• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 13th, 2019

Marshal Twilight


A smut-peddling armchair general with a love for writing and ponies.

Comments ( 60 )

Fuck someone needs to draw some of these scenes!

Comment posted by Fresh Cookies deleted Jun 29th, 2014

4614020

First after editor.

Being the first to comment on a story doesn't mean a thing lol. If this was on my story, I would have deleted it. :twilightblush:

Comment posted by Fresh Cookies deleted Jun 29th, 2014

4614113

Old habits die hard for me, okay?
Constructive comment to be placed here as well. Commence read!

Uhh... how is any of that constructive? :twilightblush:

Pretty good....pretty damn good >:) I say that is one of the best clops i have read

Ha, fucking funny. That was a good laugh. You should post this in Fetish Syndicate.

4614167 What are you talking about?

4614254 Oh, okay lol. That makes sense.

Well, not to be nitpicky, but Thunderlane really only f*cked Spitfire. I don't think it counts if you just oral another guy. Just saying.

4614400 So even if you suck another guy's dick, it wouldn't be gay? Yeah, sure; that makes a lot of sense.

Why is this called Spitroast when it's DP?

And don't say because of Alliteration, that's just a cop-out.

4614128

I said to be placed, silly!

Well now that I've read it, definitely a fine piece of clop. I'm not one to judge quality but it is amazing ^^

4614418 I didn't say that. And the downvotes was unnecessary. Thunderlane didn't technically did Soarin...he gave him a BJ, that's all. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be offensive or anything.

Comment posted by sbloom85 deleted Jun 29th, 2014

4614578

I said to be placed, silly!

Well now that I've read it, definitely a fine piece of clop. I'm not one to judge quality but it is amazing ^^

Yeah... like I said before, how is any of that constructive? :ajbemused:

4614653 I'm not the most helpful of people, I get it okay? Would it just be better for you if I left this story without a mark to show my appreciation? I would like to display how much I enjoyed the story without fucking it up apparently every single time :/

Right. There's your upvote. ^^ Let's talk!

First of all, thank you for acknowledging that such a concept as the refractory period exists. Recovery is essential!

Secondly, you (and I assume The Abyss) have done a M/F/M where there's actual interaction between the males. And YES, A NICE, FRIENDLY BLOWJOB COUNTS. Thunderlane and Soarin' obviously have various concepts and comfort levels of and with their sexual agency and employ them with great fluidity. (How about that? And I don't even *have* a Gender Studies degree!) Bisexual ponies of the male-identified persuasion are always a welcome addition to clopfics. (I am so sorry. I'll stop now.)

A lot of your fic, though, suffers a little from the same problem I keep learning that I have: There's dialogue, and there's dialogue tags, but there's not a lot of action sometimes in between those one or two sentence paragraphs. A little more filler might be needed. Not a lot, but a little. Just as an example:

Thunderlane nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that’s why I keep my mane cropped. You pick up a lot of static flying through storm clouds. Makes your hair stand up.”

Soarin nodded. “Makes sense. Gotta say though, carrying packages didn’t help my chances at getting into the Wonderbolts, what with all the stuff we do involving weather.” He grinned. “But I made it eventually.”

Spitfire snorted. “Yeah, eventually. Only took you what, four tryouts?”

“Three!” Soarin said indignantly, but his slight smile somewhat ruined the effect.

Still, it's a good clopfic threesome and they deserve as much time together as they want.

But I am going to deduct a point for Soarin' going in dry on Spitfire there. Asses are still not at the self-lubricating stage and neither her own fluids from her arousal, nor Thunderlane's blowjob on him, would be enough to prepare her. Lube is *essential* and there are smooth ways to insert it into a story (see what I did there? Huh?) without withdrawing from the mood entirely.

Lastly, the sex was pretty standard, but comfy Spitfire was good. Don't be afraid to experiment with positions and combinations, though, in the future. You've got a *lot* of choice and new stuff to surprise the readers doesn't hurt.

I have no clue why I just read this, but I didn't regret it. Have a like from the loose religious man.

On a side note, poor Rainbow :rainbowlaugh:

Not a bad fic at all. DP has to be one of my favourite things and you pulled it off nicely. 8/10 in my books.

4615110 If you're going to read a story and not give any tips or pointers, don't say something like 'constructive comment', it implies that you're going to give something... well... constructive. Y'know, helpful before future writing. If you're going to just say "wow that was a great clop scene" it's not really constructive...

Okay, I'm not into the whole M/M thing, but hey I'm not against it, so it was a good fic. the M/M part of it, just made this story what it is, if it would have been just the two stallions with spitfire then it's kinda bland, but since you made both Soarin and Thunderlane Bi, it made it a nice piece to read.:pinkiehappy: Thumbs up.

Despite the original misleading chapter title, it was a pretty good fic. Would love to see a successor. Maybe call it "Rainbow Dash's Fearsome Foursome" starring her, Thunderlane, Spitfire and Soarin.

4613870

You know, that's the downside about reading any clop I write. If I'm willing to do it, that probably means there isn't much porn of it yet.

4614192

Thank you!

4614400

An interesting statistic for you: 20-40% of gay couples do not engage in anal sex at all. It might have 'only' been a blowjob, but it was certainly closer to gay than straight, and I thought the warning would be a courtesy.

4615574

I can't decide if she'd hate Thunderlane for it, completely not believe him, or simply press for details. I think I'll go with 'jealous' and 'slightly resentful'.

4615864

I do believe this is the first time I've written DP. It's always nice doing something new.

4616106

Yeah, I structured the story specifically so that if people didn't like M/M, they could close one eye and focus on the straight sex. The original idea was going to be a pony train with Thunderlane in the middle and Soarin on top, but I figured that would make things a bit difficult for straight people.

4616479

I don't usually do sequels, but that idea does intrigue me, and I do like the title. In any case, thank you for the comment.

4615864

If you're going to read a story and not give any tips or pointers, don't say something like 'constructive comment', it implies that you're going to give something... well... constructive. Y'know, helpful before future writing. If you're going to just say "wow that was a great clop scene" it's not really constructive...

Took the words right out of my mouth. :twilightblush:

Finally, a fanfiction that lets your eyes orgasm like Soarin. I really like your style, though I scarcely am to be found at clopfics. Sir Marshall, let me thank you for breaking my streak of stories with bad grammar. I liked how you let both Spitfire's confident and Soarin's casual, yet not clumsy, character harmonize. Very good work, though I wished you'd write more none-clop stories, you'd have a follower in me :raritywink:

4615373

First off, thank you for the long review! Authors should always appreciate the detailed ones like this.

Now, to address your points:

I did indeed want to have at least some interaction between Soarin and Thunderlane. I wanted to have a little something here for everyone, and the best way to do that was by having a little M/M on top of the M/F.

As for the dialogue, I completely understand what you are saying, and that is indeed a big problem for me. I think I can do the dialogue itself pretty well, but I also do too much of it, and without anything to 'break it up', so it drags on too much. I have trouble thinking of 'filler' to use, and I think that's a major weakness of mine.

As for Soarin going in dry, keep in mind that the story focuses almost entirely on Thunderlane's POV. He was completely focused on Spitfire, and couldn't see what Soarin was doing. Soarin easily could have applied some lube before he mounted Spitfire.

Lastly, if you've got any positions in mind for another story, I'd love to hear some. I might use them in my next fic, since I definitely like to mix things up a bit wherever I can.

4614128 Go fuck yourself. Is that constructive :) ?

The fic was good, though I agree with commentor below me. Going in dry like that is a big no no. All three fit well in the story like a properly working, but unlubed, machine.

4616804

Go fuck yourself. Is that constructive :) ?

Not at all. Blocked and reported.

4614418 I don't feel bad anymore. You are a dick

4616817
4616824
4616835

Stop. Seriously, right now. I will not have yet another of my stories deteriorate into a flame war in the comments. Any more comments like this, regardless of who starts it, and they get deleted. If anyone else wants to have a dickwaving contest, they need to take it elsewhere.

4616852 You got it, boss. I've said all that needs to be said anyways.

4616768

Well, there's only so many ways ponies can bend without being as marshmallow as Rarity or Pinkie Pie .... :P Although I often use the standard 'mount from behind while standing' pose for my fics, my last one I got adventurous and had Fancy Pants take AJ from behind while they were both lying on their sides. These are Pegasi ponies and they can certainly get adventurous.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for the Thunderlane POV, although something to let the *reader* know something like that hasn't been forgotten... maybe an organic thing like, "Spitfire gasped and shimmied her hips, glancing back at Soarin'. Thunderlane felt a cool trickle down his groin and understood that the mare had been lubed up." (Roughly something like that. It needs an editor. And then I'll have to rewrite it and throw in another 1000 words to satisfy the brand-name quality of the lube company.... DAMMIT, I sold out!)

4614400 Ignore Abyss's comment.

If we're talking strictly whether or not Thunderlane "did" Soarin, than in a way yes you are right in a convoluted way. To put it vulgarly, whenever you walk around a highschool Guys don't really equate a bj with fuc*ing a girl. I'm not gay and I imagine it may be different, but you are technically right in a very specific way.

This is very gay though. If you told a friend you sucked someones dick than they would probably inquire about your sexuality. Also I don't think Thunderlane "doing" Soarin is in any way important.

Fluttershy's Fathomless Phallic Foursome?

Edit:

You know, that's the downside about reading any clop I write. If I'm willing to do it, that probably means there isn't much porn of it yet.

Oh...

4616738
If you decide to do another, I'd be interested in a pony train.

SFC

While reading your story, I realised that we desperately need a pony centipede.

4616854
Don't stoop down to his level. By replying to him, he automatically wins.

4622664 I don't need to say anything else. He's banned, and for good reason.

4616852

a dickwaving contest

marshal pls

4614400
4614418 Interesting fact: It's only gay if the balls touch. So unless Thunderlane somehow contorted his body in a way that he was still fucking Spitfire and his balls were touching the balls of the stallion that he was fellating, then it wasn't gay. Still brings his sexuality into question, but it's not necessarily gay. Never done something like that personally, but I have friends who have shared the fact that they experimented back in high school. They're as straight as you can get, and they've at least tried it.

i47.tinypic.com/2lc4nz5.png

Also, Abyss, you were being quite a dick. You deserved the downvotes and the slight hate you got from that one commenter, because you were being pretty irrational with your responses.

4692111

Interesting fact: It's only gay if the balls touch.

Is that actually a fact, and if so who made it so? Not asking to be a dick I'm genuinely curious. I've always believed it comes down to personal preference. To me, a male sucking another male's dick is a homosexual act, to someone else probably not. To each their own and so on.:pinkiehappy:

4921990 I don't know if it's actually a fact or not. That's just a saying that I've heard in some chat forums, as well as from some of my friends, one of which happens to have been gay at one point in time (He isn't now. He used to be gay, he used to be bi, and I believe he's pansexual as of right now, if I remember correctly. He's just kinda all over the place.)

Anyways, point being is that I can't really back up my claims. It's just me pointing out a view that I've taken as my own. However, I do find a guy sucking another guy off to be gay... though adding a female into the mix complicates things slightly.

Fucking excellent, loved it! Came too. :heart:

Such a beautifully written, hotter-than-a-volcano story. There really needs to be more of these three in the world of clop, and finding a story this well written is rare.

On a side note; I came to this as well. At the same time those two studs came inside Spitfire!

Oh yes, that's sure to make Rainbow Dash everlastingly envious. :raritywink:

could you do one with these three, but no gay stuff?

5314633
5314217

It's not gay if they don't touch balls.

Login or register to comment