Chapter Five: Sour Apples
The three of us trotted along behind Pinkie Pie even though we knew where we were going. Rainbow Dash was flying high above us, Rarity just a hoof or two ahead of me. I was walking as slow as I could, behind the rest of the mares. None of what was going on felt very real anymore to me. While I was sure that I wanted to tell the other ponies, I still had that part of me holding onto fear like I always did.
This one time though, I had to be strong. This is who I am. I saw myself as a colt and regardless of how weird it made me feel, it also made me feel a happiness I'd never felt before. This was right.
"Heeere we are!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. Rarity looked back at me, smiling as always. She always had the prettiest smile....
"Are you absolutely sure?" Rainbow Dash asked me, floating down to the road.
I nodded my head and smiled at her, "Oh yes, Rainbow Dash. I'm still a little scared to be honest, but I believe this is for the best."
Rainbow Dash smiled at me with a determined gleam in her eye. "Okay. And if anypony gives you problems, they'll be answering to me." Rainbow Dash nodded as she said this. Just as what had happened with Rarity, I was thankful for Rainbow Dash's intentions, but I didn't want anypony fighting because of me and how I feel about myself.
"Oh it's okay Rainbow Da---" Without being able to get another syllable in, Rainbow Dash sped off to the gates of Applejack's farm.
Greeted by our two other friends, Applejack and Twilight, Rainbow Dash stopped in her tracks and smiled at the two then turned around to Pinkie Pie, Rarity and me, "Come on you slow pokes!" she teased.
Pinkie Pie broke out into a quick skip and soon was waiting with the three other mares, soon followed by Rarity. I walked up to the five of them and smiled at all my friends. Applejack welcomed us all and offered us something to drink, but Twilight seemed curious as to what caused our visit.
"Could you two spare a moment or two? We have to talk to you mares about something." Rarity chimed. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash nodded. While Pinkie Pie still didn't know what we were going to talk about, she was still ever-supportive of the meeting.
"Of course Rarity." Twilight said, exchanging a glance with Applejack. "What about?" Applejack nodded, intrigued.
"Uh, we'll get to that when we are somewhere....private." Rainbow Dash said, her voice descending into a whisper.
"Well, there aint no-pony around here, Dash. We pretty much are in private." Applejack chuckled as she spoke, trying to battle Rainbow Dash's harsh demeanor. As Rainbow Dash frowned, Applejack continued, "But no-pony is in the house, come on in everypony. Twilight and I weren't doing nothing important." Twilight looked at her hooves and laughed, then turned around to go in the house with the other ponies. I smiled, happy that everyone was getting situated without my instruction, but I knew they would all go silent and leave the talking to me once we were inside.
"So guys, what brings you all here today?" Twilight asked.
Rarity and Rainbow Dash exchanged a glance as Pinkie Pie jumped up and squealed, "Well, I actually don't know! The three of them just asked where you were because they wanted to talk about Fluttershy!" she stated matter-of-factly. Everypony looked at me. Oh no...there were so many eyes on me....
"Well Fluttershy? What is it?" Twilight asked, smiling at me reassuringly. Applejack leaned her head in towards me, smiling as well. They were both clearly engaged in what I was going to say.
"Uhm...Well...you see, I...." I stammered. I don't know why this was so hard for me when I was able to say it before. I glanced at Rarity, who flashed an award-winning smile, then over to Pinkie Pie, whose anxiety and excitement of hearing something new was through the roof. Twilight and Applejack sat calmly, clearly not rushing me to speak while Rainbow Dash on the other hoof was gesturing for me to speak up.
"Well, I am a..." I coughed and then spit the word out, "transpony." I immediately looked at the ground, not wanting to see their expressions.
"And if any of you has a problem with that you can---"
"Rainbow Dash, calm down." Rarity demanded. Rainbow Dash lowered her head, embarrassed.
"It's okay Rarity, she's just sticking up for me...." I whispered. Rainbow Dash's ears perked up at my comment.
"Wait. A...what?" Applejack asked,
"A....trans...pony?" Pinkie Pie questioned, "What's that?" That was the moment when I looked up. Pinkie Pie didn't look angry, just curious.
Not too surprisingly, it was Twilight to answer her question, "It's a pony that identifies as a different gender. Some ponies are born that way. Albeit rare, it happens." Twilight looked over at me questioningly, "Although like I said, it is very rare. I've never personally met one that I know of, just read about them. Are you sure Fluttershy? You could just be having feelings of wanting to meet a colt you can be with." I shook my head vigorously. That was not it at all, I was sure. "Do you like....mares?" she asked, whispering now. I shook my head helplessly, feeling irritated that she wasn't believing me.
"Wait wait wait. So, what does this mean?" Applejack asked.
"It means," Pinkie Pie stated, "That Fluttershy wants to be a colt!"
Rarity shook her head, "No dear, she already sees herself as one."
"Shouldn't we be calling you 'he' then, Fluttershy?" Rainbow Dash asked me suddenly. I hadn't thought about that yet.
"Most transponies request that" Twilight added, "A few don't, but it's customary."
"Wait so Fluttershy is a colt?" Applejack asked thoroughly confused. Twilight nodded,
"It seems peculiar, but sh---he says so." Twilight stated
"Wait...What's peculiar about it?" Rainbow Dash demanded
"It's just that not many ponies are actually transponies, some go through phases or---" Twilight was interrupted by Rarity.
"Fluttershy is not going through a phase." Rarity yelled, slamming a hoof down
"All I mean is---" Twilight tried.
"I still don't get it! Why do you look like a mare then, Fluttershy?" Applejack asked, starting to get angry.
"Because silly. It's not how she looks, it's how she feels about inside!" Pinkie Pie said, nodding to herself.
Everyone stammering comments out to one another was starting to get too overwhelming for me.
"Please. Can we talk one at a time?" I asked. The ponies continued on and bickered. "Please?" I said again, yet louder.
All the ponies looked at me and nodded, simmering down. Everyone seemed to calm down, except for Applejack.
"I still don' get it! How can you say you're a colt if you are clearly are mare?" She was not yelling, but her frustration was clear.
"She's not a mare, Applejack, even if sh---he looks like one" Rarity clarified.
Twilight nodded, "Most transponies end up having surgies to correct their body" Twilight added. Applejack gasped,
"Surgeries?" Applejack asked, "Why? So they can have a---" Applejack gasped again, looking at me funny. "Do you want that?" she asked me.
"Uh---That's a personal question Applejack" Twilight pointed out. Applejack shook her head,
"I...I don' care! All of this affects me just like it affects y'all!" she blurted out. "I just don't...I don't understand! How could somepony want that?" Applejack started pacing around. "It just doesn't make any sense to me. I---I'm sorry everypony." And with that, Applejack fled the room. Twilight started to run after her, but Rainbow Dash stoppped her.
"Let her go Twilight." she said.
Pinkie Pie nodded, "She just needs to sort her thoughts out."
Throughout the scene that unfolded before me, nopony took the time to realize I was crying. Not until now. Rarity rushed to my side,
"Oh Fluttershy! That was awful. I'm sorry she said all that in front of you."
"Speaking of saying stuff in front of Fluttershy, what was up with all that phase stuff?" Rainbow Dash darted her eyes towards Twilight helplessly.
Twilight was startled, like she had said absolutely nothing wrong. "I just meant---" Twilight waited a moment. "Fluttershy did I make you cry? I was just---"
"That this is a phase? Do you think she'd be crying if this was a phase?" Rainbow Dash asked, sighing. Rarity gave Rainbow Dash a stern look, telling her to calm down. Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. Then, "Twilight, look. Fluttershy is hurt. Really, really hurt. Don't you think she must be sure of this?" she asked desperately.
"'He'!" Pinkie Pie corrected. Rainbow Dash sighed at Pinkie Pie.
"All I mean is that she could not know how she feels. She might be...confused. If I talked with her one-on-one I might get a better idea of how she feels about herself." Twilight offered.
Rainbow Dash wasn't buying anything Twilight was saying though and her last comment revved Rainbow Dash back up again, "Confused? Twilight...not everything has to be analyzed and studied! Some things just are...For once can you not be such a loser and let this happen?" Tears welled up in Twilight's eyes. Rainbow Dash had used the one insult that actually offended Twilight---and she knew it. Twilight fled from the room, running in the direction than Applejack had. Rainbow Dash turned around and was now facing me and Rarity as well as Pinkie Pie who had just joined us.
"Was all that really necessary Rainbow Dash? I mean the name calling---really?" Rarity asked, sighing.
"I'm sorry." she spat out. "I mean---just look at her! They're making this so much more difficult than it needs to be. How many times did Twilight explain it? And Applejack still didn't understand! And Twilight...and her phase stuff. Ugh..." Rainbow Dash whimpered, looking toward me.
"They just don't understand, yet. They'll come around. It's very possible that Applejack really hasn't heard of this type of thing before. It's no insult on her, she just needs a moment to let it...soak in." Rarity said, to both me and Rainbow Dash. "And Twilight---well...She always tries to have an answer for everything. Perhaps Fluttershy's news scared her?" Rainbow Dash slumped down in front of me. I wiped my teary eyes and looked at her.
She offered a half-smile to me. "Fluttershy---I'm sorry." Rainbow Dash whispered.
I wanted to tell her it was okay, but this time, it just wasn't.
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I'm watching you AJ...
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/442/204/113.jpg
1678862
I know I know, AJ lovers are going to be all over me
1678901
I don't mind really, not everyone can be accepting.
To be honest, despite the anarchy, I feel that everyone still pretty much stayed in character.
It also kind of echoes the feelings I had when I came out at work. I was literally shivering when I was telling my boss what was going on. Thankfully I didn't get fired, although my parents still say stupid shit like "It's too soon." Yeah, sure, I may be on a bit of a tight leash at work at the moment, but this kind of shit just doesn't make work any easier. If anything, I feel like my boss understands me a bit better.
1678905
Well I'm glad. I analyzed everyone's personality and paralleled their reactions to the best of my ability. Staying in character is my number one priority.
1678935
Thank you! It means a lot that you think so. I'm sorry about your parents. =/ It's good your boss is accepting though!
1678955
Ces't la vie. They conceived me, now they just gotta deal with me. If they want to worry about me getting hurt unnecessarily to the point where they start to inhibit any and all progress I could be making, then that's their problem.
The world is a cesspool of fuckbuckets and sheeple. Learned that a long time ago. They don't have to remind me of that constantly.
1678962
That it is. You always have all of us on Fimfiction though!
Waitwaitwait... back up a second... so you mean to tell me this site isn't a cesspool of fuckbuckets and sheeple?
Well fuck.
EDIT: Forgive my antics. I am a bit sleep deprived at the moment.
Gawdammit RD, YOU are the one making this harder than need be.
1679000
Hahaha! You're fine, don't worry
1679141
It's a shame, because between all of them RD seems to be the only one who gets it. Her brash nature just gets in the way of defending Fluttershy better.
As an AppleJack fan, i find her reaction rather well done. It's not really talked about in normal society, so some people, or ponies in this case, won't get it right away. i know i sure didn't. But i hope this is resolved in a way that keeps her apprehension in check and sees the bigger picture to it. A good move in the story, keep it up.
Mwahahahaha...it's alive!
(Wondered if this was gonna get updated.)
And this just might be the best chapter so far. Long live the Drama! You do a remarkable job of keeping the ponies in character. I especially liked your Twilight, who is so quick to analyze everything. It was funny, because I actually relate to Twilight quite a bit, so I was feeling all defensive for her when Rainbow Dash let her have it. I wonder if it might be too much to expect all her friends to instantly get it, especially when Applejack hadn't even heard the word "transpony" before. Anyway, things I especially liked during this chapter: the tension between the friends (oooohhh), Twilight's head-rather-than-heart reaction, Applejack's "All of this affects me just like it affects y'all!" (It just seemed like such a natural thing for someone to say).
Solid stuff.
I see Dash's responses as, more than anything else, simply impatient: "Hey, I grasp this. What's taking the rest of you so long?" And since she's already committed to defending Fluttershy, she's going to be a tick or two beyond her usual brusque self.
Rarity is right: "They'll come around." But they're going to have to see Fluttershy speaking up for himself. And I worry that his family, wherever they might be, will not take this well.
Fluttershy needs a hug.
1679530
Thanks! It means a lot thart you think so
1679555
No no no I'd never leave a story hanging
Thanks for all the feedback! I'm glad you've enjoyed this next chapter so much.
1679617
It's good to see everyone thinking so critically.
You make very valid points!
1680531
I agree with you about Rainbow. Sometimes when people are dealing with something that means a lot to them, they're blind to the fact that other people just don't GET IT. Thanks for sharing your reaction!
1680555
Needs quite a few of them I would suspect.
I really like the story so far, cant wait for the next chapter
first of all thanks for the new chapter
second: I think reinbow is really scared. not because she does not understand a Flutershy, but is afraid of what others think of her friend
1682314
Thanks! I'm glad you're liking it thus far! It means a lot!
1683561
It's my pleasure :) I love writing and I love folks reading and reflecting on my works.
You make a very good point about Rainbow Dash!
Oh, I love this fic! I can't wait for further chapters
And good to see not everypony was so predictably accepting :3
I'm just going to say it annoys me when everyone uses applejack as their bigot. I get that it's likely that one of the mane six wouldn't be okay with it, but every time it's Applejack. I live in the south and people have southern accents and are from more rural origins, but no one gives shit about trans stuff. I think people really need to stop playing to stereotypes.
1687516
I'm glad you're satisfied with the outcome! :)
1688556
And I'm just going to say it annoys me when people assume things about me. Actually, I wasn't aware that most people use Applejack. And I'm not using her as a bigot in any way, she's the one that DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. Much like yourself. Also, her being southern had absolutely NOTHING to do with why I chose her. I spent many a night thinking about who would react in what way so it'd mean a lot if you didn't dismiss me as stereotyping or doing what everyone else is, because I'm not. I'd like to think that ponies know nothing of human stereotypes anyway. Don't assume you know why I'm writing what I'm writing. If you ask me, I think Twilight is being more of a bigot than Applejack. Applejack just doesn't understand, that's not the same as bigotry. Don't waltz onto my story and complain about what other people do with their stories when it has nothing to do with me or my writing. And, if you must know, there's a major plot point reason as to why she reacted the way she did, I didn't just pick her randomly. There's reason to it. I would tell you why, but it would ruin the story for everyone reading this, now wouldn't it?
1688967
Sorry I came off really agressive. I was just venting after a bad day, especially relating to trans stuff so I'm a bit irrational and bitter. I have seen a number of stories about trans ponies and AJ is always the one who freaks out and is bigoted and accepts it last and it's always rubbed me wrong. I'm interested in what you have planned relating to AJ.
Sorry to be nasty, and I'll be looking forward to reading the rest of your story.
1689434
Hey, no worries. It's interesting, I can promise that. You're fine, don't worry about it!
Who gets excited to see that this fic has updated and then doesn't read it for a few days anyways?
<---- This guy, thats who, he sucks.
Anyways, I really like how you did Pinkie, a bit confused at first, not understanding but it seems like it pretty much boils down to "if it makes Fluttershy happy" with her, pretty much how I imagine her.
RD feels odd, I can't really put my finger on it, but there's something off about her. But that might just be me imagining her differently, I don't know xD.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
While I think RD is correct, it was definitely not wise to be as abrasive as she was. Didn't do much to bring AJ and Twilight around, so she sort of jeopardized things for Fluttershy. RD really fails at diplomacy. Her behavior is very much in character.
That's interesting. You, the author, think Twilight is being more bigoted? Cause it looks to me like Twi is being socially clueless/disrespectful (not considering how her words could increase Fluttershy's self-doubt), and AJ is just being generally baffled.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash both have valid points. How you identify yourself and what you think your problems really are is vague and layered; it's very easy to identify the 10% of the problem whilst thinking you've identified the 90%. I'd go so far as to say it's the rule, not the exception. Analysis failure is a major problem.
And of course what RD says is true: what Fluttershy says about zir own identity is nearly the last word, it's disrespectful to suggest that you've misunderstood yourself, even though that is always the case. It's much more appropriate to ask for definite and detailed explanations and paraphrase what you hear, to help people to notice for themselves any confused ideas they are holding.
(Nobody in MLP is canonically such a natural counsellor, though :)
Regarding the story in general, I find it quite plausible that the outwardly quite feminine-seeming Fluttershy is actually FtM trans given zir tendency to doormat*. Most of the characters could be plausibly trans to me really, with the exception of AJ (Too busy working to have the remotest clue about the contents of her mind).
I find it easy to sympathize with Fluttershy, character reactions are completely believable and the story moves at a good pace.
given the fact that such things potentially involve life-changing surgeries and such things
a small amount of initial skepticism is probably healthy
but i'll probably get burned alive by the trans community
for suggesting that not everyone who says
that they want to slit their dick into pieces and turn it into a vag
is psychologically/emotionally ready to do just that
i have no problem with lgbt--moar gay sex ftw
just people who go berserk when they hear something they don't agree with
and accuse people of being bigoted/ignorant/hateful for it
i.e.
"not every single person who says they want to be a different gender actually fits the criteria for gender identity disorder/will continue to maintain that identity for the rest of their life"
(this enrages the pro-lgbt community, especially those with whom 'acceptance and tolerance' has reached the point where you're never allowed to question anyone's stated choices EVER or you're a hateful bigot)
or
"but some people who say they want to be a different gender actually do psychologically identify as a different gender and will be much better off after transitioning to match the physical characteristics of said gender"
(this enrages the anti-lgbt community because the idea that a biological error could lead to a brain wired as one gender existing in a body of a different gender is simply absurd, because god said so in the bible and the bible is god's word which we know because the bible says so and the bible is always right because the bible is god's word which we know because the bible says so and the bible is always right because...)
tl;dr everyone on this planet is fucking retarded
anyway, good story
i think i posted a comment when the first chapter came out
saying i was annoyed by the author's need to explain what transgenderism is in the summary
because it makes it seem like a propaganda piece instead of a story
but the story itself is really good
and i think it does a good job of showing
an accurate, if condensed, portrayal
of the confusion and guilt people feel
when they realize they're not
the same on the outside
as they are on the inside
my only big complaints are:
the pacing, but it's not a big deal
and the ham-fisted portrayals of typical issues with coming out
(not that i did it any better, so that makes me a hypocrite)
it just feels like you made a list of different things that need
to be addressed regarding transgender politics
i.e. misunderstandings, fear, outrage, guilt, acceptance,
that pronoun minefield
which is all good, man
but it feels like you assigned each character
certain clear-cut issues
(especially twilight & applejack)
and made each one or two the focus of a scene
realistically i think the whole coming out scene there would
be more complicated and take a lot longer for various responses to manifest
but i think the ability to write things like that is a very rare skill (that i don't have much of)
and so i'm just going to leave that and let you do as you please with it
overall though i like the way you've written this
i think my complaint could be nullified if the scenes were longer
and things were allowed to build up better
it just seems rushed for an issue so complex as transgenderism
in my opinion
by the way i think this is one of the top three or five longest comments i've ever written
that isn't a response to something on one of my own fics
and i only write huge comments on stories i really like or despise
and i like this story
i like it enough to take this much time out of my schedule and review it
so
update soon
laterz, yo
All right, found this in the LGBT group folder and decided to give it a read. My thoughts:
Fluttershy mirrors a lot of my own issues of dealing with myself. Similar to her my first real 'tip off' so to speak were the dreams. The problem is I very seldom take note of my gender in dreams unless there's a big social cue in there (Such as myself wearing dresses, high heels, makeup, ect). As such it's hard for me to pinpoint when exactly my dreams started as they could have been anywhere from when I was in High School (When I 'spontaneously' came up with a dragoness persona that I toyed with a lot) to as recent as when I can clearly remember having dreams of being a woman (This being two years ago at my cousin's wedding, while I was taking a nap.) I'm really enjoying this.
Soarin Transcolt? Personally I prefer Cis gay Soarin but I'll take this. Soarin, poser boy for the LGBT movement =Þ
Also Transcolt, totally stealing that word. I love it, I love it a lot. I was struggling with how clunky Transstallion was for FTM despite Transmare rolling off the tongue. I suppose it ties into fillyfooler and coltcuddler a bit with the naming schemes though.
Later on characterization, you mentioned you were worried about staying in character. So I shall give brief thoughts on how I thought each one was to staying in character (Given certain variables of course).
Fluttershy: Very good, the only thing that seems to bug me a bit is the fact that it's first-person and well, I'll get to my comments in a bit. Three butterflies.
Rarity: Generious, if a bit pushy. While I want to say that it doesn't seem right for her to push Fluttershy to talk to her friends that day, I do think that her pushing her to see her friends is something she would do. Fabulous
Rainbow Dash: Brunt, forward, poor at using wordthings to negotiate. Heart in the right place, A+
Pinkie Pie: Ball of energy, very accepting. π+
Twilight: Over analytical, to the point of it being a burden. However, the only thing that I see is a bit out of place is RD calling her an egghead and that being the one insult that really gets to her. RD's called her that plenty of times before and she's never gotten upset. Otherwise good show. Book-minus
Applejack: Kinda played up her over-simplistic mindset here. Honestly with this set up it's kind of neutral, I can see she's not wanting to hurt Fluttershy, but she's confused. I give it a straight Apple Seed.
Now for the narrative. See, I think First-person is one of the hardest PoV's that you can do. Because in order to do it you not only have to get behind the driver seat of one of the characters, but you have to convince the reader to ride shotgun the entire time. If you're a bumpy driver then, well the reader will want to get out and take a trip somewhere else. Mostly, however, I think you've been doing a great job at it. I think it comes down to two major pitfalls, and these both deal with Fluttershy's character as I've perceived her.
One, I would have thought that Fluttershy being the nervous wreck that she is would have mentioned her fears and anxieties more often. This could just be an oversight and me getting my nickers in a twist about something minor but I thought I'd point it out. That's up to you.
Two is a bit more interesting though. See, the point about first person is that we're hearing it from just one pony's point of view, as such what they perceive is what we perceive. If a character is crying away, and can't hear anything over their own wails then we shouldn't be told of things they cant hear. Dig? There are points in the story (the fifth chapter most definitely) where I forgot while reading that this was being told from Fluttershy's perspective. It's too clean cut, not enough discrepancies to make it seem like a believable first person narrative, and sometimes makes the reader think they're in the third person narrative. Again, changing this is on your prerogative. I'll read every word you write regardless, I really enjoy reading the story and I can't wait until more comes out.
Cheers
~HPL
Oh pony, you picked a hell of a time to take a break. I really wanna know what happens next.
Any news on an update? Hate to see a good story go down.
Applejack mostly just seems confused about something that she's incredibly unfamiliar with. Twilight actually makes some fair points, this is kind of a big thing for Fluttershy to decide and she should probably see some professional help before she does anything drastic. Even if she totally and completely is trans, it would still help to talk to someone who has seen this sort of thing before and whom he can talk to about his problems and situation.
2324709 Sorry, quite literally I just sort of forgot
Writing the next chapter right now! I'll never abandon my story, I promise you that!
2079861 So sorry to keep you waiting! I hope the next chapter is worth it!
I'd like to compliment you for the depth and complexity of this story and the reactions of the characters.
Although, as a sidenote, some of your speech tags are off. They should be like:
"Let her go, Twilight," she said.
If there's a "she said / he said" after a quotation, the period gets replaced with a comma and the first letter of "he/she" is lowercase. (The punctuation can also be an exclamation mark or question mark rather than a comma, but the "he / she" is still lowercase.) Hope that helps.
I have two things that I don't know why they weren't brought up ealier:
I'm confused, is the shake of the head affirmative or negative? In other words, is Fluttershy into colts or mares? It seemed a bit unclear to me.
There are a couple things with this one:
-the insult 'egghead' has never bothered Twilight more than minor irritation.
-Twilight ran off in the opposite direction as Applejack, who presumably left a few minutes ago, based on rough time estimates, yet at the start of the next chapter, they are walking and talking. 'Nuff said.
-Rainbow is just the slightest bit too harsh in this situation. I know her heart is in the right place and she's defending Flutters and all, but Twilight is just making fair points, albeit unintentionally insensitive points, but it makes Rainbow OOC. And it kinda sticks out based on how well the others are characterized, although I personally think Pinkie would have been the clueless one, but Applejack was the right choice for what you chose to have happen.
Oh the tears.
TERRIBLE! WHY U OFFEND TWILIGHT! IM NEVER READING YOUR STORIES AGAIN!!!!!!
1680555 don't worry fluttershy's right next to me I'll give her a hug on your behalf *starts hugging fluttershy really hard*