[FIXED] Episode 29: BUGZE VS. A HYDRA!
You tell the girls to run, and after a Badass one-liner you run right at the Hydra and punch it...which does absolutely bucking nothing. The four heads lean down around you with a smirk as if to say "Really?"
You: heh heh...
Somewhere in this, he needs to say quite calmly:
"My name is Baker Sylvester Tennant. You scared my daughter. Prepare to die."
The Hydra roars again, but you continue to stand there as you growl to Nightshade, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, behind you,
"Run."
The four fillies run for cover as you say, eyes glowing orange,
"My name is Baker Sylvester Tennant. You scared my daughter. Prepare to die."
With that you charge at the Hydra and punch it in the foot.
Which does absolutely nothing as the four heads look down towards you (3 smug and 1 confused) with a "Really?" expression.
"Heh heh..." you nervously chuckle before the Hydra rears it's heads back...
They try to eat you but your dodge training is in full swing. Thank AJ, and you guess Pinkie for that one.
You start punching their heads after a few dodges and this seems to rattle them a bit, but just barely.
You: What the buck? I beat down a giant bear and a freaking Goddess, why is this so hard?
DFV: You defeated an infant cub, and If you recall, the dragon got the upper hand and nearly killed you, this is him times four
The math hits you
You: Oh Buck!
DFV: Unleash me, and we might stand a chance
You: NO! Not in front of the girls
DFV: DON'T BE A FOOL! WE'LL BOTH DIE IF YOU DON'T!
You: I SAID NO!!! FUS ROH DA!!! (this staggers it a bit)
Scootaloo: Whoa, your dad is Awesome!
N: Buck ya he is, he's got this
You turn and see the girls haven't run away
You: I told you to get out of here, now run before...
you get swallowed by one of the heads, but cling to the inside of his throat before you go down all the way
N: Daddy!
The Hydra's heads rain down on you one at a time, but your dodge training is in full swing allowing you to swiftly dodge every incoming head.
Guess I got to thank AJ later. And I guess Pinkie too... you think as a Hydra head comes down for the fifth time, but you take this opportunity to run up to the downed-head and Falcon Punch it.
You soon get into a pattern of "Dodge, Dodge, Falcon Punch" which rattles them, but just barely. Soon the Hydra starts trying to stomp you while lashing down 2 heads at a time causing you to think,
What the buck? I beat down a giant bear, a dragon, and a freaking sun Goddess. Why is this so hard?
You merely defeated an infant cub, the false goddess was clearly holding back due to her foolish concern for her little ponies, and If you recall, the dragon nearly killed you.
The math hits you and even you realize the odds are not in your favor,
"Oh Buck!" you scream as you roll to dodge a pair of Hydra heads.
Just unleash me and I can fry this overgrown lizard.
"NO! Not in front of the girls!" you yell as you dodge out of the way of a massive Hydra foot.
If witnesses are a problem, then I'll just crush those brats and you blame it on the Hydra if their families ask. Besides, they're a bad influence on our daughter, making her weak and petty instead of strong and-
"BUCK NO!" you shout as you Falcon Punch another Hydra head,
Your definition of 'strong' just means murder and chaos! This is EXACTLY why I'm NEVER letting you out!
DON'T BE A FOOL! WE'LL BOTH DIE IF YOU DON'T!
"I SAID NO!!!" you shout as you dodge another head while charging up your voice. When you land, you quickly pull down your face mask and scarf and shout,
FUS ROH DA!!!
You quickly pull your face cover back up as the roar of power knocks down the Hydra and sends it crashing to the ground on its back with earth-shaking force.
"Whoa, your dad is Awesome!" Scootaloo says,
"Buck ya he is, he's got this." Nightshade says,
Shocked that the foals are still here, you turn and yell,
"I told you to get out of here, now run before..." *crash*
While you were distracted, one of the Hydra heads slams its jaw around you and attempts to swallow you, but you manage to whip out your vice-grips and latch it onto the creatures uvula (dangly thing in the back of it's throat) to prevent you from falling down it's throat.
"Daddy!"
Hydra tries to swallow you, whip out 2 Molotov Cocktails from your poition sash and set yourself on fire to force the Hydra to spit you out causing you to say "I'm too hot to handle!"
With one hoof still holding onto the vise-grips to dangle you, you quickly reach into your potion sash and grab a Molotov Cocktail (4 remaining) with the other hoof before throwing it with enough force to smash against the side of the inside of the creature's throat, spreading liquid flames dripping down.
The Hydra head roars in pain and coughs you out before dunking itself into the bog water to extinguish the flames as the other heads look on in worry at their sibling head. You land with a splat, but you quickly get back up and declare,
"Yeah baby! I'm too hot to handle!"
"Yayyy!" Sweetite Belle cheers,
You turn and shouts
"Didn't you bucking hear me! RU-"
DODGE!
What?
In your moment of distraction, one of the heads swallows you whole.
What the buck?!
I told you to dodge!
You know that doesn't-oh, forget this! "PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
Your drilling attack rips open the hydra's throat, decapitating it and letting you free.
"BOOM, HEADSHOT!"
You fool...
Okay, so it wasn't the head, but-
No, THAT!
Right before your eyes, the wounded stump of a neck grows two new heads. You stand in awe.
"That... was... AWESOME!" You leap forward, shouting "PSYCHO CRUSHER!" and tearing off one of the heads again.
No!
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
Stop!
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
What the buck are you doing?!
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
Seriously, I'M the one trying to calm YOU down?
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
You're not listening anyway, are you?
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
Fine, do whatever you want. I don't give a single ****
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!" You stop after the last one. "Hoo, that was fun!" Silence. "Hey, you got quiet all of a sudden. What's up?"
You ass. You unbelievably gigantic ass.
"What? What did I do?"
Why don't you ask them?
You look up to see a dozen heads glaring down at you.
"I... am not a smart bug."
"DODGE!" Apple Bloom screams,
"What-" *crash*
In your moment of distraction, one of the heads swallows you whole... again.
"What the buck?!" you scream as you're being swallowed.
"I told you to dodge!" Apple Bloom yells,
"You know that doesn't-oh, forget this! PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
Your drilling attack rips open the hydra's throat, decapitating it and letting you free.
"DECAPITATIOOOOOOOON!!!" you yell as you burst out of the Hydra.
You fool...
Okay, so it wasn't the head, but-
No, THAT!
You land on the ground and turn to see right before your eyes, the wounded stump of a neck grows two new heads. You stand in awe and say,
"That... was... AWESOME!" You leap forward, shouting "PSYCHO CRUSHER!" and tear off another one of the heads.
No! the DFV shouts in protest.
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
Stop!
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
What are you doing you foolish bug?!
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
Seriously, I'M the one trying to calm YOU down?
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
You're not listening anyway, are you?
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
Fine, do whatever you want. As the youth say these days; I don't give a horseapple.
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!" You decide to stop after that last one as you land on the ground, stumble, and say,
"Hoo! I may be really dizzy, but that was fun!"
...
"Hey, you got quiet all of a sudden. What's up?"
You idiot. You unbelievably stupid idiot...
"What? What did I do?"
Why don't you ask them?
You shake off your dizziness and look up to see a dozen heads glaring down at you.
"I... am not a smart bug."
"You think?!" the CMC shout.
You turn away from the multiheaded overgrown lizard and you respond,
"Oops... In all fairness, decapitations typicall- Hey! I thought I told you four to..." *crash*
You get swallowed again and shout,
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"
The CMC and Nightshade just facehoof...
You: NO NO NO NO!!!
DFV: RELEASE ME YOU IDIOT!!!
You: Alright Alright! Hurry before...
outside you hear
N: FALCON KICK!!!
You then hear a massive groan times four as you are literally puked up
You: EW EW EW!
You see the Hydra hunched over, trying to cradle it's nethers
N: Daddy, I saved you!
You: You kicked it in the balls?
N: Yup, just like you taught me
You: Good girl. Now quick, get in the Inventory
N: What about my friends?
The other girls are still standing their, awestruck
You: There's room enough for all of you, get in quick.
All the girls get into the Inventory as you see the Hydra catching it's breath, and it is pissed
"NO NO NO NO!!!"
RELEASE ME YOU IDIOT!!!
Alright Alright! Hurry before...
"FALCON KICK!!!" you hear someling shout from the outside,
You then hear a massive groan times twelve as you are literally puked up,
"Ewwwwww! How am I ever gonna wash this out!!" you say as you get up from the gunk.
You turn and see the Hydra hunched over, trying to cradle it's nethers without any arms, Nightshade glomps you and says,
"Daddy, I saved you!"
"Wait, did you just kick a Hydra in the nards?" you ask incredulously,
"Yup, just like you taught me."
You smile with fatherly pride and say,
"Good girl. Now quick, get in the Inventory!"
"What about my friends?" she says as she turns her head and you follow her look to see the other girls are still standing there, awestruck.
"There's room enough for all of you, get in quick!"
"Got it!"
Nightshade turns to the CMC and yells,
"COME ON LADIES! INTO THE SADDLEBAGS!!! DON'T QUESTION IT! JUST MOVE! MOVE!! MOVE!!!"
All the girls dash into the Inventory as you see the Hydra finish catching it's breath, and it is mad...
You of course hit one head, but before you could even get the second, the others swatted you away. Landing with a yell and grunt, you tumbled across the field. Ears swerved, but the fillies continued to keep their eyes closed out of fear, all except Nightshade, who appeared to be smiling knowingly, maybe silently cheering you on.
"Are you dodging right, Tenant?" Applebloom asked, eyes still covered.
"Yes!" you lied as you went back into the fray with 'Falcon Punch' charge. "I'm okay!" You barely heard the questioning voice of Scootaloo, asking if you could actually even fight a hydra.
Again, the hydra just simply swatted you away and stepped a giant foot closer. Hearing tumbling again, the farm filly asked with skeptically, "Are you really?"
You growled. "Yes!" you roared "Psycho Crusher!"
Heads came to intercept you, but you nimbly dodged as you aimed for the space between its legs, which you quickly passed through. One head stubbornly came along with you, maws wide, which you responded abruptly with hooves— caught them with you hooves! The earth strained from under you as the force was absorbed. You couldn't help but chuckle, an action that made the head's eyes widen in surprise.
"Hehe. And to think I used to barely survive a dragon," you said, before gripping tighter onto the maw and then jumping explosively into the air, leaving cracks behind! The head dragged along the rest of the body, forcing it into an involuntary front flip that ended with it landing on its back, making a quake, a rumble and crack in the seemingly crust of the Bog that can be heard across the Everfree Forest.
You let go— and kicked yourself off of the head, putting more air into it. With the mass of the body conveniently laying flat, you poured as much energy into yourself as you could while still being at the peak of the height, and free-fall'd, hooves out. You know this feeling before, back when you used your own body as a battering ram against the big pink shield back at the wedding.
"Falcon Punch!"
"No Shadow Kick! Falcon Punch!" You begin to use all your techniques to kick the heads of the hydra.
Stab the Hydra with a tree while saying "Nail HYDRA!"
You dodge three enraged heads slamming down around you by leaping onto a tree and parkouring your way to the top. The tree is tall enough to be just near the heads (the Hydra's necks are coiled down scanning for you) so you leap from it and yell,
"No Shadow Kick!" and hit one head with a flurry of kicks, but you get swatted away by another head, sending you crashing into the bog and tumbling through the sticks and mud.
Are you dodging right, Tenant? you hear Apple Bloom say in... your head?
"Yes!" you lied as you got up and charged back into the fray with intent to Shoryuken the creature's nards. "I'm okay!"
Are you sure you can even fight a Hydra? Scootaloo says... also in your head?
Before you can answer, the hydra swats you away and steps a giant foot closer. Hearing tumbling again, the farmfilly asked skeptically,
Are you really?
You growled. "Yes I bucking- Wait a minute! I thought I told you guys to stay in the Inventory!" you yell before dodging a trio of heads,
We are. You hear Nightshade say, I taught my friends how to speak directly to you from my room. We can only hear you when we're concentrating on listening and you're talking out loud, not thinking.
Your dad sure has alot of movie reels in here. Sweetie Belle says,
Hey, is that a-
"Nightshade! Keep your friends from wandering!" you shout as you run forward.
Heads came to intercept you, but you nimbly dodged as you aimed for the space between its legs. When you get close enough you declare "Psycho Crusher" and spin between it's legs which you quickly passed through. One head stubbornly came after you, maws wide, which you responded abruptly by catching it's head in your hooves, the earth straining under you as the force was absorbed. You couldn't help but chuckle as the head's eyes widen in surprise.
"Hehe. And to think I used to barely survive a dragon," you say before running around and grabbing the Hydra by wrapping your hooves around the side of it's head before running forward, pulling the head with you.
Pulling the dragon's head through between its legs forces it to do an involuntary front flip that ended with it landing on its back, making a quake which you use to jump into the air and facebuster the head through a tree stump on the ground.
You get back up and see the tree trunk has stabbed through the Hydra head's lower jaw, pinning it in place while the other heads are still dizzy from that flip, causing you to proclaim,
"Nail HYDRA!"
You then jump onto the Hydra's pinned head, run down the neck, and use the belly as a trampoline to bounce yourself into the air. With the mass of the body conveniently laying flat, you aimed at the creature's heart (or at least where you think the rib cage is) at the height of your ascent and cried out,
"FALCON, PUNCH!"
Before plummeting back into the ground at high speed, orange flames covering your body.
You get cocky from the fact that you've defeated a Ursa and held your own against Discord and that cockiness causes the Hydra to smash you several times during the fight.
*CRASH*
Your hoof impacts with the ground creating a crater and kicking up mud and bog debris, but when you get back up you realize something...
You missed the Hydra entirely.
"Oh buck... ACK!"
Taking advantage of your mistake, one of the Hydra heads wraps it's neck around you and starts slamming you wildly around the bog before throwing you away, causing you to smash into a tree. As you wobble back to your hooves you mutter,
"Ugh... This is what those Diamond Dogs must have felt like..."
When you finally get back up, you see the Hydra charging towards you! Thinking quickly, you charge up the RCV, pointing weakly behind the overgrown lizard, and shout,
"LOOK, A DISTRACTION!!!"
Half the heads look one way while the other half tries to go after you, but they end up tripping, giving you time to think of a brave, noble, and heroic tactic...
There's only one thing you can do now
You: BUCK THIS NOISE! RUN AWAY!
As you heroically flee, it pursues you
DFV: If you don't unleash me, this won't end well!!!
You: Can it! Running seems to be working
DFV: So you will run into town with this monster following?
You: Oh crud!
You change directions and run deeper into the woods, avoiding gaping maws the whole way.
You eventually give it the slip, barely and run inside a cave to hide.
As you catch your breath, you realize the place is covered with gem stones and treasure
You: Whoah, I've caught the ultimate break here.You start shoving treasure into your inventory, telling the girls to put them in a neat pile
DFV: Get out of here now! (panicked)
You: Are you crazy? King Ghidorah is still out there.
DFV: And there is something as worse in here, who do you think this treasure belongs to?
You: I...
You realize that the last time you were in a cave full of treasure, you got beaten by...a...
A green claw slams down next to you.
Dragon: LITTLE THIEF!!!
"BUCK THIS NOISE! RUN AWAY!" you scream before running away, but soon the Hydra regains it's senses and starts chasing after you.
If you don't unleash me, this won't end well!!!
Can it! Running seems to be working!
So you will run into town with this monster following?
...BUCK!!!
You change directions and run deeper into the woods, avoiding gaping maws the whole way, and eventually give it the slip by running inside a cave to hide. As you catch your breath, you look up and see...
That the place is packed with treasure!
"JACKPOT!!! I've caught the ultimate break here!"
You start shoving treasure into your inventory, telling the girls to put them in a neat pile when the DFV says in a panicked tone,
Get out of here, now!
Are you crazy? With all this loot, I can pay off the Doctor at least twice over and still have enough to put Nightshade through college!
You think as you continue to stuff treasure into the Inventory,
Besides, King Ghidorah is still out there!
Who do you think this treasure belongs to?
I...
You realize that the last time you were in a cave full of treasure, you got beaten by... a...
A big red claw slams down next to you,
"LITTLE THIEF!!!"
You back away in fear form the red dragon, when you realize something...
It's right eye is closed shut and looks swollen. You can't help but think,
It can't be... Smaug?!
The dragon then sniffs the air before he points a accusing figure at you and shouts,
"YOU! I REMEMBER YOUR PITIFUL STENCH. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO GAVE ME MY SWOLLEN RIGHT EYE!!!"
You gulp in fear as you think ,
Yep, that's definitely Smaug. The dragon who I No Shadow Kicked in the eye before I Fus Roh Da'ed him into a wall when he tried to kill the Deadly six. He still manged to push me off the mountain, and now I REALLY wish he didn't come back.
You then chuckle nervously as you say,
"Heheheheheh. Smaug buddy, old pal, old friend of mine. I see the eye of yours is still swollen. Yeah sorry about that, now I'll say is... LOOK A DISTRACTION!"
And with that you make a run for it out of the cave with an angry Smaug on your tail...
You curse Lady Luck and run out before he gets you, but he pursues, you enter a clearing and see the Hydra coming towards you as well.
Start pleading with your waifu
You: OK, I can use your help now!
DFV: One Monster maybe we could have dealt with, but this is out of even my league...only something of their size could hurt them
DING
You: Have I ever told you I love you sometimes?
DFV: I...uh...no now that you mention it...I...
You run right at the hydra and dive under it's legs as the dragon charges forth and they end up in a dog pile.
AND THEN AN EPIC KAIJU BATTLE BEGINS
DFV: You...have turned them against one another...very clever my friend
You: It's Kaiju 101: The only thing that can beat a giant monster is another giant monster...this is awesome!
You bring the girls out to watch
AB: Shouldn't we be running?
You: Yes...Yes we should...(none of you move)
When the Deadly 6 find the scene they think about trying to stop the massive battle.
You: The arrogance of Ponies is thinking nature is in their control, and not the other way around...Let them fight!
RD: But we do control nature.
You: Let them fight!
Twilight: And if we let this fight keep rampaging, it could end up leading to Ponyville
You: LET THEM FIGHT!!!
Pinkie: You just want to see giant monsters fighting don't you?
You sigh and put your head down in defeat
You: Let them fight...(whimper)
And you see the Hydra coming at you from the bog when you run into a clearing as Smaug is now flying and gaining on you,
"Oh... BUCK YOU LADY LUCK!" you scream as you keep running, your legs on autopilot due to how bad this situation is so you talk to the one thing that could help...
OK, I can use your help now!
One gigantic monster I can deal with, but two is going to be a challenge... Maybe if you had something in their size...
*DING*
Have I ever told you I love you sometimes?
I...uh...no now that you mention it...I...
You run right at the hydra, dodge it's heads, and run under it's legs yelling,
"Pick on someone your own size!"
*WHAM*
Smaug smashes into King Ghidorah (that's what you're calling the Hydra now), tumbling both into a dogpile.
"Like him for example."
When they get untangled, the two behemoths roar at each other before proceeding to engage in an epic kaiju battle.
You... have turned them against one another... very clever my friend.
It's Kaiju 101: The only thing that can beat a giant monster is another giant monster... this is awesome! You think as the Hydra wraps it's necks around the dragon and suplexes it.
You bring the girls out to watch.
"Um.. shouldn't we be running?" Apple Bloom says.
"Yes...Yes we should..." Sweetie Belle says.
None of you move as Smaug proceeds to slip behind King Ghidorah, fly into the air, and then piledrive the Hydra into the ground, launching you all a couple yards into the air, but you land on your feet in awe of the kaiju battle in front of you.
"Multi-grain cereal?" you say, taking out the last box from the Inventory and nonchalantly offering it to them with one hoof as you continue to stare in awe. Soon the five of you are watching the battle and even beginning to cheer.
"Come on King Ghidorah! Beat Smaug's butt!" Sweetie Belle cheers.
Scootaloo holds a branch modified to look like a foam figure and counters, "No way Smaug! Burn that jerk like you burned that small fishing town!"
"Kick his multi-headed butt Smaug! Make him wish he had one head!" Apple Bloom cheers
"Smaug! Smaug! Beat him up! Show that lizard who's boss!" Nightshade says in a cheerleader fashion.
"I have no idea who to root for so just KILL EACH OTHER!!!" You shout,
"There you are!"
You're startled by the new voices and turn around to see...
Twilight itching like crazy, Rainbow's new 'horn' feature, and Rarity's new choice in mane color. You roar with laughter and fall over, holding your sides in pain as you continue to laugh. They glare at you for a few minutes, but Twilight suddenly points at the monsters and shouts,
"Sweet Celestia! What is this?"
Bugze gets up and says,
"Oh this? Just a fight between Smau-I mean some dragon I never met before and King Ghidorah. Isn't it awesome!"
The CMC, Nightshade, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and (surprisingly) Rarity nod their heads as Smaug hits King Ghidorah with another stream of fire and they say,
"Yeah..."
"Hey, uh, girls. Isn't that the dragon that was covering Equestria with its snoring before we asked it to leave?" Fluttershy says,
"And isn't that the mean Hydra that tried to eat us?" Pinkie adds.
The mares' eyes widen in shock while Twilight says in shock,
"It is! We need to stop this fight!"
"The arrogance of Ponies is thinking nature is in their control, and not the other way around... Let them fight!" You say cryptically.
Rainbow Dash responds, "But we do control nature. Pegasi schedule the weather-"
"Let them fight!" you interrupt.
Twilight says, "If we let this fight keep rampaging, it could end up leading to Ponyville-"
"LET THEM FIGHT!!!"
"You just want to see giant monsters fighting don't you?" Pinkie asks
You sigh as you put your head down and whimper,
"Let them fight..."
"I don't blame you." Pinkie Pie says as she gets a bucket of popcorn from out of nowhere and starts to munch on it as Smaug lifts the Hydra over its head and throws it. The Hydra slams onto it's belly and it's heads start raining down around you, causing the group to scatter. You see Fluttershy frozen in shock/fear as a hydra head comes at her,
"Fluttershy, look out!" you scream as you grab Fluttershy and tackle her out of the way, twisting yourself so that you take the brunt of the impact with the ground,
"*gasp* Are you okay!" Fluttershy asks in worry as she gets off you while the Hydra gets back up and charges at the dragon with a multi-headed roar.
"I'm fine..." you reassure her, "But Itchy's right, we need to stop that battle!"
When the Deadly 6 insist on stopping the battle, give an annoyed "Fine" and get out two fuse bombs as you walk towards the battling behemoths.
Pony: "Wait, what are you doing?"
Bugze: "Isn't in obvious? I'm gonna teleport between the two and throw bombs into their mouths to blow up their bucking organs."
Pony(s): "WHAT?!"
The Deadly 6 are self-righteously appalled at your plan to kill the Hydra and Dragon so you solve the problem with something else
You pull out a pair of fuse bombs from the Potion Sash and walk towards the battling behemoths with a determined stride,
"Wait, what are you doing?" Applejack asks,
"Isn't in obvious? I'm gonna teleport between the two and throw bombs down their throats to blow up their bucking organs."
"WHAT?!" You here the mares and CMC say in shock as Fluttershy suddenly flies in front of you and says,
"While I am grateful to you for saving me, I won't let you lay a single hoof on those sweet innocent creatures! How would you like it if somepony trespassed into your home and started being a bother!"
You hold your hooves up defensively as you say,
"Hey hey don't worry now, these guys are huge! Their organs are super hard and tough. If anything, the explosion will just disorient them long enough for us to tie them up and ship them off to a different country. I was thinking let them be the Griffin's problem you know? They've caused me plenty of that already..."
You grumble the last part to yourself. The ponies seem confused at your 'logic', but Twilight says (while still scratching),
"How about we try something less... explosiony. Okay?"
"Party pooper." you say as you put the fuse bombs back in the potion sash.
Pinkie gasps and says,
"Twilight! How could you!"
Rainbow Dash tries to show off his "New Alicorn Skillz" but ends up looking like a fool when Pinkie identifies her new "horn" as an ice cream cone and eats it
"Stand back everypony, in the name of my new alicorn skillz, I command thee to stop! Hocus Pocus!"
Nothing happens.
"Uh.... nothing happened." You point out.
"Yah sure yah said the spell right Rainbow?" Applejack says.
"Of course I said the spell right! I'm a alicorn now, Whatever I say must be right!" Rainbow Dash says defensively.
"That makes complete sense." Pinkie says.
"Pinkie dear, no it doesn't." Rarity responds.
"Agreed, Alicorns don't need magic words and nopony just becomes one overnight." Twilight adds.
"Come on guys! It's Rainbow Dash! She has to be telling the truth. I mean come on, she's so awesome there's no way shes wrong!" Scootaloo fanfillies
"Thanks Scoots."
Pinkie then sniffs the 'horn', and Rainbow gives her a freaked out look as she asks,
"Uhhh Pinkie, what are you doing?"
Suddenly, Pinkie eats that horn, much to the shock of Rainbow and everypony else,
"HOLY MOTHER OF LUNA! How strong is your jaw girl!?" You exclaim in horror and shock.
"if Rainbow Dash was a real alicorn, that shouldn't be physically possible!" Twilight points out.
Rarity pulls a couch near her with her magic as she faints dramatically.
Rainbow looks at Pinkie in horror as she says, "Pinkie... what the heck did you just do?"
Pinkie giggles and says, "Silly Rainbow. Didn't you know that unicorn horns are made of candy?"
"THEY ARE?!" You shout as you grab your horn in terror.
"No silly willy, Rainbow's 'horn' was just a ice cream corn painted to look like a horn and glued to her head." Pinkie giggles.
"So... I'm not a alicorn?" Rainbow Dash says dejectedly.
"Sorry Dashy, but looks like you're not a princess. Don't worry, none of us are either! At least not until Season 3."
You look at Pinkie strangely for what she said as Rainbow says in disappointment,
"Great, now when the Wonderblots get here, they'll think I'm a big fat liar..."
"There there, it could be worse." You say, comforting RD by patting her on the back.
"Really? How?"
"It could have been permanent glue, so when Pinkie bit it off, it would have hurt alot more."
"Yeah... I guess so..."
Nightshade quickly whips out the Element Manipulation Vol 2: Earth, skims it, and leads the CMC in an uncoordinated kata that kinda looks like this;
"Wait, I have an idea!" Nightshade declares, "Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, remember that book I showed you in my room?"
The CMC's eyes widen and they nod before declaring,
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS EARTHBENDERS! YAY!!!"
Nightshade then leads them in an uncoordinated kata that looks like this...
And all they do is levitate a small pebble that hits you in the face.
"Ow." You nonchalantly say.
"Oh, come on!" Sweetie Belle yells in frustration.
"Yeah, that should've crushed them with a giant rock barrier!" Nightshade says,
"Wait, I thought Aloe borrowed that book?" Twilight says in confusion,
"She did, but I asked if we could borrow it and she said it was okay." Nightshade lies
"I can't believe you tried something as filthy as... 'earth bending'." Rarity scoffs,
"Eh you tried you best... I guess." Rainbow Dash says doubtfully,
"Uh... Shouldn't y'all be thinking of ways to stop those battling varmints before they end up wrecking Ponyville?" Applejack points out.
*ding*
"Ladies, I have a cunning plan..."
If we're going to use that kaiju reference properly, we can't show the monsters fighting for more than ten seconds at a time. We can't risk letting the audience feel excitement or any other troublesome emotions.
ONE AWESOME, CUNNING, WELL-THOUGHT-OUT, MONSTER-STOPPING IDEA LATER
We see that Smaug and King Ghidorah are now tied together with King Gidorah's heads (sadly, you had to use the treasure you "acquired" from Smaug for this plan and even though you managed to keep a ruby, and emerald, and a sapphire, you end up giving them to Apple Bloom, Sweeite Belle, and Scootaloo to bribe them into promising to keep the contents and vast space of your Inventory a secret) as the sun starts to set,
As you, the Deadly Six, Nightshade, and the CMC walk back to Ponyville, an itchy Twilight asks,
"So *itch* girls. Care to explain *itch* why a Hydra was chasing you four though the *itch itch* forest?"
You nod your head as you glare down disappointingly at the fillies and say,
"I agree with itchy mcgee over here, what was such a good idea that you would go into that dumb forest anyway? "If I told you ounce, I've told you a thousand times Nightshade, never go into the Everfree Forest."
Nightshade and the CMC look down in shame as Nightshade says...
After the fight, Nightshade and the CMC explain exactly what happened.
"Well you see, me and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders thought we could get our Cutie mark's in pranking, so we decided to prank my daddy by scaring my daddy in the bog by dressing in our Nightmare Night costumes, but we accidentally disturbed King Ghidorah's sleeping. He started to chase us, but if it weren't for my daddy we would be Ghidorah chow. Right Girls?"
The CMC nod their heads and say,
"Yeah!"
Scootaloo also adds,
"And he was so cool too. He got swallowed three times and still escaped. He was all like 'bam' and 'pow' and it was just soooo coool."
You chuckle and think,
Great, now I have a fanfilliy for BOTH of my personas.
"That's my daddy! He saves ponies, rescues civilizations, defeats terrible creatures and runs a lot. Seriously, there's an outrageous amount of running involved."
You feels a tear of fatherly pride form her sentence and you swear you see Applejack looking at you with a blush. But then Twilight says suspiciously,
"What do you mean that's his job? I thought he was just a patcher?"
You chuckle nervously and say,
"Heheheh about that- Oh look there's town!"
With that you gallop into town ahead of the mares, but when you get there...
When the fight is over, take the fillies home... only to run into an angry mob of "your" prank victims.
You're greeted by a mob of angry-looking mares.
"Oh by the way... We had another reason for coming into the forest..." Twilight says smugly behind you as she continues to scratch.
As all the angry mares glare at you, you can't help but think
You know... I liked it better when I was up against King Ghidorah AND Smaug. At least that would have been a quick death.
What do you do?
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We...don't really know our favorite comedy...
Fave comedy? Is a SitCom okay? if it is it's got to be either the simpsons or futurama.
Bugze's excuse was that when he was travelling he had to learn to fight to ward off griffin raiders, as he was working as a guard/patcher for a caravan at that time. That also explains to them why he wanted them shipped off to Griffonia. He kept them in the dark about it and misdirected them because he had heard about all the crazy adventures they get up to and didn't want to get drafted into becoming a soldier to protect them, because, as we all know, the royal guard can't guard shißen.
(also, bugze still has a pink lover's jewel necklace and two healing potions, jut to remind you guys, as you seem to have forgot)
((the dark blue one nightshade still wears as a necklace, maybe twatlight could recognize it and try to find out who she thinks loves nightshade, just an idea for later chapters))
Too many to choose... But if i need to choose...
Aqui no hay quien viva
A spanish T.V show
or maybe
Psych... That is also very funny
------
As Bugzee get out from the forest, he look to the angry mob
"Yeah... We forgot that" Say Twilight
"Oh great..." Mutter Bugzee
The angry mob is coming close, at first you think about using the Evil Five as pony shield just like when you get in ponyville. You got in the back of Rarity and get ready to shout that she is your ponyshield that there is most ponyshield but she is your ponyshield when she kick you in the balls.
"Auch" Say Bugzee
"What? sorry Darling... after that evil changelling attacked the village nearly a year ago, I and other mares did a little of self-defense classes and when you got in my back, I kicked in instinct" Excuse herself Rarity
"Okay, that is not going to work" Mutter Bugzee as he look the angry mob that is still coming close
You resign yourself to be hit by the mob but they are not still in front of you. If it was not impossible, you could think that the angry mob only advance one centimetre since you get out of the forest.
"Errr... I know you could not believe me... But it was not me, it was those fillies" Say Bugzee as he pointed to the crusaders
"Liar! How you dare to say that it was those cute and innocent fillies?" Asked one background pony
"Cute and Innocent? He don't know who are the crusaders? If I didn't know it could not be, I could say those fillies are the spawn of Discord" Say the voice of Nightmare Moon in your head
"Errr... Look! Is Celestia doing break-dance!" You appoint to the right and some of the mob look to the side, but not all.
"Great... err... Is that the mare-do-well fighting the hooded offender?" You appoint to the roof of a house and half of the mob that was looking to you look there
"Mmm... Err.... Oh no!!! Queen Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon are coming from there"
You repeat the process until no one of the mob is looking for you, you are going to escape when you see the Crusaders and the Evil Five with Fluttershy looking around
"Where is the Hooded Offender?" Ask Scootaloo looking around
"Princess Celestia?" Ask Twilight
"Where is that giant cake of thirteen floors?" Ask Pinkie Pie
"Spitfire? where?" Ask Rainbow Dash
"Where is the Fairy that give Cutie Marks?" Ask Sweetie Belle
"Where is the lost Do-Do?" Ask Fluttershy
You make a facehoof as you look at that, and as you take Nightshade and put her in your inventory, you help Fluttershy because you like her, to recover her senses, and Applejack because she is your cousin. After that you flee and run from the mob.
You run, and run, as you hope you leave behind the mob, but when you turn around a corner, you find yourself again in front of the Everfree and the mob that is still looking around.
"Crap..." Say Bugzee
----------
This is the Cutie Mark Fairy
Run as always
QUICK, PULL A LIMBO AND USE RIFT WALK, IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE! THEY CAN'T TOUCH YOU IF YOU ENTER THE RIFT!
You get grabbed and dragged for town square. The entire town starts to... sing?
Marking spoilers so I won't ruin the song...
Nightshade and the CMC chase after you, shouting how they were the ones to prank every pony. The singing and dancing drown out their cries, and Big Red drags you up to the gallows. Vinyl Scratch is waiting there, and she gags you before your screams for mercy grow any more tiresome. She lifts her sunglasses and winks at you before she steps aside.
Madame Mayor pronounces her judgement with great glee, and sentences you to hang by the neck until you are dead.
Twilight Sparkle throws the lever, and you drop.
The rope breaks, and you fall into a kiddie pool filled with whipped cream. The whole town laughs at you and disperses.
---
I gotta say South Park for best comedy. It's been almost twenty years since it started, and... it's still hilarious. It never gets old.
The mob voices their grievances;
-Olive Grotto owner: Ruined his business (speaks in stereotypical Italian accent)
-Applejack: Put pears in her applesauce
-Pinkie: Made her think there was candy treasure (relents after it's pointed out she did find a candy treasure, but is angry you pranked Fluttershy)
-Rarity: Turned her hair and awful awful green (much to Golden Harvest's annoyance)
-Spike: Ordered Nightshade to kick him in the nards
-Twilight: Replaced her novel with a pop-up book full of itching powder
-Rainbow Dash: Made her look like a doofus by making her think she was an alicorn
-Spa Ponies: Scared off customers with that head and stole her book
-Filthy Rich: Glued his daughter to a seat
-Miss Cheerilee: Put a robot head on her bed
-Octavia: Filled her cello with rubber ducks
-Vinyl: Is surprisingly okay with the "robot head under turntable" prank so it was a good one, but is upset at you pranking Octavia
Being the daddy that you are, you try to take the blame for the pranking, but Nightshade keeps insisting on taking responsibility which leads to an argument between the 2 of you ("I did it!" "No, I did it!" "I'm clearly more experienced than you are so I pranked them." "But my luck is better so I pulled it off!") which confuses the mob. Nightshade finally "wins" the argument with:
Nightshade: "Okay then, what color paint did 'you' buy from the art vendor for the 'alicorn fillyfooler' prank?"
Bugze: "Pfffft... blue obviously-"
Nightshade: "WRONG! There was never any paint! It was a blueberry-flavored ice cream cone bought from Barnyard Bargins so I win! I DID IT!"
Hear how and why she pranked everypony, get horrified and ashamed at Nightshade pranking sweet fragile Fluttershy ("I thought you said you liked her?!") when Nightshade counters FS murdered a bear. You start to agree with her until Twilight clears up that that was a massage.
When the "nosebleeding" is brought up, get flustered and claim that you'll explain it to her "when you're older".
Make Nightshade apologize to Fluttershy, Octavia, Vinyl, and the Spa Ponies (and ONLY those ponies) before claiming "Welp, I guess that's everypony" and that you're tired cause of the Hydra and take Nightshade home before she apologizes to anypony else (much to the annoyance of the mob members who weren't apologized to)
Ground Nightshade with either:
-She has to turn in any and all Nightmare Night candy she acquires
-No dessert for a week
-Or make her choose between the above
5187849
The DFV implores you to unleash her and you keep refusing. You're about to give in and unleash the Nightmare Cloak on the ponies when the prank reveals itself.
===================
Favorite comedy movie is the "Blood and Ice Cream trilogy" (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World's End) for combining with brilliantly recursive writing, bloody action, and clever use of editing. And of course for being uproariously funny.
Gilligan's Island.
Um... you're in trouble. You don't even know why they're after you.
Somehow, you find out what happened, and make Nightshade confess. Just make sure she doesn't get destroyed by the mob.
I thought you'd make reinbow dash have a real princess coronation and when they found out after a while, more problems would have arrived, anyway.
The 6 remember that the cmc said they did the pranks?
So the mob is there, and all Bugze can think is "Why do ponies say 'lunatic" when describing someling crazy?" Well that and why is there an angry mob glaring at you?
My favorite comedy T.V. Show would have to be Whose Line is it Anyway? All the skits and songs make me laugh any time I watch it.
5188086
Something tells me that the animatronic under the turntable didn't mind his placement either
uncle buck was my favourite funny movie, it starred john candy
you desperately try to convince ponyville not to beat you into hospital but you end up getting chased away
When trying to clear the Air, Vinyl wants to know if she can keep all the animatronic heads since they are machines and would make a wicked sound system. Everypony and you just say sure and Vinyl walks off with four creepy as tartarus animal heads. Also, Pinkie and Dash congratulate Night Shade on being a master prankster at such an early age.
After the air has cleared up and it is later in the evening when Night Shade has gone to bed, there is still something that's been bugging you since earlier. In fact, you realize it's been bugging you for a long time, but today was too much. You decide to set the ground rules firmly for the mother of your child.
You: Hey! Wake Up!
DFV: I was not asleep my friend I was...
You: SHUT UP!
DFV: Excuse me?
You: You heard me.
DFV: One such as you does not speak...
You: I said shut your psychotic pie hole!
DFV: ...Why are you upset with me?
You: Oh I don't know, how about the whole "Let me kill three little foals idea" you had earlier.
DFV: I thought you wished to keep your anonymity, I was merely suggesting that
You: I SAID SHUT UP!!! (using RCV in your mind)
DFV: ...
You: I know you've had your moments in the past, but that was just too far. I Will NEVER Kill Someling! Especially not a child! Get that through your thick skull!
DFV: ...
You: I'd hoped that you had mellowed out, especially after you started openly caring for our Daughter, but you haven't changed one bit.
DFV: ...
You: And since you won't change through compassion, I'll change you with your own game. Threats and Violence
DFV: What?
You: If you ever take control of me and kill someling, then I'm ending this.
DFV: Ending what?
You: This...relationship you and I have. I will end it.
DFV: How?
You pick up a knife you had taken from the Apple's kitchen, and the DFV becomes panicked
DFV: NO! NO! You can't do that!
You: I can and I will...if you kill
DFV: We both would die! Everything we have done would be for naught!
You: That’s what I’m counting on. I know you’re not just some ordinary voice in my head, I don’t know what you are, but if I go, so do you.
DFV: I would stop you!
You: This is still my body, I’ve taken it back before, and I will again if you force me to.
DFV: You would seriously end yourself just to take me out? I who helped you survive countless times?
You: Yes, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself anyway if I killed someling innocent.
DFV: Bu-but think about our daughter! Who would protect her? Who would raise her? You’d leave her without us!
You: (You Imagine a sad Night Shade, all alone, crying over you and it hurts your heart to think about, but you have to get your point across) The 6 would care for her. They hate me, not her (You remember Twilight’s care for her well being when everyone else was discorded, Fluttershy’s care for her animals, and even AJ and her care for Applebloom). That rainbow weapon of theirs would stop even Luna if she tried anything
DFV: Bu-But…
You: Look, it’s very simple. You Kill, We Die.
DFV: Yo-you’re serious…
You: you know I am, now promise me you won’t kill an innocent
DFV: …
You: Promise Me!
DFV: Okay! I promise I won’t kill, or even suggest it, There, are you happy? (strained voice)
You: And why won’t you?
DFV: You know why!
You: Say it.
DFV: (sigh) because if I kill…we die…
You: And don’t you forget it.
You then hear whimpering and sobbing within your head, a slight bit of guilt courses through you, but You shrug it off. Let her cry, maybe then she’ll learn something. Some people need tough love whether they want it or not.
You briefly wonder if you can even go through with your threat if the time ever came, you are just copying what Krieg from Borderlands did, but could you actually do it? You hope you never have to find out.
The funniest movie has got to be Monty Python and the Holy Grail, it's still as funny as the first time I saw it, and I can quote it from memory
After a long chase you get cornered in the boutique,but then you get THE idea!
You charge up your teleport,but then Twilight uses her anti-magic spell of doom and you barely dodge it,causing it to reflect from a mirror and hitting Twilight,then you teleport away,right in the middle of another angry horde
5191713 I think it could be more easy to take a Rainbow Shower... Just appear as the Hooded offender, and let them use the Elements of Harmony
Hahaha~ oh if only you knew twilight sparkle if only you knew