They say all it takes is one bad day to throw an entire life out of whack.
Babs Seed hasn't had very many good days.
This is one of the worst ones.
I started this several months ago, dropped it, then picked it back up again a few days ago just to see if I could get another thing out. Please note that this is what I like to call bleakfic, as in, it's not going to be very uplifting, and that this is also a very experimental fic, so certain rules of writing and English in general have been intentionally ignored for pretention artistic effect. Enjoy.
Chapters (1)
Quit good but the word "Mundane" is really not the day system as said in other episodes real life days like Tuesday were spoken of and other that I loved it I only seen one spelling error. " haet " but that's fine. Love it favorite make more PLZ
Wow.
That was amazing holy shit
I'm going to favorite this because, holy shit it's fucking amazing, and because I can relate to this on a SPIRITUAL level jesus fuck the feels are coming out. Good on you, mate. Very good on you.
This story is middle school for me in a nutshell. Puberty makes kids animals. Probably a million times harder for a female ih her situation. Being male you kind of build up a guard, I had a hard time doing that though. That colt let the poison of his home life corrupt him, but it doesn't justify beating him near to death. That doesn't make it any less satisfactory for seeing someone stick up for themselves against no reason haters.
This story is middle school for me in a nutshell. Puberty makes kids animals. Probably a million times harder for a female ih her situation. Being male you kind of build up a guard, I had a hard time doing that though. That colt let the poison of his home life corrupt him, but it doesn't justify beating him near to death. That doesn't make it any less satisfactory for seeing someone stick up for themselves against no reason haters.
I'd love to hug her and tell her it will be okay.
Neat.
Interesting way to skip the actual fight. And, from personal experience, the way that it is actually perceived. You rarely see the actual hit, or remember it.
Wow. That was profound. Did not expect that going in.
Have a like.
Two amazing topics you don't see written often, if at all, and one with a filly whose 'fatness' happens to be quite charming no less. I can't say how nice it is to have come across one very underused pony. Sure, she gets to play with the CMC, she gets to be tough manehattan filly in some, but THIS pre-ponyville style hard look into what sort of bad times and insecurities the poor girl goes through, what many people young and old goes through, is just something I been dieing to read.
Babs just goes through so much here. Witnessed things no poor soul should have to see at such a young age. And yet, even with all her bad days, all the things she goes through, she had that innocent charm to see past the veils, the walls people put up, and just be that helpless bystander that wants to help but doesn't know how or can.
This story may not win an award for best grammatical piece, but fuck that noise. This is the type of fic that deserves a proper dramatic reading. This story is beautiful. Don't ever let anyone try to convince you otherwise. This is simply amazing. And thanks for tackling such a senstive issue and using Babs as your focus. That was simply brilliant.
And Ballcap Colt is just wow... almost feels like he's been getting abused at home but then you see him get those shiners in school. It's like he did everything to make somepony as miserable or more so than he to make himself feel better, only to have the opposite affect occur. And that ending, that truthful lie. It's sad to think the poor thing is troubled by something like that at such a young age.
I'll stop now. I'm long overdue for sleep and this is just me gushing over a story that just isn't getting the attention it deserves and that just annoys me. If you ever can, I'd recommend a proofreader. I can certainly see EQD taking this one in if it got cleaned up, easily.
If you like, I can ask one of my friends or two if they'd be willing to proofread your story. If you want. Personally I'm just happy to have had the chance to read this story. It's really good.
4811471 "haet sed" is a note written by a classmate. Those are intentional. The lack of quatations in this story can make some parts confusing.
The parapgraph in which this quoted line is from is likely the only one that could use a bit of separation as it shifts between two perspectives. But mainly the minor typo of calling him a her as well.
There was a couple other places but the story is told in a very consistent style well enough that it doesn't really effect my reading of it. If they got a nice editor and separated more speaking lines from narratives and thoughts, this could easily get an EQD feature. Or at least in my opinion.
I'd just like to note that you pulled this off brilliantly, Badger.
BRAVO this should be read on youtube it would be perfect I love the way your story is written and the detail just put some commas down here and there
Very well done.
God dammit that was harrowing.
Motherfucking amazing job you bastard.
brilliant. reminds me of my sophmore year of highschool. it was terrible. I made it through though. And I'm better for it I think. But that year was hard. I even thought about killing myself for a few minutes. I think that was my turning point though. After that, I started realizing that my life was worth way more than what others might think about me. I liked myself, and if I was n't good enough for someone, then they weren't good enough for me. That might be a cynical outlook on life, but that's what got me through the rest of that year and what i've pretty much lived by since. I dunno if I'm trying to say anything here, but this story just sparked this in me a bit.
Babs may become anorectic because of that...
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For the record, I came here to read this because of your 'value of smut' blog. But this should be rated higher. Like srsly. The lack of likes is appalling. This is some deep stuff. Srsly, props.
That was different, to say the least. The exclusion of traditional dialogue was odd, but didn't actually detract from the story overall. I really did enjoy the way you set up the tone, and the pleading, tired mindset Babs had.
The different structure and subject matter probably did hurt the view count, and the timing like you said, but I actually thought it was pretty good. It does deserve more attention for tackling the bullying subject matter and putting us in the mindset of the victim and future (or past, whichever time period in relation to the episode it takes place in. If I had to guess it would probably be past) offender herself in such an engaging way. Have a favorite.
Well now, after finally finishing this... I have to say: what a truly captivating read. It has a sort of glow to it, it's understandable, to the point, and has a good message. Life isn't always fair or easy, yet we cannot let the negatives outweigh the positives. I get a certain nostalgia for the story Bubbles after reading this by the way it is narrated. It's almost as if Babs herself is narrating it in the third person which is fantastic. A third person limited perspective narration often goes very well with this type of story and I believe you pulled it off fantastically.
This being the first story I have read by you, I was glad that I was able to absorb some of your style and ideas from this story. It is truly an individual piece of work if anything and it describes the hardships of not meeting the expectations of society when one thing is seen as good and others as bad. It is reflective on our own society in which we are quick to judge and do not realize that we hurt others without us even knowing it. Even the colt with the ball so was hurting (abusive parents no doubt).
I also like to point out the possibility that the colt is also bullied and likes to make fun of Babs because of her easiness to pick on. Bullying itself is a common theme in this story and I'm glad you addressed it. I'd like to take a more in depth look at it now:
Bullying is like a never ending cycle in which almost everyone is a victim. One person is made fun of so in return that person either: a) fights the person and sticks up for themselves or b) picks on someone weaker then them. The underlying tones of your story have risen up old emotions from past times where I also had been bullied once. Luckily, I chose option A and won my freedom from them. We are always told to be our own person with individual thoughts and personality, yet what it the cost of that?
Hopefully, this could be a sort of Uncle Tom's Cabin of the pony fan fiction universe and make people aware that everyone must treat others with respect, especially the ones who deserve it or don't receive enough of it.
Regarding your word choice and grammar overall, fantastic.
it's nice to read a tale of bullying from the view of the one being bullied so we can understand what their life is like. There is no bias, no happy endings, no nothing; just pure suffering caused by the inability to stick up for ones own rights. It's sad that we live in a world where we cannot even begin to grasp the concept of world peace.
My theology teacher (I go to a catholic school, though I'm a non-practicing Catholic) said this to us once during one of his seminars:
"How can we be nice to each other when we cannot even be nice to ourselves?"
A truly interesting quote from him and definition behind it. I think it works nicely into this story because how can we actually stop bullying? Simple, but yet not at the same time... We must first understand how to appreciate ourselves before we can help others. By doing this, can we some how break the cycle of bullying? An astounding hypothesis. On one of my Psychology essays, I wrote that "the necessary parts of the brain for human life are the ones responsible for the ability to be an individual and recognize yourself as a unique being."
I followed that sentence up with being unable to recognize yourself in a mirror, where sentience is all void, is not a life worth living. This is why we must understand that we are who we are and nobody can break that. We must no be ashamed of who we are or what we do in any way. Be proud of who you are and remember that life is a book and you are the author. Write to please only one person. that one person is yourself.
Regardless, an amazing story. Alas, I rarely give out perfect scores, but I can give you a close one...
4.5/5 stars, mellonîn. Aaaaaaand a thumbs up, a favorite, and all that good jazz. You deserved it.
I'll be looking forward to more.
Here is a basic summary of how I think of you after reading one of your stories:
- cheers.
Wow, wow. Amazing.
I was honestly expecting her to kill herself or attack the school in some way
... Wow.
This was...
...
...Wow.
Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.
I wish I had more upvotes to give you. This was ballsy and perfect.
Damn. That was... Wow.
Oh god babs sounds like me. Depressed, Unwilling to get up, Broken, Hated, all leading to "snapping point" where everything bit of emotion floods out and causes damage. The poor colt tho. He was in an abusive household and was getting bullied. The old bullying because i get picked on situation. God is put me in a pained state.
I am so envious of your ability to write descriptions. Good story!
Thank you. This speaks to me because I've dealt with weight and bullying for a good portion of my life. Well done on the story!
I was just thinking about this again. It's good. Very good.
If you write more things like it, I'll certainly read them.