After the Battle of the Bands, Sonata finds herself dumped by her friends and ends up staying at Canterlot High, hopefully with the help of a few of the students and two new kids she can fit in, hijinks are sure to ensue
Chapters (6)
ShadowRebelKSX
Joined 5th Jul, 2012 ·
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I like stories like this can't wait to see more.
It's a solid story and I like the premise, but the delivery needs editorial work. If you like, I'd be happy to assist.
Already working on Chapter 2 :)
Edit: I just got myself an editor so hopefully the grammar will seem improved next chapter
This looks like it could be a great story... with a lot of sandpaper. I'd be more than happy to volunteer, if you are in such desperate need of an editor.
Try to avoid telling the reader what character feels. You should rather show us that she's angry, by describing her actions, expressions, voice, etc.
5073975 thanks for the tip
Edit: actually went ahead and made an edit from your advice
That poor girl...I look forward to where this story is headed
There's a Sonata Dusk Tag if it helps.
This seems interesting. I'll see where this goes.
Definitely shows promise. (hits the upvote and fave buttons) It's seemed evident from the sneak peeks and such Sonata is the least malevolent out of them and is probably the only one who'd have a chance at changing her ways.
When I saw the first sneak peak I really felt like Sonata and Ditzy could be friends lol
5073518 Knows, and wants, Taco Tuesday. She seems like the most well-adjusted to humanity of the three.
And Scratch to the rescue with the headphones.
5074975 Plus shes Sooo cute
s6.postimg.org/5ul2jmext/continue_Monkey.jpg
5075593 Damn straight!
5075593
Yes she is.
She's like Harley Quinn from the animated Batman series or Ty Lee from Avatar.
When I saw Vinyl's car transform I thought "Hey Vinyl, Michael Bay called: He wants his Transformer back."
TACOS!
Why are Sonata and I so alike? Minus the whole under our spell siren bit, we're exactly alike! She is best siren, and she need a little emoticon.
5077833
YUP!
Lovely story you've got here and you're saying this is your first fic? I wouldn't even be able to tell! I loved sonata in Rainbow rocks but you've made me love her character even more! Great job and keep up the good work.
Sonata is love.
I'm definitely keeping tabs on this one! Not bad at all for a first go!
5074587
True so true...
5077841
We're alike!
Yes, we need that!
5077899 Sonata is life.
5077833 But, at the same time...
I try to quell the Engineer inside when I watch movies, but I think I could build that. The ONLY problem is that the car appears to be an enlarged classic Cobra SS in white and purple. Maybe a 'Stang with different body-work could do it. Or I could tuck the speaker rack into the back of a Camaro Ragtop.
The first chapter is substantially improved over the edits. There are still a few issues in it and the second in terms of grammar, but it's far more readable.
The story shows promise so far, even if it does seem to be going through the somewhat cliche redemption motions. What does concern me is the "romance" tag, as the story doesn't seem like it has any need for such, and romance being in a story unnecessarily is something that has always annoyed me.
For that matter, for a story with the "comedy" tag, there hasn't been that much comedy. Maybe it's coming, but there hasn't been much funny so far, and has read more like a sadfic for the most part.
5078160
Yes indeedy!
The whole "good heart" thing does seem a little rushed and frankly kind of cheesy. I think it would have been far more believable to have them help her because she just needed help.
I listened to this the whole chapter
Really sets the mood. Glad things are starting out well for Sonata
5077833 Hey man Transformers got to turn Rainbow Dash into a gun. why can't Vinyl use Soundwave as a turn table?
5078317 Like I said this is my first time writing but thank you very much for the Input Josh
in fact...I may just make a small tweak later, thanks
Keep going this is awesome!
What is the colour of Sonata's eyes? It's not quite red, but something else... I can't put my hoof or finger on it!
How dare the bearer of the Fragment of Hospitality be so...inhospitable! Don't know what the Fragments are? Read my story, The Fragments of Symphony.
5076767 Mai turned good in Avatar too. She still had a negative attitude, but she did turn good!
Well, I have a soft heart, but I hope things will be okay with Sonata.
Sonata deserves a second chance and has Vinyl to look after.
Did Vinyl even take off her headph0n3s?
Great new chapter, Sonata's as adorkable as ever. So... Cadance as the nurse. Wonder if Iron Will is the guidance counselor(self-help IS his thing after all!)
Everypo... I mean, everybody already knows that! I have two friends whose avatars look like Sonata (one of them's you) and I don't know which one's the real: The one who believes Cadence (my favourite princess) is best princess, but that Sonata is Skyla's mother, or the one who actually wrote a fic about Sonata the way I see her. I'm going with the latter. YOU'RE THE BEST, REAL SONATA!!!
Looks interesting enough, Also, so far, you seem to have avoided most beginners mistakes.
One small advice though:
You should work on your flashbacks- announcings. They look like in a theater script or if you want to summarize a movie.
In general, mostly two concepts are used (although of cause with different designs and formulations):
or
You might also think of your own way to do this, but you should avoid using the word 'flashback' when doing a flashback, just like you don't write 'introduction', when implementing a new character.
5079339 Hi. Editor here. Thanks for the feedback. I thought I recommended the use of italics, but it might not have made it into the final cut due to translation issues with Word.
equestra girls rainbow rocks watch i must (lol yoda speak)
Is everyone, like, obsessed with Sonata after the movie now? I'll admit, she's stupid and adorable, but I see a lot of Sonata stories now. Is there a reason for that?
5080146 People are trying to take all the good ideas before they become cliché
It sucks to be a magical creature stuck in a human body. Also, where the heck have they been living? The movie really doesn't set that kind of stuff up well, too trivial to the central plot I guess. The doubles of the elements of harmony apparently have homes, but no parents?
very interesting. i'll keep my eye out for more chapters
5079186
My reaction exactly,
5077833 ...Transformers is owned by Hasbro, so is MLP.....Cameo!....the car was Soundwave!
This is a great start, I'm curious to see what happens next.