Come Home
All three of our jaws dropped at Sweetie Belle's words, and we each exchanged uneasy, almost terrified, looks. Sweetie Belle alternated her looks between Rarity and I, pointedly ignoring Dr. Karras, her face full of confusion.
"Rarity, who's Jackie? Is she why I'm in the hospital?" She looked over to me. "Did she do something bad to me?"
"Sweetie Belle, I need you to listen to me very carefully..." Dr. Karras rushed over towards the bed, causing Sweetie Belle to flinch back from him. "What is the last thing that you remember?"
Sweetie Belle stared at Dr. Karras for a moment before closing her eyes and nuzzling into Rarity's chest. "Rarity, are we still gonna go see Hinny of the Hills next month? Am I gonna be all better for that?"
Rarity's face broke out into a wide grin of relief, and she nuzzled the top of Sweetie Belle's head. "Yes, Sweetie Belle! Yes, we are certainly going to do that. I've reserved the tickets already. We'll be all ready on opening night in two weeks."
Sweetie Belle opened one eye, and a slight frown creased her lips. She glanced up at Rarity. "Two weeks? But... isn't it the fifth? Hinny of the Hills opens on the twenty eighth."
Rarity bit her lip and glanced up at me for a moment before looking back down at Sweetie Belle. "Er... no, Sweetie Belle, it's... it's the fifteenth."
Sweetie Belle's other eye shot open, and she snapped her head up to look at Rarity. "S-so I was in the hospital for over a week?" Sweetie Belle whimpered and flattened her ears. "Did Apple Bloom and Scootaloo come to see me? What was wrong with me?"
I couldn't help but crack the tiniest of smiles at that. If she was asking about Apple Bloom and Scootaloo then Jackie seemed to be well and truly gone.
Well, good bucking riddance, as far as I'm concerned.
"Sweetie Belle, I must ask you again: what is the last thing that you remember? Do you remember Town Hall? Do you remember the police?"
Sweetie Belle glanced up at Dr. Karras for a moment once more before burying her face in Rarity's chest. "Rarity, can we go home now? I... I don't wanna be here anymore." Her voice dropped down to a barely audible whisper. "I don't like this pony and his bad questions."
"The fastest way to go home is for you to answer my questions, I'm afraid." Dr. Karras sat down in a nearby chair and took a notepad and pen out of his coat pocket. "If you do that, I'll see what I can do. We want you to go home too. So, and I know you don't want to, and I completely understand, but could you tell me the last think you remember? I wouldn't dream of asking if I didn't think it would help me get you home."
"Okay," Sweetie whimpered. She took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes as she thought about the question. "Uh... I r-remember that me, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom were crusading after school. W-we tried swimming again, a-and bungee jumping, and we helped Pinkie Pie set up a party. Pinkie Pie gave us a few invitations to pass out, and we did that. We gave them to Bon Bon, Lyra, Berry Punch, Time Turner, and Mayor Mare. Then I went to Rarity's house and..." Her ear flicked and an eye twitched. "I don't remember after that."
"Okay," Dr. Karras said with a nod, jotting something down. "Do you remember what day that was?"
"Yeah, that was the fourth."
"The fourth. Good. So..." Dr. Karras flipped to a new sheet. "How are you feeling now? Any headaches? Nausea? Aching? Anything like that? Any pain at all?"
"My foreleg kinda hurts a little." She looked down and poked at the IV in her leg.
Dr. Karras gave a weak chuckle. "Yes, I can get that. I never liked needles and such myself. Other than that, though, are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah. A little cold, though."
Rarity's eyes widened, and she instantly fired up her horn to wrap a blanket around her sister. "I'm sorry, Sweetie Belle. I should have thought of that."
"S okay."
"Alright, I think I have everything I need for right now." Dr. Karras closed his notepad and put it and the pen back in his pocket. "Ms. Rarity, if I could speak to you for a moment."
"I can actually do that," I said. "I think that Rarity and Sweetie Belle need as much time together as they can get."
"That may be so, but given that Ms. Rarity is Sweetie Belle's current legal guardian--"
"I give you full permission to tell Twilight Sparkle whatever you need to," Rarity said blankly, nuzzling her sister again. "I have complete faith that she will act in the best interests of both Sweetie Belle and myself."
Dr. Karras grimaced slightly, but nodded and beckoned me out of the room. I followed him, shutting the curtain behind me. Once we were outside, Dr. Karras sighed and ran a hoof through his mane.
"I hope everything turns out okay for them, I really do. They've been through too much in the past few weeks."
"Can't argue with that one, doc." I closed my eyes and rubbed one of my temples. "So what do you need to talk to me about?"
"Well, Sweetie Belle has obviously improved. She's asking about her friends, she's not hostile to Rarity anymore, and she doesn't recall Jackie in the slightest. That, to me, is both a positive and a cause for concern. I mean, we all wanted Jackie gone, of course, but to have her completely gone is a little strange. I'll have to talk to a few colleagues about this, but, if everything turns out well enough, Sweetie Belle can go home."
"Okay," I said with a nod. "So what's the catch then, doc? I mean, you said that you don't want to release Sweetie Belle now, so is she staying here for another week, then?"
"I don't think that's the wisest move for her mental health." He motioned back to the room. "You saw how reluctant she was to interact with me. I wouldn't blame her if she's subconsciously developed a nice hatred for mental institutions." Dr. Karras shook his head. "No, I think that Sweetie Belle is likely healthy enough to be transferred to Ponyville General where she'll be evaluated for a few days by their on-staff psychiatrists. It will also allow me time to speak with Dr. Thoughts some more about the case. Sweetie Belle would be much more comfortable there, and given that she is a minor, Rarity could stay with her while they do her evaluations." Dr. Karras gave a slight smirk. "And I'm sure that Apple Bloom and Scootaloo would be most welcome to visit her."
I returned his smirk. "Yes, I think so too. They would love that."
Dr. Karras nodded. "Very well, then, I'll go get the paperwork started. I'll leave it to you to let them know.
* * * *
"And here we are, Sweetie Belle! Home sweet home!"
Sweetie Belle nuzzled against Rarity's neck, a wide grin on her face. "Home. It's really nice."
Rarity chuckled. "Yes it is, isn't it? So much better than that hospital you've been at these past few days, but those ponies were nice, weren't they?"
Sweetie Belle shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. They still asked me bad questions, though."
"Well, you won't have to bother with that anymore after next Sunday," I said, trying to keep my voice chipper. "By then your three follow-up sessions will be done and we can put this whole thing behind us. Until then..." I exchanged a mischievous grin with Rarity as we approached Sweetie Belle's room. "We have a little surprise for you."
Sweetie Belle's ears perked up, and she raised her head. "Really? What?"
I looked over at Rarity, who nodded at me. I ignited my horn, grasping the door handle of Sweetie Belle's room, before throwing it open revealing...
"Scootaloo! Apple Bloom!"
Sweetie Belle hopped over Rarity's head, leaping a clear foot over Rarity's horn, and wrapped her friends in a tackle-hug. The three instantly went into rapid fire, barely discernible chatter about how much they missed each other and so on. I chuckled to myself and quietly closed the door, leaving the three friends to their fun.
The moment the door was closed, Rarity let out a sigh of relief and draped her foreleg over her muzzle. "It's over, Twilight. I think it's over for Sweetie Belle. No more Jackie."
"No more Jackie." Rarity and I trotted down the stairs and went into her kitchen. "Hopefully for good."
A slight frown crossed Rarity's face, and she tilted her head slightly. "Do you think that Jackie might come back for Sweetie Belle or something?"
I gave Rarity a reassuring smile and put a hoof on her shoulder. "No, I don't. I think that Jackie, whatever she was, will leave Sweetie Belle alone for good." My smile fell, and I put my hoof back on the ground. "But, if Jackie was supernatural, if she wasn't some figment of your sister's imagination that went too far, something that I think is likely given how suddenly she left, then... Jackie's gonna move on to somepony else. Maybe here in Ponyville even. I'm not sure who, I'm not sure when, I'm not sure if I'm even right about it being a Ponyville foal. I could hear about a case in Vanhoover, for all I know, but if Jackie is real, then she's going to strike again."
Rarity gave a little shudder and looked up to the ceiling. "Well, as long as she doesn't bother Sweetie Belle anymore. I was foolish to let it go so far in the first place."
"But Sweetie Belle is fine now. Yeah, I don't think she'll be walking by the Ponyville police station or Celestial Peaks anytime soon, but you, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are going to be right by her side." I put my hoof back on her shoulder. "And I'll be at your side too, Rarity. Whenever you need anything."
"Thank you, Twilight." Rarity pulled me in for a hug. "I couldn't have gotten through this without you. I wouldn't have even had the strength to go inside that horrid institution without you helping me along."
"I was glad to do it, Rarity, and I'd do it again." I gave a weak chuckle. "Let's just hope that we don't have to though, alright?"
"I most certainly agree."
I took a deep breath and broke off from the hug. "Well, it's getting late, Rarity, and I really do have to get back to the library. I need to let Princess Celestia know that everything is going well with Sweetie Belle now.
"Of course, Twilight. I will see you later."
Rarity walked me to the door of her home and, with one more hug, I went back to my home. When I reached it, I opened the door to find Spike dusting off the tops of the bookshelves. He hopped off of the ladder he was on when he saw me come in, and put the feather duster on the table, allowing me to get a hug in.
"Hey, Twilight, how did everything go with Rarity? Is Sweetie Belle doing better?"
I smiled down at him and nodded. "Oh yes, everything is going much better for her. She's going to be fine."
* * * *
Three months later, and Sweetie Belle was completely back to her old self. There had been no incidents from her, and not a single mention of Jackie. She didn't remember a thing about her, something that Rarity and I both agreed was for the best. The less she had to think about what she went through, the better. She was back in school, the Crusaders were tearing up town like usual... The Sweetie Belle we all knew had returned to us.
So there I was, a calm Saturday morning three months from the nasty incident, lying on my bed and reading some pulp novel that , while not intellectually stimulating, was a lot of fun. I had just about started the fifth chapter when I heard a knock on the door.
"I'll get it," Spike said.
I shook my head and got out of bed, putting a bookmark in the proper spot. "No, no, I'll get it Spike. I'm going to merge into my bed if I stay in there any longer. You keep relaxing." Spike shrugged and went back to his little corner and his comic books, allowing me to open the door. I smiled when I saw who was on the other side.
"Oh, hey, Derpy, what can I do for you?"
"Hey, Twilight." Derpy reached into her mail bag and produced a small, book-shaped package. "I 'ot a 'ackage hor uh."
"Excellent!" I took the package out of Derpy's mouth and set it on a nearby table. I signed the proffered clipboard and tossed a few bits into her tip bag. "Thank you very much, Derpy! I've been waiting on this one for a month!"
"You're welcome, Twilight. Glad to be of service," Derpy said with a salute.
"Have a good day."
"Oh wait a second," Derpy said, causing me to fully open the door again. "I just remembered that I wanted to ask you something."
I gave her a nod. "Okay, sure."
"So you're smart and all, right? You know how to solve problems?"
I smirked. "Well, I like to think that I'm okay at it."
"Yeah, that's good, because..." Derpy grimaced and scratched the back of her neck. "Dinky's been having some friendship problems lately, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice."
"Of course!" I said, a beaming smile on my face. "The princess sent me here to learn about friendship, after all."
"That's why I came to you!"
"So what's Dinky's problem?"
Derpy sighed and leaned her head against the door frame. "Well, it's just that she's met this new filly at school, I think. I don't know; she says they talk on the playground, but I've never met her. She doesn't seem like a nice filly. She said that she left her last friend because she wasn't any fun anymore."
My smile flickered ever so slightly. But no, she said it was a filly at school, right? Yeah, a new school filly.
"It gets worse." Derpy's ears flattened. "She doesn't talk with her friends anymore. She only hangs out with the new filly. She just tells other foals who come up to her to go away. Ms. Cheerilee came and talked to me about it. She said she was getting worried."
My smile had completely fallen, and a look of horror was now creeping on my face. No. Not now. Not again.
"So yeah, I'm worried, Twilight." Derpy looked up at me. "Any advice you can give me?"
"Uh... W--" My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat. "What's the new filly's name? Did she say?"
Derpy nodded. "Yeah, she said that her name was Jackie."
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4916401 Sounds like a cruelty that I want no part of.
GAH this was so spooky and amazing!! Love the atmosphere. Wish there was more stuff like this around!
That... That can't be it! That was the most clich'e twist ending ever. I mean, it felt like a goosebumps ending and... No! Tell me your joking that is story is completed
this is awesome, but unfortunately doesn't work so well in a universe where supernatural stuff happens all the time. There are probably university departments dedicated to it in Canterlot.
Eh, the ending was kind of underwhelming.
You've got an extra I there.
5130270
Not necessarily, things that exist can be so abnormal that they're written off as a myth.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Well, that makes two "myths" that I brought to your attention and were blown off about. Do I hear three?
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle
That poor kid...
Sequel hook?
On a side note. I wonder if Jackie left an imprint on Sweetie Belle? If it did, would Sweetie Belle be able to sense its presence? If so, she'd be an asset in hunting those things down.
DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNN
5130247 Goosebumps had some of the best twist endings ever conceived!
I think it's pretty clear Bronywriter's getting too busy with real life stuff to continue this, which is why he ended it this way.
Here's hoping for a sequel sometime down the line, though.
5130305
This is probably the most apt summation for the story as a whole. The Amityville Horror-like premise is intriguing, and serves as a great hook, but then how things play out just doesn't live up to expectations.
- Chapters 3 and 4 feel very 'samey'. They consist chiefly of the doctors discussing treatment for Sweetie Belle, Rarity screaming at them, and Twilight standing idly by going, "Welp, that's crazy for you." After this happens a couple of times, it feels repetitive.
- The 'supernatural' aspect of the story is dropped relatively early, leaving everyone to simply assume Sweetie Belle is nuts. After receiving a reply from Celestia, Twilight effectively ceases investigating the matter, and Celestia herself does nothing to intervene, even when Sweetie Belle's condition worsens. Everypony throws up their hooves in defeat except Rarity, who resolves to improve the situation by screaming a lot.
- As for Rarity, the suggestion that she's been institutionalized herself--and that there may be a family history of mental illness--is a neat touch, but this too gets dropped, and is never elaborated upon.
- Worst of all is the "unreveal" for Jackie. The lack of detail serves to make her (or it) mysterious, but also prevents her from being fleshed out as an adversary. What does she look like? What does she want? Is she really a Chindii? Why is she torturing Sweetie Belle, and in the end, why does she leave? Why doesn't Sweetie Belle remember her? There are a lot of loose ends here, most of which are not resolved by saying "Oh look, it really was a ghost, oOoOoOo."
Not bad, by any stretch, and certainly worth reading, but still leaves you walking away feeling disappointed, and thinking that it could have been better than it is.
5130671 if you look at the clues, I answer every one of your questions in the last paragraph, other than what she looks like. As for Rarity being institutionalized too, look at the clues I put in the story. I in no way drop that. If you figure it out, you find out why Rarity is so upset about the whole thing.
NOT DINKY
ANYONE BUT DINKY
coolstory liked the concept
5130247 I certainly don't want my stories to be cliche, that's the last thing that I want, but if you look at the subtext for everything, you'll know why I ended it the way I did, and how it's the only way I could have.
5130624 No, I ended it this way because I had to. If I was getting too busy, I'd have to rush on Alicorn, Shadow, Life, 1.5, Gwenwyn, and the upcoming serial killer Applejack fic. I thought this was the best ending. I might have been wrong, but this is the one I had planned.
I knew Jackie's 'disappearance' couldn't be as good as it seemed...
Just like her big sister... I cant help but wonder if there's an actual link...
5130775 I didn't wholly believe what I wrote. I just wanted to get a response from you so people would know what was up with the cliffhanger ending.
5129978
I don't think anyone wants to be a part of ECT. Well, maybe some really weird people.
It's only a last resort, when leaving the patient alone is a far greater cruelty than some scary brain thing.
5130671
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Interesting story. This is the kind of horror I like; no jump scares, just pure atmosphere. Probably why I love Lovecraft so much. I did enjoy it, but I feel that there wasn't much payoff. While I feel that the lack of such would work on a story like this I feel that the lead up didn't allow for the story to end that way.
Honestly, I thought Jackie would turn out to be attached to Rarity instead of Sweetie Belle. Her having an imaginary friend herself, her obvious issues with mental hospitals, implying a similar incident even if not quite the same, and with her increased aggression after Jackie 'disappeared', it just seemed like it would lead up to that. Maybe a red herring? Of course, that's how I would have ended it so maybe I'm projecting a bit.
I also have an issue with how the horror aspect is dropped for the mental institute. The story just seemed rushed after Sweetie Belle's incident at Town Hall and the suspense left for the most part.
I did enjoy it, don't get me wrong, this are just a couple thoughts. Still a good story and the suspense, especially in the beginning, was well done so you've got my upvote.
5130671
That's more or less exactly what I was going to say. I think the biggest problem this fic has is that it's a bit short. I mean, here's a summary of everything of importance: Sweetie Belle has a troublesome imaginary friend named Jackie. Twilight finds out amazingly quickly that it's a Chindii. Sweetie gets put in a mental ward. She eventually goes comatose, and upon waking up, has no memory of Jackie. Twilight finds out that Jackie is now bothering Dinky in much the same manner as she did Sweetie.
5130703
I mean, it was an okay fic, for sure. Nothing was terrible about it, but it's pretty obvious that there's untapped potential. I would have loved seeing Rarity's backstory with the mental ward given, as well as an explanation for why she seems like a loud and crazy mother in distress rather than, well, Rarity. I mean, I could throw out theories all day about it. Maybe Rarity has had experience with Jackie before? Maybe she's actually schizophrenic? Maybe the spirit of a loud and crazy mother in distress is inhabiting her and taking Sweetie to be her daughter? Maybe she was phone? If there really are hints, even a close reading doesn't help me pick up on them.
Okay, Chindii it is.
5130772 sigh, okay, still feels like your ripping off a goosebumps story, but I can admire how the rest of the story was great.
*GASP!*
Dun, dun, DUN!!!!!!!!!! She IS real!
Oh well, at least it wasn't another crusader.
LOL "Demented Dinky".
5130329 and yet celestia isn't willing to trust the same pony who she has sent out on multiple occasions to save the world? bit OOC if you ask me. Which is fine, as long as it is admitted that she is OOC
5131027
I know that. I was making a joke
. My mom studies mental problems. If you had a mental condition, I could unofficially diagnose you in under five minutes. So please, don't take everything people say/write seriously. It takes the fun out of commenting. 
it is never directly stated but i have a burgeoning suspicion that rarity herself knew Jackie. and it also seems that this jackie targets unicorns.
this has been a rather itnersting story overall, though despite this Jackie harming the muffin queen's daughter, i actually find hope here. Jackie made a mistake. the coincidence is strong enough to make Celestia take action. the fiend is doomed.
Cool story bro(nywriter)
This was intriguing. I haven't checked your collection yet, but I want to ask if there is any more stuff like this?
5132672 I highly recommend his "Secret Life of Rarity" novel and its sequels. They are darker, and contain a lot of gore, but the story is wonderful. :)
5130329 "Not necessarily, things that exist can be so abnormal that they're written off as a myth." Like the Loch Ness monster and North Dakota?
5132795
Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of Detroit
But really, kind of like the Platypus, or the Gorilla.
5132733
Oh yeah, I forgot about that story! I looked at it before. Now it's on my "to read" list thing!
Thanks for reminding me!
I misinterpreted the story description; I thought it was saying that Sweetie Belle was Rarity's imaginary friend.
Would have made for a rather different story, I think.
5131406
5130671 Okay, here are some hints about the story, the nature of Jackie, and Rarity herself.
1. With Jackie, pay attention to Derpy's dialogue about Dinky's reaction to Jackie. Lots of stuff in there.
2. Compare how Rarity views mental institutions and how she acts whenever it's brought up with how Sweetie Belle acts when she's released.
5133937 Ok, so we can assume that Jackie is a spirit/Chindii/poltergeist/whatever that moves from child to child messing with them for unknown reasons until she loses interest in them, at which point they lose conscious memory of the event. We know that she's at least haunted/tormented/possessed Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and Dinky. But that's it. We're left to wonder about Jackie's motivations and true nature, as well as why she doesn't just completely drain the fillies instead of quitting at the last moment. And what is the correlation between the mind control and the life draining? When writing a story like this, I know it can be hard to both keep readers guessing and give away enough for them to understand the basics. I'm not sure if it would be wise to give more information, focus less on the questions you leave unanswered, or leave the story as is.
The forefront of a new biological, psychological, and metaphysical understanding of both magic and science.
What is a Jackie? That is the question.
So, from what i can tell, it only affect unicorn foals...
So yeah, gryphons are better.
Oh shoot...
Not again...
Seriously this is complete?
I love this! But I can't believe that it's completed. Will there be a sequel maybe? If there isn't, that's ok because this story is really good!
Usually I'm fine with the dark stuff, but this got very difficult to read over time. If there is a sequel I won't be reading it, the name "Jackie" leaves a horrible taste in my mouth now.
I can guess what happens from here on out, but the way.. she.. affects the ponies she attaches to.. no thanks.
it's always the most innocent ones too
That aside, well written, I think.
YesILikeTheEmotes
5133937 For dinky case, I actually went to re-read it, and I've thought about so many theories...
Dinky isn't the one 'possessed'. It is another filly. Oh.
Yet at the same time, we wonder if Jackie has a body of her own because clearly, Cheerilee and Dinky both see a physical manifestation of it.
Then it now begs the question: Could Jackie be a real pony that happens to hide when Rarity / Twilight enters Sweetie's room? Could we have possibly, a pony that knows manipulative magic, as well as invisibility? :3
Crazy hypothesis aside, much like Rarity encountered Jackie when she was younger (and went through all this Jackie crap, yes, that I managed to read), what is the reason behind Jackie's choice to target fillies? Vulnerability? Revenge? If Jackie is about having 'fun', and targeted friendly fun-loving fillies, were we mistaken about Jackie? Could she be a poor spirit wondering around Ponyville because she took her own life because she was lonely in school because she was so bad, no one wanted to be friends with her? Was she jealous that other friends had friends, and wanted her own friend to herself who she can go wild with?
If Rarity and Sweetie could remember the mental institute, yet not remember why they were there, Jackie has had her final 'fun' by implanting her own fear of MIs into them, thus somewhat explaining the irrational fear of MIs. If Jackie would have reacted like how Rarity did, she would not have followed Sweetie into the MI, thus proving my point.
Now another question is: What's common between Rares, Sweetie and Dinky other than them being unicorns? Nothing really. Only unicorns go through this, which makes this a rather interesting idea: Is Jackie just a puberty thing for unicorns then? Twilight was never in Ponyville, but she did suffer from 'friendship' problems in the first place, so 'Jackie' didn't affect her. In fact, all she wanted to do was study, so Twilight wasn't a great candidate for 'Jackie'. Cheerilee and Derpy aren't unicorns, so they fail to understand this 'Jackie'. On top of that, no one except Twilight and Rares' have 'seen Jackie', and they had promised to shut it. If so, if every unicorn had promised to shut it, no one would have known about Jackie. This 'Jackie' could have easily been one big hormonal magical surge after all XD
Perfect ending.
O.O err... Equestria we have a problem.
5133937 Do you think that you could just give me the answers? (PM me if you have to) Because I didn't see any of the clues. Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5464688 why do you keep asking me that?
5161478
I would also like to see a sequel to this, and how Twilight is going to deal with Jackie. There are questions I believe need addressing.
5133937
Still I do believe Jackie is a supernatural demon of sorts that possesses fillies, evident with how Dinky said that Jackie left her last friend (i.e. Sweetie Belle) because she wasn't fun anymore proving her existence. And that Rarity was visited by Jackie years ago but forgot yet still had a lingering terror towards mental institutions because of the encounter.
I'm not sure what kind of sequel you can make to compliment this story but the story flowed well and logical that even the ending, while it may seem cliche to some, is indeed the best ending. I agree I can't a different ending than this. Even so, good job!
Are you going to brush up on why Rarity had met the physiatrist, or had been in the institution?