- Member Since 24th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen April 15th
Mercury Zero
Finding the storm clouds in every silver lining. Discord: https://discord.gg/JzTPmGSUGy
Mercury Zero
Joined 24th Jun, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Sweetie Tart · 3.4k words · 25 1 · 581 views
- Persepone · 1.6k words · 29 5 · 389 views
- avalon487 · 1.9k words · 51 7 · 1.6k views
- TimeBomb0 · 6.8k words · 54 8 · 4.1k views
- TacticalRainboom · 2.4k words · 49 19 · 2.2k views
- The Real Steel · 8.5k words · 100 13 · 3.9k views
- darf · 4.9k words · 219 14 · 5.1k views
- VitalSpark · 13k words · 80 25 · 2k views
Featured In7
Fluttershy4,017 stories ·2,924 members
- Uncommon Shipping Pairs2,100 stories ·1,269 members
- Crack Ships Inc.875 stories ·612 members
Filthy Rich76 stories ·85 members
Stories on Goodreads28,599 stories ·492 members
First Sexual Experience1,006 stories ·1,174 members
fluttersub215 stories ·128 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.137 seconds
Total duration
928 users online
1,947,700 hits today, 2,707,512 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Since this is fairly well-written, and I noticed only a few mistakes, I'm going to assume that the commentless (!) negative feedback is from overprotective Fluttershy fans.
Yo, what's with the downvotes?
This is fantastic, dude. I don't want to spoil it, but the twist on Filthy's speech at the end was brilliant. If I could upvote this more than once, I would.
I vote for all characters.
(besides the ones already done of coarse)
3221727
That would be one hell of an orgy.
Now now now, this is what I call a very well-craft story. It has a theme that reminds the reader about his speech made to the presentation about business and how it is relevant, piece by piece, about how it all ties in to the story at hand. Love how you ended in such a sad and ironic manner, as it helps delivers a atmosphere of sorts, which really helps with the story. Sure, there are a few errors, but they are minor to the overall structure of the plot quite well for a mature and serious short story.
I find this an excellent story, and you have let me wanting more to see what you can do for other stories that may or may not relate to clop at all. Keep up the great work, man, you did a fantastic job.
3222006
Thanks for the feedback, and I'm also really digging the princest angle, but I want to pick who they lose their virginity to. I've just been letting the readers pick the next 'subject'
Also I'll consider writing an alternate ending just for you :)
Also, I think Luna is still a virgin :p She actually had to ask what 'fun' is in Luna Eclipsed. I'd probably want to set a Luna story after that. Also, it's quite possible that she may lose her virginity (Probably without any actual explicit clop) in my other story, Sleep Walking.
Another great tale of innocence lost and I love the angle that you've taken here. Making Equestria a little more real and less hokey for me with every story. I like the princess idea as well but in my heart of hearts there is only one best pony and I would love to see my namesake get some lovin'! I vote Rarity.
Hmm, as to what should be done next in the series can be quite the pickle to choose from, as I imagine that you have the plans to complete the rest of the Mane6 cast first before moving onto different characters. I feel like I should lay out the options before deciding so that others can look and think about my perspective with the 3 characters below, for the joy of discussing and thinking.
I feel that Pinkie would make an excellent material to be used for the next addition to the series, as we seen how vulnerable and lost she is when she's all alone and felt abandoned by her friends; and no, I am not referring to Cupcake's Pinkamina Diane Pie that portrays her as a psychopath, but as a very troubled and broken character that one would say is more flawed then Twilight Sparkle (not sure in the case of Luna). I see that this is the strongest candidate to chose from and it'll be interesting to see this one pulled off.
Applejack would have to be another good choice in the next selection, for one would have to wondered what sort of principle and standards that she lost to become who she is at 'Innocent Beginnings: Making 'Love' ', as no one gained this kind of mentality with no outside influence after all. What did she had to go through to seek one-nighters and not an actual relationship with a mare or stallion. This would be my second choice.
Then lastly, there's Rarity, where I imagine it would take quite some time to figure out what she had to lost that makes it contrast and different to each unique story for the Mane6. One would imagine that having her sense of innocence would be lost with someone in a high social ladder like a noble or prince, but that would draw a similar circumstances to Fluttershy's case with Filthy Rich.
However... there's an opportunity here that can show what kind of origin she had that drives her to have the goal and desire to become a noblepony in the first place and not be content as a regular town mare. One idea comes to mind that she had a very bad experience with a regular townsfolk that had resulted to lament of her position in life that resulted her to be desperate to get away from her current social ladder in hopes the 'high society' would be very different than where she is now.
Overall, a very risky story to pull off because of her complexity as a flawed character that is not as simple as the rest of the Mane6 cast, which I Imagine it will provide a great deal of challenge to test one's ability to give a sad and some-what dark undertone that you are best for.
To answer the question of what should be chosen next in the series, I personally vote for Pinkie Pie. What do you choose?
3226477
Nope. I even said in the description, people can suggest whichever characters they want. It just happened that mane 6 have been requested so far.
3226521 Ahh, I see. Well then, my vote still stands for Pinkie Pie, as I believe it'll be entertaining to see how you deliver the atmosphere of the story with her involved.
Well that was an interesting read.
I'll cast for Vinyl Scratch, because best Pone that ain't a princess.
I put this one off for a bit because I knew I would be less than fond of how the story would unfold. Not a mark against your writing, merely dislike of manipulators like Filthy here. Didn't deliver the feels that Twilight's story did, but I imagine a large part of that is the story ending with Filthy's POV. It showed him to be a proper bastard, but couldn't give the same emotional hit that Twilight's did.
But if every story was the same, it'd get boring.
As for my vote, I'm torn. If you want to keep this trend of unhealthy relationships going, I suggest Pinkie. Her collapse into the depressed "Pinkamena" side just lends itself too well to seeking the wrong kind of comfort.
If, as I believe you mentioned in your blog, you'd rather pick up something lighter, I'd suggest Rarity. I just think of the mane six she'd be the most capable of a healthy one-night-stand. She just seems the type of mare confident enough to decide she wants something and go get it without regrets.
And just to muddy my vote that much further, if you want to get away from the mane six, then do Trixie. Because having her partner shut down her ego could be as dark or as comedic as you care to make it - and that's hardly the only thing you could use her for.
Actually, I like that one the most now that I've thought about it a bit. My vote's for Trixie.
Horses only have a single pair of nipples, not "Several." That's really my only gripe.
3230285
Hah, okay I'll fix it.
"Wow, that feels incredible, Fluttershy. You’re so hot. I wanted this so bad."
This is just awful piece of dialogue and I hate it.
So wooden and terribad, it could star in one of those Russian homemade pornos
The story is decent enough otherwise
3222065 3227207
Rarity takes the win. I've already started on her story, but Rarity is pretty complex, so I'm feeling myself getting a little stuck trying to write her well, and do justice to the seriousness of the kind of relationship she's getting herself into.
In the meantime, inspiration struck me for Applejack, so I might be writing and releasing that one first.
Luneth doesn't know what to say about this story
Oh ye Faust, how do I even express this?
I thought the narrations were Filthy Rich's at first, then my mind was blown when it was Fluttershy's all along.
And goddamn, Flithy broke the sex code! never talk about another girl while you're having sex with another girl! Even if it is to praise them!
I'm ashamed but... i didn't get the ending.
The detail of Fluttershy having taken a chastity pledge was a very nice touch. I could actually picture her doing that and wearing a purity ring- or in this case, a purity ANKLET.