An Irish girl who reads, writes, reviews, and occasionally draws. Don't worry though. My hair isn't black, my eyes aren't blue, and I'm not from Galway, so you won't be losing your heart to me.
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"I was too late again. Nothing ever comes easily for me, does it?"
A Night Fury dragon who believes she is worthless and dangerous, is offered her heart's desire. Seizing the opportunity, she finds herself in the magical land of Equestria. But one cannot flee from one's conscience, and past mistakes weigh heavily.
And it would appear that dragons are no more welcome in Equestria than at home.
Special thanks to Enderstorm for the amazing artwork.
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Very intresting and unique!
I'm curious to see where this goes :)
Awwww yeah
Night fury crusader
Different tenses for different PoVs? Every single writer's nerve in my body sings against it, but...I'm surprisingly okay with this...I'm have to look into it myself.
As for the story it'self, interesting because I like How to Train Your Dragon, but after a slightly rushed prologue...shaky. Still, I'll keep an eye out, just because you've written well enough to keep me from bashing my head into a wall (Trust me, big achievement)
Regards
Quicksear
2963081 That's a problem I have, actually. I find it hard to write past tense first person, and I find it hard to write present tense third person. Changing tenses just feels right to me.
'Kay...I like. I want to say that tentatively, but I can't. I actually like this story with little reserve. So far, personalized view of things, still getting weird vibes from the PoV thing, but It actually works...somehow. So yes, good citizen, you have my attention.
Notes: one or two spelling errors, and watch them commas, they be fickle. Characterization, I can get behind, for now. One or two things happened abruptly, so maybe put a little more time into describing actions? Like the cutie mark cape thing: a little more wording into their offering would have made it a bit more driven. The descriptions of our fury-friend's thoughts are great, but the world lacks a teensy bit of detail.
Commenting out of love and/or boredom, and hoping for more at your leisure:
Quiksear
2963651 This is the best kind of criticism. You made your point, backed it up, then told me what I could do about it. Thank you good sir (or madam)
2963651
Done, I fleshed out the flying and the cape scenes. Check them out. Or not. Your decision.
2963829 Much improved flow. I reread the whole last scene: a small build up, a decent process and good delivery. Successfully used plot device! Now the cape feels as important as I'm sure it is for the rest of the story. You made me smile. it will now rain everywhere.
Eh...I'll be around. PM if you ever need a hand.
Regards
Quicksear
i gotta say, Twilight... frankly, i'm a little disappointed. i thought you more mature than that. shame on you.
its no surprise that 'shy could understand her. i hope she, Spike and hopefully the Crusaders could fix this.
Great chapter! keep it up, hope to see more soon!
Ace out!
The yellow Pegasus, presumably named Fluttershy, takes off and flies towards her cottage.
Right. I feel like commenting on this story regularly. Take that as an achievement. However, a few notes about this chapter: The first half? Loved it. I actually really did. I'm getting a sense of apathy from Fury-friend over there. Very cool, very collected. I'm going to say noble because I like Night Furies. But...and I hate the buts as much as you do...I think the Clubhouse scene and fight scene could use a little more to make them more involved, and to convey a little more emotion, whichever you wish us to feel.
And Fluttershy...She's terrified of dragons. Here she just isn't. Even one line saying so, like a prefix to her sympathy, could work wonders.
So yes. You've made me like your story so much i want to be here. Enough of this seriousness! Moar pweez? At your leisure of course.
Hoping not to annoy
Quicksear
I have not started reading yet but this i must say...
This is a nice storie keep up the good work
No comments on this page!? IMPOSSIBRU >:U i shall fix this >:D
The older is Toothless DERP and Skinny Boy is Hiccup :P im still suprised that no one commented... cmawn guys comment for da poor guy >:U
2968919 Finally! Someone gets it
Love it!
I want more!
*Omnomnom Orange Chicken* i wonder what orange Cockatrice tastes like... Hmmmmm... They basicaly are Half-Chicken Half-Snake :U
2968943 i was pissed that no one got it i was like "WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE STORY EASTER EGG HUNTERS!?" i am a story easter egg hunter like easter eggs in video games =3 i hunt easter eggs from Half-Life to Little Inferno To your Story right here!
Off to play Portal Prelude and Black Mesa :P
2968854 You are by far the best commenter. I took your comment into consideration, and fixed some things up. Again, read it if you want. The fight in particular has been lengthened.
2969234 Quite well improved. Well done! I'm going to share this story with my group, try and get you some more commentary. Least I can do
Hope the hole in her wing heals
Finally someone who's made a HTTYD crossover whereof I can approve thus far. I like the references you made and the fact that the nightfury is a female (since we already had a male in the movie and the books whereon the movie is based). Fluttershy seems to be a perfect little friend for Umbra, maybe she can even learn the Dragontongue (Since learning Dragonese is possible in the books. Have you read them?).
I'll eagerly await more.
2969368 I have read the books, I liked hem a lot. And thank you for your kind words
You've definitely got me hooked. Hope Umbra gets help soon.
2968919 But what if we just want to lay low?
2969368 She is Dovahkin DRAGON BORN!\
If ya know what i meant by that :)
2970457 Well your not allowed >:U
Awww =(
great story I'm looking forward to more.
Wait, she chose to run from the problem instead of just asking to bring the kid back?
A little nit-pick but it would have sat better for me if she had asked that first but it had been refused. then she opts to run.
they best not get off with a half assed apology like most fics.
2974098 That's just Umbra's character. You'll notice that she's quite a selfish dragon.
the time of chewing out approaches, especially if she has Luna on her side now.
another nice chapter BTW
Why doesn't umbra tell luna about twilight and her rasicm to Dragons !
Twilight attacks umbra for no reason she is really smart but sometimes he is like DURP DURP
Yay! Luna!
WAAAA!!!!
A whole week w/out my favorite nightfury? The wait will seem so very long.
MOAR
The Orbital Friendship Cannon is now the Interdemensional Friendship Cannon :)
If i find who downrated and they give there reason i will say this...
I don't think it was filler at all! =) Can't wait for more!
Basically a filler, but I don't mind that much. Fluttershy's confession of her being "bashful"...
Anyways, I've sent my Grammar Luftwaffe in your direction:
The italic on Umbra's speech's missing.
You've forgotten to add the -(e)st ending. Many don't care, every verb connected to "thou" gets this -(e)st ending (if it is not in the subjunctive mood or an irregular verb).
Thor only knows what she put in those
"Why are you so frightened? Any friend of the night is a friend of mine." (just to correct the quote)
Cute. Sure, nothing really happened, but still cool-o. However (<<hate), I had one or two issues with the dialogue. Fluttershy's appearance was a bit short, but the descriptions of her, and the rest of the story, actually, were great. Like, really good. But a few actions felt contrived. Angel, for instance. Then, when Luna popped up: It was kinda random to me, but it works, it does. Where I found issue,though, was with her explanation section, where you just glossed over it, which is fine, but I think it could have been a bit better structured, and also inserting a description of how Luna spoke, not just what she said, would do wonders. Umbra says "She is the most beautiful pony I've ever seen...and then she told me some stuff". Same at the end: I think describing each of Umbra's new friends a little bit would solidify the whole chapter and finalize their new bond, and round it off nicely. Feels short. And also, the CMC cape is just not here, even though it should be noticeably tied about Umbra's neck.
Now, I'm going to imagine those changes and say, wonderful chapter, well done!
Regards
Quicksear
P.S: Your story is now more voted than any of my own, so I don't have any legs left to stand on. Congrats!
2974098
But imagine what the villagers would think, a dead girl came back to life, and back then, they were very superstitious, they would belive that she was cursed, and more than likely kill her.
And allso, even if they didn't kill her, that still doesn't sort out the other dead people.
But if you rule out all that, you have a good point.
2994172 Fixed a few problems, thanks. I'm back and will begin writing the next chapter soon.
Yay! :D
3016088 Great, looking forward to it. :)
3023380
Radioactive Ultra Donkeys are my favourite donkeys
If I may aks, when is soon?
I hope it's not next week. I really like this story! :D
Your faithful fan!
3035129
I'm about halfway through writing it, I'm just taking my time. If you want a little teaser, it's called 'The Good a Dragon Can Do'
Other than the grammar problems this is fantastic
Thanks for telling me. I'm just not so good at waiting... /)