Big Mac discovers that, when he's wearing his new horse collar, he makes fillies that touch him feel good. Real good. Sadly, this isn't as amazing as it sounds.
Fluttershy calls for royal guard and they go to apprehend big mac only to be stopped as they convulsed in orgasms after a simple touch. That would be hilarious.
Interesting idea, love, but it needs some serious editing; you've got past and present tenses mixed all over the place, among other problems. It also needs a lot of fleshing out (so to speak); it's a bit thin.
3114203 well dude with the type of story it is at the moment, i could see why you think that, if you change it a bit and give it more hard it could be a much better story, at the moment it's alright, i won't say its bad or anything, and i would like to at least see where this was going
3114141 Surprised to hear you talkung about ending it. Was nothing more planned?
I like the concept, so yeah, you should definitely continue. At the very least, I'd like to see one of the mane 6 put ON the collar, reducing them to a quivering heap. Maybe have Big Mac bring it to Twilight to figure out what is going on with it, and she puts it on as she's inspecting it.
You must finish this story and make things right in the world again. Big Mac has just abused his powers and potentially ruined his relationship with Fluttershy. There has to be something he can do to fix things.
I literally blinked and it all went wrong. It feels a bit rushed, but now I'm too concerned for Big Mac to stop reading Just make it all better, please
Can you please make this better? Not in a bad why just in a sad way. Just make it more um... Happier yea that's it!please I don't like seeing and do this
Can we please just start calling it a yoke. I haven't read the story and I don't know if this is addressed, but it's called a yoke, not a horse-collar.
Dude, you don't need anybody's permission to continue a story. But if you insist go right on ahead with it. There's so much potential for an amazing story here. Please keep it up. I'm rooting for you.
Yeah. I think both Applejack's and Fluttershy's reactions were fairly realistic. Sometimes you're tempted by forbidden pleasure, and sometimes you resist, but in both cases, there's part of them that asks "Is this right?"
Regardless of whether the clop stopped, or went on, I wanted to portray that these women aren't pleasure robots who have no thoughts and feelings.
I even gave the same treatment to Big Mac. There wasn't a shadow of doubt in his mind that what he was doing was wrong, but sometimes a soul has weakness. Sometimes it can go to dark places. Sometimes your fantasies should stay fantasies.
F*ck that what are u talking about abusing ur power is fun it's when u go to far with it is when everyone loses I abuse my power as a teen everyday by getting 'mad' and blame it on puberty it's a lot of fun
If anyone wants to see me continue this story, let me know.
Continue it's interesting.
Fluttershy calls for royal guard and they go to apprehend big mac only to be stopped as they convulsed in orgasms after a simple touch. That would be hilarious.
Interesting idea, love, but it needs some serious editing; you've got past and present tenses mixed all over the place, among other problems. It also needs a lot of fleshing out (so to speak); it's a bit thin.
i didn't think the story was even finished?
3114178
I could do that. I honestly figured nobody would like it, so I just got straight to the point, and hit submit without even re-reading it once.
The present tenses slipping in are because I roleplay an awful lot in chat rooms and it's force of habit
I suppose I could just start writing my stories entirely in present tense, and it wouldn't happen anymore.
3114203 well dude with the type of story it is at the moment, i could see why you think that, if you change it a bit and give it more hard it could be a much better story, at the moment it's alright, i won't say its bad or anything, and i would like to at least see where this was going
3114213
*shrug* Alright. I'll change it to incomplete and do some editing.
3114222 don't get me wrong i think you have something, i've learn a hard lesson in writing too
3114178
> (so to speak)
Haaaah I just got that.
3114178
There. Just ran through it with a quick editing comb. Probably caught most of the present tenses.
And soon after Zecora shows up and tells the Apple family she'd given them the wrong collar
Wow, thanks for all the thumbs up, everybody.
3114141
Surprised to hear you talkung about ending it. Was nothing more planned?
I like the concept, so yeah, you should definitely continue. At the very least, I'd like to see one of the mane 6 put ON the collar, reducing them to a quivering heap. Maybe have Big Mac bring it to Twilight to figure out what is going on with it, and she puts it on as she's inspecting it.
You must finish this story and make things right in the world again. Big Mac has just abused his powers and potentially ruined his relationship with Fluttershy. There has to be something he can do to fix things.
I literally blinked and it all went wrong. It feels a bit rushed, but now I'm too concerned for Big Mac to stop reading
Just make it all better, please
3114828
Even from the beginning I did have more places I wanted it to go afterward, but I thought that would be a good place to end it.
Apparently there's popular disagreement so perhaps I'll go where I intended.
Can you please make this better? Not in a bad why just in a sad way. Just make it more um... Happier yea that's it!please I don't like seeing and do this
Can we please just start calling it a yoke. I haven't read the story and I don't know if this is addressed, but it's called a yoke, not a horse-collar.
Yes, please keep going. It's always nice to see something fresh.
Dude, you don't need anybody's permission to continue a story. But if you insist go right on ahead with it. There's so much potential for an amazing story here. Please keep it up. I'm rooting for you.
3116710
Not according to Wikipedia.
3116803
That's very kind of you to say.
I've already started on the next chapter.
3117080
You are correct and this baffles me.
3117127
Yeah it's too bad too. I could have named it 'Under the Yoke' or something snippy like that
Swag.
More! I want to know what happens next. This story is good. Keep writing.
3117272
I wrote this at like 7am on a coffee binge after being up all night.
What if now that I'm awake and undrugged it's terrible? ;p
In truth though, I've already written the next chapter, but unlike these ones I'm at least showing it to a few folks before I publish it.
Well, that's some just desserts. Don't go around abusin' ya powers, Maccie!
Ah, a realistic reaction. Yeah, that would stop the clop...
This is new and interesting to me, glad to hear it'll get continued!
3117797
Yeah. I think both Applejack's and Fluttershy's reactions were fairly realistic. Sometimes you're tempted by forbidden pleasure, and sometimes you resist, but in both cases, there's part of them that asks "Is this right?"
Regardless of whether the clop stopped, or went on, I wanted to portray that these women aren't pleasure robots who have no thoughts and feelings.
I even gave the same treatment to Big Mac. There wasn't a shadow of doubt in his mind that what he was doing was wrong, but sometimes a soul has weakness. Sometimes it can go to dark places. Sometimes your fantasies should stay fantasies.
F*ck that what are u talking about abusing ur power is fun it's when u go to far with it is when everyone loses I abuse my power as a teen everyday by getting 'mad' and blame it on puberty it's a lot of fun
Erotic, realistic, interesting, and well written. You have my attention.
3118547 oh man that's rich!
Oh Mac.... I was in the same rut as you.... I feel you, bro.