• Member Since 5th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen August 29th


Male Favorite Pony: Fluttershy Favorite Villain: Discord


Rainbow loves all her friends, but when they all want to be with her romantically she must find a way to cope with her feelings and choose which of her friends to be with, but a crazy idea that just might work may let all her friends be with her.
This is my first fanfic story so I hope you all like it, and feel free to comment on what I should do better.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 7 )

That awkward moment when you realize that the entire description is one sentence...:unsuresweetie:

Rainbow went to Rarity's to model for her today because she owed her a favor for the mess she caused crash landing in the middle of her busiest work day of the season ruining her dress she had been working on for days.

This is not a good first sentence. This is not a good sentence. Actually, this isn't even a sentence. This is at least three sentences put together.

Also sorry for making such a long chapter.

No, that's not what you say. You can apologize for shortness but not length.
One author has even made 30k word chapters.

Other errors:
-Incorrect capitalization
-Missing punctuation
-Poor sentence construction
-Quite a bit of "Telling"
To name a few.

Altogether not a bad first attempt, but you need some grammatical help. Try looking for an editor to help you.

Thanks i'm working on fixing all the errors. Yeah, I desperately need a editor.:twilightblush: I'm glad to hear that you like it.


1. The point-outs about technical writing errors (spelling, grammar, structure, etc.) has already been covered, so I will not add to it further to it, other than to agree with NightWolf289 that you should find yourself an editor &/or proofreader(s) (ideally you want both).

2. On the Chapter 1 Author's Note...

This is my first fanfic so tell me what you think and how much you like or dislike it. Thanks for reading. Also sorry for making such a long chapter.

Never apologize for having long word-count chapters. Never.

If anything, long chapters are a positive sign, it generally shows the Author is putting in the time + effort to writing out the story, giving the readers something to invest their time in. Conversely, overly short chapters (barely 1000 words, or less) are often a warning sign that the Author just put a bowl of cold gruel & tap-water on the table expecting the reader audience to think it is eggs, ham, toast, & orange juice.

So do not ever feel afraid or guilty at writing out a hale & hearty word-count chapter (5000+ words per chapter is closer to be "long", by the way). In this way, it also acts as a buffer to you the Author; people may not particularly "like" what you had written, but they will generally respect the effort that you clearly put into it.

Hope this helps.

no kidding

even though i haven't actually read the story yet, the description makes the story seem interesting (i added the fic to my "read it later" list)

Eventhough it he’s terrible writing, overall it sounds like a good story, I think I’ll add this to my tracking

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