- Member Since 24th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen April 15th
Mercury Zero
Finding the storm clouds in every silver lining. Discord: https://discord.gg/JzTPmGSUGy
Mercury Zero
Joined 24th Jun, 2013 ·
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Mercury Zero · 5.4k words · 182 15 · 4k views
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If anyone wants to see me continue this story, let me know.
Continue it's interesting.
Fluttershy calls for royal guard and they go to apprehend big mac only to be stopped as they convulsed in orgasms after a simple touch. That would be hilarious.
Interesting idea, love, but it needs some serious editing; you've got past and present tenses mixed all over the place, among other problems. It also needs a lot of fleshing out (so to speak); it's a bit thin.
i didn't think the story was even finished?
3114178
I could do that. I honestly figured nobody would like it, so I just got straight to the point, and hit submit without even re-reading it once.
The present tenses slipping in are because I roleplay an awful lot in chat rooms and it's force of habit
I suppose I could just start writing my stories entirely in present tense, and it wouldn't happen anymore.
3114203 well dude with the type of story it is at the moment, i could see why you think that, if you change it a bit and give it more hard it could be a much better story, at the moment it's alright, i won't say its bad or anything, and i would like to at least see where this was going
3114213
*shrug* Alright. I'll change it to incomplete and do some editing.
3114222 don't get me wrong i think you have something, i've learn a hard lesson in writing too
3114178
> (so to speak)
Haaaah I just got that.
3114178
There. Just ran through it with a quick editing comb. Probably caught most of the present tenses.
And soon after Zecora shows up and tells the Apple family she'd given them the wrong collar
Wow, thanks for all the thumbs up, everybody.
3114141
Surprised to hear you talkung about ending it. Was nothing more planned?
I like the concept, so yeah, you should definitely continue. At the very least, I'd like to see one of the mane 6 put ON the collar, reducing them to a quivering heap. Maybe have Big Mac bring it to Twilight to figure out what is going on with it, and she puts it on as she's inspecting it.
You must finish this story and make things right in the world again. Big Mac has just abused his powers and potentially ruined his relationship with Fluttershy. There has to be something he can do to fix things.
I literally blinked and it all went wrong. It feels a bit rushed, but now I'm too concerned for Big Mac to stop reading
Just make it all better, please
3114828
Even from the beginning I did have more places I wanted it to go afterward, but I thought that would be a good place to end it.
Apparently there's popular disagreement so perhaps I'll go where I intended.
Can you please make this better? Not in a bad why just in a sad way. Just make it more um... Happier yea that's it!
please I don't like seeing 
and 
do this 
Can we please just start calling it a yoke. I haven't read the story and I don't know if this is addressed, but it's called a yoke, not a horse-collar.
Yes, please keep going. It's always nice to see something fresh.
Dude, you don't need anybody's permission to continue a story. But if you insist go right on ahead with it. There's so much potential for an amazing story here. Please keep it up. I'm rooting for you.
3116710
Not according to Wikipedia.
3116803
That's very kind of you to say.
I've already started on the next chapter.
3117080
You are correct and this baffles me.
3117127
Yeah it's too bad too. I could have named it 'Under the Yoke' or something snippy like that
More! I want to know what happens next.
This story is good. Keep writing.
3117272
I wrote this at like 7am on a coffee binge after being up all night.
What if now that I'm awake and undrugged it's terrible? ;p
In truth though, I've already written the next chapter, but unlike these ones I'm at least showing it to a few folks before I publish it.
3114278 or it makes mares get horny when ever they touch the guy wearing it
Well, that's some just desserts. Don't go around abusin' ya powers, Maccie!
Ah, a realistic reaction. Yeah, that would stop the clop...
This is new and interesting to me, glad to hear it'll get continued!
3117797
Yeah. I think both Applejack's and Fluttershy's reactions were fairly realistic. Sometimes you're tempted by forbidden pleasure, and sometimes you resist, but in both cases, there's part of them that asks "Is this right?"
Regardless of whether the clop stopped, or went on, I wanted to portray that these women aren't pleasure robots who have no thoughts and feelings.
I even gave the same treatment to Big Mac. There wasn't a shadow of doubt in his mind that what he was doing was wrong, but sometimes a soul has weakness. Sometimes it can go to dark places. Sometimes your fantasies should stay fantasies.
F*ck that what are u talking about abusing ur power is fun it's when u go to far with it is when everyone loses I abuse my power as a teen everyday by getting 'mad' and blame it on puberty it's a lot of fun
Erotic, realistic, interesting, and well written. You have my attention.
New band name:
Cursed Farm Equipment
Called it.
O dios esta historia es hermosa XD
3118777
Need a bassist?
3119138
Sure. So far it's just me on the tambourine.
3118547
That's not power, that's circumstance.
Abusing your power would be using your age on a younger sibling, "Do this because I said so, twerp!", or something akin to that.
On that note:
I think this story is actually quite interesting. It's not just bimbo-fication of the females involved in this. They are active, living participants who are aware of their circumstances, and reacting to them in various ways. And Big Mac is quite the same way. This has the potential to be incredibly interesting and I can't wait to see what the next chapter holds.
That's no horse collar its an aphrodisiac collar.
Hm. When Mac thought "She had so much power over him that, for all his strength, he might as well have been a tiny baby chick compared to her," I couldn't help but draw a parallel to what he'd just done. I have to think that was deliberate of Twilight, else she really was just being awful and selfish...
did...did Twilight just technically rape Big Macintosh here? Sad thing about Fluttershy being in love with him though
I mean if you really wanna break a guys heart, tell him that his love loves him after breaking hers. Zecora sure as Hell has some explaining to do by the end of this fic though.
You might need to add some character tags but this story is great so far. Keep it up!
No horse collor that is a rape sex collor
Another Excellent chapter!
He headed to Zecora's?!! It'll be morning by the time of the forever sex rutting.
So wait a second. Not only does it make mares orgasm the longer they touch it, but it also seems to draw them to it as well!?
And I think it's even fucking with Macintosh's mind as well!
They need to get that demon yoke off of him now!
I really like how the characters are being written. I can feel the tension in these conversations and yet still feel like they lay within the boundaries of the characters themselves.
Oh, and you should like, throw some more mares in the mix for Mac to maximize shipping teases.
3121978 3119195 3114178 (and others)
Thanks to everyone who's given a specific thing they like or dislike. I've never written any stories before this one (and another science fiction one that I started last week, also on fimfiction), so I really appreciate it.
3121597 3121739
Sagana! Sagana!
Pegemot! Astarot!
Sagana! Sagana!
Aksafat! Sabatan!
Tenemos, Tenemos,
Allegremos!
Sagana! Sagana! Va!
... And that's all I have to say about that.
P.S. If you can get that reference without looking it up, you deserve a homemade strawberry tart!
Where can I find
This rape color I could have so much fun with it hehehe (creeper face)