Looking back on things
How did it come to this? Celestia wondered, eyes closed and a hoof on her chin. Though try as she might she could not come up with a satisfying answer quite yet. The morning after Nightmare Night had started out so well; Luna had come to her babbling about how much fun she was going to have with her newfound... fun, Cadence and Shining Armor had finally announced that they would get married later in the year, and she had received a letter from Twilight stating that she would be coming over for a visit after having missed ‘her princess’ the previous evening.
And things had only gotten better from there on. The Gryphon and Minotaur ambassadors had finally come to an agreement on the terms of their trade treaties with Equestria, which meant that the economy would receive a much needed boost. There had been only one petitioner at morning court, as opposed to the hundreds on every other day, and it had been a lone filly who had dropped her ice cream; which, unlike most other petitions was solved by a quick application of magic and a comforting smile.
If only every day was like this. Celestia lamented silently while her mane and tail billowed around her, moving as though some hidden purpose drove them onward. She had thought her good fortune would come to an end after dismissing morning court early; expected it even. She was sure that whatever eldritch creature toyed with fate, would have surely gotten fed up with her by then.
Once again, she had been proven wrong. The missing salad garnish which she had immediately heralded as the end of her fortunate streak, turned out to be a surprise by the kitchen staff. They had found a way to replicate the Equestria famous MMMM and hadn’t wanted her to spoil her appetite. Truly divine.
The afternoon, for once, had produced no immediate disasters, angry landowners, or monsters from beyond the veil of space and time to worry over. It even let Celestia indulge in an hour or two of undisturbed painting, which was quite possibly an even greater gift than the quadruple layered cake had been.
It was then that she should have suspected something was wrong, but a belly full of sugary treats, and the long time spent with her favorite distractions; had dulled her senses and waned her alertness to the point where she was no longer capable of detecting the disaster that loomed over her before it was already too late.
“Tag, thou art it!”
Celestia sighed and, eyes still closed, tried to take a sip from her freshly brewed chamomile tea. It was a special blend given to her by an old zebra shaman and was intended to give her the peace and clarity to enter a deeply restful meditative state. Or it would have, had the cup not been tossed from her magic by a careless flap of a wing.
“Hey, no fair, we were playing hide and seek.”
“Thee hiding skills are unbeatable, Twilight Sparkle, and a game is fun only if everypony doth hath a chance of claiming victory.”
Luna had been the first culprit. Sitting down just as Celestia had become engrossed in one of the new Daring Do novels. Bringing the character to life for a day had been one of her bigger mistakes, but it had also given her a new appreciation for the books.
“Sister mine?” Luna had asked in her archaic speech, which never bothered Celestia but rather reminded her of olden times.
“Hmm hmm?” Daring had just been about to make off with the collar of Cerberus, and most of what Luna had said next had fallen on deaf ears.
“—And we were wondering if you would be willing to allow us to do so.”
Like an idiot she’d said “Sure, Lulu.” Like a lamb to the slaughter she had said “You have my blessing.” Engrossed as she had been, she had missed the neon sign with blinkers and all manner of other whistles, nor seen the wicked smile grow on Luna’s face as she pranced back to her co-conspirators.
“What should we try next?”
“Oh, I know! How about a hammock?”
“Surely even our sister doth hath not enough mane for such a thing?”
Three young voices giggled, which to her ears might well have been the guttural wails of the lost souls in tartarus.
“Only one way to find out!”
That has to be it. Celestia decided. That was where it had all gone wrong, the moment she had given her blessing. She was quite sure now, because mere moments after she had said those words, the doors to her private chambers had burst open and revealed two other ponies, one an alicorn and the other a unicorn. When Luna turned around, the most striking was the fact that all three of them were smiling at her sweetly. So sweetly that it had sent shivers across her back and made all her hairs stand on end.
The battle of wills that took place thereafter was of legendary proportions but would never make it into the history books. Celestia would see to that herself, even if she had to burn a thousand years worth of history to do it.
“Thank you so much, Princess,” Twilight had said, flitting between looking Celestia in the eyes and eying her tail meaningfully.
“Indeed. I’m not saying that it wasn’t totally worth dealing with all those petitioners for, but I can’t fathom how you’re able to do that every single day aunty.”
Her first instinct then, had not been the correct one, which was something she blamed on the three hundred years of skirmishes on the borders with the diamond dogs: She fought, when she should have fled.
Her empathic “No!” had been an admirable first blow. Unfortunately, it was just a glancing strike against the armor of her assailants and the retaliatory puppy dog eyes from not one, not two, but all three mares had been a one hit K.O.
She had surrendered with a huff followed by an “Alright then.” Which in turn had been followed by three voices cheering, which sounded an awful lot like the iron bars slamming shut to her own private prison cell.
What followed thereafter had been... well... it had been a very weird case of her mane being used as a jungle gym, a swing set, a truly massive hiding spot, and now a place for the three giggling mares to rest.
“Ladies, I think we should do this again.”
“We are in agreement, Twilight Sparkle. This is most pleasant.”
“Maybe next time, we could use Luna’s mane. Now that it’s all flowy and starry again. I’ve always wondered what it would feel liked to rest on the stars themselves.”
“Ha not a chance cousin! The early bird catcheth the worm as they say, and none rise more early than I! You will never best me.”
Is it really that good? Celestia wondered as she watched her mane float throughout the entire room, held up by three different colors of magic from the mares that rested in it. I wonder if Luna will let me try it some time.
“Enough of this dallying about. Have at thee!”
She supposed that aside from the probable migraine from having her mane tugged on all day, the various scorch marks that a magic duel being played out in her mane would cause, and the inevitable hairloss were acceptable sacrifices. She had never seen them so happy, had gotten a free day off to boot, and her hair would grow back anyway.
“When you do finally go after Luna,” She said, drawing the attention of all three mares to herself. “Count me in.” And giggled along with the rest of them.
Perhaps she would have to see about getting Cadence and Twilight flowy manes of their own, or at the very least come up with a plan to subject Luna to this... experience next time. If nothing else it would save her from always being the mane attraction.
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Added to read later.
Very cute!
cute.
Oh this was silly
/10
Well, Rapunzel seemed to have a lot of fun swinging about on her hair. I mean, damn, the muscles in her neck must put Herakles's biceps to shame.
Strange, cute, and funny. I love it.
4473228 That whole "magic healing flower hair" thing could help.
4472946 read now
4473192 *Takes off sunglasses*
Mother of God...
4474427 You wouldn't happen to know who thumbed down my comment would you?
4474437 no, but I can understand why someone would, they probably thought that you didn't think that this story would be worth reading right now or something along those lines.
4474446 Oh no no no. I have over 140 things in my read-later list, I just don't have the time to read them yet, that's all.
4474430
4474448 I currently have 64 things on my read later list... I wish that I could have time to read them other than at night when I should be sleeping but certain... circumstances prevent me from reading them during the day...
I really need to go to sleep now...
4474479 Okey doke, G'night.
4474485 'night
The look on Twilight's face in the cover pic, just screens "Halp!"
*slow clap*
Truly, a pun worthy of the history books.
The sneaky removal of Daring Don't amuses me entirely too much. Liked the episode so I find the disdain for it hilarious
4475189
sadly those were all burned and this is the only record of the event.
@author also twi doesn't need an ethereal mane.
Oh gods, the Early Modern English.
*sigh* Here goes.
Thy hiding skills are unbeatable, Twilight Sparkle, and a game is fun only if everypony hath a chance to claim victory.
Surely, even Our sister hath not enough mane for such a thing?
Ha! Thou hast not a chance, cousin! The early bird doth catch the worm, as is said, and none rise earlier than Us! Thou shalt never best me!
If Luna addresses both Cadance and Twilight in the last sentence, then it's "You shall never best me!" If she decides to be less formal, she could drop the royal plural, so you can do that, if you want.
Other than that, well done! Loved it.
And the pun, in the title and at the end.
An excellent little fic, but one thing did bug me. When the two other ponies come in to join Luna, you don't say that Cadance is the third until the very, very end. I dunno if that was intentional or not, but a good fic otherwise.
Wonderfully cute fic! I'm going to read this many times over. Thank you for making such a lovely little read, good sir or madam. Now, I'm afraid I must away. I bid you adieu.
Adorable and silly!
4476046 It's a shame we can't burn this as well.
You may say it is bad for the soul to want to burn something so cute and cuddly...
well...
I have no soul.
Meh.
I found this story to be... confusing
The pacing was strange, there was nearly no real direction that this story was going... I honestly didn't know what I was expecting when I clicked on this story after seeing it in the popular stories box... but to be honest... I was expecting... better
The whole story felt like it was rushed, and written in one sitting. Writing something in one sitting, there's no problem with. nor is there any problem with rushed stories. The problem occurs when they affect the quality and readability of the story. There were parts of the story that I had to go back and re-read several times just to wrap my head around what was going on... The last point that I actually knew what was happening was when Celestia said "Sure" to Luna. Up until then, I had a pretty clear picture of what was going on in my mind... and then that picture shattered into a million tiny peices, and I was desperately trying to put them all back together to make sense of the story.
Now, I don't know if this is just me. I don't know, it might be. And I'm not saying that you're a bad writer at all.. I'm just saying that you may need to... improve slightly.
When you write; particuarly for other people, like you do when you upload a story to this website, you need to make sure that it makes sense, not only to you, but to others as well. If you intended this to be confusing, then congratulations, you succeeded... but I was definately expecting something more than this to get into the popular stories box
To summarize, the story felt rushed, and was confusing. I couldn't keep up with what was happening, and I was just lost for most of the time.
for this story, I would rate this
/10
I would highly recommend getting someone to proof-read and edit in the future, because something that may sound good to you when you first write it, may not neccicarilly be good writing.
4484790
Which is usually the case when I write. This story however was something I wrote more to get an idea out of my head that wouldn't leave me alone, and which I (for once) decided not to obsess over.
The entire thing took me a little over half an hour and had no editing.
Perhaps I'll redo it in future.
This is cute.
Pointless cute perhaps, but still cute.
Sometimes we all need some silly sweetness. I liked it.
Short, sweet, and to the point. I like it a lot. Made me feel good.
I rather enjoy a good story like this, though i got something of a bit confused towards the middle,I barely hung on. I think it was, as used before, "cute". And a refreshing thing to read.
~Flow
At first I just thought this was amusing.
Then I read the last sentence.
You son of a bitch.
This raises the question: What DOES her mane feel like?
Also
Downvoted. This could be quite enjoyable if it was rewritten for clarity.
>Laughed out loud.
>Family looked at me weird.
>Kept laughing anyways.
It was jarring to have Daring Do introduced then promptly forgotten. I think there is an instance of "Celestia" being replaced with "Luna". It was cute, but the flow wasn't there and there seemed to be a lack of transitions with certain details that probably needed more explaining being outright dropped.
...
...
...
...
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4496216 This is a concept I am all too familiar with.
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You said the three of them. Who? We have Twilight [her cousin I don't see you mention until the end ... even then that sounded weird to me that she'd call Luna her cousin] and Luna. Both of whom gave Puppy Eyes to Tia to let them play in her Mane. The third I don't think was mentioned, and what happened to Daring Do?
4508956 Cadance, she called Celestia 'aunty', so that's the logical solution.
4528469
Actually we don't know who said "aunty" in this fic (or it wasn't made really clear). Cadence as she's called in the fic is mentioned only twice. At the opening [her and Shining Armor's wedding], and the Ending when talking about getting her and Twilight flowing manes.
We get Luna and Twilight. But we aren't told who the third is. And Cadance [spelling of Cadence] is mentioned in the comment section but not the story.
An enjoyable read. Particular sentences were really well constructed, a literal and virtual wordsmithing of words. :D
I do agree with other comments. The story could use a bit of refinement. I was able to brain together what was happening. But the three ponies in the room with Celestial was the biggest bug for me which I couldn't brain together who was doing what.
I'd definitely jump at the chance to read this again if and when you feel like redoing it.
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Hilarious and adorable. New headcanon acquired.
.... I have no idea what I just read but I was left smiling and laughing. So... thank you?
6497999
You're welcome?
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4474479 I currently have 139 pages in my read later list. It would take months of reading 24/7 to finish them.
And I keep adding more.
I have a problem.