• Member Since 10th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 12 minutes ago

Shazam 25


I'm a guy who loves Video Games and is a Brony. I get different ideas for the mane six and mostly into game crossovers.

Sequels1

E

A game crossover idea I have and already written it before.

Rainbows life changes when she finds a strange armor which grants her amazing abilities. She chooses to use it to protect Ponyville and Equestria from a horde of strange creatures. This is the birth of Mega Mare Dash.

All enemies are based off of the game, they will be called Chaos Soldiers. I plan on doing 8 Mega Man X games. Sorry if this is short but I really don't have a lot to say other then enjoy!

Image belongs to xscaralienx. I like it!

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 47 )

My first impressions:

Grammer needs work. Do you know of when to place past/future tense words? For example:

Rainbow Dash just finish her weather for the day

*finished*

Rainbow move her books and look back at Chaser.

*moved*

Remember, readers on this site will be very picky about grammer.

"No dud, Me and my friends can just use the Elements of Harmony to take care of it."

*Dude*

She felt her mind shout, WARING! WARING! and ready herself.

Do you mean: WARNING?


Rainbow Dash walking like a bad-flank into the fog? Little too early for that. Speaking of which:

Rainbow smile and said, "Like I told my friend, My mane is Mega Mare Dash." And walk into the fog as well.

Is should be: Rainbow smiled and said, "Like I told my friends, my name is Mega Mare Dash."
(New Paragraph)
She turned around, and walked into the fog as well.

Another thing: The beginning is pretty rushed. Out of no where? Her Great-Grandfather appears who somehow is affiliated with a pony version of Mega Man? Needs a bit more backstory. In stories like these, it's fatal to rush into the action right away like this. Especially if there are loyal fans to the Mega Man series reading this. And be VERY careful with personalities of characters. However, Rainbow Dash seems to be pretty accurate to the show, just be sure if you are to post more chapters, watch/rewatch some of the episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

And lastly...WHERE'S BASS?! Ahaha, just kidding.:rainbowlaugh:


Now, all of those aside, Let's get to what you did well.

Grammer, although a little tacky in a few areas, is pretty solid. Readers will enjoy this.

Interesting concept. Mega Man AND Rainbow Dash? You've earned a like.

Character's personalities are handled pretty good, but it could be better.

And lastly: Good Cover Art. Other than seeing how many Likes and Dislikes, this will prompt people to read your fiction. Plus, you gave credit, so kudos.


Remember, this is called Constructive Criticism. Don't take this as an insult, take this as a reminder or a note of how you can improve and conjure a good fiction. A little work can go a long way.

-ShadowFall

3676380 OK few things, one thanks for pointing out the mistakes I miss them some times. Two, I'm going by the game and it too went right to the action. Three it her great-great grand father. I'll fix them now.

3676404

Three it her great-great grand father. I'll fix them now.

Three, it's her great-great grandfather. I'll fix them now.

A couple grammar errors in the description

Rainbow life change when she finds a strange armor and chose to use it to protect Ponyville and Equestria from strange creatures. It the birth of Mega Mare Dash.
All enemies are base off the game which be call Chaos Soldiers. I plan on doing 8 Mega Man X games. Sorry if this short but I really don't got lot to say other then enjoy! Image belong to xscaralienx. I like it!

...I'm guessing english isn't your first language?

Ok heres an edited version, with parts i added in, which i think makes it better, but you can decide on that.

Rainbows life changes when she finds a strange armour which grants her amazing abilities. She choses to use it to protect Ponyville and Equestria from a horde of strange creatures. This is the birth of Mega Mare Dash.
All enemies are based off of the game, they will be called Chaos Soldiers. I plan on doing 8 Mega Man X games. Sorry if this is short but I really don't have a lot to say other then enjoy! Image belongs to xscaralienx. I like it!

3676414 And here one more thing about this story, I'm going in the order the way beat the Boss. So I mess up grandfather, it happens.:facehoof:

3676433 English is my first language, it just, there are some words I can't spell. I'm 23 mind you but I do try.

THe beginning is really rushed, and the grammar is pretty bad here and there. If this story's gonna get off the ground, then it's gonna need a new first chapter. I'd be happy to help, if you'd like.

3676472 Ok, but as you know if you what to proof read we need to share on Google Drive. It the only way I know right now.

3676840 you seriously dont know what dyslexia is? :facehoof:

noun
noun: dyslexia
1.
a general term for disorders that involve difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols, but that do not affect general intelligence.

3680861 First time I ever heard of that word to be honest. I do know how to read, it words I want to use, I can't spell them. I took Specials class during my school years. So there are some that I need help with and sometimes I rush through with out looking.:twilightblush:

little late on putting this FIMfiction arent you phg13

3682480 Yes, I wanted to do this a lot earlier but Fanficton, which I already have it done on, won't let me on to do it and go over what needs change. Sorry about that.:twilightsheepish:

3680861 By the way, I'm a little late on this but thanks for the new intro on my story It was better then my last one.

3682765 also why dont you copy the chapters from fanfiction to FIMfiction?

3684378 You might have mess up there. I do copy from Fanfiction to FIM fiction. That way I can fix or add words that I didn't do in Fanfiction.

Boy, do I hate the technology is bullshit magic rules approach on MLP:facehoof:
The story is still awesome though:twilightsmile:

3771647 Don't worry the technology will remain small unless the levels I do have lots of it. The last four level will have that but I'll try to keep it small.:twilightsmile:

Wow so any thoughts on doing a zxa version or mega man zero version it may fit the series. I thought the live metal/biomodal was a interesting concept. You can use my Griffin oc as rock man modal x/zx for the story. Here's his bio.

Name: swift aero

Age:17

Description: he is a green furred silver feathered griffin with blue eyes usually wearing a blue vest over a red shirt

History: aero is the grandson of Gilda and grew up in neo-ponyville listsening to the tales of mega made dash. When chaos soldiers attack it is up to aero to defend his home using an artifact that holds a power similar to mega mare dash. And since he was a Griffin decided to create the name rock man modal x and soon meets rainbow Dash's granddaughter that took up a similar artifact called modal z. Together they vowed to protect their home from chaos. But when a surge of magic happens modal z duplicates giving aero the ability to double rock on creating rock man zx. As they work to solve the mystery of the models and how the chaos soldiers were revived the princess of magic twilight gets involved and hands a teenaged looking spike a artificial modal to help protect the world as rock man modal a. With the data on changelings as the base the trio of rock man/mega mare in firestorm's case form the ultimate trio team known as the harmony guardians a sub group dedicated to protecting equestrian life from danger like the previous generations.

Yeah Dash's granddaughter is born from the children of rainbow dash and Spitfire's respective families. Hope you can get to the zx part of the mega man series or classic timeline as I call it.

3773203 Well, ZX and Zero has pop up a few times but never got around to thinking about their plots. Nice bio though, That could at lese start the ZX stories, Luckily I have the first ZX game, But not ZXA. Haven't play a lot of Mega Man Zero ether.

3773315 well it's a start. Anyway I hope you can finish the other mega mare stories before posting new ones. Gives you time to write more chapters to post.

3773727 I went ahead and did the Classic Mega Man only I said it not related to this one. I doing Ice Man fight right now but this will be done before hand,:twilightsmile:

So much bad grammar in this chapter please fix it at some point but other then that good story.

3773978 I been getting that a lot. Thanks for liking my Story but I wish people will stop telling me about my grammar.

Guess night star is an alicorn and rainbow's great great grandmother. You had already revealed that much. Wow something tells me night star is controlled by the nightmare and chaos magic. I hope night star survives so she can really get to know rainbow dash. And looks like spitfire is somehow related to dash if she had an armor as well.

3782363 You guess right, at the time I made her, I never thought of how she became evil. Night Star will be the main villain for all my Mega Mare Dash stories.

I liked this story, but I'm curious tough, when will the main 5 (without Rainbow Dash ofc.) find out that Dash is mega mare? Well I guess I have to be patient for now :twilightsmile:

3785968 I'll go ahead and tell ya, the rest of the Mane 6 won't find out until Mega Mare Dash 3. I even plan for that scene but having trouble with Mega Mare Dash 2.

3787194 Mega Mare Dash 2 is up. I'm did two chapters for now. There a question for the next chapter and once I heard what people want me write about an upgrade for her armor, I'll start on the third chapter.

asome go rainbow dash gooooooooo:raritystarry:

try to write more chapters for mega mare dash 2 pleeeeeeaaaaase:fluttercry:

keep continuing the story and its sequal:raritystarry:

I think i play mega man x like ten times i love it, i imagine Dash great grandfaugther like Ligth with beard and with mane and coat, so they are a strange family of sport ponies with a mix of genius

I like the idea here, but he dialogue is very stilted, and both spelling and grammar are huge issues. The story is rushed, plus three YouTube videos is also pushing it a bit. It may have been finished for a while, but I still highly recommend finding an editor to help you clean this up/rewrite it for the sake of any new readers.

It also irks me a bit that you were given fixes a year and a half ago for some of these mistakes by at least one of your readers, which were subsequently ignored.

if you ever need a proofreader, i volunteer! :twilightsmile:

btw, if you ever need a proofreader, PM me.

just putting it out there that when i play MegaMan X i usually go in this order

Chill Penguin, Spark Mandrill, Armoured Armadillo, Launch Octopus, Boomer Kuwanger, Sting Chameleon, Storm Eagle and THEN Flame Mammoth.

Just saying.

Spitfire turn back into her office and close the door. They must be up to something. She thought before walking back to her desk. She place her hoof under the desk and hit a switch. The wall beside her open to reviled Red Armor.

that would be "reveal." Also add "her"

7288684 i could use one too on a story of mine. interested?

6274086 Where did you find that pic?

Comment posted by Shazam 25 deleted Oct 13th, 2016

It’s STORM EAGLE!!!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder if you typed the story in a hurry cause there's a lot of spelling mistakes that could've been avoided if you slowed down and took your time this would be a better story with no mistakes at all.

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