Episode 61: I Am Thou, Thou Art I, We're One Messed-up Family!
"That's right!", the twisted creature before you says in a distorted version of your voice, "I am your shadow, your true self. You are a fake, a facade, an empty shell. Now move aside and let your true self take his rightful place as-"
"Oh, come on!" you cry. interrupting him, "We're in the middle of something here, What kind of bug butts in on a family reunion?"
"I'm you." your shadow replies, "And you are the type of bug to butt in on a family reunion."
"Great." you mutter. "The gang's all here; My shadow self, my daughter, and my... daughter’s mother that's stuck in my head. Who's next, Bill Cipher?"
"Hey! Did someone call my name?" an omniscient, omnipresent, Illuminati, Dorito-esque demon says.
You all look at the demon before you yell,
"NO! BUCK NO! THIS IS THE DREAMSCAPE, NOT THE MINDSCAPE. BUCK OFF!"
"Jeez, bugs, fine. Be that way." The dorito-shaped demon says in resigned annoyance before turning to leave, but he suddenly turns back and says,
"Oh, silly me, I almost forgot; I'm gonna being checking up on ya later. This 'The Nightmare Comes' thing that's been spreading around the mutliverse is too interesting to past up. And since you're in the middle of it, I might as well be there when it happens. Oh, and if any of you see a dragon-like mish-mash named Discord, tell him that putting googly eyes on triangle corn chips before eating them is NOT funny. Bye!"
As the little demon poofs away you can't help but think in horror,
The Nightmare Comes... all over the multiverse... linked to me... oh buck me! If this gets bucking Bill's attention, then something really bad must be happening! Wait... I just thought of something. Didn't this shadow guy just say...
With your random thought, you walk over to the Shadow being and say...
Walk up to him and say," Hey what's up Ling?"
Selena says," Greetings, strange one"
Nightshade says," Wow, now I have 2 daddy's!"
Shadow Bugze," ..."
"Wait, if you are part of me...." you say as you pick up Shadow Bugze and levitate him toward you "Then that means you are also family"
"Group hug" you say as you then Selena and Nightshade wrap your hooves around Shadow Bugze.
"I'm gonna call you uncle Shadow" Nightshade says.
"Hey what's up Ling?"
"Hmph. About time you acknowledged m- Wait, what?" Shadow you says in confusion.
"Wait, if you're part of me..." you say in obliviousness to his comment as you pick up Shadow Bugze causing him to protest,
"What are you doing? Put me down!"
"Then that means you're also family!" you say as you levitate him towards you.
"Group hug!" you declare as you, Selena, and Nightshade wrap your hooves around Shadow Bugze.
"Greetings, strange one." Selena greets.
"I'm gonna call you uncle Shadow" Nightshade says, "Wow, now I have 2 daddies!"
Suddenly, Shadow you's eyes soften as he says,
"Oh... this takes me back... before... No!"
Shadow you suddenly angrily shakes his head to snap out of it before he glares at you and says,
"Fools... maybe you need to understand the gravity of the situation..."
With that said he gains a cruel smirk as he says...
"First of all, this place is a little too crowded..."
With that, Shadow Bugze uses FUS RO DAH to blast Selena and Nightshade away.
"First of all, this place is a little too crowded..."
He then suddenly grabs you and hurls you behind him. Before Selena and Nightshade can do anything,
"GOOOOOOOD! RAAAAAAAAA! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They're suddenly blasted away by Shadow you's roar of power. As soon as they land (with Selena protectively catching Nightshade), a giant stone wall immediately sprouts out of the ground in front of them, but there's a huge window pane on it, and you can see Selena and Nightshade slowly get back up from it.
*snap*
Your eyes glow orange as you charge at the shadow yelling,
"Who the buck do you think you are to do that to my family! FALCON PUNCH!"
The Shadow chuckles as he says,
"Didn't you hear me before fool? I AM you. WARLOCK PUNCH!"
As he yells that, a dark aura surrounds his hoof and your flaming punches collide in a small explosion that knocks you both back. When you recover, you glare at him as you say,
"Oh yeah? Then..."
Question bombard him so that Shadow can't talk.
"If you're really me, what's my favorite food and why?"
"Peanut Butter, banana, and bacon sandwiches. It was after Grandbuggy snuck us into a Rock-and-Roll-themed Minotaur restaurant and we fell in love with the crispy bacon, sliced bananas, and creamy peanut butter between two slices of bread grilled in bacon fa-"
"Ha! It's peanut butter, banana, and seitan bacon sandwiches fried in coconut oil you fake!" you triumphantly point out.
"That's because you renounced the glorious juiciness of meat and became a pathetic vegetarian after seeing that propaganda film by the ''Ponies for Ethical Treatment of Animals."
"Okay... What's Nightshade's favorite food?"
"Any type of ramen or a whole bag of sugar. Now if you're don-"
"What's my name?"
The Shadow rolls his eyes with a smirk as he says,
"$@#%@, of course you changed it to 'Bugze' after you meet that pathetic puppet princess."
You growl at his insult at Cadence as you ask,
"What's my favorite video game of all time?"
"We could never decide, but we happen to just adore the Alicorn of War series when it came to action. All that blood and dismemberment just makes us giggle in pleasure doesn't it?"
You gag at the Shadows response as you ask,
"What items did my mysterious friend give me, the order I received them, and where I was when I got them?"
The Shadow flat out laughs as he says,
"We got The Inventory first at that old castle we hid out at when the hick and Stabby were first after us. Next, we got our Nobody (which is what we are) Cloak at Zecora's after our first beatdown from Smaug. Then, we got two Gala Tickets at our old minions' cave after we were set on fire and became pyromaniacs. Good times, by the way."
Your starting to back away in fear from this... thing as it continues, finishing with,
"And most recently, we got that no good Doctor's 4th regeneration scarf during breakfast at the Hick families' farm. There, is that proof enough that I'm you?"
He smiles devilishly at your petrified form as all you can do is stutter in fear,
"Who... what are you?"
He chuckles as he says...
"I am the solution. More specifically, I am your true self. Everything you do that you think defines you; your kind words and noble sacrifices, They're not the real you. The real you delights in destruction and bathes in the blood of his enemies. The real you understands that to be the hero you must be the villain! You are an impostor, a threat to yourself. I will end that threat here and now!"
"No!" Nightshade cries as she bangs on the glass pane, "Daddy is a great stallion. He helps ponies with all his might. He's the hero Equestria needs, if not the one it deserves. You're the impostor here!"
"I concur," Selena adds. "Bugze is a kind soul, and you are the embodiment of his corrupt powers. Begone, foul creature, before I smite thee on the spot!"
"Oh, how the mighty have fallen." your shadow retorts, "You used to be Nightmare Moon, terror of the night, lurking behind every shadow, beneath every doorstep. Now you're Selena, a voice inside some dimwit's head. And you!"
He points at Nightshade before continuing,
"You're the daughter of the moon, a child of the night, the bringer of the final dusk! The dreams and nightmares of millions are yours to control, the crisp night air and dark shadows yours to command! Don't waste your time on pitiful colts or dragons or mere gluttony! They're beneath you. All are beneath you!"
"Now that's enough!" you shout. "Nightshade is my daughter, Selena my... skull-roommate. And if you think that just because you show up and claim to be my true self you can take them away, then buddy you've got another guess coming. FALCON PUNCH!"
You dash towards your shadow self, but he avoids the attack with ease before declaring,
"WARLOCK PUNCH!"
Your shadow self's hoof is engulfed in dark energy as he rushes towards you.
"FALCON PUNCH!" you cry as your fiery hoof crashes into his causing another small explosion that knocks you both back. You look at the Shadow before you in shock as he chuckles before saying,
"Hehehe, what's with the shocked face? I AM you, remember? Besides, even if I wasn't you, I still memorized all the moves you learned from our last encounter."
You look at him in confused fear and are about to ask him something when you hear Nightshade say,
“Whoa Whoa Wait a Minute!” she looks to Selena, “You’re my mommy?”
Selena sighs and says,
“Yes Nightshade, I am your mother, I wish we could’ve talked about this under better circumstances, but yes, I am...”
“Wow, I can’t believe Princess Luna is my mom!” shouts Nightshade in excitement.
Selena freezes up with a look of shock on her face while you gulp in fear.
"Oho, that's GOTTA hurt!" Shadow Bugze says between laughs, “So how does it feel?... ’Luna'.”
“AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!” Selena screams in rage as she tries to rush at Shadow Bugze and starts pummeling on the window pane, startling you and Nightshade who comments,
“The Buck? Why is she so…”
“Ya, listen honey,” you say to Nightshade, “Let’s not be using that L word around her OK?”
“But why?”
“Because she’s not Luna, and she kind of hates her.”
“But... that’s who Nightmare Moon is right?”
"Technically yeah-" Shadow you says before you interrupt,
“Kind of, but not really. She and Luna were her together or something…, look it’s a long story, most of which I still don’t even know. Basically, she’s not really Luna nor Nightmare Moon completely, her name is Selena and she's your mother. There’s more but we’ll tell you all about it after we take care of Uncle Shadow over there.”
“Okay.”
“I will gut you and feast on your entrails you bucking maggot!” shouts Selena as she blasts the window pane to no avail.
"Haha, that’s the spirit!” Shadow you taunts, "Although it's rather pathetic that the former Queen of Nightmares can't even blast through a basic construct in her own domain anymore."
Shrugging off Selena's rant (she's currently swearing off a storm while Nightshade looks at her with sparkles in her eyes), you ask the Shadow,
"Last encounter? I've never meant you before in my entire life."
The shadow just smirks as he says,
"Don't act so surprised, we met before after the pink psycho's party."
"Uh..."
Shadow Bugze's expression changes from a smirk to deadpan disbelief before saying,
"Seriously? The party where you foolishly apologized for calling her the pyscho that she is."
"..."
"Uh... I tied you to a chair."
"..."
"Oh for the love of..." he snorts in annoyance before a yellow-version of the changeling flames appear and he turns into the headless pony from that nightmare (see "Episode 26: I NEED A ADULT!")
"OH SWEET LUNA!" you yell in shock, "YOU'RE THAT HEADLESS PONY!!!"
"Nooooo, YA THINK!!!" he yells in annoyance.
"B-But how?!" you demand in panic.
"I'm a CHANGEling you stupid motherbucker! It's in our bucking name!!! Wait, scratch that."
He changes back into you before smugly continuing,
"It's in MY name as you can't even pull THAT off!
"Hey! I"m a perfectly good changeling!" you angrily counter.
The Shadow you laughs evilly as he says,
"HAHAHAHAHAH! Fool! You're not even a mediocre changeling! You can't stay in a transformation for more then a few minutes before it goes up in flames, you've always hesitate to steal love even though your entire survival depended on it, you never been on a date, you hate Heart's and Hoove's day enough to try to burn down a whole town, hay you can't even EAT love anymore! You're no changeling, you're a low, disgusting monster of a hybrid!"
You hold your hooves to your ears as you yell,
"SHUT UP! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME! JUST WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU!"
What you don't notice is as you shout that, the darkness surrounding the Shadow becomes unstable as he smirks evilly and says,
"Bugzy,I am your fathe- I mean, Shadow."
"That's not true! That's impossible!" You yell defiantly at the shadowy figure before you. "I'm nothing like you."
"Bugze, I am your fathe- I mean, Shadow."
"That's not true! That's impossible!" You yell defiantly at the shadowy figure before you, "I'm nothing like you!"
"Uh... Yeah, I'm your SHADOW." Shadow you says in a deadpan tone.
"I kinda know. I was just going along with your Star Wars reference." you shrug before continuing. "But seriously, my shadow? How is that possible?"
Shadow you answers with a smirk,
"I am you. Or at least I'm what you don't want to face, the side you try to suppress and seal inside you, the side that revels in causing evil, the side that hates your stupid 'friends and family', the side that thinks that killing that stupid stallion that tried to use the name of the hooded offender for his own selfish purposes is a great thing, the side that, even if you don't want to admit, wants to kill those accursed Princesses."
"What? I don't..." you try to say, but the Shadow interrupts,
"Don't try to deny it, you know it's true, and unlike our friend here," He points to Selena (who's still pounding on the pane) before continuing, "I'm not some simple pushover that's happy with just lazing around in your empty head... Just think of how much fun you could have if you just accept me."
"Fun?" you ask in concern/confusion,
"Of course! I think the first thing we could do is visit our little shy pegasus friend, you know how much adult fun she could give us..." He answers with a malicious smirk,
"But if you're in the mood for something rougher, we could just go to the hick and rainbow instead. Even if you were to come to them as a... bug-thing, our power would make their resistance a non-issue. Next we'll deal with those other elements; grinding the pink psycho into cupcake dough, making Tacky McStabby Flank live up to her name, and as for that annoying Purple unicorn; just some duct tape and brutal application of the vise-grips and boom! Her magic will never bother us again... "
The Shadow you laughs evilly before he continues
"Then we can tear through the Royal Guard with our Nightmare Cloak in a bloodbath frenzy and finish with her 'royal highnesses'. Making them pay for everything they did and tried to do to us... After we tell them what we did to their precious elements and give them Twilight's broken bloody horn as proof of course."
You and Selena's faces become green in disgust at Shadow you's sadism (fortunately, little Nightshade was just confused as she's too young to understand what Shadow Bugze really means).
"How-How could you even think something like that?" you ask in disgusted horror.
"Ohh, Bugze, Bugze, Bugze... You're as disappointing as you are annoyingly thick-headed... As I've said a dozen times now, I'm YOU."
"No... you're not me... you can't be..."
The shadow's around the Shadow become more unstable as it continues to speak in a smug tone
"Oh really, are you so sure? Search your feelings; you know it to be true." It says in a gravelly, distorted, and droning voice before continuing in his normal tone,
"As I've been trying to get through your thick skull for a gazillion times, I think you'll find we have much more in common than you think, except that I'm the Bugze you always wanted to be. I'm the Bugze who you always could have been, the Bugze you still want to be. I have everything; I do as I please, Equestria bows down to me, and everyling accepts me or they feel my wrath! I even have a nice little harem of beautiful mares, gamer mares, at my beck and call. And all it took to get all that... was to put down a few problems that kept popping up." the Shadow says as he gives a demented smirk before continuing,
"I believe you know their names... Twilight, the Elements, Shining Armor, as well as a few obnoxious others here and there."
"W- what? You killed them?" you ask in horror.
"That's right. And I enjoyed it, just like you'll enjoy it. Being the baddest colt around is SO much easier and more satisfying than trying to be a 'hero'."
"No. NO, you're wrong! I'm not like that, and I don't want to be like you!" you yell in denial.
The Shadow keeps on smiling as it replies.
"No... you wanted to be a 'hero', right?"
"That's right!" you shout at it the impostor, "I swore to Luna that I'd be a good bug, to protect those who couldn't protect themselves! And I have a daughter to protect and be a good role model for!"
The Shadow laughs cruelly as he says
-Shadow Bugze claims that Nightshade and that "vow to Luna to be good" are all horesapples AND the source of all your problems and states that if you were smarter you would have used your power to get stinkin rich and live the high life of scarfing down sweets while playing the latest video game in a mansion somewhere.
"That's the other truth I realized, those two things are nothing but the very chains holding you back!"
"What." you growl.
"In fact, they're just the sources of all our problems! I mean, keeping a vow to the Alicorn who wants to hang your guts and wants to do the same to your daughter? I can't even begin to count everything wrong with that! Also, the fact we have to keep worrying over that brat as she sucks away all our freedom and funds isn't doing you any favors either! Hay, the reason you keep getting itno trouble is because that brat has the survival instinct of a cockroach in a blender. If you had even a 9th of a brain, you would have renounced that vow and dumped the brat in an orphanage a LONG time ago and be living the high life!"
"HEY! MY DADDY IS VERY HAPPY WITH ME!" Nightshade protests, but Shadow you ignores her outburst and continues,
"We could be using our powers to get anything we want! Imagine; a mansion out in the Everfree filled with servants, bakers, mistresses, treasure, movies, and video games! We could scarf down gourmet sweets for the rest of our lives, play video games and binge on movies and serials like there's no tomorrow, and have any mare pleasure us however we want with a wave of our treasure-filled hooves!"
You glare angrily at the Shadow as you denounce,
"No! I don't want any of that! Especially if it means giving up my daughter! A hero doesn't need those things! And all I want is to be a hero!"
"So... how's that working for you?"
This response catches you off guard as the Shadow continues,
"How many lives have you actually saved compared to those you've destroyed, huh? If you were a hero, these ponies would love you, and yet they hunt you down like a beast! You're no hero, and you never were one anyway. You're nothing but a monster and a heartless killer, but that's okay! You want to know why it's okay?"
"Okay, sure! Enlighten me on why anything that comes out of your bucking mouth is okay!" you sarcastically yell.
"Because you never even wanted to be a hero, not really. It was all just a lie you told yourself to cover what you really wanted. The thing you wanted since you were a little squirming outcast in the hive that everyling always picked on." the Shadow sneers as he gets closer to you, "You wanted to belong. To be accepted and loved. But that will never happen."
"N-no... you're wrong." you try to shout, but only manage a little more than a whisper "I have friends, ponies who care about me. Cadence, Zecora, Fluttershy..."
"All just using you. You're all alone; no one cares about you, and no one ever truly will. You will never know friendship, love, or acceptance." the Shadow speaks in its harsh whispering voice as he gets close to your ear and you shake your head in denial as tears spill down your cheeks.
"Unless... you take it. Stop pretending to be something you're not. Stop trying to please those who will always hate you. If they won't be your friend, be their ultimate enemy. If they won't love you. make them fear you! If they'll never accept you as an equal, then just dominate them as their master! Cast aside the mantle of a hero noling wanted, and take your place as an overlord that they will either accept... or diiiieeeee."
*snap*
"NO!" you yell in a sudden burst of orange-glowing-eyes fury and buck the surprised Shadow away, "I am not a monster! I don't want to rule like a tyrant! And I will NEVER, EVER kill anyling ever again! I will NEVER be like you, because you. Are. NOT. ME!!!"
The Shadows around him become so unstable that you can see them going around him crazily , but you don't care as he says with insanity in his yellow eyes,
"That's right! Say I'm not you, say your not me one more time, I dare you!"
You glare at him in pure hatred as you yell at the top of your lungs,
"You're... you're... YOU'RE NOT ME!"
Suddenly the shadows around him explode as he laughs insanely before he looks at you in a evilly and says,
"That's right, I'm not you! I'm my own self! I'm gonna decide my own fate, and I'm gonna do so by watching this world BURN!"
As soon as he yelled that the Shadows around him surround him before exploding outwards. When you get reoriented, you look in fear as in the spot where Shadow you was is...
All thing's considered, your persona is probably a monstrous version of the five tailed Nightmare Cloak. Enormous, fanged, horns and spikes, black as night, all that good stuff.
A monster with sharp fangs, horns, glowing yellow eyes, and a unstable-mindnight-colored misty cloak around him as 5 Nightmare Tails swish behind him. You stare at the creature in pure terror as you think,
Is... is that what I look like when I'm in the Nightmare Cloak? Is this... is this how others see me?
Before you can continue your conflicting thoughts, the creature before you laughs as he declares,
"I am the Shadow, the true and ultimate self!"
He glares at you evilly as he continues,
"I'm gonna make my own destiny! AND I'LL CRUSH ANYLING IN MY WAY! STARTING WITH YOU! BEAST CANNON!"
His Nightmare Cloak turning into a blue aura, your shadow self rockets towards you...
"Psycho Crusher!" you cry as you zoom forward to counter your double, the resulting explosion knocking you both back.
"You're not me!" you shout as you struggle to get up, "You're a cruel bloodthirsty monster, and if you ever took control of me a lot of ponies would die. I'm going to stop you right here! No Shadow Kick!"
You rush him again, and start a flurry of flying kicks, but your shadow gets up on two legs and yells,
One of his legs(covered in a gold aura) lash out in a flurry and block your attack, matching you blow for blow. Leaping backwards, he charges again.
"Electric Wind God Fist!" he cries, his hoof charged with electricity as he brings it up in an uppercut.
"Shoryuken!" you cry back as you leap in a rising uppercut at the same time he does. You feel your fist collide with his chin just as his collides with yours, sending you both flying again, but Shadow you recovers faster and lashes his tails out to grab you in midair and spins you around him rapidly before using the momentum to viciously smash you into the ground.
When you get out of the crater, you scream in rage as you charge at the Shadow with a "Falcon Punch", but he counters with "Lightning Legs" and hits you head-on with a flurry of kicks before following up the combo with a "Electric Wind God Fist" that knocks you into the air before whipping out two of his Nightmare Tails to grab you in midair and viciously slam you into the ground. As you hit the floor, you cough up some blood and hear Selena and Nightshade's shouts of worry. This just causes the Shadow to chuckle as he taunts,
Also, maybe sometime in the fight have his Shadow start talking about all the mares Bugzy likes, only it focuses solely on their bodies instead of their personalities. And when the Shadow starts getting to the naughty bits, it doesn't stop so the real Bugzy has to shut it up while yelling "NO, BAD BUG! VERY BAD EVIL BUG!"
"Hahahaha! What would your crazy coot of a Grandbuggy say?!"
You get angry and yell,
"OI! Don't talk about my grand-"
"Wait, I do KNOW what he would say!"
Shadow Bugze then changes into Grandbuggy before taunting,
"*&@%. What the buck is WRONG with you! You got more mares than I ever banged lusting for you and you HAVEN'T rutted them all 42 rounds each by now! Are we even related?!"
"Wh-What?"
"Just the masseuse and athlete ALONE would have made for one hay of a threesome ya limp-horned idiot!"
"Masseuse and athelete? Oh, you mean Aloe and Rainb-*spurt*"
The image of what 'Shadow Bugze/Grandbuggy' is pointing out flashes in your mind and disorients you as "Grandbuggy" continues,
"I mean, Applejack's well-toned legs, Rainbow Dash's athletic body, Vinyl's shapely flanks, it's a whole buffet of mares to choose from! But still, I wonder who has the tightest-"*zap*
"NO, BAD BUG! VERY BAD EVIL BUG!" you yell as you whipped out the Power Glove and sent an Electro Bolt into "Grandbuggy"s nether regions before continuing,
"Also, I'm saving it for marriag-"
"Marriage?! Hah!", "Grandbuggy" recovers and taunts before changing back into you before taunting, "Those whorses don't even like YOU. They want to rut either the bad colt Hooded Offender or this 'Bullspit' person you made up. Who in their right mind would ever want to be AROUND a quarter-breed zombie mess of a freak like you without squashing you on sight!"
This just causes your anger to sky rocket and bits of the Nightmare Cloak begin to form on your body, which causes a look of fear to build in the Shadow as he yells,
"No... NO YOU DON'T!"
Before you can even reach one tail, Shadow Bugze uses his tails to propel himself forward with a cry of,
"WARLOCK PUNCH!"
His yellow-flame-encased hoof slams into your face with the force of a missile and sends you zooming back across the dreamscape field and slamming into the window that Selena and Nightshade are, cracking it.
"DADDY!!!"
"BUGZE!!!"
You look up in pain to see the fear leave the Shadow's eyes in favor of a smug smirk, but you shake it off as your imagination as you struggle to get up, but before you can, three tails grab and lift you into the air as Shadow you cries...
"YOU ARE ME!!!"
With that, he slams you into the ground again and does so repeatedly as he continues,
"I am a bloodthirsy monster. *SLAM* You are a bloodthirsty monster. *SLAM* We both delighted when we knocked Celestia to the ground, *SLAM* when we fought Discord to a standstill *SLAM* and when we smashed *SLAM* that monstrous pawn's face in! *SLAM* You suppress your true self. *SLAM* Well, no more!" *SLAM*
With a final slam, he tosses a broken you away. You can only watch as Shadow you's tails get absorbed back into his Nightmare cloak and he firmly plants his left hoof into the ground as he grips his left arm with his right hoof and you see purple and midnight electricity start to form around the hoof he has on the ground and you hear the sound of bats chirping...
"*crash*FALCON KICK!"
Nightshade's orange-flame-encased hoof smashes through the cracked frame and slams into your shadow, interrupting the preparation of his attack and knocking him down. As he lurches back up, Nightshade lands on the ground with glowing eyes as she yells in the Royal Canterlot Voice,
"GET THE BUCK AWAY FROM MY DADDY!!!"
Before bending a pair of boulders out of the ground and smashing them both on Shadow Bugze like cymbals. She then bends the boulders into one giant rock and starts repeatedly smashing Shadow Bugze into the ground with it.
"Bugze! This is not the time nor the place for this confrontation. You must awaken!" Selena yells as she lands next to you.
You look at Selena as if she was crazy as you say in panic,
"Wake up?!?! If you haven't noticed yet, he's kinda in my head like you! If I wake up, then you're stuck here with this thing! It's not like he has a limit or someth-"
Suddenly, the entire area shakes like crazy. You, Nightshade (who ran over to you after smashing Shadow you deep into the ground with the boulder), and Selena then hear a shout of defeat as you look over to the Shadow and see...
Shadow you crawling out from beneath the boulder and slowly disappearing in a cloud of shadows? Shadow you looks around in a crazed anger as he screams,
"NO! NO! NO! NO! I WAS SO BUCKING CLOSE! I COULD HAVE STOPPED IT! I NEED MORE TIME! GIVE ME MORE BUCKING TIME!"
Ignoring the Shadows crazed ramblings, you slowly approach it and say,
"I don't know how and I don't care why, but it's over. You're done, so get the buck out of my head."
The Shadow just gives you a crazed look as he says,
“Ha ha ha ha, oh this is rich, you actually think you’ve won? I’ll always be here. Always…” he reaches out at grabs your hoof
“Every battle, every thought that you have, I will be there. The Crimson Knights, Discord…TRIXIE! You will listen to me then. There will be blood, oh yes…there will be blood…” he then continues to laugh as he melts into the darkness.
“Ha ha ha ha, oh this is rich, you actually think you’ve won? I’ll always be here. Always...” he suddenly reaches out at grabs your hoof as he rants,
“Every battle, every thought that you have, I will be there. The Crimson Knights, Discord... TRIXIE! You will listen to me then. There will be blood, oh yes... there will be blood-*KRUNCH*”
Suddenly, Shadow Bugze's ranting stops as Selena flies down from above and viciously land-stomps on him with a painful krunch. She then proceeds to start smashing her hooves repeatedly into his face while roaring,
"DON'T *wham* YOU *wham* EVER *wham* TRY *wham* TO *wham* HARM *wham* MY *wham* DAUGHTER *wham* YE *wham* PEASANT *wham*"
Selena then uses her magic to hurl the broken shadow into the air before following up by taking off at the plummeting figure resulting in Shadow you being viciously impaling on her horn, causing him to scream in pain as she roars,
"HOW ART THIS FOR A 'WEAK EXCUSE FOR A NIGHTMARE' YOU INSECT!!!"
Selena then unleashes a large blast of nightmare energy from her horn, sending Shadow you smashing into what's left of the wall which then collapses on him. You and Nightshade just stare at the scene wide-eyed, until Selena descends past you and as she lands she says,
"Come, we art done here."
You can only nod your head dumbly as you proceed to follow Selena towards Nightshade, but as you do you don't see a hoof reach at you from beneath the rubble as Shadow Bugze weakly whispers with a scowl of defeat on his face,
"So clos... to st... the Nightmare... yet so... so far..."
Before fading away to the shadows from whence it came...
“Well I’m glad that’s over with.” Nightshade says
“Me too baby, me too...” you respond.
“Beating someone who looks like you senseless was very therapeutic for us, perhaps we should do it again sometime?” Selena says with a smirk.
Nightshade giggles at this, but you roll your eyes in annoyance,
“Heh heh heh... soooo anyway, now that that is over, why don’t we try this whole reunion thing again” you suggest.
“Ahem... very well. Hello Nightshade I am your mother…”
“Hello Mom... Am I your daughter?” Nightshade says uncertainly.
The conversation seems kind of stilted so Nightshade drops all precinct.
“Oh what they hay, MOMMY!!!” Nightshade yells as she leaps and wraps her front limbs around Selena’s neck.
Selena is shocked at first, but soon her eyes begin to water as she wraps her own front limbs around her daughter,
“It is good to finally be able to hold you, my precious child.”
“Yeah, I feel the same... Mommy... I have a kickflank mommy!”
You watch this heartwarming moment for a bit with your own eyes watering, almost forgetting about your own personal “Dream Lord”... almost.
Note to self: Ask The Doctor how he keeps his Dream Lord at bay.
Eventually Nightshade and Selena break their embrace.
“Oh Lun- I mean Nightmare Moon! I have so many questions for you. First things first, WHY AM I ONLY JUST NOW MEETING YOU?!”Nightshade shouts.
“I-well... Your father felt it best not to let you know of my existence. He and I haven’t always gotten along, and I have been trapped in his mind ever since your birth.”
Nightshade gives you a stink eye causing you to defensively pout,
“Hey, don’t go blaming everything on me!"
“But rest assured Nightshade, both your father and I love you very very much.”
“OK, So are you the reason Daddy Saddle Ragers out and smashes things when he’s angry?”
“I... yes. I am the cause of that...” Selena admits.
“Oh... well thanks for all the times you kept us safe then,” she says with a smile before turning serious again, “But could you maybe turn it down sometimes? I don’t like when Daddy keeps hurting everling.”
You and Selena shudder at remembering Fillydelphia,
“I have been trying my dear, I have been trying...”
Nightshade smiles and nods at this,
“How come you’re trapped in daddy’s head?”
“Because I have no physical body to go into. Your father is the only reason I am still alive” she says with sincerity and thankfulness.
“Can’t you like make a new body or something with magic?”
A strange horrified look crosses Selena’s features that only you notice as she stutters,
“Well... Um...!” she says as she looks nervous, but Nightshade is oblivious to this as she says,
“Oh, dang... well we can figure something out, right daddy?”
“Uh...” you look to Selena “Yeah, I’m sure we can figure that out eventually even if I have no idea at all how....”
“Awesome! Oh, I can’t wait to show you off to everypony! My Mommy is definitely stronger than all their mommies combined! And she’s a Princess... *gasp* which means I’m a princess too!”
You both calm your hyperactive daughter down and break the bad news,
“Honey, you can’t tell anyone about your mother.”
“Awww why not?” she pouts.
“Because our lives will be in even more danger should you go...” Selena looks at you with a scowl, “Spouting out my existence to others.”
"Hey it was only one, and she's trustworthy!" you argue.
"Yes, until her FlutterB!$%# persona comes through again." she counters
"Oh what are the chances of that?"
Somewhere in a Labyrinth a Minotaur is inspired by Madame Irony...
“OK fine I won't tell... even though I really want to... oh and how was I born if you're stuck in daddy's head?” Nightshade asks.
"Yeaa... how did that happen?" you ask her as well.
Selena looks around nervously before saying,
"Um.... I will tell you when you are older."
"AWWWWW" both you and Nightshade groan, but before you can complain further, you feel yourself being shaken awake in the real world.
“Uh-Oh, I’m waking up, you girls better wrap up quick!" you warn.
“Oh, but I have so much more to ask. Can I visit you every time I go to sleep?” Nightshade asks Selena.
“Maybe not all the time, but yes, you may, and I may visit you should you rest close to your father.”
“OK, see you tonight mom!” Nigthshade says before poofing away.
You start to wake up to Big Red shaking you, but not before you hear Selena say to you “Thank you.”
SWEET APPLE ACRES
You open your eyes groggily and see Big Red,
"Bout time ya got up." he says, "It's time to get to work."
You sit up and notice that Nightshade is not in the shed.
"Hey, where's Nightshade" you ask.
"Woke up before you did and is waiting outside for you to walk her to school." he responds.
You just chuckle at that and tell Big Red,
"Thanks. I'll be ready in a few minutes."
When Big Red leaves, you put the Luna Plushie away (somehow Big Red didn't see it, which is good since you do not want to explain that to him). With that done you walk outside to Nightshade when you both hear...
"I kissed him first!" Rainbow Dash insists.
"Hold on there, partner, Mr. Tennant had his mask on when he accidentally fell into your lips. I kissed him WITHOUT the mask in the way!" Applejack counters.
"You were brainwashed by a love potion so that doesn't count!"
You see the Deadly six and your unwanted stalkers (Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Octavia, Vinyl, and Aloe) approaching and most of them are keeping their distance from the arguing ponies (some rolling their eyes while Fluttershy is blushing furiously as she tries to shrink away while muttering "Um... Well... Even if it was just a love potion I kissed him too..."), as Twilight tries to interrupt,
"GIRLS! Now is NOT the ti-"
"Wait, ah figured out how ta settle this." Applejack interrupts.
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Rainbow Dash counters with a determined smirk.
"Eyup."
When the group reaches you and Nightshade, Applejack and Rainbow Dash both turn to you and demand,
"Who's the better kisser; her or me?!"
You get SUPER-nervous now that all eyes are attentively on you.
Uh... A little help here, Selena?
In the words of the Hick's gargantuan brother; Nope.
The other mares continue to glare into you and you think you'll have to pull a "LOOK! A DISTRACTION!", until Nightshade obliviously comes to your rescue by pointing out,
"Why are you asking Daddy? You were kissing each other so shouldn't you already know that?"
Applejack and Rainbow Dash start to stammer as they blush furiously while some of the other mares start chuckling. As Rainbow and Applejack continue to stammer, Twilight walks forward and says,
"Now Mister Tennant, about you trying to burn down the town..."
You chuckle nervously at that as you say,
"Hehehehe, about that. You see there's a reasonable expla-"
Twilight holds her hoof up as she says,
"Don't say a thing Mister Tennant, we already know."
"-nation involving a time machine and a hot tu-huh?"
You look at Twilight in confusion as Rarity steps up and says,
"Indeed darling, and while your attempt to burn down the town was a bit... over-reactive."
Aloe comes up and adds in,
"We understand thanks to that hunk of apple beefcak- I mean Big McIntosh's explanation of what happened in your past..."
She gets a solemn look on her face as Octavia comes up last and says,
"And were sorry for our actions that disgusting love poison made us do."
"Yeah... How could those meanies do that! And I'm sorry for spreading that mystery punch I found near the gazebo and making all those mares chase after you and the stallions an-"
Rarity shoves a hoof into Pinkie's mouth to shut her up as you rub your hoof behind your head humbly as you say,
"Don't worry about it, it happens every year. Hay, my Grandbug-er-pony would knock me out every year just so I wouldn't burn down half the hi-uh-I mean campus... Again..."
The mares give you weird looks, before Applejack suddenly snaps out of it as she says,
"Oh, Derpy came by with a packet for ya, Sugarcube." Applejack says as she hoofs you a packet. Your eye twitches in annoyance and as you open it say,
"I swear if I see just ONE more Hearts and Hooves day card I'm gonna-"*SPURT*
Your nosebleed sends you slamming back into the front door of your shed. Nightshade runs over to you in worry as Twilight comments,
"Huh, I wonder what was in that pac-"
Her words freeze in her throat when she sees the pictures in the packet.
"What is it sugercu-" Applejack says as she and the other mares comes over and they all look in open-mouthed shock (and a fair amount of blushing) when they all see that the packet contains several... suggestively smutty pictures of the Hearts and Hooves fiasco (including Lotus in the middle of putting Rarity in a flying armbar, Rainbow Dash and Applejack in an... intense part of their make-out session, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy kissing you (fortunately, their lips cover your changeling mouth so nopony knows you're a changeling), your unwanted stalkers in a mass mud wrestling brawl, etc.).
"HOO-TENNANT! HOW COULD YOU!" Fluttershy yells at you.
"WHY ARE ALL STALLIONS THA SAME!" Applejack yells as she threatening readies her lasso.
"Oh Mister Tennant, I knew there was a... primal side to you..." Aloe says in... aroused approval?
"Hey! Wait a minute, I swear these aren't min-!" you try to protest, but Rarity cuts you off.
"Oh! How barbaric of you, you pig! And with your daughter right here!"
"You should be ashamed!" Octavia yells at you.
"WHOA... I look hot."
"I don't look too shabby either. I knew all-night DJ'ing burns calories off the flanks." Rainbow Dash and Vinyl comment as they look at a few of the photos more attentively.
"They're not mine I swear!" you insist, but the mares continue to give you furious looks. It looks like you're in DEEP trouble until Nightshade chimes in,
"They were probably taken by Rumble's brother."
"WHAT?!" everyling shouts as they turn to the filly.
"Wait, who's Rumble's brother?" you ask.
"Thunderlane. Rumble says his brother is a bit mare-crazy and keeps magazines with mares wearing little pieces of clothing under his mattress. And how would daddy be able to take these pictures being chased around town?"
Seeing an opportunity to get the mares off you (and remembering how that pervert didn't lift a hoof to help you from the love-zombies) you say,
"All in favor of kicking that lazy pegasus's flank, say aye."
"AYE!" The mares almost unanimously say.
"Then what are you all waiting for? GET HIM!" you declare.
As the mares run off to beat up Thunderlane, you can't but sigh in relief as you think,
Sorry Thunderlane, but for once I'm not gonna be the one on the receiving end of the fury of a bunch mares. Plus that's what you get for not helping me you lazy pervert! Now to burn these stupid pict-huh?
Just as your about to burn the letters with the Power Glove when you hear Nightshade say,
"Daddy, look what I found!"
You put down the photos as you walk over to your daughter and pick up the picture frame she's levitating towards you. It's a picture of...
Find a Hearts and Hooves day picture frame with your harem mares (Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Octavia, Vinyl, and Aloe) in it and think with a smile,
You know what? Maybe I don't hate Hearts and Hooves Day THAT much anymore...
Your stalkers making funny faces and holding a banner painted in orange saying,
SORRY FOR ALL THE TROUBLE.
GET WELL SOON!
You smile as you think,
One of them must have dropped it. You know what? Maybe I don't hate Hearts and Hooves Day THAT much anym-
"AHHHHHHH! NOT DOWN THERE. ANYWHERE BUT THERE! PLEASE THE FACE, JUST THE FAC-EEEEEEEEEEEEE (high-pitched scream)!"
You sweat drop slightly as you quickly burn the other picture besides the one you're holding (which you're gonna hang in your shack somewhere) as you think,
But those mares still bucking terrify me to no end...
"Stalker Picture" added to The Inventory
"Hurry up Daddy! I'm gonna be late for school again!"
A COUPLE WEEKS LATER
Not much has happened during the timeskip. The only big change is that there's been a spree of pranks happening across Ponyville. Each one is more elaborate then the last with the latest victim (Twilight) was found tied-up, upside-down, with a hangover, and a magic-nullifying horn cover in her library with all her books around her in the floor in an unorganized mess. By the time Spike, Raven, and Flash got her down, she was twitching like crazy and was chanting "must tidy must tidy must tidy must tidy" over and over again...
Yeah... you've been letting off alot of steam with your pranks. They've even nicknamed you the "Demon Prankster King from Tartarus." Funny, huh? That's the same nickname you had back at the Hive... eh, must be a common nickname for pranksters. Anyway, we now see you at the Ponyville comic shop (called The Cyborg's Dungeon & Hoofball Card Shop and your regular hang out when you're not working) looking at a note that says,
"MANDATORY HORDE MEETING TONIGHT! BE THERE! Password is 'Burning Flags Must Fade'"
You just sigh as you mutter,
"This is gonna bucking suck, I just know something has to go horribly wrong-"
Before you can say anything else, you hear a pony call out,
"Ah, T-Stallion, how's my number one costumer?"
You look up from the note to see Comic Book Joe, the owner of the store. He has light amber mane (in a ponytail) and tail, a moderate orange coat, blue eyes, wears glasses, and has a cutie mark of a comic book. You smile at him as you walk up to the counter and are about to ask if he managed to get the latest issue of The Dark Offender (a underground comic loosely based off of the Hooded Offender, aka you... yeah you squealed like a newborn hatchling when you saw it even though it does have a habit of going a bit overboard with the violence and fanservice at times), when you hear a chime from the front door. You look over to it to see who it is and see...
"TWILIGHT?!"
"MISTER TENNANT?!"
You and the mare you thought would never walk into a comic book store unless she was held hostage or she thought the Offender was the store owner stare at each other in awkward shock as you think,
I must be dreaming, there's no way Twilight 'real books only bookworm' Sparkle is in here!
What do you do?
What's this? Twilight Sparkle likes comics! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!
Your guy's reactions were awesome!
Now, for some really sad news. A great man has passed on, a man who has been in the hearts of nerds for years now. That man...is Leonard Nimoy
{1931-2015}
May he rest in peace, and may we "live long and prosper" in his name
Today's question is...
What is the best foreign food you've ever had?
So Hive/Prime Mind, what's the best foreign food you guys and girls have ever had?
Also, there is a "Hoofball Team Names?" thread in the Life of a Wanted Changeling group. You guys can go and suggest as many names as you like, but they have to be horse puns and from cities and towns that exists in Equestria. And the 2 team names I like best will be the 2 teams who were going to play in Fillydelphia on Hearth's Warming Eve before the "Die Horde" arc. Please go on over there and comment!
BYE!
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I flipping LOVE... Uhhhhh... Eh, I HATE ALL FOREIGN FOODS!
All foreign food I've ever had, didn't taste anything at all, truly dissapointing, I imagine is because I'm too acustomed with my countries food.
Well, almost all food is from outher country, I like Spaguetti and Pizza (Italy) Burgers (EE.UU) Rice with Tomato cream and egg (???) Paella (The only thing from spain) and other things...
-----
"Twilight? What are you doing here?" Ask Bugzee surprised
"What is the problem?" Ask Twilight, as she look to Bugzee
Twilight look to Bugzee confused at the question and he try again
"Well, I did not know you liked this type of Literature" Comment Bugzee
"This type of..." Twilight mutter and begin to think "Ohh... No, I buy those for Spike, the last time he come to the comic store wasted all his pay in comics and could not buy gems" Comment Twilight
"So, you pay him? I was thinking you used as personal slave" Comment Bugzee
"What? How could you think that? Spike is like a little brother for me" Say Twilight
"Really? Because almost all the time he seems to work in your library or taking care of you" Say Bugzee
"Is because almost all free time he have, usually chase Rarity" Groan Twilight as Bugzee nod with the head
"So, what comic did you buy this time?" Ask Bugzee
"Ohh, there is one very popular that Spike like too much" Say Twilight
Twilight show a comic called 'the adventures of the hooded offender' to Bugzee and he look surprised, taking it from Twilight
"What, but this is..." Comment Bugzee
"I know, it surprised me, they made a comic that put the Hooded Offender as a hero" Comment Twilight
Bugzee look to the comic, in that comic, the hooded offender was talking with the mane six after Discord attack, and as Bugzee remember the scene, looked the comic and it was exactly the same.
"Who could manage to do this?" Ask Selena
"Yeah... It's stupid" Comment Bugzee as he avoid the eyes of Twilight
"That is a genius work..." Shout Selena
"what?" Ask Bugzee to Selena
"It's obvious, no one is going to believe the true, thanks to the effects of Discord, but a comic book don't show true, because of this, Discord spell don't affect it, show the truth without showing it" Comment Selena
Just then, as it seems they could not talk about nothing, Rainbow Dash enter with a coat and sunglasses and take a comic of the hooded offender, after her enter Scootalo with a similar disguise and do the same.
"Strange ponies, I wonder who are they..." Comment Twilight
Meanwhile you could listen how Selena facehoof very hard in your head
With the seemingly paradoxical situation unfolding before your eyes, you come to the decision that this Twilight is an impostor and decide to expose her. You rush towards her and get uncomfortably close, muzzles almost touching.
Does orange chicken count? Cause I love that.
Jokingly ask Twilight if she has any Lembas bread you can feed Nightshade. She actually responds that her BBBFF is a fantasy geek and as Captain of the Royal Guard, he created a program to try to make Lembas bread real, but all attempts ended in failure (the most "successful" attempt turned a pony into a baguette for a week straight)
Flash comes into the comic store and while talking with Twilight. Even though Flash normally reads comics, he and Twilight start discussing the high adventure novels of Alexandressage Dumas (who you now know was part-Zebra thanks to that Stallion Taratino movie you and Nightshade saw)
Flash enters the comic book store (he's been staying in Ponyville for a while) and notices Twilight before coming over and saying,
"Hey Miss Twilight. I was just about to go over to the library next to check if Two Decades Later has arrived yet."
"Your book just arrived today. And please, you don't have to call me "Miss" Twilight, just my name is fine. I'm still surprised you asked me for that book as not that many ponies know that Alexandressage Dumas wrote sequels to The Three Musketeers." Twilight responds.
"Yeah, even though I'm more of a comics stallion, my dad used to read the 'Prench-to-Germaneigh' translations of his swashbuckling stories to me when I was a colt before he..."
Flash suddenly gets solemn as he trails off and Twilight looks at him in sympathy, but you obliviously don't notice this as you ask,
"Before he wh-ow!"
Twilight roughly elbows you before changing the subject,
"So... Flash. What comic would you recommend I get for my assistant?"
After you leave, Flash tells Twilight how he may have uncovered more signs of Horde activity in Ponyville and strongly suspects that the recent accidents around Ponyville may have been acts of sabotage...
Nightshade need food! Go grocery shopping... Again.
Bag of Sugar
2 Boxes of "Lucky Oats" Cereal (no need to buy milk since you just borrow some from the Apples)
3 Large Bags of "Sour Cream & Onion" Potato Chips (they didn't have Nightshade or yours favorite flavors)
3 Boxes of Snack cakes
4 Jars of Chocolate Peanut Butter
6 Cans of soup (3 Creamy Tomato, 3 Broccoli Cheese)
7 Boxes of whole-wheat crackers
8 Bags of Gummy Fruits
10 Bottles of cotton-candy flavored Ramune (Neighponese soda)
15 Instant Noodle Bowls (Special version that heats up when unicorn magic is applied)
added to Inventory
40 Bits remaining
You come across Rainbow Dash signing a line of autographs. You walk over to her and she spots you first,
"Hey Baker! How bout when I'm done here you get the pleasure of hanging out with the most super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing pony in Equestria!"
Rolling your eyes at her boasting, you say,
"Uh... Rainbow Dash, Don't you think you're letting all this go to your head?"
"No way Jose." Rainbow Dash brushes off while posing for a camera while signing an autograph, "It's only bragging if you can't back it up, which I can because I'm super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing!"
You're about to say something when you all hear a cry for help as a mare in a popped Hot-air balloon plummets to the ground.
"Uh, don't you think you should go and help?" Snips points out.
"Yeah, yeah. I've got a good ten seconds to spare. Just a coup-"
"RAINBOW!!!" you yell.
"FIne..." Rainbow pouts before talking off.
When the mayor names this new costumed hero, you snark at "how creative" the Mayor's name is before writing to the Doctor about this new development before heading off to pick up Nightshade.
Pick up Nightshade from Twilight's library where she is being taught a replication spell.
Nightshade shows you a copy of the Foal Free Press and you laugh at the Gabby Gums column "Snips and Snails and Bubble Gum Fails" (which itself was the result of a prank Nightshade pulled on the two) causing Selena to comment,
Typical that you'd laugh at this. Back in my time, comedy was held to a much higher Stan-Bwahaha! Sticky sweets on their hindquarters! Hahahahaha!
Trip on scarf again.
Big Mac and Cheerilee are still looking for a cheap divorce lawyer (as a result of this, Cheerilee isn't paying as much attention to schoolwork as she usually does).
After you finish work, eat dinner with Nightshade (3 Instant Noodle bowls (1 for you and 2 for Nightshade), 1 Large Bag of Potato Chips, leftover buttered corn on a cob and grape juice from the Apples, and a Box of Snack cakes for dessert), pack Nightshade's lunch for the next day, and put Nightshade to bed, you go to Horde Meeting where President Fluttershy is late...
Nightshade's Saddlebag Inventory:
-Jar of Chocolate Peanut Butter
-Box of Whole-wheat crackers
-2 Apples
-2 Bags of Gummy Fruits
-2 Bottles of cotton-candy flavored Ramune
-Homework ("checked" by yours truly)
-2 Pencils
-Crayon Pack
-Roll of duct tape
-3 Bits pocket change
The Inventory
-2 Large Bags of "Sour Cream & Onion" Potato Chips
-2 Boxes of Snack cakes
-3 Jars of Chocolate Peanut Butter
-6 Cans of soup (3 Creamy Tomato, 3 Broccoli Cheese)
-6 Boxes of whole-wheat crackers
-6 Bags of Gummy Fruits
-8 Bottles of cotton-candy flavored Ramune
-12 Instant Noodle Bowls (Special version that heats up when unicorn magic is applied)
Remaining
Find out that Horde membership overall has shrunk due to Fillydelphia (Thunderlane has left the Ponyville Horde for example)
5694660
"That'll be 1 Bit for the comic you just burned." Comic Joe says in deadpan annoyance. He also admits he knows many of the comics he has are bad, but enjoys watching the behatted pony's reactions to them.
The behatted pony is now on a "ADAMANTIUM RAGE"-fueled punching spree (and is now punching a bed of flowers while screaming "Why aren't you giving me fire powers?!") so you Falcon Punch him to calm him down.
(Continuing Featherweight coversation)
"But take these coupons for Hayburger Queen." you say as you hoof him a coupon page you found in the mail, but when he accepts it you lean close and whisper-growl,
"If you take any embarrassing paparazzi photos of me or my Nightshade, I will burn the heart out of you."
Featherweight gulps nervously as he nods rapidly.
===========
Does it count if I'm American but my mom cooks Filipino food?
If so I LOVE ground turkey ginisa (ground turkey cooked in a base of garlic, onions, and tomatoes sautéed together with cooking oil) with long grain white rice
"So, uh... How's Nightshade?" you asked.
Needless to say, you've been quite curious on how her magic training had been going. With the crazy power she had, you were curious about how she'll fare in any given situation. ...Beating ponies up aside.
Twilight smiled. Must be something good. "You're daughter is amazing! Even though she had so much magical power within her, her control was splendid. So far, she can do basic spells without breaking something."
Huh. Does this have to do with the broken stuff that was always left outside of the library with a sign that said, "Come fix this, Bugze. 5 bits an item each."
Said bits were put into your savings. Goodness, you really need to be economical, especially with Nightshade's excessive eating habits. Still, you luckily got your pouch filled with some bits. Although, you wonder why she's paying you for the the things your own daughter breaks...
Did Nightshade have a hoof into this?
Realizing you were spacing out for a bit, you chuckled forcefully and said, "Ehehehhe, Y-yeah! That's my girl. Always taking every task head on, and... stuff." Jeez, have you been so troubled by recent events that you're approaching Fluttershy levels of nervousness?
"Although... She had a hard time liking a book." Aaand there's the catch. Honestly, you arent surprised to hear that. "She needs to understand that there has to be something new to learn, you know? And what better way than to read a book!" Sparkle looked at you square into the eye. "You're her father. Surely you can convince her."
"Um, sure?"
"Thanks! Now then, I'll be on my way. Bye!"
"...Bye," you muttered loud enough for her to hear. You waved as she left the door, of which she returned.
Speaking of learning and books... You took out a familiar guide from your inventory. "Elemental Manipulation Vol. 4: Air" it said. Ever since you planned on abandoning the cloak and the name Hooded Offender along with your fan club, you've been peaking into it's pages for a while.
To keep the down low, you have to stop yourself from using your usual techniques. By now, the entire Royal Guard would've memorized every move you can use. It sucks, but you'd rather not meet any more trouble any time soon. Sooner or later though, you'll still need to protect your loved ones somehow. So, you needed to make an entirely different moveset, or different enough to pass, to keep any suspicion down.
And what better technique than Air bending, one of the most flexible fields out there? That is, if what you've read so far was correct. The only reason why you haven't got a good handle of it was because of how hard it actually was. That, and you didn't have the time recently. After a few weeks though, you finally thought you were ready.
After this meeting with the Horde, you'll take a spin.
Spaghetti nuff said.
---------------
"Twilight?! What are you doing here?" Bugze asked.
"I'm just getting Spike some more comics. Never thought you would be here." Twilight replied.
"Well that would make sense, he definitely enjoys reading them. But why you?" Bugze asked.
Twilight sighed. "Spike is just to lazy to get them himself. Sometimes I worry about him."
Bugze then chuckled lightly and said. "Well don't worry to much. But I'm more surprised that they've been making comics about m- the Hooded Offender."
"I can't believe they would do something like that. Why would they making Equestria's most wanted criminal a hero?" Twilight said looking at the latest issue of The Dark Offender.
"I dunno. Maybe for publicity?" Bugze wondered.
Twilight went to the shelf and picked up the latest issue of Power Ponies. "Well I'll just be going now. Nice chatting with you Mr. Tennant, even if only for a few seconds." Twilight left the store.
"She your Marefriend Tennant?" Comic Book joe joked.
"N-no I-" *Spurt* Bugze suffered the usually nosebleed, thankfully not blasting off into space. "She's just an acquaintance." He said. "Anyway you've got the latest issue of the Dark Offender right?" He then asked.
"Of course! Here it is." Joe handed Bugze the latest Comic in the series. The cover showing THO battling against Discord.
"Thank you." Bugze put Five bits on the counter and went out the door only getting a few steps out before crashing into another pony.
Bugze looked up to see a Black Unicorn with a grey mane and dark purple eyes. "I'm very sorry sir. I wasn't looking where I was going." The pony then looked at Bugze.
He smirked very briefly before Grabbing Bugze's hoof and bringing him back on-hoof.
"It's ok." Bugze said picking up everything he dropped. The pony noticed his comic book.
"I see you are a fan of The legendary Hooded Offender." The pony said.
"Pretty much." Bugze replied.
"Well then. My name is Dark Specter. And if my memory serves me right, you are 'Baker Sylvester Tennant. Correct?" 'Dark Specter' said.
"Yes- wait how did you know that?" Bugze asked shocked.
Dark Specter chuckled lightly. "I've heard many things about this town. It is... Special to me." He answered.
"Well... O...k then..." Bugze said unsure.
"Well, I need to go now. Your future will be... Grand." Specter said. He walked behind Bugze and left. But not before whispering one phrase.
"The nightmare comes." Bugze immediately felt uneasy and began to run as far away as possible.
"I have a very bad feeling about that Stallion..." Selena said.
"You think? He knows my fake name and said that one sentence!" Bugze thought to her.
Their conversation was interrupted when they saw Fluttershy talking down upon Pinkie and Rarity.
"This is very cliché but... I told you so!" Selena said.
Live long, and prosper. V
Not really much for foreign foods, unless you call burgers and hot dogs and pizzas foreign (which, now that I think about it, all have their origin in foreign countries).
Anyway...
Try to hide the comic before she sees it; any sign you're who you really are is a danger to yourself. Also, keep an eye out at the meeting. Something is likely to go wrong, and you don't want to find Twilight and her friends trying a second time to capture you, or for any kind of ambush to happen, really, without being fully armed and equipped. For your sanity's sake, don't do something that will let the evil shadow out again.
Well.
...
...
...
...alright.
While in the shop, you decide to help Twilight find a Comic Book for Spike, while she tries to make conversation.
“So how have you been Mr. Tennant? We haven’t really had anything happen from you for a few weeks” she says.
“Nothing much, just working on the farm and…wait, are ponies expecting me to do something?”
“Well…there may or may not be a bet on how long you last till something happens that you are directly involved in…” she sheepishly responds. You give her a shocked look before she responds “Don’t worry, I bet that you would last over a month, only a few more days before Rarity owes me.”
“Great…” you say with a shake of your head.
“Sooo…everything alright between you and your…um…admirers?” she asks trying to change the subject.
“Kinda, they’ve all kind of dialed it back after what happened during Hearts and Hooves Day, which I’m thankful for.”
“Good…good,” Twilight mutters, failing to make conversation, “Sooo…which Comic should I get Spike?”
“I don’t know, what’s he into?”
“Oh all kinds of…Comicy stuff heh heh” she says causing you to realize she has no idea how comics work.
“Why are you here picking up for him?” you ask
“Well he’s been doing a good job recently and I thought I’d get him a treat…also try and get him away from Rainbow for awhile” she answers.
“Huh?” you ask.
“Rainbow Dash “hired” him to be her ghost writer,” she says with sarcasm and air quotes with her hooves.
“For what?” you ask.
“Oh she’s getting all full of herself recently. She rescued a few ponies and she won’t stop gloating.
“Oh yeah, Nightshade told me about that…”
Flashback
Nightshade and the rest of the CMC all have on fedoras and notepads and are with some skinny looking colt who has a camera.
“What are you all doing?” you ask, and you aren’t even mad that there is a colt here because he is ridiculously skinny.
“We’re gonna be CUTIE MARK CRUSADER JOURNALISTS YAY!” they all shout together, causing your scarf to fly backwards in the wind.
“OK, not the craziest idea I’ve ever heard, what made you want to do this?” you ask.
“Miss Cheerilee opened up the school paper and now we’re going to be reporters” says Sweetie.
“Yeah, she’s had a lot of great ideas since she married your brother AB” says Nightshade.
Applebloom gets a weird look.
“Yeah…they’re technically married, but it's…” she mumbles.
“Complicated” you finish for her.
“Yeah…”
You’ve had conversations with Big Red. Since Mr. Waddles doesn’t believe in annulments, he and Cheerilee have been taking it slowly…although they both seem a bit happier, and Nightshade has been getting better grades.
“Anyway, we’re going to go interview Rainbow Dash!” says Nightshade
“Why?” you ask.
“Rainbow Dash just saved a filly trapped in a well and a bunch of old folks, we’re gonna go interview her with the rest!” shouts Scootaloo.
“Oh, well alright then” you say. You haven’t been glomped by Rainbow in awhile, which you respect.
“This is our camera op, Featherweight,” Nightshade introduces the skinny colt.
“You alright kid? You need a sandwhich?” you ask him.
“No, why would you ask that?” he asks confused.
"No Reason."
Present Day
She just keeps posing for cameras and acting cocky, she’s getting really annoying, to all of us…” Twilight huffs.
“Yeesh, she must really be hamming it up if Twilight and the others are annoyed with her” you think.
"Attention Whorses usually do" Selena responds
“So why don’t you tell her about it?”
“We tried, she just brushes us off…what would you do?” she asks.
“Well…I guess I’d give her a taste of her own medicine” you reply honestly as you browse through comics.
“Hmmm…” Twilight contemplates at your answer.
You pick up a few comics and walk outside the door with her. She asks what you got and you show her a Batmane Comic Book, “All Star Batmane” but before you can even suggest it to Twilight, it is slapped out of your hooves by a brown earth pony stallion with a pretty hat, glasses and tan coat with a burning wall for a cutie mark.
“NO! It’s a bunch of Frank Muler trash!” he shouts.
“Oh, OK,” you agree the author has gone downhill since his early days.
“How about this?” you ask him holding up an issue of “New Guardians”
“No, that one is boring, and Snowflame isn’t even in it!” he says slapping that one out of your hooves as well.
“What about this one?” you ask holding up “Supermane at Earth’s End” which shows Supermane looking like Canter Claus.
“NO! BURN IT! BURN IT!” he shouts.
“OK then” you reply like a dope and burn the comic book in a nearby trash barrel as you watch the pretty flames.
“Was that really necessary?” asks Twilight.
“Yes!” both you and the hatted pony shout.
“I just wanted to get a comic book for my little dragon” pouts Twilight.
“Here, he’ll enjoy this” the stallion says as he tosses an issue of Power Ponies at Twilight.
“Start em young I say, now if you’ll excuse me, that mare has an issue of X-Force. ADAMANTIUM RAGE!” he shouts as he snatches the comic book out of the mare’s hooves and runs away with it.
“Well…that happened” says Twilight.
“Heh heh…pretty flames…” you say enraptured by the burning trash barrel before Twilight puts it out, snapping you out of it.
5693424
After Witnessing the New Masked Vigilante in action, your first thought is of jealousy.
How come Mare Do Well gets treated well for saving ponies and all you get is a Bounty on your head?
The Second thought is that the costume is clearly trying to resemble a dark hero like Batmane or your own hood, and that is a red flag in your book. All vigilantes have got to go, not just you. Things will only lead to destruction like they have with you.
You scowl at the Masked Mare as she runs off, and you make a note that you should probably talk to her and have her give up her ways before she travels the dark path you did, and failing that, force her to.
Unbeknownst to you, Rainbow Notices your scowl.
Also, when hanging out with Flash, you two go out to lunch. You decide that you will give him your "Not Being A Speciest Talk" right in the middle of the restaurant place you two are eating at, where everypony can hear you, and some give Flash glares.
"I keep telling you I'm not a speciest! It's just a few derogatory terms I picked up from my Grandpa on a subconscious level, I don't believe in them. I love all ponies!"
"What about other creatures?" you ask.
"I'm fine with all species alright? I'm not a..."
"OK, what are your thoughts on Diamond Dogs?"
"BUCK THOSE FURRY ROTTEN MONGRELS TO TARTARUS!!!" he shouts, causing everyone to look at him in shock, including a nice looking Diamond Dog family with pups (whom they've covered the ears of).
"Dude..." you say to him with a shake of your head.
"NO NO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" he shouts, "I had a bad experience with some who kidnapped me and my squad! I'm sure they aren't all bad! I don't judge all because of a few! You believe me right? heh heh heh..."
The Dog family gets up and leaves, "Really, in this day and age. You sicken us," they chide causing Flash to slam his head into his hooves and groan.
You pat him on the back.
"Cheer up pal, we'll break you of your problem soon..."
"I swear, I don't have a problem" he mumbles into his hooves.
"SPECIESTSAYSWHAT!" you say real fast.
"What?" he says with a lift of his head.
"Exactly!" you say as you point at him.
It takes him a moment to realize what you did, and after he does, he facehooves once more.
Later at the meeting, you decide you will give the news as the Offender, donning the cloak, you walk in to the last meeting.
And as for Foreign Food, good authentic Mexican Food is where it's at. I love Burritos, Tacos, Carne Asada, Carnitas, Beans, Rice. All of it.
so I came on today
2 new chapters
this one's name made me think "PERSONA REFERENCE?!"
and I read the first new chapter
"YES"
my favorite foreign food?
TURKISH DELIGHT
Chocolate moches!!!
You're flipping through the Power Ponies comic Flash suggested, wondering how they would stack up in a fight against the Marevengers. Captain Equestria's tactical mind would give them a huge edge against the Power Ponies, but the variety of powers the Masked Matter-Horn and Radiance display could be too much to compute. Iron Mare could just blast them all with a rocket, but that's assuming Fillysecond wouldn't catch it in flight. For that matter, how would Black Arachnid stack up against Mistress Marevelous?
Another opinion is needed, just so you could start arguing with each other if nothing else, so you turn to look for Flash again. You see him staring at the Horde meeting sign.
He sees you staring and points to it. "Don't suppose you know where this is?"
"Nope! Not a clue! Why? You want to join?"
"You... could say I have a passing interest in them, yes. I've met a few of them in my travels. Because that's what I do. I travel. As a traveling guitar player. Yes. A guitar player and nothing else." He clears his throat. "Anyway, don't you think it's a little... weird? I mean, they put the password right on the sign."
"Yeah, but the thing is... huh." They did indeed put the password right on the sign.
And you trusted Fluttershy with the secret of my existence...
"W-well, the password isn't much good on its own, is it? A strange pony would still need to find the place. What will they do? Knock of every door in town and say the password to everyone who answers until they get lucky?"
"Great idea!"
"Huh? Wait-!"
Flash runs out of the shop.
I would be furious with you if this wasn't so adorable.
I... uh... you... well... elaborate, please?
You and him. This bromantic attraction you have together.
We do not have a bromance! We only share interests is TV, movies, games, and comics. And we get each others' references. And we totally rocked out together. Twice. And he agreed to hear me out in Fillydelphia. And... he helped me out during the Loveocalypse. Oh, sweet Sunbutt, we have a bromance.
And now he is going to be there as you address your followers for possibly the last time.
Yeah. Maybe. I still need to figure that out, huh? I don't suppose you have anything to more to add?
As a matter of fact, I do. This.
"GAH!" You cover your mouth as everypony in the store looks at you. "Sorry. Didn't see the reveal in this panel coming, you know?"
HA! hot tub time machine reference
quick inventory check
Next time you get you get in a fight, shout "Yo Joe!" as you hit someone.
I solute you Nimroy. I will admit though, the first time I heard him wasn't when he voiced Spock from Star Trek, like with most of you guys out there. The first time I heard him was when he voice acted Master Xehanort from Kingdom Hearts BBS. And I can't help but wonder if his passing on is one of the reasons why Kingdom Hearts III is taking so long.