limelightu
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Muahahahahaha!
Luna is totally 
best ponyawesome!!!Ah Luna, always looking for love, when she knows Shining is the best choice for accessibility.
I love it.
MORE
More!!
Mhmm, adultery... MOAR!!
Seems promising. Now just waiting for [Complete]. Never starting reading [Incomplete], burned too many times.
Awwww. Not you too! It was still good though.
Amusing story. Imma point out some grammar errors though.
"Thou" should be "thee" because it is an object.
"We" should be lowercase. the royal we is always lowercase unless starting a sentence. "Hither" should be "here." "hither" means "to here," which is obviously not the intended meaning. "wouldst" does not use an apostrophe and should be "would" as it is third person singular not second person singular.
"Us" should be lowercase.
"We thank thee." first person plural, not second person singular.
"Our" should be lowercase.
"We" should be lowercase
"where have thy manners gone?" Third person plural, not third person singular.
Both "us" and "we" should be lowercase.
Second "we" and "our" should be lowercase, and unless Princess Luna wants to emphasize a point very strongly, it should be "It will remain our secret." Only first person uses "shall", unless one is being very emphatic.
"Thou judgest thyself too harshly," or "You judge yourself too harshly." I would go with the former, as I doubt Princess Luna would suddenly slip from informal to formal for no reason.
"Our" should be lowercase.
"Us" and "Our" should be lowercase. "Does" should be "doth." third person singular.
"Cometh" should be Come. Imperative, not third person singular indicative.
"Us" and "Our" should be lowercase.
"Thy" should be "Thine." "Wert" should be "was." Third person simple past indicative, not second person singular subjunctive. "Us" should be lowercase.
"Hath" should be "have" all three times. "We," "Our," and "Us" should be lowercase all times they appear. "Drunken" should be "drunk." past participle not adjective.
"We" and "Our" should be lowercase in all three appearances.
"We" should be lowercase in both appearances. Normally I would change "shall" to "will" but as Princess Luna is laying down rules, I think the emphasis is arguably warranted.
"Our" should be lowercase. "Hath" should be "hast." second person singular not third person singular.
Both appearances of "we" should be lowercase. "Should you" should be "shouldst thou." No reason to switch to formal, especially since Princess Luna just established a system of rank.
"We" should be lowercase.
"Hath" should be "hast." second person singular not third person singular.
"We" should be lowercase. "Hath" should be "have." First person plural not third person singular.
"We" and "Us" should be lowercase.
"Our" should be lowercase.
"Hath" should be "have." First person plural not third person singular.
"We" should be lowercase.
"Hath" should be "hast." second person singular not third person singular.
"Us" should be lowercase.
"You are" should be "thou art." No reason to switch to formal speech.
"May" should be "mayest."
"We" and "our" should be lowercase.
The second "we" should be lowercase and "thy" should be "thine."
3364057
Some?
It looks like you practically rewrote the chapter...
3364057
SOME grammar errors?
Mmmm... infidelity.
3364415 3364489
It's what happens when most people write Princess Luna. Moral of the story: Everyone should learn archaic english grammar. takes 5 minutes to learn the basics. click here.
3364839
I concur...
3364057
You're the only person complaining about this story.
Try suggesting improvements without being condescending about it.
3364941
He wasn't conplaining, he was correcting.
This is complaining.
"You went too quick, there should have been more teasing, adding at least some suspense. Shining Armor, and Luna aren't even acting at all like themselves, both of them are too eager to rut. This concept would have been better as a comedy, with SA getting into awkward circumstances, like walking in on Luna in the shower... But they're always naked, so that bit would be harder to pull off."
3365056
what about shining being on a patrol at night for some reason(maybe he can't sleep or something) and finds Luna in socks getting a snack. that would be silly.
We all know that shining armor won't be able to
3365082
Yes, very silly, but it has so much potential.
I want somebody to write that.
3364941
Ya know, cushy compliments don't help anyone. It only inflates the ego.
If you really want to help the author, how about you go through and suggest improvements, because that guy already did.
3365241
WHY COULDN"T I HAVE BEEN BORN WITH CREATIVITY!!!!!
(I capsed so hard my apostrophe became a quote.)
3365261
Well, you're a Grammar Nazi, so you have that going for you...
Be an editor!
3364057
I'm pretty sure that subbed versions of MLP have "we", "us", and "our" capitalized even when they're not at the start of a sentence.
The Royal Canterlot Voice (RCV) uses "We", "Us", and "Our" as designators of their Royal title/authority/status.
And while I personally disagree with equating/thinking of the Princesses to deities, people also capitalize references to what they believe in.
For the most part, you need a firmer grasp on archaic equivalents before setting out to correct their usage; Especially considering the very nature of Olden English. Tossing out a few fancy grammatical terms that have multiple applications such as imperative, which can be used to describe a command that is largely independent of sentence structure? Doesn't make you look good.
In short, you're just too picky about these "supposed" errors, if errors they are, they're hardly glaring. You sound like someone who has never picked up an original copy of Beowulf to add to your perspective.
3365419
Beowulf is in old english, completely different from archaic english. The royal we is not capitalized in english, you can check the oxford english dictionary on that one. also, when I said "imperative" I obviously meant the imperative mood. I'm not throwing out fancy grammatical terms. I'm using extremely common terms used in descriptive grammar that anyone familiar with them would recognize on sight. They would also know how I am using them. You're merely trying to discredit the validity of my corrections.
I also want to clarify that I am not attacking this author. I'm trying to better their work through improving their grammar. If I sounded condescending I didn't mean it that way. Anyone else who reads this comment and my corrections please, feel free to correct anything wrong there, but do it because you know what you're talking about and want the writer to know so they can fix their work, not because you think I'm a prick.
"Will he be able to stay faithful to his wife despite living with an unusually frisky princess of the night?"
i sure as hell hope not! lol....
why does shining always second get shipped with luna though?.... (twi being first)
i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii516/Klutzybear/tumblr_m43n0zzKYc1rwniqvo1_500.jpg
i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii516/Klutzybear/tumblr_m6isq7p2E21qmlqefo1_400.jpg
i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii516/Klutzybear/tumblr_m5l7lt76wm1r76kqwo6_400.jpg
A nice read, it's good to hint of a possibility that Luna would have a child due to her affair with Shining Armor, which was part of her intent I imagine. I can see a sad ending in this with the affair being exposed and sad things will come to Shining with his marriage, yet Luna will get away with what she wanted, which would be a nice change of things to have a little message in a story.
Anyhow, good story, so far. Keep up the good work, man.
3364057
I am quite supportive of your efforts. Since Luna first appeared using archaic English may people have tried to emulate it in their fiction writing and failed miserably. It seems, to me, to be a game of: how strange can we make this sentence? It's like "I thinketh thou stinketh!" in HD Luna stereo. It's really isn't that hard to type "Archaic English Grammar" into Google. In fact let me do that for you: LMGYFY: Archaic English Grammar.
3367623
Thanks for the feedback. You are quite right about there being mistakes in Luna's dialogue, but my primary concern was readablility. If I were writing a textbook on the grammar and diction of Elizabethan England, then you would have every right to be outraged. This is just a clopfic on the internet, and you're trying to blow it way out of proportion.
The story could still be improved, but I didn't feel it would be necessary to perfect archaic English grammar before writing the story. Also, none of my errors are as egregious as "I thinketh thou stinketh". That's ridiculous. Never once did I make an effort to write Luna's dialogue in a "strange" way.
Also, I capitalized the first person pronouns Luna uses because I like to think she sees herself as a "goddess" while everyone around her sees her as "princess". It was more of an experiment, but I liked the way it looked, so I kept it in. That may have been a mistake in hindsight.
3367673
I'm sorry if it came out that way. There were a few people irked with Azrael Chiaroscuro efforts and I just wanted to say a piece in support of what he was doing. On the contrary; your attempts at archaic English were well withing what is acceptable, but you are an exception to the general rule. A lot of Luna fics and pre-modern Equestria fics that feature archaic English are nearly cringe worthy because of the lack of time spent studying the art of our no longer used pronoun forms.
My comment wasn't directed to you
I see what you did thar...
3367680
Ah well then, I appeareth to have misunderstoodeth completely. Glad you caught what I did thar!
Hah nice one shining, banging two goddesses
would like to see more of this, also funny when cadence finds out, battle of the gods
Shinning you lucky basterd more plz
I like it!
3364955
I thought it was pretty fun to read over everything and then research it. I think you started dropping "informal" for "formal" near the end unless there is a reason for "you" to have switched from informal to formal I am not aware of. You also switched "we" for "us" in one of the last corrections. Past that, your corrections pointed out a lot of little nuances about using Old English I was not aware of; though, they feel far harder to remember than simple math rules.
3369473
Well, the thing with "you" is that it's actually the objective case of "ye." Now, "ye" was the second person plural, BUT it was also used as a formal way to refer to either an equal or a superior. Its usage is identical to the us of "u" in modern dutch except that the conjugation of verbs is plural instead of singular. The use of "thou" is reserved for a single person of lower rank(when in a military, or official sense) or someone you are familiar with in an informal setting. improper use of "thou" could actually get you punished in many official settings as it was considered extremely disrespectful, and could even be used as an insult, similar to how "temē" is used in japanese.
Honestly though, the rules for pronouns and conjugation are much simpler than you think. If you want I could message you them. it takes like 5 minutes to understand.
3369528
Considering English is a language that is still evolving, I would think the meaning of words would drastically change over time. This thought made me question some of the corrections you pointed out. However, this may just be looking too deep into a story that was written for two fictional characters to have sex.
It is not just the rules for pronouns and conjugation, but more how archaic words should be used and which words have an archaic counterpart.
3369665
Well, all languages are constantly evolving, given that a language is merely the grouping of large body of speech and the way people speak is constantly in flux. The thing is, I don't think that means you can ignore the rules of a given period. If someone makes grammatical errors in a modern english work, people will notice and a good prereader will correct them. I see no reason the same shouldn't go for the later stages of early modern english(what we've been calling archaic english).
In terms of word choice and such, a healthy amount of Shakespeare, Marlowe, Spenser, Sydney, Donne, etc. + the KJV bible will give you a very solid grounding. There aren't a lot of "archaic counterparts" exactly, but there is a good deal of semantic broadening, odd (for today) use of modal verbs, and odd progressives along with the use of "to be" to form the perfect of unaccusatives. Interesting to compare with todays language for sure.
3364941
You're the only person being an idiot on the comments (sans myself).
Try commenting without disregarding the existence of your frontal lobe.
Your use of archaic here is so inconsistent it physically injured me
Dear God I hope not.
Looking through all these comments, apparently a lot of people support Shining's infidelity.
Well then.
I don't care if this is wrong to say, I'm saying anyhow; THAT LUCKY BASTARD, SLEEPING WITH THE MOST ATTRACTIVE MARE IN THE ENTIRE EQUESTRIAN UNIVERSE! I would give anything for a portal to Equestria to exist
3364057
I suggest that when you decide to point out grammatical errors, you use proper grammar yourself (in other words, "Imma," is slang and NOT PROPER GRAMMAR, let alone an actual word).
@ the author (because I'm too lazy to look up your username)
The Archaic English was a bit inconsistent as to how archaic it was, but I am far better at common English that is spoken today than Archaic English. However, I am doing some research, and I plan on giving as sound advice as I possibly can on the subject. (Or maybe I will be a slacker like usual and not give the aforementioned advice. *shrugs* (This is the most likely event (or lack thereof) to happen.))
(((((Yay! Excessive parentheses!)))))
3372291
Nah, comments are conversation, not literature. Descriptive grammar rules over prescriptive there in my opinion. besides, if I use something that most people consider improper grammar, it will make discount the validity of my statements and make people want to prove me wrong. In doing so, they'll look up whether or not I was correct. Everyone wins
"affairs" makes me think Luna's not the last. I speculate... Celestia next, and maybe some flashbacks to Chrysalis somewhere. Maybe Celestia having insecurity issues and trying to prove she's better than the bug at fucking
supposedly 
Could make it a full set of princesses, but some ponies get up-in-hooves about incest, so I'll table that unless the author actually does it.
Also wondering what Cadance is going to do about this. All kind of characterizations for her, since her actual character is so lacking. Probably why very few authors have moral compunctions about using her hubby.
3372378
Alright. It was just my opinion, so whatever.
Yay! Mustaches!
3371518 Don't go thinking that you are the only one who wants that.