• Member Since 28th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 4th, 2019

Sparx


I write fics, often late at night. Some folk like them. Also I like to use the word 'Aye' when I speak.

T

Princess Celestia calls Rainbow Dash to her side to alert her to her solution to an incoming danger.
But it's quite possible that Rainbow won't like what she hears, but what can the Element of Loyalty do when she's asked to save the country and Princess she has sworn loyalty to?

Much thanks to Solidfire for help Editing. I really do appreciate it.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 52 )

This... this was truly something else. Feels were had and tears were shed. Can't wait for the next story to come out.

~SolidFire

3498499
The second one is a much more cheerful and happy one. But I do think there is more potential here and will probably return to the concept. I gotta thank you for bringing out the little extra potential it had hiding inside! :raritywink:

3498509
Now... why the heck didn't you sign up for the Rainbow Dash group writing contest? It just ended today. Considering this was done like... 4 days ago, it could be entered.

~SolidFire

3498519
I thought it ended yesterday. It only recently got approved. :rainbowderp:

3498524
Well... it was supposed to end yesterday, but I was lazy and didn't make the post. I got my co-admin to make it today. I know that it was only approved like... 8 minutes ago, but it was done days ago. It was my taking a long time that made it so it was posted today. You can blame me for that. Because that is the case, if you felt like submitting it, it would be welcomed.

~SolidFire

3498542
Well then sure, I'll submit it if I can. And no worries dude, you did a great job. :twilightsmile:

3498554
I added it to the contest folder. Now, just because we're friends and all does not mean you will get special treatment in this.

~SolidFire

3498567
I wouldn't have it any other way. :rainbowdetermined2:

Its kinda missing the cruel gutpuching twist at the end that makes the ritual poitless (or at least some kind of continuation)

3498809
Ritual wasn't pointless, and the story was more about the struggle that Dash and Celestia had to go through rather than the actual threat. That being said, I could continue the story at a later time if it's potential keeps ringing and I feel it pull once again. :trollestia:

The chapter Title...

NOPONY EXPECTS THE SOLAR INQUISITION!!

Y'know Monty Python?

3498856
Eeyup! 'Course this is always what comes to mind first for me.

3499500
It's how I like to write her. :rainbowkiss:

will you continue this?

3502996
If people want me to, then I will return to this concept at some point, yes.

3503001 oh please do.this story is magnificent.

3503017
I'm glad you think so. I do see a lot of potential in this experiment of mine, and I would love to revisit it. If reception like this keeps coming, I'll definitely add it's sequel/continuation to my list of projects.

Really interesting story so far. Sad to see Luna, Cadence, and Twilight go, but their sacrifice was necessary for the survival of Equestria. Perhaps, if it is at all possible, Celestia could give them their life force back upon defeating that ancient evil?

Only spelling error I found was this:

Luna gave a viscous gaze towards her opponent and shouted her command

Should be vicious. Viscous would imply gooeyness like eye boogers or something.

3516580
It wouldn't be a sacrifice, nor a tragedy if it wasn't permanent, they are gone.

How did I not catch that? I love both those words!

Can't honestly see Shining Armor or Applejack taking the death of their sister and friend lying down, the others either really. Potential for a resistance, or perhaps a civil war?

3523603
They didn't exactly take it lying down, well not until they were beaten into it at least. Applejack at the very least seemed to understand Twilight wouldn't have wanted that. Shining however I could see putting up some kind of resistance, though alone, I can't see him trying to do anything, probably voicing his outrage and accepting whatever banishment or punishment that would be put upon him...possibly in the continuation... Crystal Empire...

Well it was an interesting story, but to me it felt ... rushed for both the dire situation, the emotions, and the romance. That's just my opinion though.

Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!

-Sky66

3526073
Aye, I feel that this should have been a multiple chapter story as I was writing it, paced out a bit longer, but I had already settled on a one-shot, and tried to get it out by a set date. The beginning was a tad rushed to try and get it done, where the middle was a bit more natural, and the end was another semi-rush job. That being said, I think it still came out alright for what it is, and personally think of it as a 'stronger' piece than the other one shot I put out, they were simple experiments, little else.
If I were to continue this though, I would try and pace it out a bit better, and not keep it as a one shot.

3526367

I forgot to mention something, you need a thesaurus. When the battle between Rainbow Dash and her friends break out, you use the word 'hard' so many times, around 15, just for that scene, and then another 7 for Luna vs RD. You are not the only one with this problem, I've read plenty of other fanfics with this same situation. Usually the author doesn't know that they are actually doing it, repeating their words, or they are inexperienced in writing action/fight scenes. So please next time, synonyms.

Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon.

-Sky66

3529183
I'm usually a lot better with that. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. Don't know what I was doing there.

Rainlestia and murder. Is it my birthday?

I immensely enjoyed that Twilight was braver in front of death than Luna. The fights were good as well. I noticed many less typos than in your other story too. The entire story felt in character (despite its darkness).

I was kind of disappointed Celestia barely explained anything to Cadence. I'd have liked to see whether she'd have shied away like Luna or accepted her fate like Twilight.

'made her way' is repeated thrice in a few paragraphs at the beginning. You might want to change that. I also noticed some missing skipped lines between paragraphs.

Here are the lines I liked;

'"This was something I never saw coming, or rather... I hoped it would not. I fooled myself into thinking that it could never happen,"'

'Rainbow looked up in turn, and felt the pit of her stomach stir,'

'She brought her muzzle to Rainbow Dash's ear, whispering dark tasks to her. When she drew her head back, Rainbow's gaze had weakened, no longer proud and unflinching,'

'A laugh came from Shining Armor. "Got ya! You've no idea how long I wanted to do that,"'

'confusion spreading wide across her face,'

'Her eyes, once full of life and love, now frozen open with an expression of fear and sadness, from a betrayal none of them wanted,'

'"I'll get there quickly and return with Twi..." she hesitated. "Return with Princess Twilight Sparkle,"

'Rainbow stared hard at her friends, a cold stare she never wished to give them,'

'Dash made sure to plant her kicks where Rarity would be able to hide the marks, as a last bit of consideration for her friend,'

'"Rainbow... take me back to Celestia. We have a Queen to crown,"'

'please stop making it worse...'

'She could see the pain ripple through her,'

'The student then nodded and the teacher began, class had come to an end,'

'If they were safe, she would gladly give this much,'

'It was rather touching to see that, despite her bravery, she could be very emotional,'

'Celestia silenced Dash, pressing her lips to hers once again, pulling back with a smile. "It's okay. I don't mind,"'

'Those brilliant pools of magenta, rippling with pain and want for aid,'

'"If my sister should resist you, then you have my permission, and order... t... to bring her back dead,"'

'Luna's face contorted with perplexity,'

'"Coming off a tiny bit hypocritical there, aren't we, Nightmare?"'

'"How pesky!" Discord snapped a finger and the guard transformed into a chicken, pausing and looking at himself before running off in fear,'

'Even the battle among the guards hadn't reached a point like this, as they were merely fighting to win, it had become obvious though to Rainbow and Luna, that their own battle wouldn't be over until the other was still and silent in the dirt,'

'Rainbow wore that stony gaze she had taken ever since Celestia had given her her first order, a mask disguising the pain and sorrow she felt for the actions she would regret forever'

and

'"If you can repair her bones and clean her up, make her look at peace... please, do so. Celestia would prefer it that way."'

I found a few mistakes;

'lead' should be 'led' in 'Rainbow lead Cadence into the throne room,'

'it's' should be 'its' in 'and it's light flowed into Celestia's'

and

'lead' should be 'led' in 'She's never lead me astray.'

I'd also remove the 'poor' in 'Applejack met her with a solid hit though, dragging poor Rainbow across the ground,' it feels off.

3568897
I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Just seems natural to me that Twi would be braver than Luna at this, as she's always trusted Celestia, and Luna seems to come off as nervous and frightened quite often, or at least has shown defiance towards her sister before. Also you can thank Solidfire for finding and eliminating the various typos.

If I were to do that... I think it would have played out similarly, with Cadence feeling frightened, confused, and unwilling. She has Shining Armor and I don't think she'd want to leave him.

Hate it when I don't notice repeats that bad. I'll get to fix it soon.

And again, I must say that I enjoy the lines as well, they were some of my favorite to write. I'll get around to fixing up the errors once again.

A hidden gem, love the concept!

3599622
You're too kind. :twilightsmile: I'm glad you enjoyed this story.

I CRIED I ADMIT IT:raritycry:

Nobody expects the Solar Inquisition! :eeyup:

Well...this was certainly something. Rainlestia is not a pairing I see very often, but it is a favorite one, and you managed to make it work. Though, Rainbow Dash is still a mortal pony and Princess -excuse me- Queen Celestia is immortal. Or is there a way around the mortality issue?

And I am curious about the threat Queen Celestia spoke of.

5293725
At some point I'd like to revisit this and answer such questions. For basic curiosity though, there isn't really a way around it, Dash will die and Celestia will go on, but they will enjoy what they can while they can.

5294238 Maybe after Rainbow Dash dies, Queen Celestia can visit her in wherever pegasi go when they die?

5294288
The graveyard?
This one ain't the happy story. I do have a bit of a happier Rainbowlestia fic up here though. It's not amazing, but I think it has heart to it.

5294329 I was referring to the afterlife, unless you do not believe in such things.

5294339
I don't know what I believe after that. I'm not religious though.
The intention was not lost on me however, though there isn't an accessible afterlife in this story. It's meant to be a bit more grim and difficult.

5294350 Mmm. Well, this other Rainlestia story, it is titled Loyal to the Crown?

5294366
It is indeed. Written around the same time I wrote this one, though that was more an attempt at a plain shipfic.

5294370 I read it. It seemed a mix of humorous and heartwarming.

5294388
Good to see it does what it should then.

5294395 Even if I did want to kick those unicorns in the face.

5294401
Would be well deserved. I feel that's why they were introduced in the show after all.

I wish the ending was a horrible nightmare dream, because all of this is so sad and heartbroken.

5487486
Kind of an open ending. Could definitely turn that way. Would like to revisit this some day, possibly continue from here.

5490633 Yes! Please do re-vistit this!!!! :pinkiehappy:

you should be banned and killed

6114267
Need a bandaid? I swear that stick up your butt is so edgy it's making you garble you're words. Speak up or I'll never be able to hear you over the vomit and blood you're spewing.

6116870 sorry.
you should be banned and killed

6116872
Could somebody help this poor gentleman? He's clearly screaming in pain but I can't understand him. I'd stop and help but I don't want to cut myself on that edge. I don't even have any context clues about what he's crying about, everyone else is having a good time and we have this horrible morbid scene unfolding of a crying child tearing themselves apart without any warning.

...actually putting it that way makes it seem hilarious. Let's point and laugh as he eventually dies off from lack of interest or purpose.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!