As Much As I Hate To Say It

Climbing up the barren volcano known only as Black Mountain, Spike remembers his and Rarity's life as he tries to reclaim something that belongs to her.

Just a little something I thought of and whipped up. I'll go back and edit/proofread it when I get a connection back at home.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 14 )

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FluxerCry

FluxerCry #1 · Dec 19th, 2013 · · ·

At the very least, this was quite an interesting idea. Nothing really wrong on the technical side of things, which is something I always like to see... However there seems to be a theme going around this week, of people writing stories with more dialogue than narrative. While dialogue is great, it is, after all, dialogue. The reason that writing the way you speak in real life is bad is the same reason that having too much dialogue is bad; they both over-simplify the story and end up coming across as rambling. If you had kept most of that dialogue as inner monologue or even narrative instead, then it could have opened up so much more possibilities and opportunities to spice things up with prose and imagery the likes of which people simply do not speak. Your narrative did prove to be well written, so I encourage you focus just a little bit more on that.

Despite this, I did enjoy the story and I thought it was fairly well done. Good job.

Your Rating:

Hey, I hope you appreciated my feedback! I can tell I'll have my hooves full this week, so it'd be really, really awesome if you could support me by joining Weekly Watch! Your rating, and many others, will appear in a results thread later this week. Hope to see you there!

Sparx

Sparx #2 · Dec 19th, 2013 · · ·

3652531
I'm glad you liked it, and I appreciate your criticism. I see what you're saying, and I agree, though I think it would go against the concept I had for it to dial back the dialogue, but if lengthened, I would definitely have put more of a focus on narrative. In truth, it's just an idea I thought up and powered through to enter a competition, just to throw my hat in. I hope it goes as well as your review, and I'll give the group some love.

Sparx