Shining Armour has always had a secret he wishes nopony would ever find out. Only two ponies know about his secret, however a third will soon discover it, and Faust only knows the outcome of the embarrassing and hilarious events that will soon occur. Shining armour is in for one hell of a ride!
-Co-written with Appledash5
We will try to update this story every week, but if we're late, don't freak out okay.
So he just made himself a mare?
You have enticed my curiosity. Please, continue.
oooooo buuuusteeeedddd dont worry shining..im sure the princess wont do anything.... to bad
Busted.
So... Is Shining a cross-dresser? Drag-queen? Transvestite? Or magically made transexual?
I hope you've got some tricks up your sleeves. Crossdressing can open up a whole can of worms and I'd love to see the emotional fallout. However, given that this is marked for comedy, I fear that this will devolve into a crossdressing is strange, so Crossdressing=Funny territory. It's some pretty heavy emotional baggage, and I would love to see it. I just hope you can pull it off.
I can believe it.
Where's his tail?
Of course, I was drawn here due to the advertised premise, but now I'm... not so sure. I mean, yeah, the premise definitely has a lot of potential to be either hilarious or heart-wrenching... or a combination thereof.
But there are major problems here. For one, I was thrown off when Shining made himself into a mare. Which he may not have; I'm not sure due to the vague language. But Twi called him her big sister afterwards. So he's either transsexual, transgender, and/or genderfluid. All of which are incredibly heavy subjects in this day and age that would be hard to make jokes about without getting into insensitive territory. Two, despite the Comedy tag and the potentially funny premise, the delivery of the actual jokes were kind of botched and not as funny as they could have been. This was mostly due to the third issue, which is that you really need to get yourselves an editor, because the errors and typos seriously became too thick to enjoy the story.
Favoriting this story to track it; really hope you two can improve this as it goes along.
The cover art makes me feel strange in my pants at my grandmas' house!
There's some gramatical errors than needs to be fixed, but it's okay. You have my curiosity.
quickmeme.com/img/28/28eab5b2a7dfcbb5be466f25433c012ee7dd7fbe80d627d642ebc22df9069263.jpg
What is wrong with this fandom.
Well then....
3689541
what?
3690435 I was at my grandmas house when I saw the cover art... and, you know.
3690454
I thought you meant you were like, a girl or something in pants and you felt weird because your grandma is old fashioned or something
3690468 I just noticed I fucked up on that comment.
3689506 We will try. Thank you for the feed back its grately appreciated :)
3690793 original idea was Appledash, but I came up with the premise. So I should say we both take credit for the whole idea, as it should be
3690928
AHAHAHA OH GOD
I LOVE A GOOD COMEDY STORY WITH SHINING ARMOR IN IT
Sup: and in the end shining's dignity has left the building
Sip: I want to try on those dresses
3690984 I can draw one with you in it once I get my computer back :)
3691147
ooo sip is the one with glasses
3691183 thanks for the info!
3691308
Sup: thought you might want to know
Sip: YAY im going to get other clothes im so excited
Sup: don't get your hopes up just yet
Sip: party pooper
Oh dear.
Y'all got a recipe for fun and an interesting story. I like where it's going, but do be sure to look over it with an editor or some-such, because I counted about ten grammatical issues.
ex:
capitalize the A, see the Celestia example.
Closet door
Celestia should be capitalized, not just the P if it's starting a sentence. Names are always capitalized no matter the placement in the sentence.
Pretty; capitalize that 'i' before 'just'
alot is two words. a lot. Common mistake, I only noticed cause my phone auto corrects to 'a lot'.
bathroom; not sure if you were ending the sentence after 'shower' or if you mistakenly capitalized the 'h' in hoping.
excruciating is a toughie. Hell, even I looked it up!
That's about all I found at a glance. I know there might be more, but this is a good start point for fixing it up. Make it nice n' neat and I'll have no choice but to fave relentlessly.
Jesus. That image is fucking disturbing. Seriously. My brain glitched trying to identify his (hers?) gender. Looks like someone put his head on a woman's body.
But my curiosity is talking louder and because of that I'm waiting the next chapter.
Just so everyone knows I'm transgendered so I'm drawing on some of my past experiences and firing ideas at Electric Spark
Potential, i like that word a lot.
More please
OOooh Dear.
3688332
Two-Spirit, Perhaps?
(Sorry, Only read about half the story at this point.)
Some mistakes I found:
"You" should be capitalized.
"Bacame" should be "became". Also, there is an "i" missing in "missile".
"Celestia" is not capitalized and there is a comma, right after a period.
You wrote "bathrrom" instead of "bathroom".
Shouldn't "pink" be small here? Also, you wrote "atwilight" instead of "Twilight".
I suppose "loset" door was supposed to have a "c" at the beginning.
"Okay" should be capitalized and you wrote "sitlently" instead of "silently".
"Cadance" is uncapitalized here.
You wrote "preety" instead of "pretty".
There is an "e" missing in "plastered".
"Twilight" is uncapitalized again.
"That" should be "than".
Don't you use a spell-checker? Some of the typos should have been caught by one.
All in all, that starts promising. Unlike a few others, I hope for something rather light-hearted (as it seems to be), but either way I look forward to the next chapters. Especially since I want to know whether the princess at the end is Cadance or Celestia.
I'm following you...because I could not stop laughing at the uniqueness this has.
3695438 Thanks. I'm glad you liked it
I need my drugs again, know why because i am craving the drug called MOAR!!!!
3695818
Give us moar! More! Oh, and this gave me area ideas
Area? God donut
Donut
Curs you auto cucumber!
Auto cucumber
I give up
3696268
This is THE best comment I have ever seen
I can't stop laughing, this is just great. You have earned a follow and like.
3697200 Thank you.
3696275
seriously? i through
through
... lessee here "was led to think that" auto coconut
coconut? really?
fappy place fappy pla- what the dollar?
DOLLAR?! you have got to be kidding me!
and FAPPY?! gah!!!!!!!!!
...
...
sorry, rage quilt
...
damn you to hell new tablet
hey it twirked!
twirk?
really twirk?
i glib up
grrrrrrrr....
oh, so that worked?!
i despise you auto coronet... DAMN YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!
3699630 You just broke a record.
NEW HIGH SCORE
Appledash won't be on till next year everyone. He has some stuff to take care of so, have fun! No update till he proof-reads and runs over some stuff with me.
3695368 some-pony is a grammar nazi
3703191 I welcome grammar nazis appledash. You should, too, since your spelling is literally crap.
3699638
uh, what record? i think that if i pay attention to what it suggests it won't be as wrinkly...
spoke too spoon
okay, now i know you're doing this on porpoise
... that's such an old joke...
pardon me, i need to hit something
...
...
(hello human! it is i the cute and sexylicious lyra heartstrings!
praise my awesomeness with cookies! oh, hey midnight, i was playing with your tablet!)
how are you even typing?
(magical energy hands, duh)
... sorry, she does this a pot
WHY DOES IT WORK FOR YOU?!
(cause it likes me)
... i'm going to my sulking corner
(see you later!)
3704538 I think my heart just failed, so here have a cookie