Another uneventful day has passed. I'm miles from my den. Spike, Fluttershy and Luna are doing Thor only knows what.
It's blissful, in a horrible sort of way, that hollow feeling when you know you've become a monster, not worth friendship or love. If I wasn't so cowardly, it wouldn't have happened. If I could fight my reflexes it would have been fine. But thanks to that fateful night in the forest, less than a week ago, I'm now doomed to flee or face the consequences of my actions.
That young colt was so very foolish. He shouldn't have startled me. Shouldn't have dared to try to fight me. If he had been smarter, I wouldn't have snapped his spine on impulse. I wouldn't have had to construct my first Equestrian grave. Instincts are impossible to fight, I know that now. I was delusional to think otherwise. My destiny is to forever wander alone, I know that now. I can't even enjoy more than a month in happiness.
I don't deserve the kindness of a soft spoken pegasus. Nor the sage like wisdom and casual conversation of a regal alicorn. I'm not honourable enough to have the pleasure of teaching a young drake the draconic ways.
No. Even the frigid wasteland I stand in now, devoid of life, light and love is too good for me. An unworthy punishment for someone so vile as myself.
The ice chills my scales and slows my heart as I walk. I'm not going anywhere in particular. A city, surrounded by a dome of warmth, is visible on the horizon. I change my course. I wouldn't want to sully their shining residence with my impure claws and scales, hued as black as the night sky. They wouldn't welcome me anyway. Dragons are not commonly accepted among ponies.
Luna's glorious moon shines overhead. Her many stars wink at me. One of her constellations forms the shape of a dragon. Poised regally, it is the very opposite of what I have become.
I don't bother stopping to sleep. My course is set towards mountains in the west. They are sparkling, the moon's light glinting off the ice. It's hauntingly beautiful. I've been wandering for about two days straight, without sleep. Any naps I may have taken since departure were purely because I collapsed. I haven't eaten since I left. I don't really want to. I caught a few fish the other day, but harboured no desire to consume them. Instead I left them on the ice.
The flat sheet of endless white stretches for miles. It's been days since I last saw a plant. No wonder nothing lives here. It took me a long time to melt the hole I caught the fish out of, and it refroze almost instantly. Every now and then a bird will swoop overhead. Occasionally, a few either brave or lost ponies can be spotted wandering around. I dare not approach them, for fear that I would somehow end up killing them.
Luna's silhouette is visible on the moon. She watches all from her vantage point, and I pray that a lone black dragon crossing the ice would not catch her attention. I lack the will to face her right now.
My prayers are ignored.
Luna lands in front of me, a worried expression on her face.
"Umbra! Why are you out here all alone? Nopony has seen you for a week!" she exclaims, clearly concerned.
I'm touched that she's worried about me, but the fact that I don't deserve it is bothering me.
"Please leave. I don't want to talk about it," I say, pushing past her.
She spreads her wings and once more lands in front of me.
"Nay, I shall not leave. Explain yourself," she orders.
"Luna, please. Just go away. I don't need your pity, and I'm sure that you're freezing," I object, noting how she's shivering and hugging herself with her wings.
"However cold I may be, surely you are more so. You lack a coat of fur, and scales do not do much to shield one from cold," she points out.
I respond by launching a fireball at the ground.
"I have a built-in heater," I deadpan.
"That's as may be, however you still must explain to me why you are venturing through the northern ice, alone, having told no pony. Spike and Fluttershy are worried half to death, as am I. Provide an explanation, posthaste!" Luna commands.
She isn't scaring me. Only making me feel worse, as well as aggravating me.
"Leave. Now," I growl, baring my teeth at her.
She's taken aback, but firmly stands her ground.
"You do not frighten me. I will have my answer. I am prepared to wait all night to receive it," she asserts firmly.
"And I am prepared to wait an eternity for you to leave," I reply coolly.
For a moment, we engage in a stare down. Luna's piercing gaze, though nowhere near a frightening as Fluttershy's, penetrates deep into my soul.
"I'm not going anywhere," she states, flatly.
I narrow my eyes, my pupil's shrinking into slits. I've had enough.
"Luna, just go away. Now. Go back to your calm and pampered life. Go enjoy being a princess, lavish lifestyle, adoring subjects. You don't have the weight of any major screw ups crushing your back constantly. I don't need your company right now!" I screech at her.
A expression of deep hurt appears on Luna's face.
"Whatever it is you feel you did, it cannot possibly compare to my crimes. Long ago, I committed an atrocity far worse than you could possibly fathom. I was duly punished, however, guilt still plagues my mind," she says in a low voice.
I immediately regret what I said. I touched on something dark in Luna's past. And had the gall to accuse her of a coddled lifestyle. Even if I somehow manage to forgive myself for murdering that colt, I doubt Luna will ever speak to me again.
Before I can apologise, Luna leaps back into the moon. Her voice emanates from above.
"I will be back, once more seeking answers. Of that you can be sure," she warns ominously.
Great. Thievery, failure, murder, and now emotional scarring. Might as well add 'enslavement' to my list of crimes.
I spread my tired wings and beat them. Flying at such a low temperature is a terrible idea. I don't really care. Insulting one of your only friends is also a terrible idea. So it doesn't really matter at this point.
I note the scar from where Fluttershy healed the hole in my wing. She really is an excellent healer.
The mountains grow rapidly as I push on. Soon I reach a ledge, with a gaping cave entrance. I crash land heavily. The cold, lack of food and lack of sleep, combined with the effort of flight have taken their toll on me. I stagger into the cave. Groggily, I fall flat on my face. Well, this is as good a position as any to sleep in.
As I drift into slumber, I become aware of a voice speaking to me.
"Woah, where did you come from? Who are you?"
I ignore it. Mysterious voices can wait until later.
"Are you ok? Hey, come on!"
This voice is really annoying. I crack open a eyelid. Feathers, and a beak are all I bother to register before succumbing to sleep once more.
"You're seriously worrying me... Oh Celestia, what should I do!"
The voice is panicking. About...me?
I don't know. I don't really care. More terrified babble is the last thing I hear before I truly fall asleep.