• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Monday

The Abyss


Comments ( 70 )
Comment posted by Manes deleted Oct 15th, 2014

Premise is hilarious... Hopefully it'll be we'll written.

5143554

Reason 45632568 why downvotes need to be canned altogether, or reset to require a comment/reason for the vote.

GMD
GMD #4 · Oct 15th, 2014 · · 18 ·

5143554
No kidding. For something so good. (And it uses a very real thing in a new perspective) Good luck figuring out how to do that without wings though.

Kodeake #6 · Oct 15th, 2014 · · 4 ·

Well that was... disappointing. And not in the good way either. Mindless clop for the sake of mindless clop is fine, but it needs to be more to make up for the lack of plot. This isn't even past 2K words, and there is no real plot. It's just not enough, there's no real substance to this. Even the clop was a little bland if you ask me. You had something interesting going with the flying bit, something I've only seen a handful of times, but then you scrap it and just have a normal, boring scene with typical descriptions and actions. It just didn't deliver properly.

It's really disappointing because I know you can do better. Your clop is some of the best I've read, and is usually something new and interesting. This just felt really lackluster compared to what you normally produce.

Eh, what the buck. Abyss clop. +1

A little bit tame, but meh! You're making stories again! :twilightsmile:

Rainbow teaches Twilight how to fly steady while having an orgasm mid-flight.

fly steady while having an orgasm mid-flight.

orgasm mid-flight.

i.ytimg.com/vi/hEfa0C897H4/maxresdefault.jpg

Maybe if the orgasm was detailed and not just 'squirts' then it would have been better. Female orgasms are exactly like male orgasms in terms of muscle contractions, but females don't just squirt a ton like males do, maybe a tiny bit of extra fluid during orgasm but that's it, yet it seems to be a common thing in fake porn. :ajbemused:

5143886 Mhm. Surely but slowly.

5143628 Yeah I know, I just wanted to write something silly. I had contemplated throwing this story up on my alt account but decided against it for whatever reason.

The reason behind this story not being 100% top-quality-holy-shit-best-work-ever is because I've had a massive writers block for the past several weeks. Writing this silly little clopfic helped me start to get past it, and I didn't want to waste the time I put into this, so I published it for you guys. I know it's not as good as some of my other stories, but to be honest, this was all I wanted it to be. I knew it wasn't going to get big or anything like that, so I left it as is, giving myself the opportunity to work on other stories, ones that are written better than this.

And I swear to god, if this gets featured...

5144008 I have no idea if you mean that in a good or a bad way lol.

5144047
Well you know what they say. Slow and steady, Baby steps, foreplay before fuckin' etc.

5144040 Actually, some girls can squirt quite a bit. Hell, there's an entire genre of porn dedicated to squirting. :twilightblush:

I thought it was kinda cute. :rainbowderp:

5144040
Maybe it's just misinformation of a clopping fandom, but I've heard that IRL mares get a lot wetter than human women, particularly during orgasm. The extreme pony squirting is based on this, although I don't much want to do any research to confirm these theories.

5144040 Actually I've seen a girl squirt, it's a real thing.

5144319 What makes you think that I was the one who deleted the comment? Just so you know, I wouldn't delete a comment from a friend.

This met my expectations. Have another -1.

5144529

Oh, sorry.

Wait, who deleted it then? Manes himself?

5144530

This met my expectations. Have another -1.

What, I can't write something silly every once in a while?

5144547 Yeah, me neither.

5144549

Ah whatever. I liked the story. It was, uh, decent enough.

5144551 Lol barely. I just wrote this for shits and giggles to get past some bad writer's block. I didn't feel like deleting it, so here it is.

5144556

Ah, that's why all the dislikes exist: it's not really written as well as your other fics.

5144559 It sure as hell isn't haha. If I don't write for a few weeks, it feels as if my writing skills start to slip a little, so this was the result of me gearing myself back up to start writing better quality things and whatnot.

5144563

Yeah. Just something to shit out before you publish a really goof story. Kind of how I did my 2 previous stories, one was a failure and the other was a huge success.

5144574 Weeell, I wouldn't call this story shit, but it's not that good lol.

5144577

Well, it is being a little trashed by people.

5144108 in a bad way, I mean.. WHAT THE FUCK?

5144130 Oh I know that, but 99% of those are either girls peeing/forcing lubricant out/or even fake cream lube stuff (whatever the fuck that is). Girls do have a small vestigial gland similar to what squirts out seminal fluid in males, but it is so small that it can't be do enough to be noticed. Sure if they were wet enough they could cause a stream a fluids to escape during orgasm, but not even close to a squirt like a male. Also, almost every single one of the 'squirt' porn stuff is not done during a real orgasm.

5144299 Well from what I have, ahem, researched, it seems mares do not squirt. It took awhile but I found a video of a real mare's orgasm and it acted exactly how human ones do. The only difference being the clit will wink out of sync of the orgasm sometimes. All the other 'mare orgasms' I found were mares peeing or just discharging this weird yellow fluid (I really think they were unhealthy, nasty as fuck). Some people don't have a clue what an orgasm is, doesn't suprise me because the only action they get is from a horse.

They had their wings draped over each other’s backs and Rainbow had laid her head up against one of Twilight’s fore legs, using it as a makeshift pillow.

She coated her lover’s right fore leg with another dribble of cum before her pleasure died away, making her go limp as she relaxed into Rainbow’s embrace.

This is one word.

“Thanks for catching me… I knew you would…” she

This just ends without any resolution.

Panting, she snuggled up to Rainbow, laying her head in the crook of her left fore leg.

This is one word.

This was not bad. Had I not been an idiot and read the comments first, I may have enjoyed it more. I will try not to make that same mistake next time.

KBO.:twilightsmile:

5145200 Got those, thanks! And yeah, this was just a little something simple.

Minor error found:

She almost forgot to stop flapping her wings at that point,

Should be:
She almost forgot to keep flapping her wings at that point.

Beyond that, nice piece. :twilightsmile:

5143628 i enjoyed it, sometimes simple, plain clop is nice

Loved that end line, added just a little humor to the end of a very enjoyable scene.:twilightsmile:

5145040
Thank you for being the sacrificial lamb necessary to give me that information. Random trivia, even at its most trivial, is generally appreciated.

5146616 well to both of you im going to say to you what i say to everybody who says it's not realistic

"AHEM" *throws hat on ground*

It is a fan made story about CARTOON!, MAGICAL!!, TALKING!!!, TECHNICOLOUR!!!! ponies. REALISM!!!!!! went out the proverbial window within the first FIVE minuets of the FIRST EPISODE!!!!!!

WHO CARES if it is REALISTIC the majority like it so live with it

"THANK YOU and GOOD DAY SIR!!!!"

*Picks up hat and walks off*
*Walks back*
"also have a like author"

5146836
My headcanon when it comes to clop remains that mares gush buckets. That this doesn't match up with IRL mares is merely trivial trivia.

I like it, but I agree with Kodeake.

:heart::twilightsmile::rainbowkiss::heart:

5146867 yeah..........
sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-cause-i-dont-care.png

that is just my stock standard response to people who comment on realism

5146836

well to both of you im going to say to you what i say to everybody who says it's not realistic
"AHEM" *throws hat on ground*
It is a fan made story about CARTOON!, MAGICAL!!, TALKING!!!, TECHNICOLOUR!!!! ponies. REALISM!!!!!! went out the proverbial window within the first FIVE minuets of the FIRST EPISODE!!!!!!
WHO CARES if it is REALISTIC the majority like it so live with it
"THANK YOU and GOOD DAY SIR!!!!"
*Picks up hat and walks off*
*Walks back*
"also have a like author"

Wow.

This really is one of the stupidest comments I've seen in quite a while. Not just that it's grammatically dubious, but it also makes no sense whatsoever.

There is a very good reason why good writers strive for realism in their stories: It adds a sense of self-investment and identifiability with the presented characters. In the show, even though we're presented with pastel-colored talking horses, their social interactions and reactions are based on how things work in reality.

What character looks like, doesn't matter, just as long as they have depth and that someone can identify with them.

Speaking of which: There is no way I can like this story, and here is why: The characters are bland, the sex scene is sub-par and... Well... There is nothing more to the story than that, anyways.


~Twi

5146909WOW ok
quickmeme.com/img/f1/f1f4108002b5da5c868eaad5a51294986bcd47e50abb0849dc32b744bf24848b.jpg
terrariaonline.com/attachments/shit-just-got-real-celestia-png.20981/

Wow.
This really is one of the stupidest comments I've seen in quite a while. Not just that it's grammatically dubious, but it also makes no sense whatsoever.
There is a very good reason why good writers strive for realism in their stories: It adds a sense of self-investment and identifiability with the presented characters. In the show, even though we're presented with pastel-colored talking horses, their social interactions and reactions are based on how things work in reality.

oh and there ponies PONIES get it right dumb ass

hey buddy
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/179/907/131643017464.gif

and for this part of your comment

Speaking of which: There is no way I can like this story, and here is why: The characters are bland, the sex scene is sub-par and... Well... There is nothing more to the story than that, anyways.
~Twi

searchquotes.com/sof/images/picture_quotes/31525_20140123_162147_whocares02.jpg


oh and
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2462-1300434230970.gif

so
gameinformer.com/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer-Components-PostAttachments/00-01-18-51-53/5.png_2D00_500x400.png


cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/48877850.jpg

iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/172066__UNOPT__.gif

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/579/827/fa0.png

and i shall leave you with this

because frankly data3.whicdn.com/images/22245286/original.jpg

also sir s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014-06/4/11/enhanced/webdr06/enhanced-4739-1401894578-12.jpg



i love the internet


5144074 hey dont listen to idiots like him, comments like his dont help anybody

LOL OMG yes you finally wrote it! XDD

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