Chapter 2 - Acceptance
“No. No. No. No.”
Dash ran, spitting out the word with every breath. Darkness was all around her. Faded figures, ponies, ambled through the darkness, standing out starkly against the black. Dash ran to the closest, a pegasus colt.
“Please!” She shouted, taking to the air, hoof outstretched. “Please!”
The figure looked at her, sneered, and vanished.
Dash landed, bolting at a unicorn mare, reaching out as she got close. The mare turned, snarled in disgust.
“No! Don't go!”
The mare vanished all the same.
“Please! Please stay!”
The earth pony colt snorted and became nothing.
“Please don't leave me!”
Another vanished.
“Please, please, please, I swear I'm not a freak!” Tears were running down her face now.
Another.
“Please!” Her voice was hoarse now. Everything was blurring.
Another.
“Please, please don't leave me alone!” She pleaded, she sobbed.
One after another, they all vanished. No matter how far she ran, they all scorned her, and then became nothing. Dash, screaming, ran blindly ahead at any shape, blubbering, begging, pleading. They all vanished.
“HALT RAINBOW DASH!”
And then Dash smashed into something.
Strong, warm, legs wrapped around her and she on instinct latched onto whoever she had crashed into. Dash felt wind and heard the flapping of great wings as the cool air washed away the stagnant heat of the sweat and darkness. Soon she felt a cloud under her as her savior landed, clutching her like a foal. She didn't let go though, sobbing into the shoulder of whoever had come to her rescue.
“Do not fear, Rainbow Dash. I'm here. You are safe now.”
“I'm s-s-s-orr-r-r-y.”
“It is alright, Rainbow Dash. There is no need for shame. It was a nightmare, nothing more. You are safe now. It is alright.”
Dash shuddered for a moment, and then opened her eyes, looking up at who had saved her.
“Luna?”
“Yes, Rainbow Dash, it is I. You were having a dreadful nightmare, so I came to your aid.”
“Ah, I-” Dash snorted, trying to gain control of her leaking face, “-I gotcha.”
Luna looked at her for a moment and then snorted a laugh.
“As I said Rainbow Dash, there is no need for shame. Though it was a dream, in the moment we feel helpless to their power. I was glad to help.” She smiled. “Now, what is wrong my little pony?”
“Uh,” Dash looked away, “Uh, nothing.”
Luna frowned.
“Dreams are equal measure fancy and memory, but a nightmares such as these are rarely 'nothing,' believe me. As long as the fear that gave it birth remains in your heart, so too will the nightmare and its sisters stalk your dreams.” Luna lifted Dash up and placed her down, seeming smaller than she had before. “Now, Rainbow Dash, if you cannot tell me what is that troubles you, you must find someone to speak with upon waking. I can walk only so many dreams each night. I cannot protect you from yourself forever, especially if you do not wish to be helped.”
Dash looked away from the princess in shame, rubbing her forehooves together. She looked up and out to see a wild mountain-scape under the moonlight and a starlit sky where darkness had been before. She sighed and looked down at the cloud between her and Luna.
“I... I think I'm an asexual, and that scares me.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Asexual, a pony who doesn't like sex.”
“Well... do you like sex?”
“Yes-well-no-I-” Dash groaned in frustration, grabbing her head. “That's not what that word means.”
Luna frowned.
“Well, what does it mean then?”
“It...” Dash shook her head, and then breathed in deeply. “It's... apparently, whenever a pony sees another pony they think is really smoking hot they get all riled and nervous and excited and I never do. I always thought when I saw that in a cartoon or in a comic it was because the author was being silly or the character was a pervert but NO, it turns out I'm the weird one just because I don't get all wound up around other ponies like some kind of untrained puppy!” Dash ended her rant, staring off at the mountains, glaring at them as if daring them to talk back. She closed her eyes and sighed.
“I... see.”
“And I keep making a real jerk of myself by saying things like that. I hurt Rarity and Fluttershy's feelings because that's what I believed and I just don't know anymore.” Dash looked up at the sky. “I feel alone. I don't know if any other ponies will accept me. I know some asexuals like sex, but what if -I- don't? What if I hate it? What if... what if my special somepony dumps me because it turns out I hate sex? What if I can never find anyone? What if...” tears began streaming down Dash's cheeks as she lowered her head. “What if I am a freak and I'm all alone?”
Luna sat there, watching her through the entire speech, a sad frown on her face. As Dash faded into silent tears she reached out a wing, pulling Dash close.
“Shh, shh, my dear. It is alright.”
“I’ve been… it’s been weeks and it keeps bugging me. I'm just such a crybaby.”
“Shush. Do not feel shame, your fear is a real one. Just let it go until you are ready.”
Dash shook her head.
“I'm fine. I'm... fine.”
“Alright then,” Luna said, letting Dash go and sitting up. Dash looked lost for a moment before looking up at Luna.
“What do I do?”
“Well, for one, if you fear your asexuality could drive others away, you could find other asexual ponies and date them.”
Dash blinked, shocked.
“But,” Luna went on, “I do not think that would be necessary.” Luna leaned back, rubbing her chin. Finally she nodded, before looking back down at Rainbow Dash, smiling.
“Before I go on, Rainbow Dash, there is something you must know.”
“Okay.” Dash nodded.
“If you find a lover, and it becomes true that sex is not something you care for, if they reject you then they are not worthy of your love. Do you understand me? A true special somepony accepts another pony into their heart, wholly. If sex is not part of who you are, Rainbow Dash, then no pony can demand it of you and still claim to want your love and respect. A true special somepony will accept that, because sex or no sex, you, Rainbow Dash, are a treasure immeasurable.”
“I... uh...” Dash blushed. “Thank you?”
“What I say is yours. I give it freely because it is the truth.”
Dash looked away, rubbing the back of her head.
“Now... as for everything else... hmmm.” Luna stood up, staring off and twisting her lip as she thought. “Hmmm, I had warned her that they may cause problems”
“Hmmm?”
Luna say laid down, folding her legs under her.
“I had a conversation with Twilight Sparkle one evening regarding the modern understanding of sex. She had told me that in this day Ponies have whole dictionaries to describe their tastes now. Heterosexual and Homosexual and Bisexual and others besides. Scales and numbers, and charts, and all of these other things, and it baffled me. During the days before... well, before my nightmares came to life, we had words for the act of a mare sleeping with a mare or stallion, or for when a stallion slept with a mare or stallion, but we did not make up words for mares or stallions who slept either mares or stallions, for there were no words needed to describe them beyond ‘ponies.’ The idea of labeling ponies based on a choice like gender attraction-it never even crossed our minds, because ponies are ponies, no matter whom they loved, and that, Rainbow Dash, is something I think you should consider. This word, asexuality? It is just that. A word.” Luna lifted her forehoof. “And you, are Rainbow Dash,” Luna placed her hoof on Dash's chest, “a pony. This word may describe you, or it may not, but that is all it can do: describe. Have you changed, Rainbow Dash, because you now have a new way to describe yourself?”
“...N-no, I guess not?”
“Indeed. You were always the way you were, 'asexual,' before the word and you shall be so after. Nothing more, and nothing less. Everything you believed about yourself, what you wanted, none of that can be changed by knowing this word unless you let it. If you would have hated sex, or loved it, you would have done so before you heard this word. You now just have a clearer way to describe something about yourself.”
“But it makes me different. I now know I'm different.”
Luna nodded in reply.
“And that is true. You are different from many other ponies. You are fierce, loyal, brave, driven, kind, ambitious. I have not seen a flier like you before or after I was banished. These are not qualities everypony has, Rainbow Dash, and very few all at once.” She smiled. “We are, in short, all different.”
Dash looked away, nervous. Luna's smile faded slightly as she stood.
“I do understand though-how hard it can be to know you are apart from all the others, and now I too know the fear of worrying that there are things about oneself beyond one's surety and awareness, which may cause me and the ones I love pain and fear.” As Luna spoke her head lowered, and seemingly unnoticed a shadow passed over and behind her. “But, Rainbow Dash, whatever may happen to you in the future, you and I now both have a very powerful advantage over our fears and our loneliness.”
“And what's that?” Dash looked up and stopped short in surprise.
Standing beside Luna was a rainbow of color. White, Purple, Orange, Yellow, Lavender, and so much pink. Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Twilight and Pinkie Pie. They sat in a circle connecting her and Luna.
Her friends.
Luna smiled.
“Our friends. Each other included, I hope.”
Rainbow Dash let out a sound caught somewhere between a laugh, a snort, a sigh, and sob. She looked away and then suddenly chuckled.
“Thanks... thanks, princess.”
“Please, Rainbow Dash, call me Luna.”
“Fine, but only if you call me ‘the Dashster.’”
Luna stopped for a second, slightly confused, and shrugged.
“Very well then, what the Dashster wishes she shall have.”
Dash began bawling with laughter. Luna was not entirely sure why.
“'Dash or Rainbow is fine... Luna.”
Luna's head recoiled and shook slightly as she stared, confused.
“Very well then... Rainbow.” Luna closed her eyes and leaned back slightly. “I must leave you soon, but take my words to heart. Your friends will be there for you as will, in the end, whomever is worthy of your love.” Luna took to the air as the whole world began to bend around her and the moon behind her. “If you still fear, go to your friends for help, and when we cross paths again in the waking world tell me of your life and of your love, Dash!”
“And if you ever need me to rough up a dragon or two for you, princess - Luna - just point me in the right direction and I'll set them straight!”
Luna laughed as the whole world blurred into her lighted silhouette.
“Very well Dash, fare thee well!”
“You too!”
And with that, there was a flash of light and Rainbow woke up.
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4838359
I'm pretty sure I am, I've just never felt any interest in anyone else or their bodies.
Which is strange since my hobbies consist of reading shipping and browsing derpibooru lol.
4838488 Such an odd one you are, would you like a cookie?
Alternate title: How to break Scootaloo's little heart.
technically you can be assexual without being aromantic (that is, not feeling love for anyone in a romantic manner), there are plenty of people out there who just aren't into "boning". It might be a defective biological or genetic code, I don't know. Not to offend anyone who's assexual, but since the biological purpose of life is to continue the race....well, I dunno.
With that said, I will now read the story
4838488
Maybe you only like members of your own species.
Odd, I know, but it happens in the human population.
4838500
what asexual
4838426 :^)
The story felt a bit rushed, to me, but I'm glad to see the topic being discussed. With all of the fics out there about the angst of acceptance surrounding sexuality, it seems asexuality has generally been largely ignored, at least from what I've seen.
I do think Dash was one of the best choices for it, too.
4838716 The lack of sexual attraction to anyone or anything, or low or absent interest in sexual activity.
4840272
Some aces want it, some don't. Some aces masturbate, some don't. If you read up on stuff on AVEN or Asexuality.org, they make that clear. All asexuality means according to those resources is a lack of reflexive sexual attraction. Its something I wanted to acknowledge, because its something I deal with. I find sex to be fascinating for a lot of reasons, and when I realized I was asexual I to experienced the fears Dash did, that I would be alienated, that I might secretly hate sex and that would leave me alone. I also left it open whether Dash might or might not ultimately desire sex, because that wasn't entirely important. The focus was on her, and her acknowledging and accepting who she was.
Also, part of the point is that all of these labels are only so important. Who we are, what we do, the individuals we love, not the genders or acts we find permissible, those define us much better. These are, after all, just words. Big, tall, fat, gay, asexual. Just... descriptions.
For some reason that reminded me of the line from skyrim were a guard would say "Stop right there criminal scum!",
I like the way you portrait her so well, her doubt and fears, also the words of princess Luna were so well... she said the right things
this goes to favs!
4840823
Thanks!
Favorite pony.
Favorite princess.
Smart observation.
A wonderful solution.
This all adds to favorites, in my books.
4840304
Matches up from my time there a while back. I'm more grey-A myself. This is the second asexual Dash story I have seen. I rather like your take.
4840272
>microlabels
You're part of the problem.
Why does Rainbow have such a horrendous stigma against the asexual label, exactly? I don't see why she freaked out, or why this became some big crisis.
4846202
Because being an asexual is scary. There is this thing, that you've never experienced, but which everyone makes a big deal of. My friend compared it to going up to someone else and saying "So, there is this thing called a fairy, and it looks like this," and them replying "Oh, those? See 'em all the time. They're everywhere." It's an alienating experience. To have tangible evidence that everyone sees the world different from you in a very big, fundamental way. There is also the stigma that there is something "wrong" with asexuals. To Dash, it was an accusation, that she was somehow broken, that there was something missing from her. There is also some level of social stigma against it. I know my asexual friends get a lot of flak for it, and I only discovered and came out recently and I already had a friend get confused because I was knowledgeable and had sex in the past, and then tell me I probably just need to meet the "right" person, and a second friend got somewhat hostile after reading this story because he rejects the very concept of sexual identification, even moreso than Luna
. Then there is the slightly more personal fear I had, that this confirmed my suspicions that there was something sexually wrong with me, and that I could never enjoy sex/have a meaningful relationship because either I would be missing out or my partners would get angry with me for not putting out. Dash is afraid because I was afraid. I'm trying to present the emotions and concerns I had when I figured this out so people can understand this all better.
That clear things up?
4846485
Okay. The presentations of everyone's emotions are kind of strange, though.
Well, you get what you asked for, I guess.
A few issues:
1) I felt like the conversation in the first chapter was very unnatural and forced; it just felt like you were trying to get somewhere you wanted to go, but the conversation didn't naturally flow that direction at all.
2) As Luna noted in the second chapter, a lot of the modern made up terms for sexuality are... well, exactly that. Homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual all have clear meanings. While there are clearly asexuals, the term gets abused massively to the point where it is meaningless - a lot of people incorrectly apply it, or apply it in a very inconsistent manner. It is a very faddish thing, like people identifying as pansexual, "queer", and similar nonsense terms.
That's not to say that they don't exist - they do - but there are a lot of people who say they're asexuals who, well, aren't. And the presentation here was very sloppy - basically, Twilight pressing her in that manner not only was out of character, but also isn't a good way to determine if someone is asexual to begin with. The real question is if someone has ever been sexually attracted to anyone, ever - and Rainbow Dash's own response to that, that she thought about having sex with stallions and mares all the time, doesn't really indicate asexuality at all.
Really, the whole story felt like it had these issues, and it felt like a SJW push rather than some sort of naturally occurring story.
I deleted my earlier comment because I decided it wasn't useful.
Anyway---this story gave me a new perspective on asexuality, which was great; however, the chapter endings---both of them---seemed quite abrupt. Still, a good piece of writing.
5018044
Thank you.
This concept has always annoyed me. It's basically saying that if there's a conflict in the relationship you shouldn't be the one that has to change, they should be the ones to change. If they don't change to suit your whim then they don't deserve you. There's never any concept of compromise, which is what you do in a relationship. You should get it your way and they damn well better like it.
If I, as an asexual, don't like sex but know that my partner not only likes it but considers it as an integral part of how they bond emotionally with a partner, I don't deserve their love if I'm not willing to accept that about them and try to find a compromise. And of course, sometimes people can be perfectly 'deserving' of each other's love but then just find a complete incompatibility that can't be worked out.
But I know this ego soothing is typically used for people that need it, even if I view it as the wrong lesson to teach someone. So it's probably still a good thing. Alas.
4848884
Well that seems a bit too totally dismissive, I think.
I thought so too at first, but Twilight explained herself. You know when you see or read about a potentially interesting subject, and then you get really curious and spend far more time than you usually would to go learn all about it? It's kind of like that. Now imagine that your friend might be connected to said subject. You'd want to ask them about it and learn as much as you can from someone who has a firsthand connection.
You know, Rainbow could be bluffing. She doesn't want to look or feel like a freak. "Asexual" sort of has a hazy definition, and there's that sexuality is a spectrum, not cleanly divided.
I'd say that I don't think so, but it seems you and I define that term a bit differently. What I do know is that I'm tired of people getting all panicky at things that, whether in their mind or in reality, are characteristic of "SJW's".
I liked it, even if I think the story should have been more stretched out more, preferably in the first chapter.
People actually do this? This probably a stupid question, but it's kind of struck me as something that just happens in stories or gets drastically overplayed.
4846485
It gets sort of hard imagining why people would give someone trouble just for non-participation in an act that doesn't really do much of anything (at least from your perspective). And not just that, it's quite strange having it pop up anywhere and everywhere constantly, despite it being something people hardly ever do.
I don't get it, the obsession or the stigma. It's like having people harass you for not being interested in sports or something.
Love you, Rainbow.
There really wasn't any way to describe Twilight's actions other than attacking Rainbow. It's understandable that she may come to believe Rainbow is asexual, and it's good to talk about it if Rainbow is comfortable with her doing so, but when Rainbow says "no", you don't accuse the person of lying to themselves. Doing so makes you an asshole. I still feel like an asshole because I did that to someone once. Yes, people can and often do lie to themselves, but unless someone clearly seems to be harming themselves by conforming to a sexuality that doesn't actually suit them, it is not okay to act like you know their mind better than they do. The story itself was rather well-written, and what you were going for was nice, but I desperately hope no one interprets this as a good way to respond in that situation.
So... Dashcord, then?
Overall, I liked this. But just wanna point out that some of the dialogue, especially the lengthier bits, felt forced. Otherwise, good-job
5137279
I suspect it's probably the "and they reject you" part that incites the idea of unworthiness.
It's one thing to have issues and try to work them out. It's another to drop someone like a hot rock.
Great story. I really loved seeing Twilight and Luna comfort Rainbow.