Rarity orders a collection of gems from the crystal empire to give her new designs that little bit extra. Included in the shipment is a magnificent ruby that is far more than what it seems. After the gem reveals that it has inherent magical properties, Rarity and the rest of the Elements of Harmony are pulled into an adventure complete with living mannequins, the Mirror Pool, life and death struggles in the Crystal Empire, and a budding romance between two of the most unlikely of ponies.
(Winner of the Crack Ships Inc. June write off contest.)
Chapters (6)
Horn-less Sombra? This ought to be good. Followed.
Ooo, neato!
Interesting. Please, do continue.
does anybody have an idea on why this got so many downvotes? it's puzzling
I shalt now name this ship: SombRity
Update soon! Loving this!
Promising development to say the least
2742662 Agreed!
Hmmm, centering the paragraphs is a little off-putting, but the story keeps getting better.
This whole situation with Sombra, is it a personal headcanon?
2743210 I never know how to attack paragraph formating. Some readers like them without any indention, others like them in typical book style. Is there something that would be a good compromise that I could use?
As for Sombra's background, yes, this is completely head canon. It struck me as strange to see a unicorn ruling a whole nation of earth (edit: should read 'crystal' instead of 'earth') ponies. Since his coming to power was around the same time frame as the trouble with Discord, I meshed the two together in a way I thought would be somewhat logical. Seeing as how the alicorn amulet could warp it's user, I thought something similar might have happened to Sombra.
2742762>>2742662 Thank you. I never know how well a story is going as far as twists until I get feedback like this. I appreciate it, and hope not to disappoint with the rest of the tale.
2741644 I plan to roughly do an update a night. (I have a backlog of chapters that I'm editing at the moment.) Hopefully I will get done in time to enter this in the Crack Shipping group's monthly competition.
2740730 Since you're so enthusiastic about it, let it be so!
2739995 Thank you for the complement. I seem to be getting more down votes lately, and I'm not sure why. It's nice to see someone post that they feel the thumbs down are unjustified. It means a lot to me.
2739274>>2739085 Thank you both, this is going to be my most involved story to date. I hope the ride does not disappoint.
Looks like a center tag is running wild somewhere. add a {/center} (replace {} with []) at the scene break and that should fix it. As for indentations, they're not necessary unless you don't use line breaks. Since we're not limited by space in this format it's best to use line breaks and leave indentations to printed media.
2743750 Thanks! I think I found that pesky / that I was missing. I took out the indentations, and we'll see if anyone howls in protest. If not, I guess they will be gone for good.
You already updated this and it's only been a single single day!
EPIC YEAH!
2745123 My friend, you may want to consider taking a break from hanging around with Snowflake. My ears are ringing from your shout.
Putting aside my silliness, I will be trying to get an update out a night for the next couple of days. I've been working on this story for a while, but due to RL stuff I have not been able to publish it or really grind out some details. Now, I've gotten a little more time to myself and I intend to submit this to the Crack Shipping Inc. June contest. I'm going to give it my best shot.
2745516 You will win. No doub there.
2745529 Thank you for the vote of confidence! The newest chapter is up, I hope it doesn't disappoint.
2743429 aren't they crystal ponies, not earth? Albiet its the same deal, unicorn ruling over crystal ponies.
The whole gem-turned-horn-take-over-pony is very interesting. Thats what sucked me in.
For a second, it looked like there was a comma between bacon and hay. Vigil would have been best omnivore pony
2747718 Too true, they are indeed crystal ponies. My comment about earth ponies was a slip of the keyboard, so to speak. The crystal pony aspect will play a more important roll in the next couple of chapters.
A few goofs, but nothing serious. You called Dash Rarity when the three were watching the pre-dinner show. Few others, but that was the one that stood out to me. Still loving this.
Interesting. CONTINUE!
If you know what I mean.
2755208 I'm glad you like that part. It took a little work to make the joke funny without it being a little too risque.
2755137 Thank you! This is by far my most involved story. I just hope I don't fumble things when I try to wrap it up.
2754303 Thank you for pointing that goof out. I've fixed it, and a couple of other things I noticed. I'm sure there are a couple of errors still lurking. I'm glad your enjoying the story, it's been a blast to write.
2756034 THIS IS AMAZING!!
2747733 He could always have used the excuse that it was a side effect from the dark magic that had taken him. I had to go grab an old grammar manual of mine to make sure I got that punctuation right. It's amazing how one comma can completely change the meaning of a sentence. I'm still struggling with proper comma use, and it sometimes shows in the most awkward of ways.
Ah, what a nice chapter. But that is a perfect way to end this story, and yet you haven't! Hmm...
[Insert epic jousting music here]
Hah! A good chapter! Is the epilogue next?
2760532>>2760247 Thank you both for being so interested in my story! It's always a pleasure to know that people enjoy my works.
There will be an epilogue. It will be a little on the short side, but it will tie together a few loose ends. I hope I can pull it off so that it doesn't seem contrived.
2760340 This fits so well! The lady in the picture even resembles Rarity. (Edit: If she were to be turned into a human. At least, in my fractured little mind anyway.) Where on earth did you find this?
2760947 Yoruichi Shihōin looks like Rarity? (The one on the right).
I found this because I subscribed to Rayden Cybersoul on YouTube. (He remixes a lot of Bleach ost's.)
2760953 It's not an exact match, especially since the lady in the picture is human, but bear with me. She's elegant, has purple hair, and is obviously very comfortable with who she is.
Maybe I've just been writing about Rarity a little to much, and I see bits of her in everything.
2760979 Let's not forget, she can turn into a cat.
Hmm. Well. I'm not really sure how to go about this one, as there are two things about this story which leaves me feeling a little awkward:
First, this is one of those rare instances where I found the story while looking through the romance tag and ultimately found myself wishing that you had completely skipped the romance option and wrote a solid adventure story. While your take on Sombra's reformation is innovative and well-conceived, the romance portions of this tale simply do not work. Rarity's characterization comes across as being rather weak in comparison to Vigil's, and the romance between Rarity and Vigil feels both excessively rushed and entirely forced.
Second, Vigil's return to Equestria and the Crystal Empire is completely unbalanced. Princess Luna had to commit a great deal of time and effort to overcoming the fear of her subjects upon her return, but the ponies of Equestria and the Crystal Empire basically pardon Vigil on the spot, even though Sombra committed offenses far above and beyond anything Nightmare Moon had done. A little bit of caution on the parts of the princesses and the general population would have been well-advised throughout the entire story.
Mind you, I'm not saying any of this to be mean or to degrade your story, and I apologize if it seems like I'm accentuating the negatives a bit much. I do believe that you had some wonderful ideas with this story, and I very much want to see you refine your natural talent so that your executions do your plans the justice they deserve.
D'aaaawwwwwwww... *Patrick voice* Happy Ending...
Good epilogue. A good way to end a great story.
2762791 Thank you for the comment! I certainly do not take constructive criticism as being rude or hateful at all. I'm always pleased to see that my writing has caused someone to really think about my stories enough to form such opinions.
I have just posted an epilogue to this story that gives Rarity and Vigil's relationship a little more to it. It also show's Rarity's personality much more, and explains why she so readily accepts his affections. However, I agree that my portrayal of their relationship is one of the weaker aspects of this story.
As for the Vigil's return to the Empire being a bit on the easy side, I really bounced back and forth as to how to handle it. Making it difficult for him would take the story in a direction I really didn't know if I wanted to go. Making his return too easy (no Stone or the council) and the story would be soulless. I kind of shot for the middle. As small as the Empire comparatively is, I reasoned that the ponies there would have known what had happened with Vigil and the horn with much more understanding and forgiveness since they literally would know Vigil and had lived in the same conditions that forced his hoof than the general population of Equestrian would know what occurred with Luna, particularly since the events would have only happened a few months ago to them. I see your point completely, but I'm not exactly sure how to tackle it without completely changing the dynamic of the story.
Thank you for your thoughts,and your kind words. I'm not sure if I have talent, but I make up for with dogged determination. Feedback like this is what has made me into a much better author, and makes me keep on writing. I greatly appreciate it.
write about their wedding! please~
Awwww. Good story.
Only one thing left to say: Sequel! Now!
...please?
2765122 I would not even know where to begin with a follow up to this story. I've also kind of painted myself into a corner by hinting that Vigil could become the head of the guards assigned to protect princess Twilight. Without more material from the series to work with, I'm kind of toast. I don't do well fabricating stories on my own, but I love to take pieces of established worlds and tie them together in interesting and odd ways. The only possibility that I can see of a real continuation of this story is that I I have an very, and I mean very rough idea for a side story that tells about Rainbow's and Brass' adventures in the Empire during their little side trip. However, I'm trying to get away from OC stories, since they have such a horrible stigma of being of poor quality and I've been pushing myself to work with characters than already have established personalities. I really don't see the side story going anywhere at this point, so this is probably it for this story.
2765066 As much as I loved writing this, I'm not sure what i would do to continue it. I think I have done all that I can with this story, and I want to leave it as is. (Barring fixing grammar mistakes and the like.) The only wedding scene I have attempted (a brief description of the chaos during Cadence and Shining's marriage) was in my story "A Swift Message," and that was due to the fact it was such a pivotal moment in my story. Trying to complete a whole wedding, preparations and all, would be beyond me. Thank you for wanting more of the story, it's a flattering complement.
2767203 Aww
Just bingeread the whole thing and I do not regret it. Loved the backstory and Rarity's fights and everything.
2773431 Whoa, that's a ton of reading in one sitting. Thank you, that's quite a complement in itself.
I love playing with different aspects of stories that need a little filling in. Sombra is such a blank canvas that he is just great to mess around with. (This is my second time using him as a main character, but for this one he's the good guy.) The Crystal Empire itself is just a playground waiting to be explored. Questions need to be answered, and I love to try to in a rational way. Are crystal ponies just earth ponies, or are they a breed all to their own? How did they make their structures (homes, palace, etc.) out of crystals? Why put the Crystal Heart in the most northern region of Equestria, when Canterlot is much more in the center? What were the politics behind that, if any? Is the shimmer crystal ponies have just an neat side effect of the Crystal Heart's magic, or something more? So many questions, too few hours in the day.
I'm glad you enjoyed the fight scene, I didn't know if I did that justice or not. I'm not very good at action oriented sections of stories, but I gave it my best shot.
2762791
If I may offer a slight rebuttle, the crystal ponies all knew Vigil before he turned into Sombra. That means they might have known the horn corrupted him and it wasn't actually Vigil commiting all of those atrocities.
Hm. Pacing feels a little rushed in places, and a small amount of talking heads, but over all, not bad.