Fluttershy the Transcolt

by Mintyluc

Chapter Two: Tea, Tears, and Tail-Twisted Truths

Rarity was waiting for me in my living room when I finally got her tea ready for her just the way she liked it. I set it on the table in front of her and let her cry until she was ready to talk.

“Fluttershy…” She called out, seemingly at the end of her tantrum. “It’s awful.”

“What is it Rarity?” I asked, thankful to get my mind off of my own internal dilemma for a while.

“Another Royal Guard got married, Fluttershy!” Rarity sobbed in dismay. Anypony else would have probably been looking at her blankly, wondering what had gotten into her, but I knew better than anypony that Rarity had her heart set on becoming a big somepony in any way possible. Marrying one of the Royal Guards was a quick way to that somepony status. One of the Royal Guards getting married meant her chances of her heart's true dream just got a little slimmer. Of my five best friends, Rarity was my best-best friend and so it hurt to see her so upset.

“Rarity, I am so, so sorry.” I whispered knowing nothing I would say could really help. She nodded as she took big gulps of tea, crying in between them. “Keep drinking Rarity, you can’t cry while you’re drinking.” Rarity looked up at me suddenly.

“Y-you can’t…?” I smiled,

“Not at all. Try it.” Rarity looked at me helplessly. As she started crying again, she took a drink of the tea. The tears subsided with her drinking as it had done before, she just wasn’t aware of it then. After a long drink she gasped,

“Fluttershy, you are an absolute gem. I really owe you this time. And this tea is divine.” I smiled, happy I could help my friend.

“Thank you Rarity. And don’t worry, you’ll find a high class pony to marry you someday.” Rarity smiled and sighed.

“Oh darling, I hope so.” She said, drawing out her words, making her eyes wide, “You have no idea what this town is doing to my…internal complexion.” I wasn’t quite sure what she was on about, but I still was willing to listen regardless. Rarity always was there for me when I needed her and I always made sure to return the favor. I sat with her in silence before she continued to speak, “You really are the Element of Kindness, aren’t you?” At this comment I blushed and giggled.

“Thank you Rarity.”

“Oh no Fluttershy, thank you. I’m feeling better already. It’s so nice to have a dear friend help me through these episodes…” She trailed off, taking more sips of tea. In the silence, I was left with my thoughts, which were going back to me being a transpony.

Then an idea came into my head. What if I talked to Rarity about it? She surely wouldn’t judge me and she would accept me completely. I’m sure that she would be able to give me an honest opinion for the most part. I looked over at Rarity and smiled, and she smiled back at me over her tea. She then set it down and I got up to pour her more. Once we were settled in again, she smiled at me.

“So what have you been up to today darling?” Rarity asked me. Oh no. I know I wanted to ask her, but thinking about talking about it and actually talking about it are two very different things.

“Uhm…nothing.” I muttered.

“Nothing…?” She questioned, raising an eyebrow at me.

“W-well, I talked to Post Haste today...” I was hoping she would leave it at that.

“Oh? He’s a nice stallion, I like him.” I slowly nodded trying to think of something to say. “What did you talk about?” She asked sipping her tea. I froze. Oh no…

“T-talk…about…?” I asked slowly and quietly.

“Yes dear.” She said nodding, “You said you talked to him.” I shrugged,

“Well…H-he gave me a letter…and then I made him some mint tea…and then he told me what it’s l-like to be a c-colt…” In a desperate attempt to not have her ask about the subject of conversation again, I added hastily, “Oh, and Angel asked for some carrots!”

“Mh….hmm.” She groaned. “What it’s like to be a colt? Why was he talking about that?” Rarity asked, catching on to my failure at trying to change the obvious subject.

This was it. There was no way I could get around this question without a lie and I couldn’t lie to my very best friend no matter how bad the truth is, even a truth of something like this. The truth was that I asked him and that was that. There was no elusive way to phrase it or anything, there was just the obvious that would lead into me telling her what I think I might be.

“I-I…I…asked him.” I whispered. I wasn’t even sure if she heard me until she said anything. She looked at me seriously and said,

“Fluttershy? Why would you ask about what it’s like to be a colt? Wouldn’t one think it’s rather obvious what it’s like to be a colt?” I nodded slowly.

“I wanted more detail…” Rarity seemed to be catching on, but there was no way I could say it out loud. She’d have to force it out of me. I couldn’t say it alone.

“Why would you want more detail of being a colt, dear?” She coaxed slowly, sipping more tea, now facing me. This was it.

“I-I think I…uhm…I….w-want…uhm…to…” I tripped over my own words. There was no way I could say it. She would hate me forever. She would think I was a freak.

“Fluttershy, you’re my best friend. You can tell me anything.” She said setting her tea down and putting a hoof on my shoulder.

“Can you keep it a secret for now?” I asked slowly. I trusted Rarity with lots of my secrets. This one wouldn’t be an exception. She had to know, she pretty much already knows anyway. Or she might have no idea, that’s always an option. I don’t know how she couldn’t know by now though, it’s so obvious.
But if it’s so obvious why can’t I bring myself to say it? This is my best friend after all and I know she won’t judge me.

“I promise.” She whispered. I looked over at the white mare and she was smiling like a princess. I knew she was being genuine. Okay, so maybe other times I told her secrets she would tell the other mares, but this time she knew it was really a big deal to me and I was sure that this time I was safe.

“I-I….” I almost got the words out, but a shock of fear hit me and I squealed and shut my eyes as I felt tears starting to form. Knowing that Rarity hates to see me cry, I had to be strong just this once. Before I tried again, Rarity took my face in her hooves and spoke, looking directly into my eyes the entire time. It was the most honest I’d ever seen her.

“Fluttershy, I know you’re struggling, but listen dear. I am here for you no matter what you’re about to say. I love and accept you already and nothing will ever change that. We are best friends and no one will ever replace you in my life. In a short while we’ve been through a lot and I can’t wait to see all the adventures we will have in the future. You’ve taught me so much and made me become a better pony. This one thing you’re about to tell me cannot and will not change any of that. Even if Princess Celestia herself came through your doors and told me to abandon you, I never would. Even if Discord threatened to take away everything else I treasure, I would be willing to face losing it all if it meant keeping you. No one has ever shown me pure kindness before like you have. I know I haven’t done much for you in the past, but right now I am owning up to those mistakes and making up for everything in the past. You can tell me anything right now, Fluttershy. No matter what it is, it is okay. I promise.” Everything Rarity was saying was so overwhelming and amazing and loving for me that I couldn’t help but blurt out what I was feeling all along in one stringed together word,

“Iwanttobeacolt” Then, as I let the words out, all my innermost feelings, thoughts, and desires all came flooding out of me at rapid speed. The entire time, Rarity stayed silent as I told her everything, including the hopes and fears that were stored down deep in the pits of my heart.

Comments

[totallynotabrony]

There's nothing really wrong with the mechanics of the writing. The spelling and grammar are good. Yes, a few instances of awkward wording, but maybe that's just Fluttershy talking.

[Kolwynia]

This isn't bad. There are a few awkward sentences, particularly at the beginning of chapter one, and you could use a few more descriptive paragraphs, since this is mostly dialogue. (Not that a story that is mostly dialogue between characters is bad, but a little more description can flesh it out some.)

The only real conflict yet revolves around Fluttershy's internal fears. Does she have a reason to be afraid? Are some of her friends not going to be accepting of her if they find out? (That might make for some out-of-character situations.)

I feel like your characters are true to the show versions (Fluttershy's desire to be a colt notwithstanding). You need to add some drama to spice things up a bit, since so far what you have are a couple of nice conversations and some of Fluttershy's internal worries. (But don't make beloved ponies into jerks, please.)

Keep writing, my friend.

[JellyDrivex64]

Igot attracted to this fic cause I want to get a MtF operation in the future

[Nightsflash]

i'm really interested how this story works itself out.. keep writing and don't let those thumbs down get to you

[Dusty Sage]

It will be interesting to see if the standards of care for transponies are similar to the ones in use by humans -- and if the same sorts of abuse crop up.

[Mintyluc]

1411865

There is times when I try to make it a little jumbled because like you said, it's Fluttershy. Would you point out where you see this, because it might really just be an awkward time that's unintentional.

[Mintyluc]

1411876

Oh I'm getting there :) This story is nowhere near done. I just wanted to get a few chapters out there first for some feedback on my writing style.
Thanks for all the pointers, I appreciate it.
Would you be willing to offer a quote that you find "awkward"? People in the comments are using that a lot and without an idea of exactly WHAT is awkward, I cant change.
And dont worry, I'm staying as true to the characters as I can possible. And no, I wont turn any ponies into jerks. All the reactions will be vastly different but none will be out if character.
And also, the style will change after chapter two. Im trying to set the tone, as it were. Action and drama are soon to follow.

[Mintyluc]

1412662

Thank you. May I ask why you 'hmmm'ed at first?

[Mintyluc]

1413049

Thank you :) and oh no, I was just thinking that maybe you have more to say

[Mintyluc]

1413474

That example makes sense, I think in that particular instince two sentences in my head were smashed together. Thank you for the tips though, I'll remember them!

I like that system of checking, I'll have to try that.

While I have writen quite a bit before (I've been writing for a decade and am working on six novels right now), they've all been about humans and I think that slight difference is tripping me up

Thanks! After I started writing the first chapter I took a break and read countless fluttershy fanfics to make sure I felt like I was properly portraying her. And then after that I just winged Rarity

[Frizzy]

1414390
I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with it, it's just stories like this just make the characters seem OOC, and I always at least try to read them. Yours is actually one of the better ones I've seen. I might give it another try.

[Frizzy]

1414299 Actually, the second time through it wasn't too bad. I'll be watching.

[Mintyluc]

1414487

Oh well thanks :) i can see how you'd think that initial thought. Its hard to pull off.

[Frizzy]

1414627 Sadly, I can't change my negative vote.

[Mintyluc]

1414905

Meh, votes are votes. Im more worried about the comments

[Kolwynia]

1414299 Wow. Six novels? At the same time? Just out of curiosity (and no need to give away the plots), but what are they about? Ever try short stories?

[Miki]

1411876
You would be extremely surprised as to just how "out of character" someone can be when faced with this topic. Honestly, i fully expect to see many out of character situations to arise from this.

Sex and gender are things that are so fundamental to us as human beings (we can extend this to the ponies, given their canonical higher reasoning abilities) that most don't ever think about it. To those that do, it becomes a lifelong question and source of internal turmoil that never goes away. Many simply lose the will to go on. The largest portion of the problem stems from others being unable, or sometimes unwilling, to understand this fact. I would go so far as to say it is the ultimate test of friendship.

Unfortunately, I know all of this all too well from firsthand experience.

[Kolwynia]

1416770 Good point. I guess I just hope things are different in the magical land of Equestria, where love and tolerance are the rule. I want friendship to win the day and happy endings for everyone.

Saw someone try to write a fic dealing with something like this once, and Rarity full on rejected Fluttershy, then Pinkie, as the one standing up for her friend, proceeded to reject Rarity and call her names, then the rest of the mane six decided they couldn't forgive her for being intolerant...in the course of a single chapter the story descended to a point where half the characters were unrecognizable to me.

But real life is complicated and messy and things don't always work out the way we hope. (If they ever do.) I'm so sorry that you had a bad experience. For whatever it's worth, know that there's someone over in this corner of cyberspace that loves you just as you are and wishes you only the best.

And I guess that's the real challenge of a story like this: how to keep the characters close enough to the show versions so that they are still recognizable as the ponies we love while addressing a situation that the show itself wouldn't touch in a hundred years, but is deeply meaningful to many precious fans.

[Mintyluc]

1416770

Trust me, I'll do just fine

1416939

My number one priority is portraying the characters well and staying true to them. I believe I can do that while writing such a human topic.

Yeah, six. I have more, but I'm taking a break from them.

Ah, they aren't happy stories by any means...One is about rape, another is about someone hallucinating a younger version of themselves, another about Stockholm syndrome, one about vampires, one takes place in the 20's and another the 1700's, one is about someone developing schizophrenia, stuff like that. Heh, that's already seven plot lines. Like I said, taking breaks from some of them. I think I have nine total.

I do write short stories, but many of them (at least three) have turned into full on novels because I liked the characters, or ideas, or saw potential in the plot.

[Mintyluc]

1412280 Good luck with it! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.

[CyborgPony]

1411657 1411797 1412582

Lets avoid the word "trap" please. It is a nasty slur directed primarily at trans women and the whole idea behind the term gets quite a few killed.

1411876

There is always reason to be afraid over this, even with those who seem like they would be great. And then we are talking about Fluttershy, who is very fearful already.

1413030

This will be interesting to see how you keep them in character.

[Eros]

1428949
I agree, the term trap would be quite offensive.
Not that I would know, I've always been a colt
BUT STILL.

[Crisy101]

That picture....just......oh my gosh, so much daww I literately had to take a second before moving on with the rest of the story, just too cute. Anyways as far as the story goes, I'm really liking it. For some reason I can't seem to find anything specific to say about it, and I hate when that happens. Find such an amazing story and have nothing to say, shame So I guess all I can say is that it is written really well. I've never seen a story like this, but I'd imagine i'd be hard to get it just right. This is definitely one of those stories that just shocks you with how awesome it is Epecially with such a concept, as I normally don't think I'd find myself enjoying the idea of Flutters being a colt, but in this story it just feels really natural. I like that. Keep up the amazing work dude!
Also who drew that picture, was it you? If so great job on it. If not I'd like to know who did draw it so I can complement them

[SkittleQueen]

fak I fakin love this story already.

[peace corps general]

well fluttershy I DO have a gender bent spell I could try it on you...never mind I think I'll use it on rarity insted