• Member Since 5th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 3rd, 2021

Persepone


Comments ( 30 )

Well, you've caught my interest. I'm curious to see where you're going with this.

3160688
Thank you. I intended to release it as one long story but I think it will work better in short chapters instead of a 10-20,000 word novella.

3160702
Yeah, I find that's usually the best course. Anyway, this is really good for your first time, I'd say. Personally, I'd say it's better than the first chapter I published here (and way better than the numerous fanfic attempts that came before that!), and this is coming from a guy who's first story made the popular stories list for about three days!
Anyway, yeah, keep it up!

jmj
jmj #4 · Sep 5th, 2013 · · ·

Definitely good for a first timer.

3160724 I can only hope it does so well. Thank you for reading it and commenting. It means a lot. I'm pretty nervous and my stomach is filled with butterflies. Someone already downvoted it. :fluttercry:

3160752
Don't worry, it happens. Remember what I said about my first?
Well it got a few downvotes when I posted it too.
It's been over two months since I posted it, and now it has 105 likes and only 6 dislikes.
Trust me, things will look up for you. Just give it time, and put your best effort into it.
:pinkiesmile:

First timer explains it.
I figured there was something amiss when I started reading. Calm down. That's all I can really explain it as, just relax when writing not all clop has to be in your face and explosive with the vulgar parts. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes less is more, and this story could've used a bit less. It was alright but it could've been better if you didn't try so hard.

3160798 I was trying to catch attention quickly. The next chapter evolves the story more and introduces more characters. It's far less cloppy but I thought this chapter might make people pay attention to it.

3160752
Also, don't worry. I was in the same place as you once. I know what you mean.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a chapter to write, and I finally have the free time to write it, if not finish it!

Anyway, good luck, and keep your spirits up!

3160833 maybe it's just me because I don't really ever read clop, and I prefer stories to not burn you out before they actually even start because then it feels tedious as it drives on. Just my opinion but I guess it's a little biased from reading too many books and regular fanfictions.

3160855 I do appreciate it. Thank you so much.

For a first hack at Clop, this wasn't half bad.
I quite enjoyed it.
Take my like good sir,
Plus you gain extra credit for Rarity.

3161002
Thanks. I appreciate it. I'm glad you liked it.

3161006
And I am glad that you are reading your comments and taking responses with the best of heart.
It's what lots of us are here for: to help you. And it only works if you read and consider feedback.
But... Judging by the response you've gotten, I think you can hold your head high, hm? :P

3161049
Yes. Nobody has been unnecessarily harsh. It's all been very well mannered.

This is a really good start for a story.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: I want to read more.:flutterrage:

3161319
Thanks! I appreciate the comment. I love seeing what people think. There will be more. chapter 2 is almost finished but I need time (that I desperately don't have) to finish it. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.

Fascinating

3161485
Oh, thanks. I appreciate the comment. I love your story "Fallen Angel" by the way!

3160752
I can tell you this: two to three downvotes are completely normal for a new story, any new story, regardless of quality or content. I suspect there are simply a few folks out there who just enjoy abusing the heck out of that button.

3161489
Why thank you.
Someone once told me that they believed that to be the best thing I've written so far

3161498 I would concur. I have read your other stuff and I like them too, but Fallen Angel was so funny at the end. It means a lot that you liked this story.

3161495
It seems like almost every story gets downvotes. It's natural I suppose. One cannot please everyone all the time. I am pleased that so many seem to like it though.

No! Don't cry, Rarity! :raritycry:

Poor thing. I hope she finds what she's looking for.

U can has liekz.

3162390
Thanks for the comment and like. Stay tuned and we will see if she can obtain something more than the cold lust she has been receiving. Thank you!

jmj

You seem to have a good grasp on grammar and implement your diction very well. The story flows so far, though I see it is just an example of how she is used/using others emotionlessly, and I can't wait to see more as it comes along.

3162571 Thanks! I try pretty hard to use a more grandiloquent style in writing. I want it to be more than base descriptions but still understandable and legible. I'm glad you like it!

See? What did I tell you? It's been seven hours, and the only down vote you have is that same one from before. People like your story. No need to get disheartened, because for just about every story, there will be many people who like it and a small handful who don't.

Except of course for total trollfics.

Or... that one fanfic my friend's kid brother wrote that fanfic that is not meant to be mentioned in polite conversation. God that thing was awful... Don't even ask...

3162755
Yes, thank you. It's done pretty well. You were correct.
So, now you have built the story of the fic of your friend's brother. It simply must be told!

3162950
Alright...
Well, he somehow got this idea that in order to be a brony, you HAVE to create a fanfic or video or something.
So, he goes out and writes his own fanfic.
It was two paragraphs long. It had enough spelling/grammatical errors to give an English teacher a heart attack. The entire plot of the story was revealed in the first two sentences.

Basically, what he said was:
The cutie mark crusaders were trying to enter another talent show to try and get their cutie marks. But Scootaloo got into an accident so she couldn't go. Also, the accident gave Cheerilee amnesia. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle went to visit them. Scootaloo couldn't go. They decided to have Cheerilee take her place. They do the talent show, and they get their cutie marks. And Cheerilee gets her memory back. The end.

Wow, yeah, if you take out the pointless dialogue, that's basically it.

Oh, and for whatever reason, he put a GIANT BLUE STAR on the bottom half of the page (yes, the entire story fit on half a piece of paper. He never explained why...

He claims to have posted it somewhere... wherever it is, it needs to burn...

That story gave me cancer. It was that bad.

Now please, ensure that this message is never heard from again.

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