shimmer? Orange coat?” Discord’s fur turned orange. “Red-and-yellow flank stamp?” An as-described mark appeared on Discord’s behind that he pointed at. “Plate of bacon for hair?” Discord finished as a sizzling plate full of bacon appeared atop his head, his horns sticking out of the pile.

Pinkie and Sonata exchanged a quick glance. Pinkie spoke up, “Well, we’ve never seen Sunset as a pony, but she wears that sun on her clothes all the time and her hair certainly looks like bacon.”

“Lovely,” Discord replied as he snapped his eagle talon and returned to his ‘normal’ state. “Oh, she and Celestia used to have the most exquisite arguments!” He frowned slightly. “If only Celestia would lose her head enough to have them closer to me.” Discord frowned. “Still, if Twilight and Sunset have done you wrong, I’ll have to give them both a piece of my mind!”

“Yay!” Sonata exclaimed as she clapped her hooves together. “That’ll show ‘em!”

Pinkie frowned slightly. “But Twilight and Sunset are my friends!” she wailed.

Discord narrowed his eyes at Pinkie. “Well you should have thought of that before they decided to break the jewels of my darling fish-nieces!”

“But I did think about that before they decided to do that!” Pinkie replied. “I was friends with them before that happened!”

“Oh,” Discord stroke his beard and seemed to ponder this a moment. “Yes, I suppose that makes sense…” He pointed an accusing finger at Pinkie. “Well you should think about it now, after they’ve decided to break the jewels of my darling fish-nieces!”

“Er…” Pinkie rubbed the back of her head.

“Uh, Uncle Dissy? Pinkie kind of helped Twilight and Sunset! She was one of the dumb friends who-I-shouldn’t-have-called-dumb-and-had-to-say-I-was-sorry-for-calling-dumb.”

“Oh, really,” Discord growled at Pinkie.

Pinkie gulped as Flash suddenly stood in front of Pinkie and gave Discord a stern look.

Discord couldn’t help but smirk at the gesture. A smirk that quickly grew into a smile as he turned back to face Sonata. “And you’ve befriended her! Oh Sonata, what a Saint you are!” He said ad as placed his eagle talon atop of Sonata’s head and attempted to ruffle her fin, an act that was successful despite all known laws of physics and fins. A single tear rolled from Discord’s left eye and he whipped it away with lion’s paw. “Maybe that Twilight could learn a thing or three about friendship from you, hmmm?”

Sonata giggled as her fin sprung back into place.

“Uh…” Pinkie glanced up from behind Flash. “Again! Sonata and her friends had taken over the school and were going to take over the world! I mean… stopping them was the right thing to do!”

Flash nodded in agreement. “That sounds reasonable.”

“Well of course you’d agree!” Discord exclaimed. “Word in the Hallway is you’ve got a crush on Twilight Sparkle!”

Flash frowned. “I’d appreciate it if you could keep that to yourself.”

Discord chuckled. “It’ll just be between us four and the suits of armor.”

“…I’d also appreciate it if the suits of armor could keep it to themselves.”

Discord scoffed. “Well, you’re no fun… but suit yourself!” He grinned. “Or perhaps I can do it for you!” Discord said as he snapped his fingers.

A bright flash suddenly encompassed Flash and he was suddenly… still wearing a suit of armor, but with a white plume instead of a blue one. Flash shifted uncomfortably in his armor as the helmet slipped slightly and the back plate shifted to one side. “Did you… Did you just swap out my armor?”

Discord sighed. “Yes… I was trying to execute a sight gag, but I momentarily forgot you were already suited-up as it were… Still…” He turned towards Pinkie as Flash took off his helmet, grumbling to himself the entire time. “Ms. Pie,” Discord began, “perhaps now would be a good time to reflect upon the company you keep.”

“But I like my friends!” Pinkie moaned. “We spent too long being mad at each other as it was, and just now managed to make our band fun again!”

Discord tut-tutted and shook his head. “Sounds like a no-good band of ruffians if ever there were any!”

Pinkie let out a high pitched “Grrr!” and focused angry sky-blue eyes on Discord. “We’re like… anti-ruffians! Maybe even superheroes!”

“Yes, yes,” Discord said dismissively. “So much like the villains to insist they’re doing the right thing.” He turned towards Sonata. “I’m sorry, Sonata dear. I’m afraid your friend Pinkie has a bad case of ‘hanging out with the wrong crowd!”

“Oh no!” Sonata cried as she brought her forehooves up to her mouth. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Just make sure you don’t fall into the same crowd as her,” Discord said. “Maybe you should find your fellow Dazzlings!”

Pinkie puffed out her lower lip in a pout.

“But Adagio and Aria were being all mean and shouty!” Sonata replied. “Pinkie was being nice to me.”

“Well… That does sound like Aria and Adagio…” Discord glared accusingly at Pinkie. “Still, it was all part of a devious ploy of our pretending pink pony, I’m sure!”

Sonata gave Pinkie a scrutinizing look. “She looks pretty pink to me!”

Pinkie giggled. “Thanks Sonata! You’re a lovely shade of blue yourself!”

“Why, thank you!” Sonata replied as the two began to share a few giggles.

Discord let out a huff of annoyance.

Flash chuckled as he squeezed himself out of the suit of armor Discord had replaced with the set he was wearing. “Problem?” he asked.

Discord stroked his beard lightly. “I suppose I should be happy there’s at least one pony who can keep me on my toes…” he quipped as several fat, large, digits suddenly sprouted from his dragon and cloven foot.

“Uh… right…” Flash said as he gave Discord’s new feet apogees a frightful look.

Discord reached down and pulled off his new ‘feet’ as if they were shoes, revealing his old feet underneath. “Still…” He returned his attention to Pinkie as he tossed his shoes in a random direction to the sound of a suit of armor clattering to the ground.

“Hey!” Flash protested. “I’m supposed to be guarding this place,” he uttered as he trotted over to the fallen armor. “It’s going to look bad if I leave a bunch of armor lying around.”

Discord merely refocused his attention on Pinkie. “You don’t expect me to believe you hopped dimensions with Sonata and ended up in the castle out of pure happenstance, do you?”

“Well…” Pinkie thought for a moment. “‘Pure happenstance’ explains most of what happens to me.”

Discord’s features twisted in annoyance into something rather unrecognizable as a normal expression or face. He placed a thumb into a random facial crease where his forehead once was before a blowing sound was heard. Discord’s head, though turned upside-down, returned to, it’s not-so-much-normal-as, recognizable shape before Discord grabbed the sides of his head and roughly twisted it back to the ‘right’ way up with a sickening ‘crack’! “Surely, you have some reason for ending up in Equestria together.”

“Uncle Dissy?”

“Oh yes, Sonata my most adorable floating aquatic based pony niece?”

“Her name is Pinkie, not Shirley!”

Discord let out a defeated groan as Flash let out a laugh that Pinkie joined in on.

“See! Sonata’s a lot of fun!” Pinkie insisted. “No ulterior motives here!”

Discord leaned forward and glared at Pinkie. “Are you sure you’re not hanging out with Sonata because there’s something you want from her?”

Pinkie backed up slightly and seemed to think about this. “Er, well…”

“Ah-HAH!” Discord exclaimed, leveling an accusatory index finger at Pinkie. “So you do want something from Sonata!”

“Is that true?!” Sonata cried. “You’re only hanging out with me because you want something?”

“Uh… erm…”

“Come on! Out with it!” Discord cried as he suddenly put on a long, padded and chrome human skulls studded black coat with a red trim. “Confess, heretic!” he added as he pulled a wide-brimmed black hat with a large chrome human skull in the center over his horns.

Pinkie swallowed as hear sky-blue eyes began to fill with tears before water sprung forth like two spigots as she threw back her head and wailed. “It’s true! I want Sonata to help me with our history report!”

Flash gingerly placed the suit of armor he was wearing on the floor. “Uh… There, there?” he said in an unsure tone as he pat Pinkie on the back. “That honestly doesn’t sound that bad…”

Sonata gasped. “I knew it!” she exclaimed.

“There, you see!” Discord said. “… Wait… ‘History Report’, you say?” Discord pulled off coat and hat with one swift motion, balled them up, and tossed the heavy sphere of clothing down the hall to the sound of another suit of armor falling to the ground.

“Really?!” Flash protested as he walked towards the fallen suit.

“I DO say!” Pinkie said in a still frantic tone. “But I should have told Sonata sooner!” Pinkie stopped crying and thought for a moment. “In fact… I did tell Sonata, sooner… The history report is the whole reason we’re here!”

Sonata nodded. “Right! That’s why I said ‘I knew it’!”

“Well, I could help write your history report!” Discord said with a grin. “Even give it some zing with real equestrian spice!”

Pinkie grinned. “That sounds good!”

Discord nodded. “The kind of spice that makes one’s eyes water and their body perspire before they burst into actual flames!” he said as his head suddenly caught fire.

“… Starting to sound less good,” Pinkie said.

Discord continued, pointing an eagle talon at his head that sprayed water, dousing his head flames. “Oh, but when would I get to writing my letter to Fluttershy?!” Discord wondered out loud as he snapped his eagle talon. A scroll and a Quill suddenly appeared in a bright flash. Discord began to furiously write on the paper, mumbling to himself. “Just met up with my old niece, for…” Discord frowned and turned towards Sonata. “Sonata, dear? How do you spell ‘realsies?’”

Sonata thought for a moment. “Er… r-e-a-l-z-e-e-z, I think.”

Pinkie frowned slightly. “The way Discord said the word it clearly was spelled, ‘r-e-a-l-s-i-e-s’.”

Discord pursed his lips slightly as he paused, staring at Pinkie. “You worry me, sometimes… ME! How do you do that?!”

Pinkie simply replied with an unsure shrug.

“Sorry, Pinkie!” Sonata replied as she rubbed her head fins, and glanced at Flash as he pulled a suit of armor with a blue-plumed helmet off a nearby rack. “Guess I’m not a great speller!”

Pinkie grinned sheepishly. “Guess I can do the writing for our report…”

“Heh… Yeah…” Sonata replied in an apologetic tone. She frowned and turned away from Flash as he put tried on the helmet from the suit he was inspecting. “… What report?”

“…The history report?!” Pinkie replied, disbelief creeping into her voice. “You know, the very reason we’re here? We were just talking about it a few moments ago!”

Discord let go of his quill and paper and turned towards Pinkie and Sonata, both quill and paper seemed to float in place under their own power, the quill continuing to write feverishly away.

“Oh yeah! D’uh!” Sonata replied. She shook her head. “Sorry, I keep forgetting!”

Flash chuckled as he fit himself back into his suit of armor. “Well, that’s too bad! You know what they say about ponies who forget to do their history reports?”

“Uh… I don’t actually,” Sonata replied.

A wide grin spread across Flash’s face as he picked his spear back up from the ground. “They’re doomed to repeat history class!”

Sonata gasped. “Oh, no! That sounds horrible!”

Flash’s smile dropped. “Uh. That was a joke.”

Glaring at Flash, Discord snapped his eagle talon, and the end of Flash’s spear was suddenly swapped out with a shovel head.

Flash frowned and looked at the shovel he was now holding. “What’s this for?”

Discord Scoffed. “It’s so you can bury that poor joke you butchered!”

Inexplicably, Pinkie began laughing. “Hahaha… Took me a moment! Hehehe… Doomed to repeat history… class! Hahaha!”

Discord sighed. “Oh, don’t encourage him, Pinkie! His delivery was so bad it was practically in the wrong country.”

Sonata frowned. “Wait… I don’t get it.”

Flash grinned. “Oh really? Well, you know what they say about ponies who don’t get history jokes?”

Discord’s eyes shot open wide and raised a giant red ‘STOP’ sign and waved it next to Sonata.

“Uh… I don’t?” Sonata said.

Flash’s smile only widened. “They’re doomed to hear them repeated!”

Pinkie’s laughter increased as she collapsed to the floor as Discord let out a long, groan as he began to slump forward so much that his body began to melt into a puddle on the floor.

Sonata pursed her lips slightly. “Er, okay… No… I still don’t understand…”

Flash was laughing now. “Well, that’s okay! You know what they say about—”

“No! Stop!” Discord demanded as he got back to his feet and not melted self and lobbed the stop sign at Flash’s head. It bounced off his helmet with a ‘clang’ causing the pony to recoil slightly before bouncing off, and lightly tapping a suit of armor before the falling flat on the ground.

Flash grimaced slightly as the suit of armor rocked one way then then other before returning to its motionless state.

Flash let out a sigh of relief.

The armor immediately fell off its rack and onto the floor.

“Oh, come on!” Flash exclaimed.

Chuckling, Discord looked over the group. “Listen, this is been an odd mix of fun and horrible, and for that I suppose I should thank you all, but I really must be getting back to writing my letter to Fluttershy!” He shook his head. “It’s not like it’s going to write itself!” he gripped. He glanced at the quill and scroll still in the air. “Or will it…?” He snatched the scroll out of the air and began to read it. “Hello my dear friend Fluttershy, Oh, I have had the most delightful experience meeting my old fishy-niece, Sonata, for realsies. Why I haven’t seen her since help! Help! Discord is forcing me to write such pointless drivel! I don’t want to write boring letters to ponies! I should be used to write novels or poetry! Why such a mundane task is…” Discord sighed heavily and crumpled the scroll, rods in all and casually tossed it over his shoulder. Glaring at the feather quill he snapped his finger and immediately burst into flames. “You’re fired!” he declared.

“Seriously?” Flash replied as he adjusted his helmet. “And you got on my case for bad jokes?” he said as he began picking up the latest suit of armor that had fallen.

“Hehe… Fired! I get it!” Sonata declared as Pinkie joined her in a laugh.

Discord gave Flash a satisfied grin. “There! That’s two to your one, Mr. Sentry! Now then!” Discord once again looked over the two ponies and the siren present. “While I do have this letter to write, perhaps I can help you two learn a little bit about history!” He turned and motioned to be followed down the hall. “And you know what they say… The best way to learn is from experience!”

“You’re the best, Uncle Dissy!” Sonata exclaimed as she began floating behind Discord.

“Huh… I don’t think I get it…” Pinkie said as she trotted behind Sonata. “But I’m eager to find out!”

Flash placed the helmet back on the display and turned to watch the trio leave. “Uh… I’ll just… keep guarding the hallway… Away from the crazy room that also serves as some weird portal to another dimension…” he added. He turned and let out a much-needed sigh of relief. Relief that soon turned to surprise as pulled him downwards. He reached for the suit, but it merely toppled to the ground as Flash soon found himself being dragged in the direction of Discord, Sonata, and Pinkie. Twisting around and brandishing his spear-turned-shovel, Flash let out a groan as he noted an elongated dragon tail with a white furry plume wrapped around one of his hind legs. “Why?!” he cried as he visually followed the tail back to its owner.

“Comedy, my boy!” Discord called back. “The three of us natural-born foils are going to need at least one straight-pony!”

Flash sighed as he let himself be dragged across the hallway. “Lucky me…”

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Comments ( 18 )

How do you so consistently manage to write absolute hilarity?

Time travel adventure incoming?

Every time I read a chapter of this story I get the urge to stand up, go to a wall, or anything hard and stationary, and hit my head against it while laughing like this

Much as I'd imagine the characters do.

I can show you the world,
just as I began to churn it,
nopony this day will hurt you with pointless diatribes!
I can open your eyes,
see over there is R'leyh,
wave your hooves for the shoggaths caught in surprise,
a whole old woooooooooooorld!
A dazzling place you never knew!
Like way over there,
dinosaurs and pears!
Now let me break this whole old world with you!

Another great chapter. Well done.:pinkiehappy::derpytongue2::moustache:

Poor Flash. Now Shovel Knight.

At least Angel Bunny isnt along so Pinkie cant go all Mario Rabbids.:pinkiehappy:

Once again you've delivered your usual perfectly balanced platter of absurdist comedy and comedic sociopathy, and done so with style. :pinkiehappy:

And the craziness continues.

Unbeknownst to the rest of us plebes, Justice does double duty as Good King Moogle Mog, and thus the moments he gets away from his moogle court is when he sends his writing here! KUPO!

Discord, though :rainbowlaugh:

I'm so glad I favorited this.

Poor Flash, but Discord is right. You need at least one straight man for the jokes to work.


You’re welcome! :twilightsmile: I would say how great this story is, but ... actually, I don’t have a but to give. This story is pretty great.

Magical stones bestowing their rainbow powers onto others is no way to determine judicial rights!”

Now you see the friendship inherent in the system!

Puta- Puta-

I didn't know Aria spoke Spanish.

Delightful madness all around, especially Pinkie giving Discord a run for his money. Eagerly looking forward to seeing what's next. Hopefully there won't be too many paradoxes to clean up...

Pinkie perked her head up and smiled at Sunset. “And if I stay with the Fluttershys I don’t feel as left out! I mean… it’s probably as close to hanging out with myself as I’m going to get at the moment.”

"I understood that reference".

Feels like the plot barely moved along but what the hell do I care, I'm mad drunk right now so it's still funny to me.

“There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in the world, and it’s a pity that my little puppies are someday going to be lost to the ravages of time!”


“And you know what they say… The best way to learn is from experience!”

Oooooh, THAT'S why it's called "Pinkie and Sonata's excellent adventure!"

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