Actually Scootaloo
Hello, dear readers and loyal citizens, and welcome to another edition of Our advice column! Your responses to the last one pleased Us greatly; We can only hope that Our future endeavors meet your expectations as successfully.
In the following letters, ye shall find a plethora of requests, from mare troubles, to mane improvement. If thou hast sent Us a letter and 'tis not included in this edition, fearest not! Due to Our busy schedule, 'tis impossible to address all of the citizens in such a short span of time. However, We shall see to thy needs in Our next update.
The final thing We must say is that We shall not be in Canterlot for the next week (no, We do not have a vacation planned! Why wouldst thou thinkest such a thing?), and thus We will not be able to update this column. Fortunately, Our sister hath agreed to do so in Our stead, so if thou hast any questions thou wishest to ask Princess Celestia, 'tis thy chance to do so. As always, thou mayest post them in the comments below, or sendest them to our editor.
We thank thee for thy continued support. Onward to advice!
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Dear Princess of the Night,
I often find myself staring up at the beautiful night skies you weave and feel that they should be described in the form of prose or poetry, but I worry about not doing your nights the proper justice they deserve. How might I overcome this problem?
~Metal-Quill
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Dear Metal-Quill,
We agree that capturing the glory of Our majestic starscape is a task few ponies can handle. In fact, We would go so far as to say that the job cannot be accomplished (at least, by normal ponies). After all, We lovingly crafted Our sky, one star at a time ('twas tiring, to say the least)!
Fortunately for thy desire to put Our magnum opus into prose, We are also a master poet, and for the low, low price of ten bits per lesson, We shall give thee instruction so that thy dream cometh true. Simply sendest thy check, addressed to "Her Majesty Luna, Princess of the Night", to Canterlot Castle.
We look forward to doing business with thee!
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Princess Luna,
How do I get Discord to notice me. It's always chaos this and chaos that, whe he has a gorgeous mare who just want to drag him off somewhere private and, ahem, inflict her own chaos on him.
Any advice?
Signed `die Sonne Tonne`
P.S. You were supposed to let the cat in when you raised the moon.
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And thou wert supposed to attend Our first grade piano recital, but didst thou do so? Nooooo!
*Cough* Pardon Us; We know not where that came from.
Very well, We shall advise thee on how to gain Discord's attention (not necessarily a good thing, but who are We to judge?). What doth Discord enjoy most of all? Thou hast already made note of it—'tis chaos, chaos, and more chaos! If thou wishest to catch that knave's eye, simply invertest the law of gravity, or some such nonsense. We admit that cleaning up thy mess would likely make Us very cross, but We get the feeling that Our inconvinience hath not bothered thee in the past.
Or, if all else fails, showest the cur thy flank, We suppose.
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Princess Luna,
I know you've helped me out with my nightmares before, so I was hoping maybe you could help me out with this too. You see, the thing is, all my classmates who have wings can already fly, but I'm stuck with these tiny wings and can't do more then glide a little.
A few fillies at school were picking on me about it, but I think that's sorted out. Everypony tells me I'm awesome anyways, but I wanna be awesome and fly, you know? Is there anything you can do to help me?
-A pegasus pony who can't even fly
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Dear Pegasus,
When first We read thy correspondence, We realized that the solution to thy problem will not be simple. However, if thou hast the strength to persevere, then We shall have thee soaring through the air as would a bird.
Firstly, 'tis important to remember that not all ponies grow as quickly as others. Thy wings might seem lacking now, but We suspect that 'tis simply a matter of time before they catch up with the rest of thee.
Next, We would advise thee to never despair—negative emotions can cripple a pony if she doth allow them. Keep thy friends close and thy spirits high, dear Pegasus, for thou hast plenty of time to realize thy dreams.
Perhaps a tale of a mare with similar woes would do thee well.
When she was young, Our sister, too, could do little more than flappeth her wings futilely. However, with a bit of patience, a lot of perseverance, and plenty of constructive criticism on Our part ('tis fun to mock poor Tia, We must admit), she had developed into quite the terror of the skies by the time she reached her teenage years. Now, We dare say she flieth nearly as well as Us!
Takest heart, little Pegasus, for thou hast yet to reach thy full potential.
Regards,
Luna
P.S. We realize that 'twill be some time before thy wings fully develop. As a measure to keepeth thee occupied in the meantime, We have taken the liberty of sending a gift to thee by way of post. Keepest thine eyes peeled for Our royal jet-pack, and use it well.
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Dear Princess Luna,
Hey, thanks for helping me with those nightmares about you-know-who. They were awful!
Can you help me fly next? I figured if that's my dream, and dreams are your domain, it's worth a shot, right?
Your loyal subject,
Scootaloo
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Dear Scootaloo,
Wait, Scootaloo?! But We thought thee—We just sent Our— thou weren't—oh no. We have made a terrible mistake. *Sigh* Our backup jet-pack shall reach thee within a couple of days. Treat it well—'tis the last one We have. For advice on thine issue, lookest at the previous citizen's letter and Our response.
We need a drink.
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Princess Luna,
Just a question from your favorite extra-terrestrial Psycopath.
I watched you sleep for hours last night. It was adorable, your hind leg does a little kick when you dream and I almost hugged you then and there. I recorded it and uploaded it to the internet, I know you don't know what that is but lets just say you're famous in over five-thousand Galaxies.
My question for you is this:
How far will you go to get me to take the video off the air?
Sincerly yours,
Cheese4life.
PS. Your city's on fire.
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Dear Cheese4life,
Although We are slightly confused (and when We become confused, We tend to break things first and ask questions later), We shall work Our way through thy "question".
To begin, thou art aware that We sleep during the day, correct? We shall overlook this small oversight on thy part.
So, thou hast violated Our chambers and filmed Us in the midst of Our glorious slumber. It shan't happen again, We promise thee that. At least, it shan't happen again without severe bodily harm inflicted upon thee.
Thou wishest to know how far We will go to get thee to remove thy video from the internet (and yes, We know of the internet)? Very well, We shall make thee an offer. Shouldst thou retract thy creepy footage, We are willing to present to thee a coupon, the redemption of which will spareth thee one-thousand kicks. Coincidentally, We plan to deliver one-thousand-and-one kicks upon thy rump (We thought thou wouldst find it amusing that We kick while awake, as well).
Takest thy time with thy response—We are immortal, and can afford to wait.
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Princess Luna,
What makes movies good to you?
Sincerely,
The Vashta.
P.S.: COUNT THE SHADOWS. ALWAYS. COUNT. THE. SHADOWS.
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Dear Vashta,
Our favorite movies have excessive amounts of gratuitous violence. After a long, boring night at court, such scenes help Us relax, lest We create some violence of Our own (for examples of Our frustration, see the following: The Great Canterlot Blaze, the Manehattan Earthquake, and the Eruption of Mt. Vehoovius).
Regards,
Luna
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Dearest Princess Luna,
Well, this is a mite complicated. You see, there was a girl named A I was crushing on, but A didn't want me, and I waited for so long that my feelings wore out, but I mistakenly assumed the feelings were wearing out because God was punishing me for my sloth. Another girl named E came along in my life, and I was beginning to feel for her, but I felt as if I was being tempted away from A, who was not in relationship with me and was not even remotely faithful to my memory. With that in mind, I don't know why I blamed myself for losing A because I hardly even had her to begin with! I realized how much better for me E was, but too late I realized it and now she's gone.
Now it seems as if the answer is "go get E, sweep her off her feet, and make her your companion", but you see, it's not that simple. E sometimes seemed as if she hid a part of her personality from me, so is she really worth it, that she hides a bit of herself? I know it's obvious I should never have even considered A, but is it too late to win the heart of E, and is it worth even trying to win E over, because there are bits of herself she won't reveal to me?
-Yours truly, the Doctor
(Vworp, Vworp, Vworp...)
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Dear Doctor,
Before We get to thine advice, We must first pose a question of Our own: what hast thou done with girls B, C, and D?! Do they not matter to thee? Answer carefully, citizen, lest thou raise Our ire.
We do not know why thou hast seen fit to give us thine account of thy relationship with girl A. It appeareth as if she hath no interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with thee, a fact thou hast already acknowledged.
If thou wishest for Our best advice, We would certainly advise thee to make thine interest known to girl E. However, thou neglectest to give Us any details on her feelings towards thee, so We have no way of judging how much success thou shalt find.
Next, We wish to discuss thy concerns regarding E's personality, or, more precisely, the parts thou believest that she keepeth from thy notice. 'Tis important to keep in mind that thou hast done the exact same thing, by keeping thine own feelings hidden from her. Further, if thou hast no relationship with E, why wouldst thou expect her to alloweth thee access to her deepest secrets?
We suspect that she mayeth open up to thee, if thou showest her that thou art trustworthy.
Best of luck with thy romantic pursuits.
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Princess Luna
I am Nurgle lord of Decay, and I have a problem I love everything maternally and I whish to give everything gifts of disease and rot but when I do everything except my followers go bananas and start trying to heal those whom I have gifted. Why do you ponies refuse my gifts.
~Nurgle (Sent via Word Bearer)
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Dear Nurgle,
*Sigh* Oh, ye gods of Chaos and your silly names. 'Tis as if ye gathered and collectively thought of the most ridiculous nomenclature anypony hath ever seen. After all, lookest at thine own name—Nurgle. "Nurgle" is akin to the sound one would make in one's death throes. Here, We have devised for thee a new name, one to striketh fear into the hearts of thine enemies: Blaaagh. Oh, wait, nevermind—'tis just another onomatopoeia that causeth Us to roll on the ground, laughing Our flank off.
Also, ponies care not for thine afflictions—a simple cold maketh life miserable. Mayhaps that is why thy gifts do not find willing recipients.
Regards,
Luna
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How can I find a girl who shares my interests when all the girl who live around me are more conserned with their looks and the newest make-up trends than reality?
~KibaWR
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Dear KibaWR,
We feel as if thou hast already answered thy question. Thou wishest to know how thou canst find a girl who shareth thine interests? Go about thine everyday life, and if fortune favoreth thee, thou shalt encounter a potential mate. Dost thou likest to play cards? Then play thee some cards, and mayhaps thou shalt meet somepony special in the midst of thy game. 'Tis about finding somepony whilst doing that which thou lovest.
We wish thee the best of luck in thy pursuits.
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Luna
Wanna know how I got these scars?
~The Joker
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Dear "The Joker",
Wantest thou to receive a few more?
Regards,
Luna
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Coolio, so Princess Luna, is it true you sleep with a teddy bear?
~No1Special
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Dear No1Special,
'Tis slander—naught but base slander! That thou wouldst suggest such a thing sayeth that thou hast little to no respect for Us. We hope thou art shamed by thine unfounded accusations! To think that thou wouldst ask if We sleep with a teddy bear...We certainly do not.
No, We sleep with a real bear.
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Princess Luna,
Do you have any ideas on how to fill the hunger of a three headed dragon that does not involve devouring two villages and a nest of drakes?
Yours Ravenously,
Dragon-Script
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Dear Dragon-Script,
Shouldst thou devour any villages, We shall show thee how to fill thy posterior with Our hoof. Mayhaps 'twould be best if thou becamest a vegetarian? We believe We know a spell to maketh that happen.
Regards,
Luna
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Princess, I find myself obsessed with a certain... Draconequus. Any advice?
~Janet Kinnaman
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Dear Janet,
Well, Our first suggestion is to not find thyself obsessed with this Dragonequus, but We realize such feelings do not simply disappear.
If thou art bent on getting close to the object of thine affections, We suggest that thou acclimate thyself to strange events, such as reality breaking, physics failing, and other such phenomena. Otherwise, thou mayest go mad should he and you "hook up".
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Luna,
I want to finish and or rewrite some of my old fanfictions, and yet i lack the motivation necessary, any idea's?
~StormHoof32
P.S. one of said fics depicts you and twilight and suggestive themes. not sure if your into that kind of stuff but oh well.
P.P.S your my favorite over your sister
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Dear Stormhoof,
So, thou wishest to finish thine old, abandoned works, eh? 'Twould be a noble endeavour if thou hadst the motivation to go through with it. If thou canst not garner the effort required, then perhaps the stories are not worth it. In the time it took thee to fix up one work, thou mayest have completed two or three new ones.
We thank thee for thy compliments, and agree with the sentiment wholeheartedly—We are Our favorite over Our sister, as well.
Regards,
Luna
P.S. Twilight couldn't handle Us.
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Dear Princess Luna,
Can you assist me in the art of Lucid Dreaming?
Herr Director of Colossus Corp.
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Dear Director,
Certainly! We are happy to give thee assistance. Just follow these simple steps, and thou shalt be a master dreamer in no time:
1. Addest thou plenty of dairy products to thy diet
2. Establish a consistent bed time
3. Become Princess of the Night, thus allowing thee unfettered access to other ponies' dreams as well as thine own, in which thou shalt be fully aware of thy state
We hope this helps!
Regards,
Luna
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The Supreme has a question.
Message follows:
I have seen it fit to request a meeting, Luna. However, I must know if you can attend. The meeting place is the Crucible, and the time will be ten brells after ten twenty a.m. Will you be able to attend?
Message ends.
Yours truly,
The Messenger of His Majesty, The Supreme Dalek.
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Dear Messenger,
We thank thee for the invitation, but We must decline. At the time requested, We shall already be asleep after a hard night's work; thou understandest how these things go.
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Princess Luna,
Do you have a special somepony? If so, how did it happen? I'll take any pointers I can get!
-Your secretive subject,
Anonymous Mare
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Dear Anonymous,
No, We do not have a special somepony as of now, but We can tell thee of Our experiences from before Our sister banished us to the moon. Payest attention, and thou shalt learn how thou mayest get a special somepony of thine own.
We find that starting a romantic relationship with another pony is simple. One day long ago, during Our nightly court, We found Ourself enchanted by a certain petitioner (no, We cannot recall his name or his petition), so We threw him over Our back and took him to Our chambers. After that, We never saw him again, although We maintained a friendly correspondence through the mail. 'Tis true that Our methods tend towards the traditional, but We can only assume that romance worketh in a similar fashion in these modern times.
Good luck!
Luna
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Returning readers may remember that, in Our last round of questions, We received and addressed a letter from Princess Twilight Sparkle. Well, she hath replied, and We decided to answer her here:
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Dear Princess Luna,
I have no idea what pictures you're talking about. No such things exist, and I certainly did not have to burn all the evidence and vaporize the ashes to say this truthfully. Nothing of the sort.
However, when I cared to inquire, Princess Celestia revealed several such photographic captures exist of you. If you do not wish the newspaper (and less-licit sources) to run pictures of your young self in diapers or running away from such dread terrors as the common variety of butterfly, I suggest you stop trying to interfere with my stars.
Your irate superior,
Twilight Sparkle, B.P.
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Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
Hm, We appear to have struck a nerve.
Unfortunately for thee, thy threats fall on uncaring ears. Our foalish antics were naught short of adorable, and We welcome the praise We would receive should the public get their hooves on Our baby pictures.
However, even if the photos displayed questionable images, We would not truly care. After thousands of years of living in the public eye, one learneth to disregard damage to one's image; 'tis something a novice like thee wouldst not understand. Now that this matter hath been resolved, kindly leavest Our stars be, lest We begin to grow truly annoyed.
Oh, and We have long since gone back and "taken care" of that fiendish butterfly. Needless to say, Our fear of that particular insect has been dealt with.
Regards,
Luna
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Dear Princess Luna,
So, what's so great about eternal night, anyway? Wouldn't it get all freezing cold and everyone would starve because of the plants dying off? Although I wouldn't have to go to work, because without a morning the workday can't start, so that'd be a plus.
Sincerely,
Sun Basker
P.S. Can you arrange the constallations to make playing connect-the-dots easier for foals? My niece keeps complaining they're all too hard and don't really mean anything.
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Dear Sun Basker,
"What's so great about eternal night", thou askest? Dost thou realize thou writest to the Princess of the Night? Thou raisest Our ire, but We suppose We can give thee a pass, just this once. We shall endeavour to sate thy curiousity.
So, thou wishest to know why We would prefer eternal night. Well, for one, We would be free to display Our celestial masterpiece for all to observe, without interruption. Further, We have developed a method to keepeth plant life alive in darkness, as well as discovered something that hath the potential to stave off the cold ('tis known as "fire"—mayhaps thou hast heard of it).
Unfortunately for Us, Our subjects almost unanimously prefer that day and night share the sky equally, and 'twould be folly to go against the ponies' wishes.
And We do not understand why thy niece complaineth about Our constellations. The difficulty is half the fun!
Regards,
Luna
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Dearest Princess Luna,
I love how you raise the moon at night. I love how you set the stars. Can I, I mean We ,be your student? We would love to learn about your job raising the moon and you could show Tia that you have a prized student also! It all works out right? When We become your student,could you teach Us how to banish somebody to the moon? We have a bully here in Canterlot We would like to banish.
We look forward to your response.
Love,
Sunny,The Sunset Lover
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Dear Sunny,
Although We appreciate thy kind words, We do not accept students. 'Tisn't because We do not wish to teach thee, but rather that We must make sure not to recreate a minor, unfortunate experience We had long ago.
Our sister hath always taken students, and We felt a desire to emulate her. As such, We chose the best and brightest unicorn We could find, and took him under Our wing. Everything proceeded well, with only a few incidents here and there—truly insignificant events, We swear—until he became a being of pure darkness and invaded the Crystal Empire. Who could have seen it coming?
We wish to make a few more notes for thy benefit. The first is that the "royal We" should only be used by a royal pony. 'Tis a sign that one thinketh of one's self as a monarch, which mayeth cause one to appear arrogant in the eyes of one's friends; We are exempt due to Our status as thy Princess. The second item for thee to consider is the use of Our sister's name. We may call her "Tia", but only because We are her sister. No doubt she would not approve of anypony else using her nickname (she doth not even like Us to use it, but We do so anyway because Our sister's annoyance amuseth Us greatly).
However, We can get behind the banishment of a bully to the moon. Point Us in the poor thing's direction!
Regards,
Luna
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We received two letters regarding Our mane! They are as follows:
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Dear Princess Luna,
How can I get my mane to be as stylish as yours? Any tips?
Your Faithful Subject,
Minimoog Voyager
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Dear Princess Luna
How can I get my mane to look like yours? Do you use some kind of magic shampoo or is it just natural ?
Best regards ~ Starfall
P.S where can I join the Night Rebellion?
CURSE THE SUNLOVERS!
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Dear Minimoog and Starfall,
We could tell ye, but then We would have to kill ye.
Ah, but We jest. All you need do is live for hundreds of years. If you can accomplish that feat, then congratulations, and enjoy your flowing manes!
Regards,
Luna
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Thus endeth the second round of questions. We remind thee once more that Our sister hath taken the reins for the next edition, so if thou hast any questions for her, hesitate not—she looketh forward to answering thy correspondence.
Thank you once more, dear reader, and We anticipate helping thee in the future! We wish thee a good night!
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A message for Luna. It is from The Supreme Dalek. Message follows:
"What time would be best for you?"
Sincerely,
The Messenger of the Supreme Dalek.
(HOLY SHIT I'M IN A FIC!)
(Also, first.)
Dearest Princess Luna,
I know I sort of already asked a question but I have many questions and you are fabulous and wonderful <3
My question to you is - how do you make shooting stars? Is it your magic or is it nature? Does nature even exist in Equestria, or is it all magic / done by the ponies? After all, there's Winter Wrap Up, and weather ponies, in addition to the fact that you and
SunbuttTrollestiaMolestiayour sister raise the sun. So, is some of it nature and some of it magic? Or is it both? And why was Nightmare Moon's face on the moon while you were trapped up there anyway? Did your sister do that or was it you? Or were you in the moon?...man, Equestrian Nature is some freaky shiz.
Sincerely yours,
~ The Princess Rarity <3
p.s. - I am not the Element of Generosity, but if you run into her, tell her I think she's awesome.
p.p.s - Sorry for asking so many questions. I'm a bit of a rambler that way.
p.p.p.s - I'll shut up now.
so its cellys turn huh? ok
Dear SunButt.
What is your favorite flavour of cake?
Sincerely, M'aiq The Liar.
P.S. how do you entertain yourself when you get bored?
Dear Princess Luna,
How do you find the patience to deal with the kind of ridiculous requests and demands that you must surely receive whilst presiding over Night Court? I only ask as I am attempting to deal with some rather difficult requests from some of the residents of the town that I am Mayor of- which shall remain nameless.
All I seem to achieve is a migraine every night, rather than anything productive. Your Highness, your input on my situation would be much appreciated.
Yours Hopefully,
Mertio
Dear Princess Celestia,
Obviously now that Luna is back, you each take turns holding down court, you in the day and her at night.
My question is, during the thousand years that Luna unfortunately spent on the Moon, how did you handle this? Did you simply raise the moon and go to bed, or did you put up with getting a lot less sleep.
Sincerely,
Pony Historian
Dear Princess Luna
Do you remember the inhabitants of the walls 1000 years ago?
If you do than note that 500 years ago Celestia abandoned us
because of these giant pony like creatures that range from 3 meters
to 15 meters and recently a 60 meter one that is obviously taller than
our 50 meter walls. Why did your sister abandon us if they ever wipe
us out then they will go to equestria next. So please send help.
Sincerely,
The King of the 3 Walls
P.S. These giant pony like creatures also eats ponies if you were wondering how they could wipe us out.
P.P.S. They also recently broke into the outer wall with the help of the 60 meter one.
Dear Princess
lunacelestiaIn history it shows you and your sister using the elements to defeat discord then you using them all to banish you sister then your student and five others using them to cleanse nightmare moon and revert her to luna heck they even stoned discord so my question in all this is ..... why are the elements supposedly based on harmony so chaotically used and there judgement just as chaotic ....
It just seems funny to me.
Signed
~ The Pegasus thinker
*cue porno music*
Dear Princess Celestia,
Where does Twi get these crazy ideas, about being exiled and imprisoned and whatever? Are you secretly her dominatrix or something?
Respectfully,
Fluttershy
P.S. If that's a yes, can I get lessons?
- both princesses
Do you like changelings
-not a changeling
Ps keep working on the kick delivery service my
hivetown keeps getting them it is starting to get VERY painfulDearest Princess Luna
I am in need of some rational advice to make a decision.
I have been thinking of starting to practice the "Dark Magic Arts" (not to be confused with the "Night Magic Arts" but I guess you would know that sorry).
I know that the DMA will slowly corrupt me since I have see its effects often in my like of work, you see I am a bounty hunter and I make my living by making sure things do not bother any pony (yes things since they are missing all or parts of their or have taken others souls/life energy, or have acquired/attached extra body parts) (ask your Captain of the Night Gard about things Celestia has ordered not to be told to her that need to be done).
My dilemma is that after I return the proof of a job done I am left with a rather complicated and thus expensive clean up (I would never sell some of them to the Griffons as exotic food, nope never). I was wondering what if I just used the materials of the dark arts for myself instead of just destroying them. Since I acquired them this way I am not doing anything illegal or corrupting myself and most of the spells I am planing to use would really make my job faster and safer.
P.S. Would it be worth it to just go all out and do a lot of easily fixable property damage near Ponyville, a bit of mental trauma (not sure if this counts since we are talking about Ponyville) and get blasted by the Elements of Harmony so I can lose all the negative effects and all but a bit of my newly gained power and then wait as most of it comes back over time?
P.S.S An acquaintance of mine asked me to ask If you would be interested in baying from him a picture and the foto negative of the picture he took while finding out why Princess Celestia wanted one room in the old castle renovated. The picture has Princess Celestia, Princess Twilight Sparke, a clone of unicorn Twilight Sparkle all on a bed made of cake and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza siting and watching the activities on the bed.
Sincerely
your loyal subject Tomi
Dearest Sunbutt,
Are you familiar with a Prince Artemis and Prince Solaris?
~Silver Tongue
P.S. Do you like....bananas?
Dearest Princess Luna,
What are your measurements? You look to be in better shape than your sister. How much can you bench? Do you even lift?
Yours
Lifts Heavy Objects
Dear Princess Celestia,
How is it that you prove to be useless in almost every major disaster following Luna's banishment to the moon?
I mean, I can understand being banished to the sun when Nightmare Moon came back, and being defeated by the obviously superior Queen Chrysalis during the invasion of Canterlot, but where were you when Discord made his grand return? On that note, I'm curious how the princess of the sun got ambushed and subdued by plants. Being a godly incarnate of the sun, the most prominent source of heat in the known galaxy, one would think that you would just burn them away. Maybe you're just lazy? Must be all that cake.
Loyal subject of the night,
TGM
We do not sleep with a teddy bear,
we sleep with a real bear.
Okay, I've gotta admit I didn't see that coming.
Dear princess luna
How can I join the night gared?
P.s I'm a bat pony
Dear Pretty Prinsuss Woona and Cellestia, when I a a Big poni I want to be a prinsuss too!
A supersecret admirer
P. S. Have you seen my mom?
Dear princess Luna,
I favour you over your sister, and I think you are beautiful and I was wondering if you liked the treat I have put into this message.
Do you like Moon pies?
To Princess Celestia, sole ruler of Equestria.
This notice is in response to your renewed subscription to Guns, Manecuts, and Hats magazine.
In celebration of your one-thousandth renewal of our product, Team Fortress Industries invites you to try out a free trial period of our rental mercenary system. Throughout history there have been all manner of disputes, the majority of which were all solvable by peaceful negotiations or gratutive amounts of violence. To control the destruction of property to a tolerable (and entertaining) limit, we have arranged nine of the world's deadliest mercenaries to fight on your behalf. Whether it is attacking mills, ruining scenic countrysides, defending doomsday devices, or pushing oversized bombs on a tiny rail carts, you will find our mercenaries to be of the highest caliber for your needs.
Although perfectly useful on their own, we would suggest finding a rival kingdom/arch-nemesis/younger sibling with an inferiority complex to rent another team of our mercenaries to fight against your own for maximum entertainment value.
Please send all return correspondence to the usual address of Team Fortress Industries in Teufort, New Mexico.
We eagerly await your response,
Team Fortress Industries.
Dear Princess Luna,
do you ever think Twilight's trying to provoke you into becoming her Dominatrix?
-X, Just X; maybe bladeX.
P.S, ever think about talking to your sister about Twilight's attitude?
Well, this just went insane, didn't it?
I have taken down your inquiries and added them to the Princess's queue. Thank you for the questions, and keep them coming!
*Cracks knuckles* Let's do this thing.
Thanks for the advice princess. Btw, can we ask more than one?
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Have at it!
Dear Luna,
Thank you. That was the kindest way of saying "just be patient" I have enver seen. :)
Anyways, I have another question I want to ask you. When you were Nightmare Moon, Princess Celestia banished you to YOUR moon right? Does that mean you can banish ponies to her sun as well?
In friendship
Kiba
dear Princess Celestia,
do you like mmmbananas?
signed,
too lazy to come up with a name.
Dear Princess Celestia,
How do you deal with the fact that everyone points to you solely when you are helpless during a disaster when your co-ruling sister appears to be just as helpless if she ever decides to show her face during one?
Sincerely,
A 67' Camaro
Dear Princess Celestia,
Can you think inside the chimney?
Your faithful Co-Founder of Equestria,
Chancellor Puddinghead
O Filia Regis Luna,
Quo ergo nobis adhuc in extremi lateris luna videre?
Num ita quasi pulchellus Sicut latus propinquius artis tuae?
Cum patientia, et superbia,
Lorem Ipsum
Dear
FleshlingPrincess Luna,Why didn't you go through with that ethernal night? I do so love to see the darkness in any kind of life form (makes fighting them a bit more challenging).
A big admirer of your alter-ego,
Megatron.
P.S.: Why not simply kill your enemies?
Dear Princess,
Due to reasons we don't want talk about/ don't understand, I am currently living with a changeling.
I like having her around, since she puts up with me and stops me from eating the local jewellery store. But she has this embarrassing habit of interrupting romantic moments between ponies and trying to suck the love from one of them (usually the stallion).
Can you suggest something she could eat instead? I really don't want to see her leave when ponies start putting two and two together, she's pretty much my best friend.
Worried for a friend,
A dragon who slept in a fez once.
Dear Luna, Pony Princess of the Night,
I have recently had an urge to communicate with the ponies in my surrounding area. A very nice pony came to talk to me one day and I found her company more than suitable, and I wish to begin the process of attaining pony 'friends'. However, every time I have tried I seem to scare the ponies into a suicidal mass of unbridled chaos. When I speak the ponies cower in fear. On my first instance, I had accidentally sat on a poor ponies home. Luckily, there were no casualties (I also left a large sum of gold as payment for my mistake). However, each time seems to be getting worse and worse. Last time I tried communication with the ponies I accidentally sneezed and destroyed the local farm-land. It took the ponies several hours to quell the fire.
I hear from sources that you are taking requests for aid by mail. I would have come in person but I fear that disaster would follow, and I have no intention of invoking the ire of more ponies than I already have. Do you have any advice on this situation? Never before in my thousands of years of existence have I had such trouble! It is quite infuriating, I assure you.
Sincerely,
Kerilav, Dragon Arch-Duke of Mount Kerr
Dear Princess Celestia, what do you think of all these creepy letters to your younger sister? I mean, they seem all rather obessed with her... Thinking about that fact, since when did she become more populair than you? (You're still best princess in my book though). Also, what do you think about all these rather... revealing facts Luna is telling the reader about you?
Sincerely, your faithful subject and big fan, Warmen
Dear Princess Luna,
I am currently being chased by bees... what do?
Ferrets,
Spastic Shenanigans
(P.S. These bees are really gaining on me.)
I have another one!
Dear Princess Luna,
I heard you helped my friend get over her fear. Scootaloo,right? I was wondering if you could help me. I am a unicorn who can't do magic. I have practiced and practiced and can't even levitate! Only a little spark now and then. I went to all the unicorns in Ponyville,and Twilight,and they all said the same thing. Even my big sister! They all said to work in small amounts and try to do a new spell everyday. Humph,so much for that. As I said,one little spark is all I can do!
Do you have any magic tips and spell I could try to get my magic working?
Sincerely,
Sweetie Belle
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Dear Lady Luna,
I am an admirer of the night sky and it's beauty and consider myself a night owl. However, many say that all I do is sleep all day and am a lazy bum. I find that insulting and have tried convincing them that I'm more suited to activities at night instead of day, but that's fallen on deaf ears. What should I do?
Sincerely yours, Metal-Quill
dear master
i've had some trouble with my friends, actually making friends. and this has been going on for several years. now i fear that i will have none as the end of my middle school life is coming to a close. i also fear that they have formed a shell 7 years in the making that will never let them see who i truly am. i knew them before they started to not talk to me, they're good people i know it. i need dire help on making friends in 1 out of the 6 months i have left with them.
-your humble liege, Stalwartheart
This is hilarious.
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images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/36300000/My-Little-Pony-Friendship-is-Magic-image-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-36383983-600-600.jpg
Dear Luna,
Have you met Fluffle Puff?
Please more !!!
Dearest Luna.
I know that you've helped me out a bunch already, but I was hoping to ask a small favour.
I plan on proposing to somepony special...
... And I was hoping to have a beautiful night like none other.
I would be forever be in your debt.
From your best friend and student.
Flare Blitz.
Dear Luna & Celestia
I'm not entirely sure whether or not you know, but I write a lot of fanfics involving the two of you.
One of which had you two being pretty OOC (Out of character). In any case, I was wondering, A- What Luna looks like in a batmare costume, and B- Whether or not Celestia has ever lost her marbles over a stallion?
Zamairiac
xx
Dear Princess Luna,
I have been an admirer for quit some time know and was hoping you could help me with something. I have been unable to sleep for a long while due to nightmares of a horrendous nature. If you would make them go away or make me a batpony so I don't have to sleep It would be most appreciate.
Dear Princess Luna (Best Princess and pony)
You are awesome! By the way what's it like being a mare I've wondered?
Sincerely definitely-not-a-night-guard
I can only imagine what Tzeentch will ask.
Dear Princess Luna
Do you have crush one of your guards?
Sincerely,
Golden Flower
Dearest Sister!
Thy posterior hath been growing quite large...
We would suggest that thou eat Our scrumptious moon cakes less often. We are enjoying Our vacation, and We hope thou shall listen to Our suggestion. After all, We are ashamed of thy butt.
~Luna
Dearest Aunty,
Why is your butt so big?
~Prince Blueblood