Row Row
Twilight Sparkle sighed, then looked towards Rainbow Dash. “Ready?”
Rainbow Dash nodded, a gleam in her eye and a smile on her face. “Ready!” With that, they both spread their wings and took off.
Rainbow Dash had been giving Twilight flight training for the past several months and today was, in a sense, her final exam. Twilight Sparkle loved exams. Therefore, she was giving it her all in today’s race against Rainbow Dash. The plan was to fly as high as they could, then dive, fly over the Ponyville Dam, and land in front of Twilight’s new castle. But first they had to make the climb. And they did so with gusto.
Twilight could feel the wind blowing through her mane and her eyes tearing up from the sheer force of the acceleration as she rose higher in the air. Faster and faster she ascended as the air rolled over her wings, Ponyville shrinking under her. Finally at the top of her ascent—
—she suddenly stopped as she felt...something ripple on her head. Confused, she looked up to find that her horn was somehow stuck in nothing. She quickly grew worried.
“Uh...Rainbow?” she yelled.
Rainbow Dash sliced through the air and turned back to face Twilight, a look of utter confusion growing on her face.
“Twi?” she asked.
Twilight looked up at Rainbow Dash. “Yeah?”
Rainbow Dash scratched her head. “Your, uh, horn’s stuck in the sky.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and crossed her forelegs. “I’m aware.”
Rainbow Dash blinked. “Did...you know this was going to happen?”
Twilight groaned in frustration. “Do you really think I would have engaged in this activity if I knew this was going to happen?”
Rainbow Dash tittered. “Uh, yeah, good point.” Rainbow Dash then looked down, rubbing her chin as her wings flapped. “Do you think you can wiggle yourself out?”
“Hmmm…” Twilight vocalized. She then wriggled her body every which way, but due to having no surface to ground herself on, she just flailed helplessly in the air. Twilight grunted. “Rainbow, get over here.”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
Twilight pressed her eyes shut, then opened them. “I need you to pull me out of the...sky.”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Okay,” she said as she flew down to Twilight’s dangling body and grabbed it. She then flapped with all of her might as she tried to yank Twilight out of the air, a look of determined concentration on her face.
Twilight winced as she felt the sky-hole tugging against her horn. “Rainbow, I don’t think it’s—”
“—no, I totes got it—”
“—totes is not a word—”
“—whatevs.”
Twilight buried her face in her hoof as the strain against her horn increased. “Neither is whatevs. Look, just stop pulling on me. I think I’m wedged in too tightly.”
“You sure? Because I think I—”
“—Rainbow Dash, you’re hurting me!”
Rainbow Dash let go as her expression softened. “Okay...so, you want me to get help?”
“Yes,” Twilight said through gritted teeth, “that would be great.”
Rainbow Dash smiled and saluted Twilight. “Alright, I’m on it! You can count on me,” she shouted as she shot down towards Ponyville, performing a Sonic Rainboom in the process. Twilight sighed as she multiplied fractions in her head to pass the time.
----
An hour later, she heard the flapping of wings that revealed itself to be Princess Celestia, whose mouth was slightly curved down. Twilight grinned widely at the sight of her former mentor.
“Princess Celestia! It’s so great to see you! So, you see, I was flying with Rainbow Dash and this happened,” she said as she pointed to the hole in the sky where her horn was.
Princess Celestia nodded mutely. “I see you’ve tengen toppa’ed.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Tengen toppa’ed?”
Princess Celestia nodded again. “Yes, tengen toppa’ed.”
Twilight blinked. “What’s tengen toppa’ed?”
Princess Celestia looked down and sighed. “It’s an ancient phrase that roughly translates to ‘pierce the heavens’,” she said. She then looked up to face Twilight. “Congratulations, Twilight, you have pierced the heavens.”
Twilight grunted. “Thanks. I guess I’m not the first alicorn to do this, then?”
Princess Celestia smiled as she shook her head. “Once again, nothing escapes you, Twilight. You see, Luna was the first to—”
“—so Twilight did tengen toppa,” the voice of Princess Luna said as it approached, accompanied by the flapping of wings.
“Speak of the devil,” Celestia said as she turned to face her sister, “yes, it appears that Twilight has tengen toppa’ed.”
Princess Luna looked at Twilight and rubbed her chin, her wings keeping her aflight. “Remember when I tengen toppa’ed?”
Princess Celestia nodded. “Indeed I do.”
Twilight groaned. “That’s great. Now can either of you get me out of here? My magic doesn’t seem to be working.” Princesses Celestia and Luna turned to face the suspended princess.
Celestia hummed. “I’m afraid not.”
Twilight’s eyes popped open. “What!?”
Luna sighed. “Well, when I tengen toppa’ed, my sister pulled me out. And let’s just say,” Luna said as she shivered, “things got a bit chaotic.”
Almost as if on cue, Discord popped into existence behind the two alicorn princesses currently facing the alicorn princess stuck in the sky and grinned widely. “Is somepony playing my song?”
All three princesses groaned. “We were just talking about how you entered this world, Discord,” Celestia said.
Discord chuckled. “Ah, yes, when Princess Luna tengen toppa’ed,” he said as he peered at the sky-hole, “seems smaller than I remember, though. Maybe with a little prying though—”
“—NO!” Princesses Celestia and Luna shouted simultaneously as they lassoed Discord’s arm in their magic.
Discord sighed and pulled his arm away. “Uhhh, fine. You filles never let me have any fun…”
Celestia turned her head to glare at Discord. “Not when your idea of fun involves ripping open a portal to who-knows-where.”
Discord pouted and widened his eyes. “But I’ve always wanted to play with a tengen toppa!”
Celestia shook her head. “No, Discord, you cannot play with the tengen toppa.”
Discord frowned, crossed his arms, and lounged back in the sky. “Meaniepants.”
“Oooooh! Is this the tengen toppa?” Cadance’s voice said as she joined the fray.
“Yes, this is the tengen toppa,” Luna said disinterestedly, “and hello, Cadance.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “How did Cadance hear about this?”
Celestia grinned. “I told her,” she said warmly, “I thought she might like to witness the tengen toppa from an outside perspective.”
Cadance flew in and hugged Twilight. “It’s so nice to see you, sister-in-law!” she said as she tightened her grip. She then pulled away and examined the sky-hole for herself. “Hmmm...I clearly remember mine being bigger.”
Twilight blinked. “You tengen toppa’ed too, Cadance?”
Cadance nodded with a grin on her face. “Yes! You see, we had to wait for the hole to close up naturally—Celestia did research on it and everything—and she brought up food to me every day and hooked me up to a catheter and a colostomy bag!”
Twilight’s eyes popped open. “Okay, I am not wearing a colostomy bag!”
Discord leaned in to face Twilight eye to eye wearing a cruel smile. “And I’m sure your loyal subjects would just love the presents that you would bequeath them with if you didn’t.”
Twilight facehooved and groaned. “Fine.”
Discord laughed. “Oh, joy!” he said as he snapped his fingers, causing a catheter and colostomy bag to appear and equip themselves to Twilight, watching her with glee as she winced in discomfort. “Feel better, Princess?”
Twilight frowned. “Not really, no,” she said. “Now, how long will I be up here?”
Celestia turned to face Discord. “Discord, check the tensile strength of the tengen toppa.”
Discord nodded and poked at the sky-hole with a talon. “Hmmm...I’d say she’s got about a month up here.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “A month?”
Discord glared at Twilight. “Did I stutter?”
Twilight looked down. “...no.”
Discord grinned from ear to ear. “Great! See you in a month!” he said as he snapped his talons and disappeared.
Celestia turned to face Twilight. “Okay, we’ll arrange for Rainbow Dash to bring food up to you every day.”
“That sounds fine, Princess Celestia,” Twilight said.
Celestia smiled. “Great! See you in a month!” she said as she took wing as flew away.
Luna smirked. “Enjoy your stay. It promises to be far less chaotic than mine,” she said as she herself took wing and flew away.
Cadance hugged Twilight once more. “Stay strong, Twilight. You can do this.”
Twilight grunted. “I’m sure I can just hang around just fine.”
Cadance smiled. “That’s the spirit!” she said as she flew away.
A bluebird flew by, landed on Twilight’s shoulder, and sung a melodious tune. Twilight rolled her eyes. “Zip-a-dee-doo-dah to you, too.”
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Quit playing with your tengen toppa, Syeekoh.
What?????
Make sequels about luna celly and cadence
FIGHT THE POWAH!
AnOther great story
....... Why do i like this SO MUCH?
For the world is hollow, an I have touched the sky.
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!?!?!
at some point Twilight should have demanded they stop saying Tengen Toppa
What is she actually stuck in?
A portal...etc...
3 words : GIGA! HORN! BREAKER!!!!!!!
That is all.
For the sheer concept alone (and the entertaining read), you get my upvote. Well done.
A colostomy is a surgical procedure creating an opening in the abdomen to which the large intestine is attached. Colostomy bags are used to gather stool emerging from this opening. They are not designed to be attached to the anus.
A diaper would be more appropriate. And humiliating.
4721495 Huh...good to know.
Thank you for that tidbit.
Coming in two weeks (ponytime) - Twilight learns Giga Drill Hornbreaker!
(And There Goes The Neighborhood.)
(Hey, a man can dream.)
4721605
That sounds...awfully familiar...
lol Im now imagining twilight dangling in the sky swinging along the breeze for a month
wut
I have no idea of what I have just read but THIS IS BEYOND AWESOME!!
4721132
4721605
Is this close enough?
I kinda wonder what would come through. If a princess of the moon made Discord, what would a princess of magic bring?
I'm betting this :D
Good read. Good use of the running joke. Just so you know colostomy bags attach to colostomies which literally translates to 'hole in the colon', the large intestine, a hole that is made surgically. You might want to consider changing that to diaper.
Whatever I just read is beone me to understand...
I like it
Twilight's mental checklist:
1. Spend next month hanging here being periodically humiliated because my friend has to deal with my waste.
2. Get free and return to the ground.
3. Give up flying forever.
4. Have wings amputated when they atrophy.
5. Assure everyone I'm still a Princess, after all Blueblood doesn't have wings.
There problem solved.
4723834 Thank you for your compliments.
I was thinking about it, though, and "colostomy bag" is just an inherently funnier phrase. So I will sacrifice accuracy for the sake of written comedy on this one.
4723016
Got it in one, mister.
(notably, the original version is just Twilight taking out Nightmare Moon, but they adapted it to the above)
MUST........ NOT.......... MAKE.......... GURREN LAGANN.......... REFERENCE.............
i14.photobucket.com/albums/a331/brittmcgee/MLP%20Minecraft/TLSOA_zps2aa17c49.png
4724630
Hey uh, one of twilights abilities allows her to grow her horn and spin it really fast.
4724724
4724837
Tbph
I didn't see the video until I posted my comment.
4720920
As awesome as I may be or may ever be, nothing I do in life will be as awesome as that guy high fiving a shark
4724956
I just stole the pic and added the text.
...Dunno if awesome as hell...or disappoint....
Still, good work, I just hope to see someone write a full Tengen Toppa crossover at some point, and I mean a complete one. I've been waiting on such for a long time, given my own skills could not do it justice.
4720945
The sky.
Weren't you paying attention?
4724630 the whole THING was a gurren lagann reference, why the hell are you fighting it? put on your pointy shades and thrust your finger into the air!
...Shut up and take my favorite.
4720920
Create the Luna Space 1999 crossover!
Oh my god! Hahahaha!
I guess she has plenty of time before it could be a problem, but I would have expected Twilight to ask how to avoid such problems in the future. If it's a "once per alicorn" sort of thing, that should have been mentioned. In fact, there is no reason for them to not tell Twilight before it happened, except as a dickish prank.
4730285 I highly believe it's a prank. Seeing as how Celestia just said that Cadance wished to see one for herself from an outside perspective.
I mean honestly, I can't come up with anything to say about this story. I can't find a topic to even touch on without being not funny. And yes, double negatives for me, Zip-a-dee-doo-dah for me
4732065 A prank is the most internally consistent explanation, IMO. But how far do we take it? Celestia and Luna are definitely in cahoots with Discord here. Suppose the backstory of Equestria isn't exactly what canon would lead you to believe. What if Luna, Celestia, and Discord were all best buds back then? Luna's fall to NMM, and having to banish her to the moon, turned Celestia into a total stick-in-the-mud. Discord got incredibly bored and turned himself into a statue so he could skip to the good stuff, telling Celestia to wake him up when she was ready to have some fun again. "The Return of Harmony" episodes were then basically a practical joke on Equestria and possibly a test for Twilight. It explains why Discord "didn't notice" Twilight & co. had recovered. And the additional time Discord spent as a statue before being "reformed" by Fluttershy? Well, another year doesn't really matter one way or the other after a millennium, does it?
4732154 That, we can't truly tell because if we do compare some of your explanation with canon, it contradicts on a few points. Mainly the reason why Discord turned to stone.
But I digress, I can't seem to come up with anything else to say that Luna, Celestia and Discord are kind of bright. Why?
Luna.
Celestia.
Discord.
4732332 The only conflicting evidence I'm aware of is Twilight's acid-trip-slash-history-lesson.
4732410 Yeah, from there it's where the few points stand out.
Celestia being a stick-in-the-mud could be a given.
L, C and D being best buds back then? Not really seeing how that happened canonically of course. Along with the lines of what I said earlier about stoning Discord. Drugs and alcohol don't seem to wrk though.
Celestia didn't really wake Discord up per se, it was the noisy kids. Figures that kids are to blame for chaos eh?
But yeah, at this point it's all just aimless nitpicking that doesn't need to be picked. But hey, a debate/conversation is a... Deversation? Convate? Friendly argument? I got nothin
4732442 The only evidence we have on the subject of what happened with Discord back then other than from Celestia and Discord (who are the hypothetical pranksters and therefore untrustworthy) is what Twilight saw.
As for what woke Discord up, sure it happened then. But is that necessarily what really caused it? And have ponies never gotten into an argument near Discord's statue before?
Twilight's vision is strong contradicting evidence, because she got it from Zecora who is not obviously beholden to L, C, or D. But I maintain that other than that one thing, there's nothing in canon stopping the three from being secret prank buddies other than the sheer unlikeliness of the idea. And the fact that some pony who really dug into the historical evidence could almost certainly blow their cover completely.
4732547 In order, yep, it's been depicted near canonly that Celestia is a troll what with the Lesson Zero episode of the 'ticking' sun. Discord too of course.
Evidence hasn't shown if other ponies have argued before then and if so, why in front of the statue specifically? Sure arguments can break out at almost any place and time but what you're telling me is that ponies could have argued in front of the statue specifically. More unlikely than plausible but again, speculation.
I agree that Zecora isn't beholden with any of them but this brings to question on the potion to what Zecora brought to Twilight. Why specifically alicorn magic to activate such a thing? How did she even know it would be needed? No one knows. Or even if the fact that it had another use before being shot with a laser beam.
I think fan on loves the idea of the three being buddies way back when what with all the different fics about Celestia x Discord, their friendship back then and etc. Really, the untouched parts are like a gold mine for fiction writers because of the multitude of things that can happen in the big 1000 year gap.
4732662 Oh, good one! What if that wasn't even Zecora? But again we run into the issue of "easily falsifiable" if Twilight so much as thanks the real Zecora for "her" help.
As for arguing in front of the statue, the idea is that if that's all the discord necessary to release Discord, you'd think it would have happened long ago, even if the threshold was easier to reach with closer proximity.
The hell did I just read? Oh. Something great!
This was truly a random story. I like how you think!
Goddamn trolls