The Abyss
Joined 22nd Nov, 2012 ·
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...where'd ya get that there cover pic, if I might be so bold as to ask?
4989601 Cropped pic from Braeburn.
Is this based on that Braeburned pic? If so, Damn you for posting this while I'm on duty!!!
4989626 Most of it is.
Hahahahahaha
wait whats in the second drawer?!
That was quite hot
4989663 It is a mystery :o
My need for a second chapter is over 9000!
Oh my.
Please tell me there is a second chapter titled 'The Second Drawer'!
danm you now we need to know what's in the second drawer!.....
come on DO A SECOND CHAPTER
:o second... Drawer?... :O
Obviously it's the canine strap-on from the title pic
Goddamn it Soarin, your better then that.
(Wow, two downvotes for a joke)
4989606
Source please?
I'm just wondering if one of the toys is the second drawer is a strap-on...
Oh boy, here we go.
I will not like or fave what I see here so my parents don't know, but I do say well done for a clop...
4990858 Why not just make a new account that your parents don't know about?
Great job getting to the status where almost everything you write gets featured. I'll read this after class; i'm sure it'll be great!
I need to show this to my room mate.... the one I caught using my panties and toy. He is now m y naughty girl.
This is so up my alley.
Mh, I was hoping for Rainbow to be a bit more of a Dom seeing the story title etc. but still, t'was pretty good ^^
4991256 if you want that sort of stuff, check out my stories for the love of the song or the bonds between lovers.
4991275 Dont worry I checked those allready in the past ^^
Good show, mate. Good show!
Apperantly, I'm Australian for a day.
Wow, that is the single most bland and generic title I have ever seen.
Let's hope the fic is better than that.
4991688 It's a clopfic; what'd you expect?
Edit: Geez, it was just a joke, people...
4991692
I expect someone with more that 1000 followers to have some set of standards and a little bit, even a little bit, of effort put into every single aspect of everything he writes. "It's a clopfic" is not an excuse to be bland and boring. It's the equivalent of saying "it's an adventure fic, what do you expect?" or "it's a sadfic, what do you expect?"
Genre is not an excuse for bland, boring, tasteless writing. If you even come close to thinking that, you are so dead wrong it hurts. It hurts to see someone with such a big following such as yourself give so little of a damn about writing itself. I hope that the fic itself is a bit more adventurous and creative than the title is, but your attitude is clearly in the wrong place for any kind of writing.
I'm not sure what I expected when your longest fic is a rip-off of Spellbound Fireflies without any of the creative elements that fic had.
4991719
Alright, hold on for a second here; my comment was just a joke. It's not an excuse for anything. I picked the title because it represents the fact that panty raids are a bit of a "forbidden desire" from Soarin's point of view, hence the reason why he waited for her to leave her house before he went to her bedroom.
I completely agree.
I actually do give a pretty big damn about writing. I spend quite a bit of time polishing stuff off before I post it.
You may not think the title is all that creative, but from my point of view it is, as you can see from my explanation above.
4991792
oh my God are you serious
Are you really resorting to this sort of backpedaling excuse? Are you really, really resorting to "oh lol it was just a joke of course I didn't mean it"? Are you honestly, truly, really serious? How in the hell can "it's a clopfic what do you expect" be a fuckin' joke? A joke has a setup, a delivery, and a punchline, or in the case of a gag, it's just a punchline. This isn't a punchline.
That doesn't mean that your prose isn't lifeless, your characterizations aren't weak, your pacing isn't keeping people invested, etc. etc. etc. I'm certain Marshal Twilight
isn't a yes-mankeeps you on the straight and narrow grammar wise, but you don't need a grammar editor. You need a style editor, someone who can point out things wrong with your prose, with your characters, with your pacing, all that jazz.You give a damn about it being presentable, but it needs to be more than presentable. It needs to be exciting. It needs to be interesting. It needs to be, for God's sake, an example of storytelling. It's a story, not a fucking English paper. So many authors get this so wrong and it leaves a hole in me.
Bolded for emphasis.
Your point of view (not yours personally but yours as a general rule for all writers here) is never reliable ever. Ever ever. I'm not demanding your title be original, I'm just demanding that it be creative and interesting. Forbidden Desires has got to be one of the most-used titles on the goddarned site for clopfics. It can mean anything and can be applied anywhere. It takes no effort to slap it on if you're out of ideas/have no ideas at all since you lack creative thought. You clearly aren't a member of the latter group, so don't fucking act like it.
Stop making excuses and start actually giving a damn about style.
OH MY!
4991864
Okay, let's back up for a minute here. Why would you instantly assume that I'm trying to backpedal and come up with some bullshit excuse?
4991894
Did I have any reason not to? "it's a clopfic so you shouldn't expect effort" is a really, really strong statement. It's not the kind of thing I take lately, and it hardly feels tongue in cheek as you may have intended it.
I have met enough people who seriously have this mindset that I shouldn't have to even assume it's not a joke. I know it's not one– such a bold, broad statement encapsulating all of clopfiction, and has been said ever since the genre became a genre, just can't be a joke when it's said the way you said it.
4991922 But you don't even know me, so how could you possibly know that I'm one of those people?
4991939 I'm going to reply to you though a PM.
Nice! Good Work!
4991947
Please do. I'm actually sorry this escalated to the point that it did in the comments. We should have stayed in PMs several replies ago.
Now you've got you making a butt of yourself and me pointing out why aaaaall over the comments section, and that's the kind of stain that doesn't wash out.
4991959 There's always the delete button lol. I'd much rather prefer to not do that though. You'll get my response in a second.
Well, that was nice. The descriptions were well crafted, as always. I didn't see any grammar mistakes or the like. I suppose that you're implying that the relation had already been established. I can get behind that. Overall, it's a 10/10. See ya on the next fic!
How do I describe this story? Your stories always make my heart quicken at the sexy bits, y'know? They get the adrenaline going. This story... didn't do that for me. If I was more into SoarinDash, it might have. Not to say I didn't like it, of course. I did. You write clopfics well, it's just a personal preference thing.
But, as always, I think a good reviewer talks about the quality of the writing, not whether it conforms to someone's personal preferences. In that regard, you did really well. If you were going for a straight up porno-style clopfic, it was pretty much flawless. There wasn't a lot of buildup or dialogue, so I didn't care about their relationship. You made them buck like ponies in heat and not much else, just the way it was supposed to be.
I think I encountered one use of the word "Soaring" when I think you met "Soarin", but that's all right. It was right at the beginning of the super sexy fun-times, so I didn't really pay attention as I was kinda hurrying up to get to the bits with the poose. Punctuation, grammar, all of it seemed well-done, and no mistake really took me out of the story.
Overall, I'd give this a 5/10, if I were rating this on a personal preference scale. I'm just not into SoarinDash, and it takes a lot to get me really into a fic with them. This story didn't do that, which is why I can only reliably rate the technical aspects. And for that, I'm gonna give this story a 7.5/10. The creativity was there, but... strained, I think. I dunno, I can't really describe it. But what writing you did was done well, and I appreciate that in a story.
And I can honestly say that if you were to do a second chapter here, I'd read it. I've read much worse SoarinDash. This was nowhere near as bad as those other fics were, even if they weren't enough to get me into the pairing. But back to my original point. If you write a second chapter, and it's clop, and I can clop to it, I will read it.
Until then, I think I'll go re-read one of your other fics. I really like 'em.
I think you meant to say "she likes what she sees".
All in all, really hot story. SoarinDash is one of my favorite ships, and I really like the way you characterized Soarin. I wish it were longer, though.
4992467 ...wow. I can't believe I missed something so simple...
Thanks lol.
The idea that owning a sex toy makes you kinky makes me giggle.
4992518 Heh, its the idea of what Dash does with that sex toy that makes Soarin think she's kinky.
4992647