Episode 65: NOTICE ME DANG IT! (MMDW Arc Part 1)
You want me to do WHAT!" you yell in shock at the cyan pegasus.
Rainbow gives you a blank stare as she says,
Rainbow Dash says the Gabby Gums article is making her desperate to restore her reputation.
“I need you to dress up like the Hooded Offender to take down Mare Do Well”
“Ya I heard you the first time, but I’m still not getting it,” you say.
“What’s not to get?” she asks.
“Well for starters, how about... I don't know- WHY?” you yell in exasperation.
“To show up Mare Do Well and to show everypony that I’m not a bucking Softy!” she shouts.
“OK... I need some context here, start from the beginning and bring me up to speed.”
She sighs before putting her head down,
“Ever since Mare Do Well showed up, everyone has been ignoring me. She keeps showing up to these accidents and solving them in no time, and somehow she always makes me look like a fool.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard this part before, you mentioned it in the spa yesterday.”
“I know... but now ponies are starting to think that I’m not cool anymore, and this stupid article from Gabby Gums made it worse!” she says angrily as she throws a copy of the Foal Free Press in your face.
Getting a sense of Deja vu, you take the paper off your face and read the article aloud,
“Flash Sentry; Musician, Speciest, and Waffle Stealer.” and you see a picture of Flash taking a plate of waffles off a table and eating it.
“What? No not that one!” she says as she turns the page over revealing a picture of her in the spa chair from yesterday, although it looks like she’s enjoying the hooficure and the article calls her a softie.
“I grabbed as many copies as I could, but it was too late! I'm a laughing stock!” she laments.
“Well, it looks like Gabby Gums has finally fallen to the annoying side. First the lies about Applejack being lazy and Fluttershy having tail extensions, and now this!”
“Wait, Fluttershy does have tail extensions,” Rainbow points out.
“Wait, seriously?” you ask.
“Yeah she wanted her tail to be longer to carry her animals or something, so she got extensions, I thought everypony knew that.”
“Oh... well it’s still paparazzi trash,” you counter.
Rainbow nods her head at this as she says,
"I know right, so will you help me out?"
You begin to think about Rainbow's offer when a thought occurs to you and you say...
"But Rainbow, what if the ponies in town attack and capture me? I don't like hurting other ponies, and anypony is going to know that I'm not the true offender when they see that I don't use his powers. I mean you were at the Gala, and you fought him at Appleloosa. Surely you know what he can do, don't you think ponies are going to think that it is strange that you alone defeated him? I me-"
Before you can finish your rant, you suddenly hear a familiar, but dark voice say in your head,
Just accept, unleash your power and kill that stupid hero and later tell that Rainbow fillyfooler that someling knocked you out and replaced you. You win the glory of riding this world of another vigilante and gain respect from those who hate her. It's a perfect win/win. Hay, Ponyville looks pretty overpopulated anyway so why not smite some other ponies while you're at-
What the!? Selena!!! you mentally yell.
That is not me. Are thou sure you were not thinking that? Say Selena
How is that possible... Ugh my head is going to become a hotel for spirits at this rate. Whatever, focus on the here and now Bug.
You shake your head as you try to focus on what Rainbow Dash was saying (she was rambling while you were talking with Selena and thinking about that strange voice) and she glares at you slightly as she asks,
"Tennat! Did you listen to a word I said?"
You look at her nervously as you tell her in unconvincing tone,
"Eh, what? Yeah, I heard every word you just said and was not talking to a voice in my head hehehe..."
Rainbow Dash looks at you suspiciously before she smiles (The buck was that?!) at you and says,
"Great, Let's go to your house to plan."
You look at her in shock as you say,
"What? Why my house? And to be honest, it's a shack not a house. Hay, it isn't even my shack."
Rainbow just gives you a look that screams 'really' as she flaps her wings and says,
"Well duh, I live in a cloud and unless you're an Alicorn you can't walk on clouds. That or you're a changeling or something."
Rainbow laughs at the ridiculous statement as you force out some false laughter as you say,
"Me? A changeling? Uhh, of course not hehehe."
Rainbow smiles (There it is again, where the is that coming from) again as she flaps her wings excitedly,
"Great, then let's get going!"
With that she flies off, leaving you looking at her dust streak in confusion. You sigh in sadness as you think...
You stand there and think in annoyance,
Welp, might as well finish my lunch firs-
"Ooo... Abandoned food. *crunch*"
"...Dang it."
Welp, might as well finish my lunch firs-
"Ooo... Abandoned food. *crunch*"
Your scared eye twitches in annoyance as you walk out of the ally to see Caramel eating your Naco. You glare at Caramel in hungry rage as you say,
"Note to self, prank Caramel again by dumping nacho cheese and taco sauce on him in his sleep. *sigh* Oh well, off to my shack to see what Rainbows crazy plan is..."
And with that you walk back to your shack, not noticing Caramel gulping in fear and suddenly running for his life.
BACK AT YOUR SHACK
You walk into your shack and see Rainbow looking at the Stalker Picture from Hearts and Hooves day (you finally got around to hanging it this morning before work).
Took forever to hang that blasted thing. Why do vise-grips hurt so much when you accidentally drop them on your hooves... repeatedly. Although spraying the vise-grips with WD-40 first probably wasn't the brightest idea-
Shaking off the mental rambling and phantom pain, you ask Rainbow...
"Uh... Rainbow, why do you want ME of all people to dress as the Hooded Offender?" you ask, hoping that she hasn't learnt anything damaging.
Rainbow shakes her head as she looks away from the Stalker Picture as she turns to you and says
"I just told you, you're the only one I can trust! There's literally no one else who could play the part!"
Oh, you have no idea... you think before saying, "But aren't there A LOT of glaring holes in this plan? I mean there's a royal guard in town, another masked vigilante, the elements of harmony, and the warring foal factions that want your head! Not to mention that this plan apparently involves you beating me up!"
"Oh, don't worry," Rainbow reassures as she gives you a sly smile, "I'll be gentle."
She doesn't notice your ensuing nosebleed, though, as she thinks on the things you said before she says,
"Wait, Royal Guard?"
"Flash Sentry?" you reply, "Haven't you figured that out yet? It's kind of obvious. Don't know why they sent him since he's so bad at reconnaissance."
"Sentry is a royal guard? Shoot," Rainbow Dash mutters. "That sort of throws a wrench into the plan..."
"Yeah, can you imagine if he called in his Royal Guard buddies and unmasked me in public? I'd be banished to the moon! They they'd banish the moon to the sun!"
"Oh, come on," Rainbow says, "You've taken on a hydra, a few royal guards are nothing. Besides, we can keep this under control. If you're captured, I'll just explain everything to the royal guards and they'll let you go. Simple!"
"You do realize that I... I mean, the Hooded Offender has mind-control powers, right? They'll just think I'm controlling you!"
"Um... well..."
"I don't think you've though this through..." you finish. Rainbow Dash seems to be rethinking things now, but then she shakes her head as she says,
"You know what, no! This plan will work! You know why?"
You're about to answer when you suddenly zone out and think...
DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! DANGER! There are so many things that could go wrong that this plan could only rely on luck. And like grandbuggy said...
FLASHBACK TIME!
”Boy, what you need to remember is that a plan that relies on chance is no plan at all.”
“But you put all your bits on red!”
The roulette wheel stops, and the stallion calls out, “Eleven, black!” He then pulls all of grandbuggy’s chips away.
Grandbuggy walks away in silence, and you follow him, looking up at him in worry.
“Boy, the next thing you have to remember is that you never gamble with what you aren't willing to lose.”
You nod your head solemnly,
“Those bits didn’t mean much to you, did they? That’s why you risked them.”
“What? No! It’s these &%^$**# that cheated me! They shouldn’t have gambled with more than they’re willing to lose. We’re burning this place to the ground!”
FLASHBACK OVER
“But we couldn’t buy any gasoline, so all we had were sticks to rub together,” you say, coming out of the flashback. “But the temple of greed still burned. Burned, I say! That’ll teach them to use magnetic balls!”
Rainbow Dash looks at you blankly,
“Uh, Okay... Did I mention that I saw Mare Do Well cheat at a game of cards the other day?”
“She what!?” you exclaim.
“Oh yes.” Rainbow grins. “She cheated good ponies out of their bits. Foals, actually... Orphan foals in wheelchairs!”
“She cheated foals?!”
“I know, right? Is that the kind of pony this town needs as a hero?”
“No!”
“Is that the kind of pony we’re going to let get their own comic book someday?”
“No!”
“So you’ll help me take her down?”
“No!”
Rainbow blinks. “What? Why?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry, I was... uh, caught up in the pattern. Yes!”
You both hoof bump and say, “Let’s do it!”
"So... what's the plan again?" you ask in confusion.
Rainbow looks at you for a second before she facehoofs as she says,
"D'oh! I knew I forgot something. Anyway the plan is to get my image of being completely awesome back by unmasking that stupid cowardly fraud in front of everyone at her own award ceremony! Then they won’t think I’m a softie!"
You look at Rainbow in shock at what she just said as you say...
“She’s getting an award ceremony? That is so unfair!” you say thinking about how you've never gotten one.
“I know right? Where the buck is my parade?” Rainbow Dash says.
“Okay, public humiliation to hide your own wounded pride sounds good, but why do you need my help?” you ask.
“Well, like I said, you’re the only one I can turn to for help” she says as she blushes.
“Why?”
“Because you’re the only one who took my side. All my friends think Mare Do Well is the greatest and won’t listen to me. Except for you Baker. I saw you scowling at her that day, and you backed me up in thinking she was a menace. You’re the only one who is even capable of helping me capture her.”
“I am?” you ask dumbfounded.
“Heck yeah you are. Twilight told me about how you were able to zap Princess Luna with your lightning magic and make her fall to her knees. Mare Do Well is an Alicorn too, I saw that back at the dam. You are the strongest pony I know that is on my side... please help me...” she begs giving you pleading puppy dog eyes.
“Well... OK yeah, I do want to capture and unmask her and to get her to stop her vigilante ways” you admit after looking at the puppy eyes for too long.
“That’s the ticket, I knew you would agree,” she says as she hugs you.
Finally, no more of those puppy eyes. Although her hug feels good and she does tas- NO! BAD BUG!
You push her off before you could start thinking those thoughts and stutter,
“Y-yeah, alright then, but still, why do I have to dress up like the Hooded Offender? I still don’t get that part.”
“Because think about it, just unmasking her is one thing, if I show up and kick the butt of the Hooded Offender in front of everypony, then my reputation will skyrocket again.”
“I don’t know... I got some bad memories of him,” you say as you rub your eye.
“Yeah... me too. Personally, I don’t know what to make of the jerk anymore. He’s too complicated...”
Hey I'm not complicated! I'm just very misunderstood!
Shaking your head at the thought, you quickly say,
“Yeah he is... So you want me to show up and let you beat me up?"
“Not for real, just pretend fighting. I’ll go easy on you.”
“But what’s to stop her from helping you and actually beating me up?”
“That’s the beauty of it, we are going to get her to follow you into a trap! You show up, interrupting her ceremony and pretend to be all super villainy like how the Offender usually sounds, then she'll chase after you. You lead her down the alley behind Quils and Sofas, and then I’ll capture her! Then once she is captured, I will heroically step forward and “Save” her from you in front of everypony. Then once you run away from my awesomeness, I will unmask her!” she says excitedly.
“So... you want me to dress up like the most wanted being in Equestria to draw her into a trap and then pretend to get beaten up because of your self-conscious issues?” you ask in a deadpan tone.
“Yes, exactly!” she nods.
“Alright, sounds good to me,” you say cheerfully, “the only thing is, I uh... don’t have a cloak.”
“Oh right...” she ponders. “Wait here, Be Right Back,” she Dashes off (pun intended) through one of your shacks open windows and returns with a Horde Member cloak a few seconds later. You look at the Horde Cloak (which has stink lines coming off it) in shock as you ask
“Where did you get that!?”
“Thunderlane’s trashcan, I know he used to be a member and quit soooo... yeah,” she says as she hoofs you the cloak, which has bits of garbage on it.
“Thanks... but just to let you know, if this gets out of control or if the guards show up, I'm gonna to ditch, no ifs ands or buts,”
“Don’t worry, my plan is too awesome to fail,”
You're about to tell Rainbow that her plan isn't as air-tight as she thinks it is when your skullmate says,
You do realize that this plan is terrible, right? Remember the last time you and a showboating mare made up a scheme?
*Snap* Your eyes glow orange as you remember how Trixie betrayed you, AND nearly got Nightshade killed,
"That greedy, conniving backstabber can choke on my hatred!" you yell, startling Rainbow quite a bit.
"Uhh... Tennent?" Rainbow asks nervously "You al'ight?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just some... angry memories..." you say as a shadow crosses your face "Anyway, I don't think this is such a good idea."
"Are you kidding? Of course it is! You go to the award ceremony dressed up like the Offender, make a mess of the place, when Mare Do Well tries to stop you, you beat the snot out of her." Rainbow says with a little too much enjoyment at the thought "And then, I'll swoop in as you're about to deal the finishing blow, and "save" her. Then, thanks to this underhanded staged fight, everypony will know I'm a way more awesome hero than she is!" you can see a bit of drool coming from Rainbow's mouth.
I won't even begin to explain what is wrong with this idiotic scheme. Selena mentally face-hoofs.
"But wait, what if I..."
“Thanks, you’re the best! Remember, it’s the alley behind Quils and Sofas! See you at the ceremony,” she says as she kisses you on the cheek before she swoops off into the air through your window.
“Whelp, time to go pretend to be myself... this is gonna end badly isn’t it?”
Of course it will you idiot! Why do you always fall for the Puppy Eye trick from strumpets? Selena scolds.
“I can’t help it” you pout as anime tears fall down your cheeks.
As you dress in Thunderlane’s stinky cloak, (You put the cloak on over your Doctor clothes) you walk up to the middle of the ceremony and try to get everypony’s attention, but they ignore you and focus on the mayor.
You sigh in sadness as you begin to put on Thunderlane's cloak (which smell's disgusting) over your Doctor clothes as you head out to wait for the ceremony to begin...
LATER, AT THE CEREMONY
As you wait in the shadows of the alley, you think...
Okay... obviously I can't talk Rainbow Dash outta this. Her bruised ego is demanding this, but I can take a few precautions. Recap time:
One: Don't want to get exposed so I duct taped the inside of the hood to my head so it'll be harder to pull off. I wonder why noling tried to un-hood me before...
Two: I'll need escape routes and my teleport sucks at long distance. Fortunately I already scouted the ceremony area and found a few decent ones (Ducking into a hat shop and then into the back alleys or diving into the sewers).
Three: Since I'm only pretending, no need to go full power so I better make sure I- Hey, what's this?
This is when you notice a panel on the side of your power glove, with a small dial underneath that reads [Low] on the left, and [High] on the right.
Huh, a power level adjuster... neat? But why would I want to use less power? I mean, for situations other than this.
Perhaps you can use it to roast marshmallows. Selena snarks.
Nodding your head at all the information and putting the dial to [Low], you notice the Mayor walking onto the stage before she begins to talk to the town. Smirking slightly, you whisper,
"Show time."
With that you...
As for getting Mare Do Well's attention:
During the award ceremony, the Mayor is busy praising their hero and unveiling a banner with a big picture of Mare Do Well's masked face. This gives you an idea. You suddenly drop to the stage from a nearby rooftop, and there are gasps from the crowd as all eyes are on you now. You grab a bucket of black paint that was so conveniently placed nearby, and with a masterful stroke of artistic genius, you paint over the image of Mare Do Well, giving her a pirate look (Skull and crossbones hat, eyepatch, and swirly mustache).
Leap out of the alley and rush at a poster of the Mysterious Mare Do Well. Grabbing a bucket of black paint conveniently placed nearby, you masterfully paint over the image of the MMDW with a pirate look (Skull and crossbones hat, eyepatch, and swirly mustache). When you're finished with your pièce de résistance, you turn around and declare,
And you realize that noling is staring at you. They're all still listening to the Mayor and are ignoring you completely. Your eye twitches in annoyance as you think,
Welp... the Mayor must be a good public speaker I guess. Oh well...
You sigh as you yell to the crowd,
"Um... hay!" you call. "Hooded Offender here... I beat up pretty much everypony in Fillydelphia... helped the God of Chaos take over the world... look really good in black." You think you see Octavia twitch at that one, but she, as well as the others, fail to notice you.
"You want me to be the bad guy?" you grumble, "Fine now I'm the bad guy..."
You walk up to the street, stealthily waiting for the perfect time to strike. When the magic sign starts reading "DO NOT WALK" you dastardly dash across it.
"Aha!" you call, as you wait for somepony to notice...
Nopony does.
"Hey!" you cry out. "I just jaywalked. I'm a criminal. Fight me for jaywalking!" They still don't notice.
"Alright fine, I'll do it again," you say, before once again dashing across the road. "There! Now I'm a repeat offender," you cry. "A repeat HOODED OFFENDER, AHA HA HA HA ha ha ha... ha." Your laughter dies down when you realized that, again, nopony noticed.
"Fine then, I'll do it a third time," you say, stepping onto the road. Suddenly, you hear a honk as a huge carriage whips around the corner, careening towards you.
*WHAM*
The carriage smashes into you and sends you flying before you bounce twice and skid into a lamp post
*clang* "Owww... Buck you Lady Luck," you mutter. "And thank Luna for armor shell."
You sigh as you slowly get up as you glare at the stage as you think,
Oh it is on!
With that thought you...
With a stand worths of cookies, you threw them at random ponies by an alley way. It turns out they were hungry, poor folks, and you were apparently "donating" free food.
Rush over to the nearby fancy restaurant and slap a food tray out of the hooves of a waiter before it gets to a rich older pony.
"Ha ha! Your meal is now ruined!" you gloat.
"Oh Dear Luna, there was horseradish in that dish, I'm allergic" says the older pony.
"Oh I am so sorry sir," the waiter apologizes, "I must of mixed them up with that gentleman's order" he says as he points to the next table over.
"Well no harm no foul, thanks to this young man here, thank you sir, here have some pocket change." the older pony says to you as everypony starts clapping for you and he hoofs you a bag of 300 bits.
"OH COME ON!" you shout before pocketing the bits (330 Bits Remaining) and say, "and thank you."
With that, you dash out and look for your next crime and see a Filly Scout stand.
Perfect... you think slyly before you dash over and cry out,
"FALCON PUNCH!"
Your fiery punch shatters the stand and you grab one of the boxes from the air before savagely tearing into it, and start pouring the cookies into your mouth. You're about to start laughing evilly with your mouth full when you see the sad eyes of the little filly you just stole from.
"Oh... don't cry, don't cry! I'm sorry," her eyes begin to water more. "No, I... was just enjoying them so much... Uh, here, have money! Have all the money!" you shout as you throw the bag of bits at her (30 Bits remaining).
She seems shocked at first, but then perks right up,
"Thanks mister, here, you've more than bought the stands worth," she says as she pushes all the boxes of cookies towards you.
150 boxes of "Filly Scout Cookies"
Added to The Inventory.
Before running off with the money.
"Be sure to spend it on junk food and movies!" you yell after her.
"Don't worry, I will!" she shouts back.
"What a nice young filly..." you comment, "Anyway, back to being evil. Aha!"
You spot a small group of ponies in an alley and yell,
"EAT THIS MOTHERBUCKERS!!!"
And start whipping boxes of cookies at the hobos, nailing a few of them in the face (100 boxes of "Filly Scout Cookies" remaining).
"Praise Celestia! Food!"
"Hooray!"
"Mwahaha-Wait, what?!" you yell in confusion.
It turns out that those ponies you threw the cookies at were down-on-their-luck homeless folk (didn't even know this town had a homelessness problem).
"Thank you kind hooded pony." one of the hobos says.
"Thanks. I mean I didn't mean to! I mean- GAH!"
In frustration, you grab a Molotov Cocktail from your Potion Sash and hurl it into a nearby vacant lot, setting it ablaze (2 Molotov Cocktails remaining). Realizing what you did you exclaim,
"Buck! I didn't mean to do th- Wait... I mean I completely meant to burn that cause... evil! Mwahahaha-Ooo pretty..."
You stand there and watch the pretty flames, but then a landscaper comes up and says to you,
"Thanks Friend, that was going to take all day with a shovel, now I can go get some lunch." As he walks away you ponder,
"How come when I try to be act evil I end up somehow being the good guy, and vice versa?"
Because you continually curse, berate, and tempt the avatars of cosmic chance. Selena comments.
"Oh yeah..." You growl as you say, "Luna dang it! There's gotta be someway to... get... their... attention."
You slowly stop talking as you see Vinyl among the ponies in the crowd. Or more specifically, some of her speakers. You grin wickedly as you say,
"Oh... this is gonna be good."
With that you...
Eventually you realize the only way to get their attention while they wait for MDW to show up... is through Song!
Sneak up behind Vinyl Scratch and snatch some of her speakers and set them up somewhere.
Normally I would never sing to instrumentals, but I don't think Flash is gonna help me so oh well...
The Mayor is making some announcement when you hit the "Play Random" button on a speaker. The group all turns as some intense and eerie guitar chords blast out of the speakers.
As the song starts up, you whisper, "Would you kindly freeze!" as you activate the Winter Blast plasmid, creating a wide sheet of ice across the ground. You then quickly follow it up with "Would you kindly burn!", vaporizing the ice into steam. The ponies all gasp as the steam surrounds them, and they can see only your shadow as you grab the mike and start to sing.
You hear the screeching of the owls
You hear the wind begin to howl.
You know the Offender's on the prowl...
You use some minor airbending to blast away the steam (you can barely suppress a glee of delight when you see that it worked) as you reveal yourself to the shocked ponies.
And its TERROR time again! (let off an Electro Bolt to emphasize "TERROR")
I'll have you running through the night!
Yes, it's TERROR time again! (Another lightning bolt).
And you might just fall to fright!
It's a terrifying time!
Hey Selena! Can you get some illusions up? you mentally ask.
I'm still not quite sure why you're agreeing to do this, but I'll, as you say these days, 'give it a shot'. Selena replies, casuing few bursts of dark magic and some shadowy monsters flare up beside you, threatening the crowd as you begin to sing again.
You hear the beating of your heart,
You know the screams are gonna start.
Here comes the really scary part!
The Mare Do Well jumps out from an alleyway and attempt to fight the monsters with a series of bucks and tackles, but since they're just illusions, her attacks just harmlessly pass through them. You barely notice as you continue singing,
And it's TERROR time again,
I'll have you running through the night!
Yes, it's TERROR time again,
And you might just fall to fright!
It's a terrifying ti-*twack*
The Mysterious Mare Do Well zips off behind a building and another one immediately leaps at you from above, hitting you in the face with a flying Karate kick. You roll from the blow until you stumble back to your hooves in time to see her charging at you, only to be met with a "FALCON PUNCH!" that knocks her into a group of ponies like it was bowling ("Sorry..." you mutter), you approach creepily.
All the town begins to moan,
As the weak have gone and flown,
Get ready for my next crime.
Don't you know its terror time!
The costumed vigilante looks up at you as you approach her. You can't see her face, but you imagine it's locked in a horrified expression. You grin beneath your hood as you cry,
Yes, it's TERROR time again! (You sing as you swing at the MMDW only for her to dodge into a cloud of steam)
I'll have you running through the night! (You shoot stun spells into the cloud of steam, but it dissipates revealing the Mysterious Mare Do Well deflecting your blasts with a purple shield)
Oh, it's TERROR time again. (You charge the costumed pony and break through the shield with a "Psycho Crusher", knocking her away.)
And you might just fall to fright,
It's a terrifying time!
You finish the song by throwing the microphone at the downed vigilante, nailing her in the head as you turn to the ponies, who are stricken with fear.
"Oh no!" Mayor Mare cries, "The Hooded Offender has just defeated Mare Do Well! Who will save us now?"
"Hey? Who used my speakers?" Vinyl cries out.
You laugh evilly as you say in your villain voice,
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Guess who's back fools! Now I'm only here for one thing and that's-Wait, Where the buck did she go!?"
You look over to where the MMDW was Ko'd, but see that she's not there anymore. You look around in a panic trying to find her, when a realization dawns on you. You gulp slightly in fear as you ask the crowd...
“She’s behind me isn’t she?”
They all nod.
You turn around and see her scowling at you. You turn back to the audience and say,
“Whelp, that’s all folks, be sure to tip your waiters!” before you run off and through the streets, but the Mysterious Mare Do Well follows you, somehow managing to block you off several times,
“Yeesh she’s ridiculously fast,” you pant as you run into the alleyway behind Quills and Sofa’s when all of a sudden A TINY NET falls on top of MDW. You turn and see that it only barely covers her head and shoulders.
Seriously? That’s the best she could come up with? you think.
Although as soon as you think that, you see Mare Do Well squirming around and panting heavily as if the net is somehow suffocating her.
“Don’t Worry Mare Do Well!” Rainbow Dash shouts , “I Will... save you?” she asks in confusion as she sees the Vigilante squirming around on the ground with the net barely covering her disguised head. She squirms around for a few more seconds before seemingly passing out.
“Um...” Dash starts.
“What just happened here?” you ask.
“I have no clue...”
“And what was up with the tiny net?”
“Hey, it’s all I could afford on such short notice! Cut me some slack! It worked didn't it?”
Before anyone can answer, the crowd from the audience shows up and Dash starts getting into character.
“Oh No! The Hooded Offender captured Mare Do Well in a tiny net!”
“NO!” the audience shouts, "Not a Tiny Net!”
“Yes!” you reply, “A Tiny Net! It is a net and it is Tiny!”
“You Monster!” the audience shouts.
“But don’t worry, the most awesome pony in the world will stop him!” shouts Rainbow Dash.
“But Mare Do Well is captured!” shouts a Filly in a Mare Do Well costume.
“I MEANT ME!” Dash shouts in frustration.
You snort at this as you say,
"Ah-er well if it isn't my, um... if it isn't my arch nemesis, er, Rainbow Dash," you say, tripping over the lines Rainbow gave you (on cards that you put under your hood and are now awkwardly reading out of the corner of your eye). You're way too used to ab-libing this stuff.
"How dare you, uh, how dare you- er, encroach on my, uh, reign of terror that I will, um, bring upon these, er, completely innocent ponies, because that's the sort of, um, bad pony I am. I guess. Uh, you shall pay dearly for your... um... er... ah, buck this,"
With that, you charge Rainbow Dash, ready for a cathartic beating... which you can't overdo because Rainbow is supposed to win, got to remember that.
Rainbow dashes into the air, and does a few flashy loops before zooming down at you. Were this a real fight, you'd whirl around your staff and smack her away. Instead, you do a flashy roll dodge, letting Rainbow zoom by you. As she slides along the ground, trying to slow her momentum, you raise your Gloved hoof. Making sure that Rainbow is completely aware of your next attack, you shout,
"Would you kindly BURN, CRAYON MANE!"
You ignite the spot where she was at, but instead of dodging, Rainbow flies head on at you and knocks you up into the air.
Rainbow Dash proceeds to fly up with you and perform a rapid combo of strikes and blows before slamming you towards the ground (fortunately you braced yourself, so it didn't hurt too much).
You fall to the ground and fake a bad landing, while Rainbow hovers gently down across the plaza taunting,
"Is that the best that the infamous Hooded Offender can do?"
"Oh no," you reply, activating the Incinerate! Plasmid,
"If you'd kindly notice, I'm just getting warmed up!"
With that you and Rainbow are about to charge at each other when...
Meanwhile the Mysterious Mare Do Well thinks,
I... will... not... be stopped... by a tiny net! as her body reverses the movements it made before she passed out.
I’ll reverse the capture method and...
You and Dash pause to look at this development before you're suddenly rushed at and bucked by another Mare Do Well who accidentally knocks you into Rainbow Dash and propels you both out into the streets.
Even with your enhanced damage reduction... that one hurt.
“Owwwww...” you groan as you look up and see the masked vigilante about to slam a hoof into your face.
“NOOOOO!!!” Rainbow Dash screams as she tackles Mare Do Well off of you.
The crowd sees this and jumps to conclusions.
“She’s been brainwashed by the Hooded Offender!”
“What? No I-Oof!” Rainbow Dash tries to defend, but the Mare Do Well seems to have made up her mind as she tackles Dash.
"Shoryuken!" you call out as you punch the superhero off of her, and in doing so, arguments break out in the crowd over who to support.
Dodging another punch from the MMDW you call out to Dash,
"DASH, LIFT ME UP!"
Dash (who just got back up) nods her head as she flies over to you and lifts you up into the air. You nod your head in thanks to her as you tell her,
"Ready. Aim..."
Rainbow gets what your doing as she aims at the MMDW. When she has her in her sights you yell,
"FIRE!"
With a monstrous throw, Rainbow launches you at the closest Mare Do Well, who you take out with an aerial "FALCON PUNCH!"
With that, Rainbow Dash dives at the Mysterious Mare Do Well and lets go of you in a dive-bomb action in which you declare,
"FALCON PUNCH!" as your flame-encased hoof slams into her masked face and sends her smashing into the taco cart from earlier.
"Oops." you comment as Rainbow Dash land next to you and your both about to charge at the downed vigilante when...
"FREEZE!"
You and Rainbow Dash both turn to see an army of rainbow-wig-wearing foals march into the town square from one direction, and an army of purple hat wearing foals march in from the other. The two groups stop and glare at each other while you and Dash look at the group of fans and the only thing you can say is,
"What the Bu-"
But before you can finish you get tackled by a orange blur, and as you are tackled the two groups of foals charge at each other and a brawl begins as adults start getting involved to retrieve their children and thus get caught up in the brawling as well.
You land on the ground, but quickly get back up to see that the orange blur was...
Eventually you overhear Flash, after you were forced to kick him through a window, saying how he is going to get back up.
You try to stop him, but you are blasted back by Mare Do Well into a park. When you shake your head clear, you look up and see 5 Mare Do Wells staring down at you. Dash lands beside you and helps you up.
ultimately he ends up using a hidden emergency flare tube (either in his jacket or guitar case) to call in a squad (or 3) of Royal Guards..
Flash!
You glare at Flash slightly as he charges you, but you manage to dodge the charge and then buck him into the window behind you. As you prepare to head back into the brawl to look for the Mysterious Mare Do Well you hear Flash say,
"Buck! He's the real deal! I need to call in backup!"
Your eyes widen in shock as you turn to stop him, but are suddenly blasted by the Mysterious Mare Do Well into the park.
Meanwhile, Flash whips out a strange tubed mini-cannon out from his jacket and fires a bright grey pellet with a black smoky trail behind it straight into the air. When it reaches the height of its ascent, it explodes to form a flare-red version of your symbol with a red circle around it.
You don't notice this as instead you notice Rainbow Dash landing beside you to help you up, but suddenly the brawl stops and everypony looks in shock at FIVE Mysterious Mare Do Wells all glaring at you. You and Dashes eyes widen in shock as Dash stutters...
“Five Mare Do Wells?” she stutters.
“Which means Five Alicorns,” you respond as you both go back to back as the Mare Do Wells surround you.
"F-Five Mare Do Wells?"
"Which means FIVE alicorns. Buck..."
You then remeber one of your favorite Neighponese Animated Serials as you say...
"Kage bunshin no jutsu?" Bugzy says, remembering one of his favorite anime "I can't... believe it."
"Or... Kage Bunshin no Jutsu? I can't... believe it."
You hear one of the horned Mare Do Well's groan and facehoof. But before you can defend yourself...
When the 4 other "Mysterious Mare Do Well"s show up, somepony (maybe Rainbow) thinks that they're the changelings that The Foal Free Press were talking about thus causing even more confusion and chaos.
Rainbow glares at you sightly as she says,
"Ten-I mean Offender, those aren't clones! There would be alot more of them and there would be a trial of smoke somewhere if they were. These are obviously changelings!"
This gets shocked gasps out of the crowd and worried defensive looks/reactions from the Mysterious Mare Do Wells as you say,
"But how can these guys be changelings?"
You hear Rainbow facehoof as she says,
"Think about it; Horns AND Wings? Also the paper said there was one in town, and when there's one there's bound to be more. Plus those parasites all look alike!"
Before you can rebuttal that they are all just ponies wearing the same costume, you are interrupted by an authoritative voice declaring,
"STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! Nopony breaks the law on our watch! I've always wanted to shout that..."
Everypony looks over to see Flash Sentry in his full armor with two platoons of guards (a few squads are proceeding to evacuate civilians from the upcoming melee).
"Where did all these bucking guards come from?" you comment
Perhaps it is that strange signature in the sky. Selena points out.
You look up and see the flare signal disappearing and can only simply comment,
"Ah."
"Buck! Look over there." Rainbow Dash says.
You turn to see the slightly tussled-up and dirty fanclubs of the Mysterious Mare Do Well and Rainbow Dash approach from different directions glaring at each other as the Tennant fan club (Yay, I have fans!) looking at all the other groups looking sad for the upcoming fight.
"Well, this certainly complicates things a bit..."
"YOU THINK?!" Rainbow Dash, Selena, and a few nearby ponies scream.
You look around in panic, but on one of the roofs you see,
-Nightshade and the CMC lie on a roof, documenting the whole thing. Good, they'll be safe there.
Nightshade (with a tub of soda) and the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders lying on a roof documenting everything. Seeing that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are safe, you and Rainbow go back to back as you say,
"Hey Rainbow, you know the four words that can sum up how much this plan went straight to Tartarus?"
She doesn't look at you as you both begin to move in a circle still back to back looking at everypony surrounding you (the 2 platoons of Royal Guards, the Mysterious Mare Do Wells, the three fanclubs, and some Ponyvillians who haven't been evacuated yet) as she says,
"Yep! Pretty sure I know what you mean."
You nod your head at this as you both suddenly yell,
“BUCK YOU LADY LUCK!!!”
What do you do?
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Rainbow Dash claim that the other Mysterious Mare Do Wells are other changelings that The Foal Free Press was talking about leading to more chaos as Guards and ponies pounce of some of them.
All this fighting is making you thirsty. Fortunatly you spot a tub of refreshment so you go,
"Uppercut! Downer-cut! Bowl of PUNCH!"
You spot a fat snobbish earth pony with a ponytail with a box of Orange-Frosted Buffo-Bombs (your favorite all-time cereal with crunchy orange frosted shells with chewy vanilla cream centers with accompanying tomahawk-shaped marshmallows that turn milk orange and make it taste like orange-cream, but was banned by Celestia for the advertising being species-ist against Buffalo and having artificial sweetners that cause horn and wing cancer in ponies) leading to this exchange;
"I must has it!!!"
"Deluded phony, Orange-Frosted Buffo-Bombs are for-"*Falcon Punch*
"MINE!!!" you yell as you grab the cereal before stroking the box, "My precious..."
1 Box of "Orange-Frosted Buffo-Bombs" cereal added to Inventory
Try to use "Murder of Crows" only for it to not work due to there not being any crows nearby. Then you drink the Insect Swarm plasmid and unleash a swarm of hornets and bees from your arm holes leading to ponies yelling,
"Bees. My Celestia."
"OH, NO! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH! OH, THEY'RE IN MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAHHHHH! AAAAAGGHHH!"
When everything goes to heck (guards showing up, mass panic and brawling) you decide to make good on your promise.
“Well Rainbow, I’m out. See ya!” you tell her before you bravely flee.
“What?!” she shrieks, “Don’t leave me alone!” she says as she throws one of the Mare Do Wells off of her and flies after you.
The Mare Do Wells follow both of you as the guards break up the riot in the streets.
You decide to run to the Everfree, because right now, it’s safer.
As you enter the woods, you are tackled from behind. You turn around to punch but see it’s Rainbow.
“The Heck Man?! Why’d you bail on me?!” she asks angrily.
“I told you I would! Things got crazy!” you angrily reply.
“Well yeah, but still, I was getting swarmed!”
“Well guards won’t try to kill you for being dressed as the most wanted being in Equestria!”
“Oh yeah…”
You take your hood off revealing your doctor scarf and face mask as you put your hat back on.“So I say we just stay here and wait for this whole thing to blow ov…”
“TENNANT?!” shouts a familiar sounding country voice.
You both look over and see AJ taking off her Mare Do Well face mask.
“Applejack?” both you and Rainbow shout in surprise
“What in tarnation are you doing dressed as The Offender?!” she asks.
“What are you doing dressed as Mare Do Well?” you reply.
Another Mare Do Well comes forth and takes her hood off, “Applejack, we weren’t supposed to reveal ourselves yet!” says a frustrated Twilight.
“Twilight?!” you and Rainbow yell.
“I know, but something ain’t right here, Tennant ain’t the no good varmit” AJ says to Twilight, ignoring you.
Another Mare Do Well takes her hood off and it’s Pinkie, “Oh oh, maybe there are multiple Offenders like there’s multiple of us!”
“I don’t think so Pinkie…” says a guilty looking Fluttershy as she takes her mask off.
“I concur, The Offenders cloak is much more stylish and intricate than that one,” says Rarity as she points at you.
Finally, Rainbow has enough and voices what both of you are thinking.
“OK! Just what in the name of Tartarus is going on here!” shouts Rainbow.
ONE EXPLANATION LATER
“So you had Tennant dress up as The Offender so you could be bigger than Mare Do Well again?” asks Twilight.
“Yeah, ever since the Gabby Gums article, I haven’t been seen as cool anymore” Rainbow laments.
“Wow, a whole day…” you mutter sarcastically.
“Oh don’t worry about that Rainbow, we found out that the CMC were the ones writing those articles, now we can shun and ostracize them, I know I have,” says Rarity.
“Darn Tootin,” agrees AJ.
“Wait really? Well those girls are definitely grounded, but how can you ostracize your own sisters.
“BECAUSE SHE STOLE MY DIARY!!!...” Rarity says unhinged, “Ahem…and no amount of blood can make up for the secrets they revealed.”
“Well there go the flying lessons I was gonna teach the squirt,” says Rainbow, “But getting back on topic, you guys decided to show me up because you thought I was showboating too much?” asks Rainbow.
“Yes, your head was getting too swollen and it was annoying all of us,” says Twilight.
“Then why didn’t you all tell me?” she asks
“We tried, but you kept just blowing us off!” says AJ.
“Oh come on, I wasn’t that bad was I?”
“Yes!” everyone says, even you.
“On top of all the showboating, you were making Spike write your book without pay!” says Twilight.
“Oh please, as if you pay him for all his chores,” counters Rainbow.
“I do pay him! He gets paid 12 Bits an hour, and gets Gems as Bonuses, plus he’s under my insurance policy” responds Twilight.
“Oh…Well how the hay did you all come up with this Mare Do Well idea?”
“Tennant gave me an idea about how to teach you a lesson, and we were in a comic book store, so we just rolled with it,” says Twilight.
Rainbow glares at you and you chuckle nervously as you remember telling Twilight about how you would deal with annoying Dash.
“Hey I just said to give you a taste of your own medicine, I didn’t plan any of this.”
“We never meant to hurt you Rainbow,” says Fluttershy.
“Yeah, that was never part of the plan,” agrees Pinkie, “we just thought that your brains had been all gobbledeegooped by the Offender and we were trying to help you.”
“By tackling and beating me up?” she asks.
“Yupperooni!” she replies.
“Thanks…but ya guys, I’m sorry if I was getting on your nerves” she humbly responds.
“No, we’re sorry Rainbow, we never meant any of this to get so out of hand” says Twilight.
“Don’t worry, I forgive you guys…” she says as they all have a group hug, which you are suddenly pulled into.
“And we’re sorry to you too Sugarcube, we didn’t know it was you,” says AJ.
“Yeah, sorry Tennant,” they all respond.
“Then again, that was a very nice thing you did for Rainbow…even if everything kind of went to Tartarus back there,” says Twilight.
“Do you think we should go back and stop the flame war we created?” you ask.
“Probably…”
What you don’t know is that Four Certain Fillies had watched and overheard this conversation.
“Girls…I know what we have to do,” says Nightshade.
When everyone gets back to town, All Seven of you go on stage and begin to explain the whole thing to the guards and the town. In essence, the moral of the story is, don’t let Flame Wars occur between different fandoms, and don’t be a jerk to your friends.
On a nearby rooftop, the CMC and Featherweight, get everyone’s attention, and get quite a few glares, including some from Rarity and AJ.
They publicly apologize for their actions, and how they only wanted to get their cutie marks. Basically their whole apology letter from the episode, said aloud and everypony forgives them. Then Nightshade adds.
“Besides, this was all Diamond Tiara’s fault anyway.”
“You jerks, we’re ruined now,” says DT as she hastily climbs onto the roof, “Now I’ll never bankrupt daddy!”
“Wait, what was that?” says a concerned Filthy Rich.
“Besides, you can’t trust her! She’s a secret Alicorn!” says the twitchy DT as she rips off Nightshade’s vest, which you gulp at, but underneath there are no wings.
“Wai…Wha…” stutters DT, before Nightshade picks her up.
“No one rips my vest!” she glares into her eyes. “And you’re not my boss anymore, You’re fired!” she says as she throws DT…forgetting that they are on a roof.
“AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!”
“Nightshade! What have you done?!!!” the CMC cry in fear.
As she sees her plummeting, she realizes that she's most likely killed her. Sure she’s a jerk, but she doesn't want that.
“NOOOOOOO!!!!!” Nightshade cries.
Luckily, a web materializes under DT and she safely lands in it. Everyone looks up and sees...
“Spidermane?!” everyone shouts in surprise.
Nightshade apologizes to him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it! THANK YOU FOR SAVING HER!”
“Everypony gets one,” he replies before swinging off.
“This changes nothing SpiderMane! I WILL GET PICTURES OF YOU!” shouts DT
“Actually my camera is out of film…sorry,” responds Featherweight.
“GGGGRRRRAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!” she screams while you and everyone else just kind of sit their dazed at what just happened.
Also you get knocked for a loop after Bulk Biceps walks up to you and says, “You threaten my little bro?”
“I…uhhh…” and he dang near takes your head off with a right hook.
Nightshade tries to kick him in the nads, but her hoof hurts when she does, and Bulk is not affected.
“Wha…” she says as she rubs her hoof.
He puts on some shades as he picks up Featherweight, “I got balls of steel,” he says before walking off.
My favorite running gags are Bugze becoming a repentant pervert and closet arsonist, because they go hand in hand. He uses the arson as an outlet for the mass amounts of unwanted female attention he receives. And also because they have led to the funniest moments this season
Foal Free Press; READ ALL ABOUT IT! CIVIL WAR IN PONYVILLE! MASKED OFFENDER ATTACKS TOWN!
Nightshade to other CMC; Do you think we over-exaggerated what happened?"
Others ; Hmmm... Nope!
If Nightshade ends up in the fighting, she should use her hard, unfeeling, unbending hooves carefully, lest she cause permanent damage.
As for our favorite protagonist...
Shadow tries to exhort Bugze to kill. Realizing that Shadow is in his mind, Bugze just frowns and imagines himself flicking a switch, whereupon flames engulf Shadow, causing him to run around in Bugze's mind screaming.
Do what you need to do (apart from causing unnecessary harm) to escape. Don't let them unmask you. Unless or until Rainbow decides to reveal her intentions after catching MDW, after which you describe your whole plan.
Favorite gag... I don't know. NOT something perverted or anything like that (I would real appreciate it if that were toned down, though this comment is probably doomed to be negged or ignored because I'm saying this, oh well).
It was the nosebleeds for me...
and Flutterperv
While you and Rainbow Dash are surrounded, you notice a colt on top of a hill. But surprisingly, he was wearing a polish white armor with blue stripes and helmet which has a T-shape visor. Suddenly another colt appears next to him until more start appearing.
"Are those Clone Troopers?" You thought.
One of the colt throws several smoke canisters into the air and detonates it around you thus catching the 5 MDW, Royal Guards and the fan foals off guard. You look around and see Rainbow Dash wondering what's going on until you hear a mighty battle cry.
"For the horde!"
"What the hay is going on!?!" Rainbow Dash shouted in confusion.
"Colt Troopers! " You said.
You notice the colts holding a modified version of a water gun which was glowing cyan blue. The colt pulls the trigger of his water gun which shoots out purple water. As it hit one of the guards which stunned him.
"Flank them!" Shouted one of the Colt Troopers shouted and pointed a the 5 MDW and Royal Guards and fired his water minigun at them.
While you stared at the troopers confused and awed, one of them comes to you.
"Hooded Offender sir, Me and my team will escort you to safety and away from this battle. Follow me sir." The colt sqid and was joined by a few more troopers.
You simply follow them with Rainbow Dash confused.
"Stop right there criminal scum! "
You snapped out off your confuse state and see Flash Sentry with a pair of pegasi guards.
"Get that Speciefist, waifu and husbando stealer!" One of the troopers shouted and on cue a whole bunch of Colt Troopers appears and overwhelmed Flash Sentry and both guards easily.
"Into the edge of the Everfree quick!" The commanding trooper said and hides within the tall grass thus covering him entirely along with the others.
You heard several distant voices coming behind you. You quickly dive into the tall grass with Rainbow Dash and waited.
You waited for a few more minutes until you see 5 MDW coming into the edge of the Everfree forest. A few more minutes pass they lost interest and head back to to PonyVille.
"That was close. Your safe now sir. And good luck sir. But if you need us just shoot this flare gun." The trooper said and passes a flare gun to you then heads towards the hill with the others. Leaving you and Rainbow Dash confused.
5803548
I love seeing flutterperv.
You get knocked through a window, and into a room filled with elder ponies. One of them is wearing a collar around his neck, and a black sleeved robe over his body.
You stand up, dust yourself off, and turn to him. "I don't suppose a stallion of the cloth could do something about all this?"
"I have a nephew in Fillydelphia. I'm not exactly a fan of yours."
"Look, I'm not even the real Offender! Even if I was, how is my getting beaten to death by a mob any kind of justice?!"
"Buck off, grasshopper."
A steel boot shoots out of his sleeve, covering his hoof. Before you can ask how that is even a thing, he slugs you, knocking you back through the window and into the fray.
---
Nightshade and the CMC are watching everything play out, pitching headlines.
"Ponyville Pounded by Powerful Platoons of Pegasi!" Scootaloo shouts.
"No, no, no," Apple Bloom says. "Superhero Standoff Ends in Street Fight!"
Nightshade shrugs. "I still say we should call it a clusterfu-"
"Shush!" Sweetie Belle points to Rainbow Dash chasing the Offender away. "They're getting away! We have to follow them!"
"But what about all this?"
Sweetie taps her chin in thought for a moment, and her eyes light up. She takes a breath and shouts,
"OH NO! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN? THE COLTS ARE FIGHTING, TOO! WON'T SOMEPONY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!"
The brawl stops, and everypony turns to look at the colts tussling on the ground.
"What have we done?!" a mare cries.
"They don't know what to think about this mindless violence," another says.
Flash Sentry flies over and pulls the colts off of each other. "Break it up, boys! We need to have a long and serious talk about this."
Nightshade gawks at the scene. "Wow, they actually stopped."
"I know," Scootaloo says. "Look, they're actually listening to what Flash is saying."
"Well, he's a guard," Apple Bloom adds. "He knows what fighting is all about. If he can't explain what violence is, when and where it might be necessary, and the kind of impact it can have on ponies and their lives, who can?"
Nightshade nods. "I think everyone could learn something from this."
"Yeah, we don't have time for that." Sweetie Belle puts away her notepad and runs to the ladder to climb down. "Nothing interesting is happening anymore. Let's follow the Offender!"
---
Would Selena count as a running gag? I've had an awful lot of fun playing around with her and Bugze's talks.
If not, I have to go with Nightshade Falcon Kicking colts in the nards.
The Crusaders are documenting everything when suddenly Scootaloo have a idea
"Hey girls, why don't we follow the Hooded offender? We can find his secret base and blackmail him to give us a interview" Say Scootaloo
"Ummm... I don't think it's a good idea, what if he try to brainwash us?" Ask Nightshade as she try to make them forget the idea
'If they follow him, they are going to discover daddy is the hooded offender, and if they discover he is the hooded offender, they are going to tell everypony and then they are going to hate me, and send daddy to the moon, or send him to a jail and then throw the jail to the moon' Begin to think Nightshade
"Well, he saved us in the everfree so maybe is not that bad..." Say Sweetie Belle
"Yeah... My sister tell me everytime we need to listen to the other side of the story before begin to judge somepony, we could ask the offender" Say Apple Bloom
"But... What about the horde? Maybe they know and they did not tell anything because they want to protect him" Say Nightshade
"They don't know anything" Say Scootaloo
"And how do you know that?" Ask Apple Bloom
"Well... I can't say" Comment Scootaloo as the other crusaders look at her
"Okay... Okay... IAMASECRETMEMBEROFTHEHORDEANDUSUALLYSNEAKWHENNOPONYSEEANDIEVENHAVEAMINICLOAK" Say Scootaloo in hurry
"What?" ask Sweetie Belle
"I am a secret member of the horde, and usually sneak when nopony see and I even have a mini cloak" Comment Scootaloo
"What? he is very cool with all those powers" Comment Scootaloo
"But if we try to talk with the hooded offender, he could know we are Gabby Gumms" Say Sweetie Belle
'Yes... like this, they are not going to follow daddy' Think Nightshade
"Duh, he is not going to tell anyone because we are going to help him, and maybe we get a cutie mark with this" Say Scootaloo
"Cutie Mark Crusaders Interviewers, YAY!" Shout the CMC except Nightshade that join them with not so much energy
'Crap... I hope they are not going to discover the truth' Think Nightshade
--------------------
Meanwhile Bugzee was looking about what to do, as the guards seems to be coming to catch him, when another hooded figure appear suddenly
"Hooded Offender, don't worry!!! We the Horde are never going to let you down!!!" Say the pony
Suddenly the guards find more hooded figures that try to help Bugzee when suddenly a group of ponies appear with a Rainbow flag and join the fight
"Rainbow dash is the best pony!!" Say One of the pegasus that fight under the rainbow flag
A very big battle begin between the Royal Guards, the horde and the Rainbow Fans, meanwhile Bugzee was busy fighting with a strange guard stallion wearing a red bandana
"Shouryuken" Shout Bugzee and the strange guard at the same time as they both use the technique ending in a draw as they hit each other
"Very good offender... It seems you are as powerfull as the rumors say" Say the bandana stallion
"You are also very good, how do you know that attack?" Ask Bugzee
"My master learned it from his master that is the descendant of masters that learned it from the original one, and you?" Say the Bandana stallion
"I read the book" Say Bugzee
"Of course... Luck for me... I know things that the book don't show" The bandana stallion put himself in two hooves as the put the front hooves together
"Hadouken!!" Shout then the Bandana stallion as a magic ball come from his hooves and take Bugzee throwing him
"Ugh... Damn Magic..." Groan Bugzee
"It's not magic, is Ki... Hadouken!!" Shout the bandana stallion throwing another magic ball but this time Bugzee is prepared
"Could you Kindly BURN!!!" At this the glove throw a fire that crash with the magic ball and make a explotion that put smoke between them
"Now... It's my turn..." Say Bugzee
"Throw me the best" Say The bandana stallion
"You asked it... Kaaaameeeee.....Haaaameeee" Begin to shout Bugzee
"Wait... What? Are you really...?" Ask surprised the bandana stallion
As the bandana stallion prepare himself to defend nothing happen as Just as the smoke dissapear Bugzee dissapear mixing himself with the other members of the order as the guards begin to look there
"Look it's Celestia buying a Playcolt" Shout Bugzee as suddenly all look to where he appointed and take the chance to run.
Bugzee as the Hooded Offender begin to run to a alley running from a group of guards that awake from the trance early. As he run he crash with a strange filly that was painting a message in a wall
"Discord Rules, Celestia Drools" Read Bugzee in the wall
'That is a strange message... At last it's not...' Selena begin to say when Bugzee check that in the other wall is another message
"The Nightmare is coming... OH COME ON!!!" Groan Bugzee
"There he is!!!" Shout a guard that
The guards come and try to take Bugzee when they see the message of the filly
"We know it... You work for Discord!!" Say one guard
"What? No! It was not me... It was that filly" Bugzee try to find the strange filly but she dissapeared
"Crap" Groan Bugzee
A group of guards begin to follow Bugzee until they suddenly miss him in the middle of a street as they only see Bulk Biceps as he does a pose with his biceps
"Yeaaah!!" Say Bulk Biceps
Just then, Bulk Biceps change his pose and Bugzee as the offender appear from behind him
"Ups..." Say Bugzee as he try to enter in a house
In the house, Bugzee meet a mare with a strange black suit and a whip with a stallion that have a saddle and a gag in the mouth
"Who was a bad colt?" Ask the mare when she look to the offender
"Oh, good morning offender... Are you here for my invitation to get a tea?" Ask the mare
"Invitation?" Ask the offender as he look to the window
'Those guards must be still trying to find me... Maybe it's not a bad idea' Think Bugzee
"Oh... Yes... and then we can play... with this big bad colt... What do you offender? Want a little of discipline?" Ask the mare
Without thinking Bugzee jump from the window as his nose begin to bleed, meanwhile the mare looked to the window
"Ummm... It was my breath?" Ask herself
As Bugzee jump from the window he crash with Rainbow Dash
"Tennant... Good to see you, those fans are crazy... I did not think this was going to be like that" Say RD
"Yeah... And the guards are still following me" Comment Bugzee
"Why you don't take the offender suit then?" Ask Rainbow
"Because... Crap" Bugzee facehoof very hard
"Well... I don't think you can do that now with those guards... Also... Do you have the sensation that somepony is observing?" Ask Rainbow Dash
Meanwhile four little trash can begin to move
I wonder how flames came out of our hooves.
I still think my/snapdrake's idea would be better. T^T
Rainbow Dash claim that the other Mysterious Mare Do Wells are other changelings that The Foal Free Press was talking about leading to more chaos as Guards and ponies pounce of some of them.
In spite of you disbanding the Horde and telling them NOT to help you, a few Horde members (particularity Octavia and Vinyl Scratch) still come to your aid.
See a familiar pony with a purty hat and provoke him into going on a ADAMANTIUM RAGE! punching spree.
Spot Caramel and make him pay for eating YOUR Naco.
A pair of pegasus try to launch a tornado/twister at you, but it backfires as you should never use a cyclone against someling who's played ALOT of Street Fighter...
Flash and/or Pinkie clear up that Flash is NOT a waffle thief. As part of his waiter job, he can eat whatever is left behind on the table when the customer(s) leave.
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Remember guys, this is still an "Interactive Combat Chapter" and you've got several combatants (you, Royal Guard, the Mysterious Mare Do Wells, the 3 foal fan clubs, and possibly Horde members) involved...
5815686 I put a couple of lines of Bugzee fighting a guard.
5815686 Not really good at writing combat, but here are some ideas
You pull the cape over one of the Mare Do Wells and uppercut her a few times while her head is down. You then swing her around and into another MDW like a baseball bat. Rainbow Dash is in an intense wrestling match with one of the Mare Do Wells.
“And not a pit of mud in sight,” you hear Thunderlane say somewhere in the chaos, but you ignore him. The Mare Do Well with wings uppercuts you and says, “Imposter!” in a familiar voice, but you can’t really place it. You grab one of her wings and bend it into a submissive position.
“WHO ARE YOU!” you interrogate in your best Batmane voice, and you hear the Mare Do Well whimper but unfortunately a horned Mare Do Well blasts you.
“WHO ARE YOU?!” growls the Mare Do Well in her own Batmane voice.
“First you disband your horde and tell me to give up my ways so I don’t become you, then you go and do this?!” she growls.
“I…uh…” you really want to explain, but you’re only supposed to be pretending to be yourself, so you feign ignorance.
“WHAT IS YOUR ENDGAME?!” she growls.
Once again you are saved by Rainbow.
You and Rainbow create a tornado of whoop-flank where she grabs your back hoofs and begins swinging you in a circle faster and faster using her wings and hitting everypony around with you.
During the fight, all the kids break out into song as they beat each other up.
“What? But we just had a musical number,” says Nightshade on the roof.
“Yeah we usually have at least 5 a day around town, but two in the same location is rare even for us,” says Applebloom.
“I’m not complaining, I love show tunes,” says Sweetie.
“Of course you do,” snarks Scootaloo.
“Rainbows are lame!” shouts a MDW filly.
“Your hat is lame!” shouts a rainbow fan filly.
“Girls, girls!” shouts a Tennant colt. “Your outfits are equally stupid!”
“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!” they both shout as they turn on the colt together.
Eventually some of the Tennant colts start laughing maniacly and bring out a bunch of blow torches, candles, lighters etc.
“Alright fine, all of you want to keep fighting?” shouts Pip. “Then Burn in the name of Sir Tennant!”
“NO NO NO NO NO!” you shout as you use your air bending to put out all their fiery devices.
“Awwwww!” they all cry in disappointment.
“The Buck is the matter with you kids?” you scold them.
“We’re just trying to stop the brawl like Mr. Tennant would Mr. Offender,” says Rumble.
“By burning ponies alive?” you say.
“Well…I mean. Well when you put it like that,” stammers Rumble.
You mentally chide yourself for teaching kids a bad lesson.
“Look, Arson isn’t the answer kids, sure it’s pretty and pure and yeah, I guess it would solve this mess by burning away all their hatred in cleansing, I DON’T HAVE PROBLEM!” you shout.
The colts look a little unnerved, but they put their heads down.
“Alright, we won’t burn them, we’ll just solve our problems with good old fashioned violence,” says Button.
“Good Colts…” you start.
“Starting with you!” he shouts.
“Wait wha…”
“Get him!”
You are then suddenly swarmed by your Tennant fans, and blow after blow of tiny hooves surrounds you.
“Hey what the (oof)”
“Tennant would take down the Offender if he had the chance,” says an orange colt with a blue hair.
“Ow! Ow! Oh you little bast (ow!) OOF! eeeeeeeeeeee” you are suddenly kicked very painfully where the sun don’t shine. Armored shell protects you a lot, but still, it’s a kick to the nads.
“Nice kick Button,” says Rumble.
“Thanks, Nightshade taught me it,” he says proudly.
You take a deep breath and unleash your Air Bending straight downwards launching yourself out of the horde of children…and right into a swarm of gaurds.
“Take him alive if possible, use lethal force only if necessary!” shouts Flash.
“OH COME ON!!!”
You take out your staff and slam it into the ground scattering the guards, some get thrown into food carts.
Flash however flies above this and tackles you.
You are saved when Berry Punch tackles him off you and starts raining blows on him.
“Ow Ow! Hey cut it out!” he yells.
“NO! You stole my daughter’s Waffles yesterday you WAFFLE THIEF!” she shouts.
“They were just sitting there on a table in the middle of your kitchen, I didn’t know!”
You facehoof at Flashes ignorance, but quickly run off to fight one of the Mare Do Wells while Berry Punch’s daughter shouts.
“Kill him! Kill the Waffle thief mommy!”
“REALLY?!!!” he shouts to the sky as Berry puts him in a headlock.
As you try to escape through the sewers you see a bit of graffiti on the wall that says.
“Gummy Was Here” and right below it “So Was Tank.”
You then encounter a few Alligators in the Bucking Sewer, probably Gummy’s parents. React accordingly.
The best running gag is definitely Dr. Quacksilver
A way to get rid of the Mare Do Wells...
Rainbow shoves a bystander out of her way, after he inadvertently blocks one of her punches. With his face.
"Where the buck is Twilight?!"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Well, Celestia ordered us to get the civvies out of your- I mean, the Offender's way if we see him. Not a whole lot of evacuating going on right now!"
One of the horned Mare Do Wells stiffens, and her hat actually jumps up from her head, straight into the air before it lands on her again. She teleports away.
But even if/when the MDWs leave, you have the guards to deal with.
Rainbow Dash tackles Flash before he hits you again. He throws her off and crouches down, ready to charge.
"Speed isn't enough!"
Rainbow smirks and mirrors his pose.
"That's what slow ponies say."
They fly at each other, colliding in a massive shockwave. They bounce off and climb high into the sky, continuously circling and charging together. The impacts sound like thunder, and at the apex of their battle, they lock together and plummet down.
The earth shakes from the impact, with Rainbow standing over him. "What I tell ya? Slowpoke."
He smiles. "Armor." He sweeps her legs, knocking her down, and rolling away. Rainbow flaps her wings before she hits the ground, spinning in place and landing on her feet again. They crouch down for another round.
You take a creeping step away. "Aaaaand I'm out."
5815686 Okay then, save the worst of your fury for the Guard. Pound on them, but make sure they don't see you getting unveiled. A considerable number of them are trying to stop the riot that's broken out between your fans, MDW's fans, and Rainbow's fans. Just don't hit civilian bystanders (and don't hit kids; definitely DO NOT hit kids). Oh, the stuff in my previous post all still stands, by the way.
Best running gag?
Bugze being a pyromaniac & Grandbuggy, even though the latter was used rarer than the former.
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You prepare to turn around and leave, but then you see that lovely, lovely stack of logs that just screams for you to incinerate it...
Ignoring the Guards trying to tackle you, and failing by missing you closely always, and Mare Do Well being occupied with Rainbow Dash, you make it closer and closer...
You almost reached it...
*BAMM* Flash Sentry tackled you to the ground: "I have got you!"
Suddenly, a sheet of paper with some words on it lands next to you, you take a glimpse at it and say: "Oh, the test-results have arrived. You are a nice and friendly person. We didn't even test for that." This causes Flash to facehoof, and start a lecture about how and WHY that was a wrong reference to Portal. And thus Flash was out of the fight.
You escape from Flash, and see that somehow the logs have been taken away, to the opposite side of the marketplace. You sigh, before turning around to escape. As you jump on the closest building (rooftops are always useful for escapes), Mare Do Well, who has freed herself from Rainbow, crashes into your side, causing you to fall down again.
As you stand back up again, you realise your left hind leg was broken. As you groan, you hear your only and therefore favourite doctor.
*One paid nuisance-trip later*
*25 bits remaining*
As you step back into the battlefield, completely healed by your warmedic, you see the greatest blasphemy of all:
The logs were now wet! Seeing how you cannot afford to lose more time trying to enflame the logs, you finally turn head and run from the battlefield... leaving your soon-to-be-battlescarred comrades to die... or get beat up... whatever. While running away you see that the titans have arrived, and they fought:
Fluttershy's bear fought against Bulk Biceps, with Bulk Biceps seemingly winning.
I fucking love this scene
Rapidly take off your hood and say "Buck your plan sucks, Dash." Loud enough for everypony to hear.