• Member Since 11th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen February 4th

Karrakaz


E
Source

That love can be a painful thing is something we both know all too well, sister. But it does not give you the right to throw your happiness away for mine...

I will not ask for your thanks for what I do now. I only ask for your forgiveness, and perhaps a promise to let yourself be happy.


Winner of the Fifth Bimonthly Twilestia is Bestia contest

Enjoy

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 42 )

Wow, this one was great, but I'm not one for jumping to conclusions, so I will have to re-read. First impressions is that this story was awesome, though.

Interesting story, and a welcome resolution, too.

This is both beautiful and brilliant. Nice work.

Is there some reason why you don't want this particular story added to any groups? If it can't be added to the "contest winners" folder, then it can't claim first prize, just to let you know.

It was very nice, by the way.

4954118

It cannot be added to any groups because it has not officially been posted yet (for some reason the moderators take issue with the description :fluttershysad:)

Once it's been posted I would love for it to be added to any applicable groups.

4954144 That is quite unfortunate. I look forward to its proper release. If it does get released soon enough, it will also have the honour of being the 400th story added to the Twilestia group.

Well... that's a really good work there
nice job :twilightsmile:
i.imgur.com/7wQFDvl.gif

Not the biggest fan of only internal dialogue stories, I usually prefer to see events unfold and the dialogue and interactions between characters in the flesh.

Well damn, this was good!

4954970
This. It wasn't bad, and the insight it gave worked, but it felt kind of awkward at times throughout the piece.

Alternate title: "Dayenu."

Congrats on hitting the feature box! :rainbowdetermined2:

It seems she is single, and has a soft spot for royalty. What’s more... I am given to understand that she likes flowers.

Luna, have I told you what happens when you try to steal (what a dragon considers) their mate? In short just run and hope he does not rip you to shreds.

4956918 Spike has shown himself to be very grown up about Rarity dating. Luna will be fine. Besides, if anypony can stare down a greed dragon, it's an alicorn. Strong as Spike was, he's got nothing on the princess of the moon. And that's assuming she doesn't get mad.

Copypastad from elsewhere:

I think the biggest weakness with the story, incidentally, is precisely the voice that is used - the story is Luna telling a story, and the fact that it was her telling a story was a bit distracting at times; it didn't really seem to flow as well as it should have from my perspective. I think part of this was just the story not being told as evocatively as it could have been, but I also felt like Luna's voice felt a bit off at a few points in the narration. Luna has a very formal and somewhat archaic style of speech, but Luna's voice changed from paragraph to paragraph, which I suspect was part of what caused the telling to become distracting. For example:

I was so excited to have found somepony that loved...

Followed one paragraph later by:

So excited was I

The former is a more modern form, the latter is more archaic, but they are used one paragraph apart, and thus it pulled attention to itself. Such inconsistency in her speech appears in several points in the story.

There are also a few errors in the story, such as:

I should have known. I really should, but I didn’t.

The second sentence is missing "have" after "should".

Short and sweet, even if I'm not a fan of the pairing, I can still appreciate a good story. I feel bad for Luna though, after all she's been through, to be rejected by a pony she was in love with had to hit her hard but it's nice to see her thinking of her sister's happiness.

You might have a difficult time Rarity though Luna, she's about as straight as you get, but then love can do funny things to people or ponies so go right ahead. :raritywink:

4956996
Thats just a greedfallen dragon, an Alicorn should be able to revert them quite easily without damage...

But hang on, some dragons that become too attached to a mate can sometimes become lustfallens...

Oh Faust... Combine those two with the fact Spike is an ice-creamaholic, his pride of being the number one assistant, his laziness when cleaning the library and finally with his anger and envy he felt with Owly...

Oh Discord, Oh my fluttering fluttershy... By Pinkie's reality breakin powers... Spike has managed to unlock each gate... All he has to do is find the motivation, open the gates and... and become a noirfallen...

WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
EVEN MINOR ANTAGONISTS DOSENT MESS WITH NOIRFALLENS
CALL THE NAVY
CALL THE ROYAL GUARD
WE GOTTA NUKE THIS BEASTY RIGHT NOW BEFORE THE END
OH PLEASE WONT SOMEPONY PLEASE THINK OF THE FOALS!?

Edit: what's with all the hate? Fullmetal Alchamist has seven antagonists revolving around the seven sins but I just make one reference, oh nooo. But please, I wanna know what made you all so upset... Spike Fans...

I'm completely unsure as to any hint of what this story is about. The little I've gathered from the comments is really all I have to go on at this point.
I would definitely add, if not a more informative description, then at least some tags like "romance" or "sad" or "dark", etc.
I'm not going to read something if I don't know what it is.

4957674 It's tagged romance. But if it helps you decide... Love triangle. And no, not polyamory.

Decent, but felt really watered down.

And this confused me:

And please forgive me for all the pain I caused you, both in my unwitting excitement and in my determined planning.

Even if you cannot, however; even if you wish to banish me to the moon for another thousand years for what I did to you and her; it will be worth it knowing that I brought you at least some measure of happiness.

I know what you’re going to say. “Luna, sister, thank you from the bottom of my heart,” before following it up with a lot of useless niceties and drivel before ending your monologue with ‘but what about you?’ Admit it, that’s pretty close to what you were about to say, isn’t it?

If she knew Celestia would be happy, why be so melodramatic about forgiveness?

This hurts my twiluna loving heart but gd damn that wasan epic monologue.
The end was a nice suprise though.
Has a fav.

*clapclap* That was really good! :pinkiesmile:

4956996

That and the fact not every godsdamned story where Rarity is involved must have Spike even in the picture. Spike-zealots are starting to try and muscle in with the Flash and NMM-zealots, from the sound of things. Rarely are any of them very intelligent to begin with, just a mass of personal emotions and ignoring any other consideration but their own.

... Like this one bothering you.

That aside, this is a fantastic take on Celestia and Luna. I can finally read a Luna-centric story where Celestia is viewed the way she should be instead of as some brainless idiot of an older sister compared to "Wise and even-tempered Luna the Sage" or some villainous tyrant to be laid low at the hooves of "Luna the Just and Valiant Hero".

A story that focuses on the bonds of their eternal sisterhood and the love they share and the depths of emotion hidden within them both, even through just the one's eyes. Fucking bravo. Bravo.

4957193

Personally, I like the inconsistencies. You don't overcome a gap of a thousand years of graduated culture shift in the space of a year. For my own consideration, she's trying - but still slips back and forth because of it, and doesn't realize due to that. This didn't seem to be in letter-format, but rather us viewing thoughts on her own memories. So following some sort of textbook-perfection way of writing might objectively be more appealing to certain persons for any story, but there are some where 'flaws' just feel more natural.

SPart #28 · Sep 8th, 2014 · · 11 ·

4956918 Spike could have every mare he wants, once he gets this into his mind, no mare is save in whole equestria ...

I really liked this on a lot of levels, but I think the thing that sells it for me is Celestia getting caught in her own generosity, especially considering that(according to the Season 4 premier) that was one of her Elements back in the day

You know I had just been thinking that a story where Luna brings Twilight and Celestia together by subversively using Celestia's own feelings to her own ends would make a really good This didn't go exactly as I would have expected such a story to go but that is certainly no crime. I certainly enjoyed this and thought it was incredibly well executed. I'd provide a more detailed review that goes more in-depth on what I liked and perhaps disliked about the story, but the environment I am currently in already has me looking over my shoulders to make sure nobody is watching my screen as it is without writing a dissertation on a story about talking pastel ponies in love.

SHL

Priceless. A well deserved victory.

4953479
That..is a grave understatement.
This was ingenious.
It perfectly depicted Luna's feelings towards Celestia's permanent self-sacrifice.
It perfectly shows how she gained confidence and became more aware of just how much Celly has actually done for her.
It is a perfectly narrated parable.
A true masterpiece. Thank you :twilightsmile:

Fav'd, likes and put into 'TwiLestia' and 'Golden Slice'

Even though I expected a more .... severe meaning behind "Sacrifice" It was still a interesting read.

I really loved that. Celestia's behavior makes sense because she should've been accusing herself of being too selfish to see her sister's feelings before Luna's transformation to Nightmare Moon. Therefore she can avoid any risk after Luna's return, being as attentive as she could. Maybe she was so afraid to hurt Luna that she decided to never have anything (or anyone) to herself to avoid Luna's possible jealousy. And it was Luna's turn to save her sister from her own mistakes.
I like how you showed it from Luna's perspective, everything else aside.

It's a bit strange for me though when someone writes about the first love of a thousands-year-old being. In my opinion, Luna had enough time to fall in love, like, a hundred times. But that's ok with me, and I can find explanations to that as well as to the opposite.

Gah! In my rush to click the like button, my finger went right instead of left! But the mistake is rectified; good job, 10/10

As much of a great voice actress Tabitha St. Germain is, I couldn't read this in her voice. For some reason I could only think of Cortana, particularly from Halo: Legends. It was very beautiful. :twilightsmile:

Stands in time.

Great story.....and now where is Luna's mentioning of Rarity being single going to lead?....I can't help but mention that because I have yet to ship Luna with anypony.

A great story, in a different style that I have not seen before. I loved it.

I really liked the story. Internal monologue was strange, but I can look past it.


Also, these comments are wild.

Login or register to comment