• Member Since 10th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Monday

Charliemane


E

As Twilight Sparkle prepares for her coronation, she can't help but worry about what the future holds. Normally, this would be the time for a good book, perhaps a biography, to shed some light on how she should react to this sudden change in her life, but it seems no pony has have ever been where she is now.

With Celestia busy with coronation preparations, Twilight has no idea where to turn for advice, but this time, advice seems to have found her.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 51 )

my mind hurts time and time age.

You have to appreciate Celestia sense of humor. :rainbowlaugh:

This is an excellent story, very thought provoking and unique. It really makes us think about the characters and where they came from, and you did an amazing job of capturing Twilight's character and her precoronation jitters.
Please accept these five moustaches.
Toothbrush, walrus, handle bar, porn 'stache and pointed

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. The ending with the cough drops was a nice touch.

*loading*
:pinkiegasp:
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

I kinda wanted to see celestia talk with twilight, after she returned, but oh well. a very nicely done story

Wouldn't this cause a paradox?

Coughdrops! this was the best story i've ever read on fimfiction!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiesad2: it made me sad and happy!

It took me a second to understand that last sentence. Brilliant!

Interesting how you made her "earn" her crown (rather than merely wings and earth-pony-ness), although I have to say that she has done greater deeds than she did that that day or two. Or was that you intent at all?

Don'tcha just LOVE loop time travel?

2758397 Time travel is fun like that, I could see the arguments for a paradox and I could see an argument or two against it. Ultimately... I blame Discord.

2758650 The timeline for when Celestia did a lot of her more awesome feats in relation to when Equestria went from a "Triumvirate" to a Joint Princess Rule is a bit convoluted, at least to me. So the intent was to portray a much younger Celestia, before she had achieved such greatness.

>>To All Thank you all very much for the kind comments. It really does mean a great deal to me.

What I don't like is that it wasn't long enough! *pouts*
But in all seriousness that was a great story and an interesting way to tie together the tribes and the Princesses.

MY one criticism is that I think the test could have gone on a little longer and I also think that you missed a few opportunities. (Like rather than Celestia moving the sun closer to the planet which would burn everything have the Triumvirate set the test for night and Celestia to turn it to day during the test, it would have achieved the same goal story wise and been more fitting with the canon while not toasting the planet.)

It would be interesting to see another one of these done for the formation of the Elements of Harmony.

I loved that ending! :yay:

This would make a great episode!

The words to describe this story...They elude me. This was an absolute masterpiece, and I mean that in every sense of the word.
Transcendent job, Charlimane. You deserve all the positive feedback the world can provide, and then some.
Everything about the story seemed to flow perfectly with each other, and you occupy the vocabulary of a scholar to boot!
Overall, I fear I couldn't like this any more if I tried, so I'll leave my praise here neatly in the comment box. Keep up the great job, sport...

...I know you will! :pinkiehappy:

~Tropical Octave

This. This is a masterpiece.:pinkiehappy:

Seriously, this should be an episode.Like the first ep of Season four or something, where Twilight is adjusting to her position etc so that it fits with cannon.

Bravo, my good sir. Bravo. :moustache:

2758397 It is. This is an example of the Bootstrap time paradox. The Time Travel already occured before Twilight ever went back, so an event in the time stream came to send her back to play the role she had already participated in. Contrast this with the Butterfly Effect time paradox, in which traveling back in time automatically changes the future, due to the fact that the time travel did NOT occur before hand.

cough drops.... That made me laugh.:rainbowlaugh:

Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, but didn't Discord show up first before Tia and Luna became the new rulers?

A most excellent story. Bravo.

2760995 At the risk of exposing just how much of a nerd I am:

I would argue that's were the timeline has a bit of room for interpretation. When first Celestia talks about encountering Discord, she mentions that he "...ruled Equestria in an eternal state of unrest...", but that could mean that either Discord had disposed of the original triumvirate and set up his own kingdom, or with a little poetic license, Discord merely had free reign over the land and the current ruling government had no power to stop him.

Celestia says that he did this "...before my sister and I stood up to him..." which could mean that Discord had been terrorizing Equestria during her reign, before she obtained the Elements of Harmony required to defeat him.

Now mind you this is all just my poetically licensed, fun, over-the-top analysis from two lines in the show, but that's what I'm hiding behind.

2758397 Technically yes, a minor one, but its self-sustaining, so as long as nothing interferes to prevent history from playing out as it did, it'll actually create little trouble. And we have no proof history can even be altered in this case, so odds of that seem low. Really no more complicated or harmful than Twilight's little time travel stint in "It's About Time" (same sort of paradox).

Anyway, it's a very nice story, this, and the ending was sweet and simply brilliant. Who knew cough drops could say so much? :pinkiehappy:

I usually just say nice things, but I will make an exception to fully help you. You asked for constructive criticism so here it is. First, Luna and Celestia weren`t described very well. Sure, you said that they were alicorns and that they were shorter, but you also said that Celestia had a different mane color. What color is it? What are their features? Also, it`s unclear as to whether or not Celestia had her cutie mark before this because it seemed as though she gained a cutie mark from this experience. Second, the whole scene where Celestia had to take the test was hard to read. I found myself reading each word happily until that scene. I read some of it, but I couldn`t deal with it and just skimmed it. There weren`t any details or emotion in that part though it very much needed it. I found very few grammatical so I shall not point any out. Third, Discord`s characterization was rather off. Sure he`s reformed, but that doesn`t mean that he`s not annoying, confusing and odd. He was like a quick sketch as opposed to the full masterpiece if you get my metaphor. It was hard to truly believe that it was him. Fourth, this story was nice, but seemed rushed. Each part seemed as though it was a rough draft. I seek more detail and body in this piece of writing. I hope to see a bit more from this story. Now, I must tell what I enjoyed about this story. I believe that Twilight`s thoughts and personality in this were great! I also very much enjoyed Luna`s outburst at the test, the scene where Twilight realizes who she`s talking to, Celestia`s offering to Twilight and the ending! This story held my interest which was nice. The concept of this story was also very cool. I enjoyed this piece of literature and award you with this: :raritystarry:

2761427 Thank you very much for the feedback. I really appreciate it. If you don't mind my troubling you a bit more, could I ask that you elaborate on what, in your opinion, was the biggest thing that made the test portion difficult to read? e.g. Was the pacing off? Perhaps some poor word choices or bad descriptions?

Thanks again and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Enjoyed this. Two real problems though... since you asked.

Wouldn't they all speak in an old fashioned sense as Luna did from the series? It would make an hilarious arc for them to find Twilights speech odd or for her to try and speak medieval.

Also I will admit the timeline is off. Discord was around until she and Luna "rose up against Discord". Maybe the setting should be less of a kingdom for ponies and a kingdom for Discord. Along the lines of they were preparing in secrte or someting. OOOOOOR:pinkiehappy: It was after discord went down by pure luck, establishing the two sisters as powerful, and they need Celestia to learn discords powers so they can fix the suns orbit.

Just a thought....

“Just like 'i' before 'e', never put row two before three.”

Yeah, that is kind of a silly and pointless mnemonic, isn't it? Why would somepony teach that to Twilight? :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

2761870 Well, I would say that the biggest thing that bothers me is your choice in words. For example, you keep repeating the words simulated pressure system. It takes away from the reading a bit when long, words repeat themselves. When Twilight describes things she uses long words over and over and nopony seems to understand her because nothing is exciting them enough to understand and truly comprehend. Here is another example. During that scene, the climatic event, it should be the most exciting, but was rushed and squished into a mere few paragraphs. It wouldn`t hurt to elaborate on her emotions a bit more. She tried once and began crying, but why? You never showed her emotion, you just simply made her go from determined to sad in a matter of seconds. Also, the struggle wasn`t fully explained. You didn`t show her spirit to go on. When she tried fighting Chrysalis she was determined and knew that she would ultimately prevail. I just don`t see the true Celestia in this scene. One last thing that bothers me in this part is the long sentences. Not all, but several are run-ons that go on long enough that they can annoy people and make writers cringe. Most can be overlooked, but this sentence in particular bothered me immensely. At first she tried to use her magic to sow the seeds across the field, but the magic imbalance made lifting even a hoof-full of seeds a challenge and just as she got the first scoop out of the bag, a piece of hail slammed into the back of her head, causing Celestia to drop everything as she fell face first into the mud. This sentence needs to be put into two sentences. I have one last complaint. Each sentence in this scene needs to be more descriptive and needs to flow better. Instead of that you could say something along the lines of this. Just as she got her first scoop out of the bag a piece of hail shot through the air in a gust of wind and slammed into her neck. The impact knocked her to the ground, the crushing blow having taken its toll on her. Feel free to use that sentence if you like. Basically, this scene just wasn`t the same caliber as the rest of the story. You seem to have all of the pieces of a great story, you just need a little tweak is all. :trollestia:

Comment posted by supercolt1000 deleted Jun 23rd, 2013

Very nice story. My only peeve is that Time Travel in general almost automatically gives me a headache. I understand most of it just fine, it just gets so bloody complicated. Especially when one involves closed loop paradox's like this. Nothing against the story itself, it just keeps me from properly enjoying it to it's fullest.

Awesome, short and sweet. :moustache:

that was an absolutely amazing piece of work, i just loved it. i woulda loved to have seen the conversation after the cornation tho lol

One-shots like this are always a great read. I only noticed one mistake:

they had to already be crazy to not loose their minds after the twenty-seventh book.

You used "loose" when you really meant "lose".

THIS WAS SO PRECIOUS! I am amazed at how sweet and fluffy this was. Really good job, though I would have liked to see Twilight's face when they talked about it. XD

so cool I loved it how discord help both twilight and Celestia. I do wish it was longer.:twilightsmile::heart::scootangel:

Dan

Good place for Twilight to start learning how to be a Good Princess would be Machiavelli, Marcus Aurelius and Cicero.

Here my fellow bronies is what Season 4 episode 1 should be. bask in it's amazing-ness

I would really love to see a sequel, or a second chapter showing twilight's, Celestia's, and Luna's talk.

2759658
To be clear, I meant Twilight earning her crown, not Celestia earning her's.

2768814 Ah, I see, I misunderstood. The intent wasn't for Twilight to earn her crown in this story, but to learn a lesson by being a friend and helping Celestia pass her test.

I am not terribly in love with the "a wizard Discord did it" premise. Discord seems to be there to exposit and act as the plot device du jour, but contributes little otherwise; he could easily be replaced with a Luna was-it-really-a-dream-sequence or a wish on a shooting star.

If this were a longer fic or a series then it would work well as a framing device, but here there isn't enough room for him to actually show any personality, and he "spoils" the ending by crowing about Twilight's achievement before the final reveal.

2772671
The dream thing would work maybe. But if Luna had that much power, I think should would be using it for other things. Then again, we see her so rarely that she could be for all we know.

2768882
I liked it. My only problem with it was that Celestia seemed a little slow on the uptake, which is understandable when doing extreme studying.

Other than that it was a delightful and relatable tale. Well, not all of us can be princesses but I am we've all been through some insanely huge challenge.

Wow, that ending is just amazing! Loved it! :heart:

Very cute. A nice short vignette, I really liked Twilight figuring she knew exactly what was going on and getting caught flat footed.

COUGHDROPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Cough drops.

Cough. Drops.

You magnificent writer you. That was glorious.

Dem cough drops. :pinkiehappy: :rainbowlaugh: :trollestia:

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