Yes! (Edited)
Rumble trotted out of class alongside his friends Featherweight and Button Mash “Man, I thought I wouldn’t make it out of there alive!” he exclaimed, rubbing the back of his neck which was sore from hours of sitting on an uncomfortable chair. “The boredom was killing me! Or was it that chair?”
Featherweight snickered, his most prized possession wrapped around his neck. It swung back and forth as he trotted. “So, Rumble, did you get the latest game console yet?”
Rumble shook his head. “Nah, I’ve decided I’m done with video games.”
Button Mash’s eye twitched and he was left speechless. “What?!” he finally said after moments of complete silence.
“It’s always the same thing with video games. You play it, finish it, get bored of it. Want more, waste money,” Rumble explained.
Button Mash grasped Rumble’s chest and shook him as he shouted, “Games are the best thing that could ever happen in a colt’s entire life!”
Rumble shoved Button’s hooves off him and brushed his chest with a hoof. Seriously? These two are my friends? I need to find better colt friends, he thought to himself. “What could this new game system possibly have that will make me want to play games again?”
“Better graphics.” He tapped his hoof. “Better games.” Tap. “Better everything!” he shouted in the hallway they were in, getting strange looks from everypony. “It can do things the older systems could never do!”
Rumble shrugged. “Can it give me super powers?” he asked.
“What?”
Rumble grinned. “Exactly.”
“You’re weird,” Button said, rolling his eyes at him.
They continued to roam around the halls until something plastered on the school walls caught Rumble’s eyes. A poster from Rumble’s favorite game, Grand Theft Royal, hung on the wall. The poster showed Celestia levitating a shotgun with her magic while riding inside a carriage driven by her guards. Why is a poster about a mature game in the school? Rumble thought to himself.
Button, seeing Rumble looking on the wall, stared at the poster in awe and grinned evilly. “Grand Theft Royal looks even better on the new game console.”
“It does?” Rumble asked, turning to Button Mash.
Button nodded. “Celestia can even swim now.”
“Really?” Featherweight asked, becoming curious about the game as well. “She won’t drown just because she’s white like the old one did?”
Button Mash grinned. “Nope.”
Rumble sighed, “I’ll ask my brother to buy me it when I get home.”
Rumble put his hoof against his brother’s bedroom door, his heart beating furiously in his chest. He exhaled to calm down himself down. He’ll probably say yes. After all, I am his loveable little brother. With a little push, the door slowly creaked open, and then made a clang sound as it made contact with the wall.
Rumble’s innocent eyes peered into the dark bedroom until they met with his brother, Thunderlane. He and a mare he had never seen before were kissing on his bed, touching each other in a weird way that didn’t make any sense to his young mind. What? he thought, wondering what was happening between them.
“Umm, what are you doing to my brother?” he asked, interrupting the unknown thing before him.
“Gah!” The mare leaped from the bed, falling until her flank smacked the floor. She was blushing in embarrassment as she got up. Turning to Rumble, she tried her best to put on a friendly smile. “Hey there, little colt. My name is Daisy,” she introduced herself. “What’s your name?”
Rumble put on a cocky grin, puffing out his chest. “Name’s Rumble, and I’m the coolest pegasus in Cloudsdale!”
“Awesome!” Daisy raised a hoof high in the air. “Give me a hoof bump.”
Rumble hovered in the air for a short period of time and delivered the hoof bump. “Yeah! You know what? I’m starting to like you! Unlike the last my brother had over, she was weird. She’s all yelling ‘I’m coming! I’m coming!’ I mean, what’s up with that? She was already here!”
The smile from the mare’s face fell. “Other mares?” she asked.
“Yeah, like this one time, this mare called Flitter starting doing this weird thing with her—” Rumble words were cut off as a familiar hoof covered his mouth, preventing him from finishing his sentence.
“This little guy just loves to joke around with new ponies he meets!” Thunderlane said, chuckling nervously. “I’ll meet you later on, m’kay?”
“Hmpf!” Daisy stormed out the room in anger. The sound of a door being slammed echoed from the other room.
“Well that was some—” Rumble’s sentence was cut off as he found himself pushed against a wall. Thunderlane’s forelegs held him up high. “Get off me!” he cried, struggling to get out of his brother’s grip.
“Give me one reason not to break your muzzle for what you just did!” Thunderlane’s words were laced with venom.
Rumble grinned nervously, gulping. “B-Because I’m your little brother and you love me very, very much?”
“Wrong answer!” Thunderlane grabbed Rumble’s head, and began ruffling his mane with a hoof. “Say you're sorry!”
“Guuh!” Rumble shrieked in pain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
Thunderlane smirked, feeling satisfied. He released Rumble’s head and sat down on his bed, sighing. “What do you want?”
Rumble rubbed his sore head. “Me?” He put a hoof on his chest, faking shock. “Can’t a colt just spend time with his big brother without being questioned?” He waited for a response, but instead received an angry glare from him. “Alright, fine, I need you to buy—”
“Nope,” Thunderlane interrupted, already knowing what Rumble was going to ask him.
“Please?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Rumble whined in a high pitched voice.
Thunderlane groaned, feeling Rumble grow anxious beside him. “Because I said so. And what have you done to deserve a new game console?”
“I clean my room, go to school, have friends.” Crappy friends, he added to himself.
Thunderlane chuckled. “That’s what Mom wants, not me.” He flopped his head on the pillow and a long sigh escaped from his mouth. “Now get out my room so I can get some rest.”
All of a sudden he felt something flop on his stomach. He opened his eyes and raised his head a little to see Rumble on him. “You have ten seconds to get off of me.”
“Please? I’ll do anything!” Rumble pleaded.
If Thunderlane had a dime for every time a mare had said that to him before sex, he’d be a millionaire. A brilliant idea crossed his mind. He grinned evilly, and that sent a chill down Rumble’s spine. “I want you to go and pick up some items from the market.”
“Really!?” Rumble’s wings buzzed happily. “That’s it?”
“Yeah… but...” Thunderlane tapped a hoof to his chin. He reached a foreleg under his bed and brought out a couple bits. He handed it to Rumble along with a piece of paper that would most likely have what he wanted from the market. “You have to say yes to every question somepony asks you. If you win, you’ll get the game. And if you lose… Well, you know.”
“But if you try and lie to me and say you said yes to every question a pony asked you, I’m going to know, because I got ponies out there watching your every move!” Thunderlane lied and laughed.
“My every move!?” Rumble asked in a panicked tone.
Thunderlane nodded. “Every step you take.”
“This is why I stopped playing games,” Rumble mumbled, trotting to the door.
“Go knock ‘em dead!” Thunderlane called out, laughing. “And save us all with your mighty yes powers!”
Rumble trotted through the large crowd in the Ponyville market. Sometimes he would bump into somepony rushing to get to wherever they were going, and some might even be polite and say ‘excuse me’, while the others didn’t even bother to turn around and say they were sorry. Finally after fighting through the horde of the busy ponies, he found his destination: the apple and vegetables stand.
“Hey you! The small, grey Pegasus.” Rumble turned to his head around and saw a middle-aged stallion near the stand. He wore a black hat and a trench coat that matched his hat. “You wanna make some quick cash?”
No thanks. I just want to get my things and leave. And plus you don’t look like a nice guy, he thought. But then he realized what his brother had told him and sighed internally. “Yes,” Rumble replied, lying through his teeth and sporting a fake smile.
“Great.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black mask. He tossed the mask to Rumble as he pulled out an extra and put it on. “Put this on. Don’t worry, nopony will see your face,” he said, chuckling.
No! You’re trying to rob something! Oh Celestia, I can’t do this! But… but… No! I need that game! Rumble put the black mask on. It covered the entirety of his face apart from his eyes and muzzle.
The stallion reached into the vegetable stand beside him and pulled out a shotgun, presumably one he hid before. “You ready?” he asked, holding the shotgun.
Mister you can have all my no. “Yes.” Seriously, take them all.
“And don't worry about the weapon.” He smiled kindly. “It’s unloaded. I’m not a bad stallion, I’m just in a desperate situation with money, that’s all.”
And that’s supposed to make me feel better? “Why not just get a job?”
“Do you trust me?” the stallion asked.
No. “Yes.” I cannot say no. My brother says he’s got ponies watching my every move. Rumble gulped. I must stay in act. For the game.
The stallion smiled. He kicked down the apple stand next to him, making all the apples that were on it fall off and roll down the road. That stunt got everypony’s attention, and Rumble felt dozens of pairs of eyes on him. The stallion raised the shotgun in the air, making everypony dive down on the ground. “Everypony put your bits in the bag and nopony gets hurt!”
This reminds me of that mission on Grand Theft Royal. Only problem is, I’m the main character and this is the mission, Rumble thought to himself. And I don’t have a gun… This sucks.
“Kid, gather all the money from the ponies,” the stallion told Rumble, tossing him a big, black plastic bag. He turned his back to the ponies who were cowering on the ground. “You’ll put your bits inside the bag the kid has,” he commanded them.
Let’s do this! Rumble trotted to a mare on the ground and picked up a stick laying close to him, holding it sideways like a gangster. “Give me your bits, chump!”
The mare stared at the colt in disbelief. “ How old are you?”
Hi! Nice to meet you. My name is Rumble and I’m nine years old. “I’m the colt who’s robbing you. Now toss me the bits!”
The mare reached into her pockets and pulled out a couple bits, tossing them into the bag. “Here, just take it! Who are you, young colt? I need to talk to your parents about this!”
There was a long dramatic pause until a smirk appeared on his face. “I’m the Yes Colt,” he answered, giving himself a mental pat on the back as he came up with the answer.
Four Hours Later...
After four hours of gathering bits from random ponies and apologizing to them for doing it, Rumble’s nightmare was over… Well, not exactly over. Rumble and the stallion had to run from the royal guards, both barely escaping the lasers which were being fired at them from the unicorn guards. Luckily, they found an alleyway behind Sugar Cube Corner to hide in.
After confirming that they were in the clear, Rumble and the stallion both removed their masks from their faces and tossed them in the dumpster.
“Good job, kid,” the stallion said, panting. “You’re pretty good. Did your father teach you how to run from the cops when you get into trouble?”
No, my father was a part of the Wonderbolts for a while. “Yes. Yes he did,” Rumble said, regaining his composure.
“Well, here you go. Take your share.” The stallion reached into the bag full of bits and took out only two, which he gave to Rumble. “Here.”
Rumble took one look at the bits and frowned at the sight of the small amount he received. Oh, this is so great. I’m so lucky to have two bits after pulling a heist and almost getting caught! Just like Grand Theft Royal. Old habits die hard. “Thank you,” he grit through his teeth.
“No problem. This will be our little secret, alright? Tell nopony, yes?”
No, I’m telling on you when I get home. Rumble nodded. “Yes.”
“Good. Hopefully we will never meet again,” he said, before vanishing into streets crowded with ponies, leaving Rumble behind with two bits in his hoof.
Rumble sighed. “Might as well buy some cupcakes with these,” he mumbled, feeling the two bits in his hoof.
After finishing the cupcake he bought from Pinkie Pie with the two bits. He got up from his table and trotted towards the door, when a voice he knew too well called for him. He turned around to see Scootaloo galloping towards him. Great….Scootaloo.
“Hey chump.” Scootaloo said, trotting up to him. “Where are your little nerdy friends?”
“Oh ha ha. And for your information they’re not my friends.” Rumble grinned. “Where are your insane cutie mark obsession friends?”
“Hey! Nopony talks about my friends like that! Or they’ll be in a world of hurt.” Scootaloo yelled, poking Rumble’s chest with a hoof. “Got it!?”
No, you’ll have to help my tiny little brain understand. “Yes.” Rumble replied calmly, holding his laughter inside. “What’s gotten you so worked up?”
Scootaloo sighed. “Sorry for getting like that. I get easily threatened when somepony talks bad about my friends.” She said, blushing in embarrassment. “You okay? You look like you just robbed somepony in a market.”
She’s on to me! I need to get a shovel and pick a location to hide the body….But where? “Hehe, you know me! Always inside the house wasting his time on games!” Rumble chuckled nervously, his smile quivered with fear.
Scootaloo arched an eyebrow and shrugged. “You’re weird you know that?” she punched his shoulder and laughed. “You haven’t changed since the day we met.”
“Nope. Still the same old Rumble.”
“Sure uh, Rumble.” Scootaloo started, and began rubbing her shoulder nervously. “You’re not doing anything special today, right?”
Playing a game comes to mind. “Yes. I’m not doing anything special.” Thunderlane you better get me the special edition for this.
“Oh cool. So uh...uh you wanna...” Scootaloo turned away from Rumble’s gaze and sighed. “Uggh! This is so uncool!” she shouted, throwing her hooves in the air.
“You okay, Scootaloo?”
“No. Okay earlier this morning me and my friends were playing truth or dare to see if whatever we’re dared to do might get us our cutie marks after we’ve done the dare.”
“Sounds like something you three would do. Continue.”
“So Apple Bloom dared me to go out on a date with you.” Scootaloo said, and sighed. “So, you wanna go out on a date? I understand if you don’t. It’s so uncool.”
NOPE! “Yes.”
“Really?” Scootaloo asked, her wings buzzed excitedly. “Like, are you for real?”
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE! “Yes.”
Scootaloo hovered in the air for a minute and shouted. “Yes!” then fell back down to the ground. She turned her attention back to Rumble who was staring at her, confusion plastered his face. “I mean yeah cool, whatever. Meet you at your place?”
“Uuuuh.” Rumble scratched the back of his head then shrugged.“Yes I guess so.”
“Cool!” She exclaimed, after a long pause, she cleared her throat. “I mean whatever.” She trotted to the door. “And what’s you with saying yes a lot?” She called out as she was halfway out the door.
My brother. Rumble chuckled, “Sometimes I don’t even know myself.” He waved her off as she trotted out of the door. As she vanished from the bakery, his grin fell. I am so going to get in trouble for this.
Rumble sighed, and flopped onto the couch in the living room. I got a date. That wandered in his mind the entire time he traveled home. I should have never said yes, but then. No game. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine him playing the game. But all he thought about was Scootaloo. What’s happening to me?
“Rumble!” Rumble shrieked, and fell onto the floor. He groaned as he felt a sharp pain course through his face. Thunderlane rushed to his side, and hugged him tightly. “I thought I lost you little brother.”
“Uuuh what are you talking about?” Rumble asked, looking up at his brother. “Are you taking something, Thunderlane?”
“What...no! I read the newspaper about a robbery happening at the market. So I was worried you were caught in the middle of it.” Thunderlane explained. “Thank Celestia I was wrong.”
He broke the hug and smiled, “I’ve got something for you.” He trotted into his room. And came back with a game console held in his hoof. “I bought the game for you.”
Rumble snatched it and then gazed at the console as if it were gold . The thing he robbed a market for, a thing he said yes to a date for, is finally in his grasp and he couldn’t be happier about it. He tackled his brother onto the floor and gave him a big hug. “Thank you, thank you!”
“No problem, squirt.” He smiled, ruffling his mane. “Now run along and play the game.”
“Okay!” He galloped toward his room, but stopped as he heard a knocking at the front door. Oh no. He turned around, fear filling his heart and he began to sweat. She wasn’t suppose to come this early. Thunderlane opened the door and there she was.
“Hey Scootaloo.” Thunderlane said. ”Where are my manners? Come in, come in.” He stepped aside and allowed Scootaloo to come inside the house. “How you been?”
Scootaloo shrugged. “Okay I guess.” she looked around until her eyes spotted Rumble standing a few inches away from them. She smiled.“Sup, Rumble?”
“Hey, Scootaloo.”
Long awkward pause.
Scootaloo rubbed her neck as she smiled nervously. “So are we going to do this or what?”
Thunderlane being in between them, looked from Scootaloo then to Rumble. “Scootaloo, what are you— a perverted grin spread across his face. “Oh ho ho! Rumble, you dog!”
“IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!” They both shouted in unison.
“Let me give you two some privacy. Don’t wanna ruin your little play date.” He went into kitchen, but left the door opened so he can get a peek.
Scootaloo chuckled. “Your brother is weird.”
Rumble sighed. “Tell me about it.” he rubbed the back of neck, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to avoid Scootaloo’s gaze.“So….”
“So.”
They both stared awkwardly at each other, for a long time. Either bothering to break the silence or even move an inch. Finally Rumble broke the silence with a sigh.
“Is something wrong?” Scootaloo asked. “Am I doing something wrong? Cause I can stop whatever I’m doing—” She was silenced by Rumble’s muzzle pressing against hers. After a couple of seconds, Rumble broke the kiss and they both stared blankly at each other.
“That was... something.” Scootaloo said, catching her breath.
“Yeah.” Rumble rubbed his shoulder, looking away from her gaze. “So uh, you wanna play the new game I got from my brother with me?” he asked, turning back to Scootaloo.
Scootaloo stared at him for a while, her cold gaze sending a chill down his spine. A grin appeared on her face, and she punched him on the shoulder.
“Ow!” He rubbed his now sore shoulder. “What was that for!”
“That’s for kissing me without warning me first!” Scootaloo touched her lips with a hoof. “But that felt weird….in a good way I mean.”
“Yeah it did. I mean I didn’t know what came over me. I just was thinking about you the whole entire time—” It was her turn to interrupt him with a kiss on the lips. This time it lasted longer and there was more emotion put into it. Finally the kiss was broke, and Rumble was left speechless.
Scootaloo chuckled. “Let’s both agree to not do that for a long time. These mixed feelings we have for each other...are weird and really confusing. Agreed?”
Rumble stupidity nodded. “Uh huh.”
“Hey, Rumble?”
Rumble gulped. “Yeah?” He finally spoke after moments.
She snatched the game from his hooves and ran away with it. “Come and get me flyboy!” She shouted, as she ran she would look back behind her to see if he was chasing her. She stopped and turned around and their eyes met. She smiled. “Come on slow punk!” she shouted, and began running again.
“Hey, give that back!” Rumble chased after her around the house, laughter filled the entire house with joy.
They didn’t know how they truly feel about each other, it remained a mystery to them. They’ll just have to wait until they're older to better understand it. For now they’ll enjoy their time together. As two best friends: nothing more.IF HE ONLY KNEW
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this was an amazing premise
BAAHHAHAHAH 11/10!
There's only one word:
YES!
Great, I loved it!
i can imagine the ending
A perfect story! I hope there's a sequel! Ending was cute.
This was interesting, the comedic aspect was pretty good, if a little over the top.
Lel, Daisy.
It flowed nicely most of the way through, but in the second half the editing kinda failed, I saw quite a few mistakes.
Overall, I'll give you a 6.5/10: the story was cute, a little funny, a solid start but a liquid finish and seemed to end rather abruptly. I personally would have liked Rumble to keep up the charade. You could have had Rumbloo get closer over time, but him eventually getting called out by Scoots and having to admit that he never would have accepted otherwise.
The conflict felt really forced, but it was humorous anyway. Nice fic, an upvote for the idea but no fav for the execution.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I'd play that game
Well that escalated very quickly.
4084351 4084159
Eh I tried, but I guess not hard enough.
4084355 It's a start. You'll get better after writing more stories.
What a cool story! It had me chuckling from beginning to end. I especially liked the hat tip to Button Mash, coming upon Thunderlane and his girlfriend, and of course the budding relationship with Scootaloo!
Major thumbs up!
4084367
Thank you
And this story is in the featured section. Congrats!
4084372
Thank you
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/056/8/9/clapping_pony_icon___scootaloo_by_taritoons-d5w610a.gif
--InversionZone
Cute
For me, a story flops when I can no longer maintain suspension of disbelief.
So, with this story, I lasted about to the point where Rumble committed robbery. I appreciate a good random fic, but this wasn't a random fic. It was like you were trying to keep Rumble in character, but you gave up on it for the sake of a very odd gag. Even though the ponified titles of IRL games irks me, I can overlook it and move on with the story. By the time I hit the robbing scene, however, I could no longer maintain any belief in your depiction of the character.
From the view of the comments, it seems like the delivery only got weaker after that point. A word of advice to a fellow author, characterization is the most important thing in a story. If the characters do not act in a believable fashion, then your readers are rightly going to feel disconnected with them.
Keep on writing, keep on improving.
-Lumino
Good story. Laughed at where he questions his friends.
Overall this was a good story, hope to see more.
Also random mustache
Cute as fuck my friend. Cute as fuck
They make a very cute couple.
Scootaloo becomes a Chinese exchange student struggling with English.
Looks like your proofread fall asleep towards the end.
Honestly, this is probably one of my favorite stories on Fimfic so far! The three s's; Short, sweet, and simple; just how i like it! Really good! Except that one part was kind of..... weird.... But overall it was written well (even though there were a few typos here and there) and i really enjoyed It!
!
4084530
4084678
Thank you for pointing the errors and giving out advice. Hopefully my editor will fix them soon. I will try my best to improve my writing in future works.
4084865
Better yet, try to correct your errors by yourself. It'll help you improve quite a bit.
4084923
That's a good idea. Hopefully I can spot them.
I feel like this was made for shits and giggles, cause it was so goddamn funny like he was in gta for real and then he kissed scoots that threw me in a loop but good story any way man keep it up
4085100
That's what I was going for!
4085103 Congrats on the feature!
I turned off mature stories, and it's in the non mature feature box... that counts! lol
4085103 knew it cool story bro hope to see more like this on Fimfic never really see ones that remind me of a movie I have seen, it reminds me of the yes man movie it was funny as hell
4085142
Thanks
He shoulda said yes
Damn it I want this to continue, make it happen, Pwease?
!
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fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/258/9/c/twilight_sparkle_yes__yes__yes__2_by_darkheromatiz-d5esgrn.png
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static.fjcdn.com/comments/OMGWTFBBQ+FALLOUT+EQUESTRIA+_124f8c456f14e9ba35030cf06689f2e8.jpg
I SAID YES!
~Leonzilla
YES! YES! YES! YES...>9000!!!!
(Alright, I think I'm done spamming your story now)~Leonzilla
*your
*us our
*... wut? "after we did the dare," or "after we've done the dare," I guess? I dunno.
*extraneous space before the period
*grasp; also, starting the sentence with "Is" feels weird. Why not "It was"?
*she was.
*He; of his neck
*there are two spaces after the "a". Also, there's only one Rumble, and he only has one muzzle.
*they both need a space
There are places where there are two spaces in-between words, like "He tackled his brother", "the last my brother had over", "for now they’ll enjoy their time together", "They didn’t know how they truly feel" and "After a couple of seconds, Rumble broke the kiss". It seems to happen sometimes after commas.
Fun one-shot. I wouldn't have included that last paragraph, though. Kinda breaks the flow, and isn't really necessary.
Now an actually constructive comment.
Sure, until they reach puberty.
YES!
~The power of yes compels you~!
Puberty.
hmmmm... Author are you aware that asking for a first kiss is usually considered an extremely offensive gesture?
My verdict, it was a funny story,
/
~Leonzilla
Aaaaw dat ending was just so cute
I'll give it an upvote. I was going to list the reasons why I didn't give it a favorite, but after looking through the comments, it looks like I don't have to. Overall, not bad, but not great either. It was decent.
Seriously though, watch those edits.
That was pretty good. The only thing for me that kinda stood out as beyond strange was the market scene. I mean really 4 hours? Holy...
Other than that, it was a likable and I enjoyed reading this.
4085532
....Yes
This NEEDS a sequeal
4085849
Don't worry my friend. It will get one
4085851
Yay
You deserve this
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/529809/809/115/th_scootaloo20percentcuter_display.jpg
4085856
Aww thank you!
4085859
No problem here you get another one
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTbknyfnqQ1-xZs9p-OnhX0IMnff8m23nK-SoQf06-53nh-39OC
And this part, "She won’t drown just because she’s white like the old one did?” made me laugh so hard. Let me give a description.
Before: This story seems interesting already.
After: OMG LOLOLOLOLOL ROFLROFL I CAN'T BREEEEEEEEATH!
4086139
It'll get a sequel my friend