Following Fluttershy in first person though all the confusing and scary feelings of first coming out as transgender, all of her friends react to her coming out in different ways. Frankly, she doesn't know which reaction is the worst to deal with and she knows it will take a miracle for her friends to understand her. Who will stay by her side, and who will refuse Fluttershy's new identity?
This is the story of Fluttershy as a transgender colt (in human terms, female to male). For those that don't know, transgender is used to describe someone who doesn't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth
Disclaimer: None of the pictures in the chapters are mine. They are simple vector images put together :)
The art on chapter two is by AnonymousMogma on DeviantArt
The vector image on chapter ten is by Scrimpeh on DeviantArt
There's nothing really wrong with the mechanics of the writing. The spelling and grammar are good. Yes, a few instances of awkward wording, but maybe that's just Fluttershy talking.
This isn't bad. There are a few awkward sentences, particularly at the beginning of chapter one, and you could use a few more descriptive paragraphs, since this is mostly dialogue. (Not that a story that is mostly dialogue between characters is bad, but a little more description can flesh it out some.)
The only real conflict yet revolves around Fluttershy's internal fears. Does she have a reason to be afraid? Are some of her friends not going to be accepting of her if they find out? (That might make for some out-of-character situations.)
I feel like your characters are true to the show versions (Fluttershy's desire to be a colt notwithstanding). You need to add some drama to spice things up a bit, since so far what you have are a couple of nice conversations and some of Fluttershy's internal worries. (But don't make beloved ponies into jerks, please.)
Keep writing, my friend.
Igot attracted to this fic cause I want to get a MtF operation in the future
i'm really interested how this story works itself out.. keep writing and don't let those thumbs down get to you
It will be interesting to see if the standards of care for transponies are similar to the ones in use by humans -- and if the same sorts of abuse crop up.
1411865
There is times when I try to make it a little jumbled because like you said, it's Fluttershy. Would you point out where you see this, because it might really just be an awkward time that's unintentional.
1411876
Oh I'm getting there :) This story is nowhere near done. I just wanted to get a few chapters out there first for some feedback on my writing style.
Thanks for all the pointers, I appreciate it.
Would you be willing to offer a quote that you find "awkward"? People in the comments are using that a lot and without an idea of exactly WHAT is awkward, I cant change.
And dont worry, I'm staying as true to the characters as I can possible. And no, I wont turn any ponies into jerks. All the reactions will be vastly different but none will be out if character.
And also, the style will change after chapter two. Im trying to set the tone, as it were. Action and drama are soon to follow.
1412662
Thank you. May I ask why you 'hmmm'ed at first?
1413049
Thank you :) and oh no, I was just thinking that maybe you have more to say
1413474
That example makes sense, I think in that particular instince two sentences in my head were smashed together.
Thank you for the tips though, I'll remember them!
I like that system of checking, I'll have to try that.
While I have writen quite a bit before (I've been writing for a decade and am working on six novels right now), they've all been about humans and I think that slight difference is tripping me up
Thanks! After I started writing the first chapter I took a break and read countless fluttershy fanfics to make sure I felt like I was properly portraying her. And then after that I just winged Rarity
1414390
I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with it, it's just stories like this just make the characters seem OOC, and I always at least try to read them. Yours is actually one of the better ones I've seen. I might give it another try.
1414299 Actually, the second time through it wasn't too bad. I'll be watching.
1414487
Oh well thanks :) i can see how you'd think that initial thought. Its hard to pull off.
1414627 Sadly, I can't change my negative vote.
1414905
Meh, votes are votes. Im more worried about the comments
1414299 Wow. Six novels? At the same time? Just out of curiosity (and no need to give away the plots), but what are they about? Ever try short stories?
1411876
You would be extremely surprised as to just how "out of character" someone can be when faced with this topic. Honestly, i fully expect to see many out of character situations to arise from this.
Sex and gender are things that are so fundamental to us as human beings (we can extend this to the ponies, given their canonical higher reasoning abilities) that most don't ever think about it. To those that do, it becomes a lifelong question and source of internal turmoil that never goes away. Many simply lose the will to go on. The largest portion of the problem stems from others being unable, or sometimes unwilling, to understand this fact. I would go so far as to say it is the ultimate test of friendship.
Unfortunately, I know all of this all too well from firsthand experience.
1416770 Good point. I guess I just hope things are different in the magical land of Equestria, where love and tolerance are the rule. I want friendship to win the day and happy endings for everyone.
Saw someone try to write a fic dealing with something like this once, and Rarity full on rejected Fluttershy, then Pinkie, as the one standing up for her friend, proceeded to reject Rarity and call her names, then the rest of the mane six decided they couldn't forgive her for being intolerant...in the course of a single chapter the story descended to a point where half the characters were unrecognizable to me.
But real life is complicated and messy and things don't always work out the way we hope. (If they ever do.) I'm so sorry that you had a bad experience. For whatever it's worth, know that there's someone over in this corner of cyberspace that loves you just as you are and wishes you only the best.
And I guess that's the real challenge of a story like this: how to keep the characters close enough to the show versions so that they are still recognizable as the ponies we love while addressing a situation that the show itself wouldn't touch in a hundred years, but is deeply meaningful to many precious fans.
1416770
Trust me, I'll do just fine
1416939
My number one priority is portraying the characters well and staying true to them. I believe I can do that while writing such a human topic.
Yeah, six. I have more, but I'm taking a break from them.
Ah, they aren't happy stories by any means...One is about rape, another is about someone hallucinating a younger version of themselves, another about Stockholm syndrome, one about vampires, one takes place in the 20's and another the 1700's, one is about someone developing schizophrenia, stuff like that.
Heh, that's already seven plot lines. Like I said, taking breaks from some of them. I think I have nine total.
I do write short stories, but many of them (at least three) have turned into full on novels because I liked the characters, or ideas, or saw potential in the plot.
Wouldn't it make more sense to get all 4 of them together, then tell them? That way everypony gets up to speed at the same time.
Glad to see Rarity in support of her friend, but either she took a while to process Fluttershy's release or there is something else going on it Rarity's head. Color me intrigued.
Very interesting....
I''l favorite this to see where it's going.
honestly i like this story, it captures what someone in that situation must feel
1420482 while that is a good idea, I have a plan. Dont worry, I did this on purpose
1420871 Im glad someone saw it that way! Catching on.....
1421277 thank you! I hope to see more comments in the future to make sure I dont disapoint.
1421869 thank you so much, Im glad you like it
Going well so far! I smiled when Fluttershy thought Rainbow Dash would write in the clouds how deranged she was. Tried to picture Rainbow Dash doing that...but the only way I could imagine it was as absurd comedy.
It will be interesting to see how she really does react, though.
1422153 Im most excited about writing about Rainbow Dash's reaction, which is why she was first to be quite honest. Plus her reaction will influence the other mare's reactions slightly.
1421869 Thank you! Im glad you like it, there's much more to come!
1412280 Good luck with it! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.
1411786
They are very hard to do right compared to other types of stories, so quite a few of them don't work out so hot, though some turn out awesome.
Not sure whether this was intentional or not, but Fluttershy's very limited understanding of gender and the difference between gender identity and gender expression/roles is quite common in trans* people at the same stage as he is (though, one usually learns past this point as time goes on) so his processing of things on this front is believable.
The feeling that something is off for a very long and trying to deny the answer by thinking it is such a wacky idea for so long is a very familiar feeling (note, this is NOT a universal experience). I am looking forward to the rest as I read it tonight. Decent start.
1411657 1411797 1412582
Lets avoid the word "trap" please. It is a nasty slur directed primarily at trans women and the whole idea behind the term gets quite a few killed.
1411876
There is always reason to be afraid over this, even with those who seem like they would be great. And then we are talking about Fluttershy, who is very fearful already.
1413030
This will be interesting to see how you keep them in character.
Wow, Rarity, you are both an awesome friend and an unwitting reckless jerk at the same time. So accepting but then pushing poor Fluttershy to tell everyone right away (not a good thing to do, especially considering that there are real consequences to negative reactions). She has to know that Fluttershy has a hard time putting her hoof down and saying no, especially to Rarity. I guess this kind of goes with Rarity being gossipy (you know, I am actually having a hard time figuring out whether her gossipiness is canon or fanon - doesn't matter - just makes Rarity more interesting)
Great now what you said before lost all meaning
Soarin' is transcolt, i
thinknow not he has the parts of a stallion so then he is transgender1441519 Not really, my brief definition of the two still stands. When the ponies say transcolt, it's the same as saying "transperson" or "transguy" in reference to humans. No depiction of surgeries or whether they are transgender or transsexual is apparent in this descriptive word.
1441800 Haha! Yes, I figured no one would be too upset if I presented Soarin as such
1441747 you mean it isnt and it can be?
1442076 in this question, what do you mean by "it"?
When I use the word transcolt, it merely means that the pony is trans. Trans-what is up to the context, of course. Just with how---say---for you, I could refer to you as a transperson. Whether you have already had surgeries or not isn't implied or not implied and isn't apart of the descriptive word at all. I think you're linking the word transcolt to transgender and by saying that Soarin is a transcolt (thus transgender) that he couldn't have had a sexual reassignment surgery, but that isn't necessarily true since how I am using the word "transcolt" refers to all types of male-identifying-ponies.
I hope that answers your question!
If I understand the terminology, he's a transcolt if he was born a filly, whether or not he's had the operation. (Corrections welcomed.)
1442392 Perfect.
an extremely well written story so far. As a friend of someone that has just come out as trans, I asked Zie to read this story so far. Zie agrees that the fears Fluttershy is having were some of the fears Zie had. Zie and I applaud you work and are hoping for a continuation of this story. +1 Vote and a fave
1443468 Thank you so much, that means the world to me!
And yes, there is much more in the story to unfold!
Okay, Rainbow's reaction made me smile. I thought the way Fluttershy kind of lets Rarity take the lead even though it annoys and scares her was very appropriate for the character. It was cool to see Rainbow Dash stand up for Fluttershy against their well-meaning friend.
About the terminology stuff with transgender and transexual and what not. Depending on the terminology model, the term transgender includes transsexual in addition to other categories (transsexuals are a subset and people can be more than one type and also, there are more than two genders), but in others the term transsexual is falling out of favor being just outright replaced by transgender. The term trans* is also often used to include everything (the * being a wildcard for any number of characters in computer searches). Desire for medical stuff (hormones, surgeries, etc.), ability to access them, and whether one has used them or is using them presently do not determine whether one is trans* or not as has been mentioned. It is merely one's gender identity that does. Now, something that has been mentioned, desire for or having done any medical stuff does not make one individual more trans* than another who doesn't/hasn't nor does it make the one's gender identity more valid than the other's (nor the other way around).
Transcolt Soarin. Neat. Love Dash's reaction of "awesome" especially because it was the right reaction to help Fluttershy emotionally, though I do worry if Dash exotifies transcolts which is not so good (though it could just be now Fluttershy has something in common with her hero Soarin and this is simply fangirling).
1429156
I mostly just wanted to make the point to everyone reading these comments about this word, so I simply quoted everyone I found who had said it with a text search without reading the context. But yeah, a dangerous word, especially for my kind (trans woman/girl) and sadly has even lead to a meme involving Akbar. People see us as this, which in addition to being incorrect, tends to lead to people hurting/killing us and others not caring when we are hurt/killed (note, the victims are disproportionately racial minorities and poor which shows what other bigotries are also going on).
1431089
Oh, yeah, I remember that. Rarity might have been gossipy in fanon before canon (or the otherway around) which is cool.
1443468
Oh yes to this. Even if one thinks one has an almost zero chance of a bad reaction, there is so much fear (talking from experience).
1444326
Made me happy too. Someone needed to tell Rarity that what she was doing was not OK (its basically a way of outing people against their will).
1444326 Im glad you're finding my portrayals appropriate. :)
1445105 Yeah, I wasnt thinking when I quoted that guy using that word, sorry
Thanks for alll the feedback and reactions to my story!
Im glad you're enjoying it!
Soarin as a transcolt? Huh, who knew? Does kinda explain his overcompensating voice though.
Just a minor complaint but this part had me confused for a second.
"We've got something to tell you Pinkie Pie. Well, Fluttershy does." She stated.
Took a few seconds until I realized who said that. Other than that, good job.
1445858 Ohh! Sorry about that!
Changing it now.
Reactions all seem in character so far, so thumbs up
1472831
And even Fluttershy is in character too, which is a real hard one to pull with this type of story. Is he going to continue to go by Fluttershy (I see no reason to or not to) or change his name to Butterscotch or something else. I wonder.
1479201 We'll have to see - it's entirely possible that he'll see that everypony will accept the change, and therefor decide he doesn't actually NEED to change.
1479292
That would be nice, though need and want are two different things. For example, even if everyone in the world would accept me as a woman despite my very male given name (it literally means son of _____ in a very obvious fashion) and if there would be no problems with using it, I would still probably want to change it. I still wish that it was a realistic option to keep my given name since it is sort of an unfair decision to have to change one's name or be misgendered and/or outed as trans* all the time by it.