• Member Since 21st Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

Random_User


I love getting feedback and constructive criticism. Please feel free to comment. If you take the time to comment, I will take the time to respond.

E
Source

Luna sends a challenge to the fillies and colts of Ponyville. During Nightmare Night, with the help of Discord’s magic, she turns Ponyville into a hunting ground of monsters, beasts, and foul creatures. Who is the hunted and who is the prey becomes unclear as a small band of friends struggle to make it through the night and accomplish their task.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 39 )

Lovely =)

This is AWESOME!:pinkiehappy: I need MORE!:flutterrage: Have a stache.:moustache:
How about a sequel where Luna extends the contest to anypony that wishes to join? I would love to see the Mane 6 compete.

3344649>>3343609>>3342701 Thank you! I had a great time writing this story. I had not written a good adventure in a while, and thought I'd give it another shot.

THIS WAS AWESOME!

What if you do a sequel when they are grow up after recieving the training?

and DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW at the last scene

It takes real skill to write something that could never be an episode (in this case, too actiony even for an actiony episode), but feels just like an episode when read. It's cute, it's cool, and it made me smile.

I expected to have a dozen objections to the logistics of the contest (how could it be arranged to be both challenging and safe?), but to my surprise, I can't think of any--either you thought this out better than I expected, or it's just so cute that I couldn't notice any inconsistencies. In any event, I'm too overcome with d'aww to give this a proper review or any constructive criticism. Sorry about that.

Edit: On second thought, I do have a criticism--the descriptions seem a little spare. "Spare" is, of course, a great trait to have when writing about horrors, even cutesy defanged horrors like this, but at times I only had a very general mental image of what was going on. Just a few more adjectives could go a long way toward making the story more alive.

This was so epic, I wanna see it animated. Or at least in comic form. Heck, if there were the proper MMD models, I'd make the comic myself. Or at least try to.

3349888 Thank you! It was a blast to write. It started as just a random idea, and it snowballed as I started adding little bits and pieces. I'm thrilled to see that people liked it. I don't think it's worthy of animation or comics, but I'm flattered that you think so.

3393008 I appreciate that you chose that word! Thanks for taking the time to read it, and for commenting. Reading messages like yours makes my day.

3394678

Trust me, your thing is good enough for a comic.:pinkiehappy:

That was great. I loved the griffon and the timber wolf, but I think the perfect costume would have been a nightmare moon one. Lol. :trollestia:

I saved this for nightmare night. It was... Lovely. :twilightsheepish:

3344940 That you want a sequel is a very high compliment, thank you. I dont' really have a plan to do a second story right now. This story was created as an entry to Equestria Daily's Nightmare Night writing contest. Maybe next year I'll give it a shot, but right now I'm juggling other stories, work, and family matters. If I get some free time, I just might try my hand at it.

3396455 I didn't even consider the possibility of one of the foals dressing as Nightmare Moon. That really would have thrown a wrench in the works of the contest. Discord would have loved it.

3430627 Thank you! Ii was hoping that something light and fun would be appreciated on Halloween. There are too many slasher or gore movies and stories that try to cash in on shock value and cheap scares. I wanted to do something that would make readers concerned for the characters without putting them in any real danger and still be warm and fuzzy. Taking a little inspiration from Costume Quest, this is what I came up with.

3431728

You very much succeeded then! Last year I read something scary, but this year I wanted something fuzzy. This story was exactly what I wanted.

Hello, ChromeMyriad here with a re-re-re-return review of your story courtesy of the group Authors Helping Authors. For those about to read it, beware of SPOILERS!
Name of Story: Luna's Nightmare Night Challenge
Grammar score: 10/10 A few misspellings, but nothing worth taking a point off.

Pros
1. This. Premise. Is. Bucking. AWESOME! :rainbowkiss: I love everything about the idea of this story, from the foals changing into creatures to the villain rollcall! What's more is, as the actual show progresses, you'll have the chance to add sequels when new creatures and villains are revealed! Also, Princess Luna. :twilightsmile: (I DEMAND A LUNA EMOTE! BRING IT TO ME IMMEDIATELY :twilightangry2:) Bonus points for the Lunar Guard. They don't get enough love. <3

2. I feel like I always comment on this, but it causes me so much grief in my own writing that I almost feel obligated to. The descriptions of the setting and the characters are done just right and woven into the story nicely. It always makes me happy on the inside to see a story with zero infodumps.

3. I like the little tidbit of feels at the end with Pip. I always enjoy it when Luna gets a li'l love from somepony. :pinkiesmile:

Cons
1. Erm... not many nits to be picked here. Like I said, there are a few slip-ups with spelling or grammar, but they're just typos and aren't distracting. Everything is paced nicely and the character interaction is great.
2. No, seriously, this section is over.
3. So.. wait... there's a Photo Finish emote :coolphoto: and not a Princess Luna one? :facehoof: So. Bucking. Salty.

Notes:
How can you improve on perfection?!? The premise is fun, the characters are believable, the pacing is excellent, the prose without reproach, and to top it all off; Princess Luna. I want a sequel already, and it's only November 3rd.

Enjoy your review! While this is a reciprocation review and I don't want to turn this into a case of musical reviews, I'd love to know what you think of my first-ever story Tides of Shade. Have a like and fav!

This is by far the best Nightmare Night story I have ever read. The idea of the contest was amazing, the showcasing of the Lunar Guard was cool, it allowed Discord to use his powers for something awesome, and the part at the end with Pip was pretty adorable. Just well done all around.

3450845 Thank you! I had fun writing this and I'm glad you liked it. The Halloween premise really let me cut loose and I pulled in a lot of different from things like anime, Costume Quest, epic adventure novels, and even reality game shows. I didn't know how it would be received, but I've been pleasantly surprised by the positive feedback.

3452725 I've actually never heard of Costume Quest before but if this was partially inspired by it then I must seek it out.

... Why can't this be real? :raritydespair::raritycry::applecry:

Awesome story :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

3455177 It's a cute, short, video game that I got as part of a Steam bundle. At first, I thought I would never play it. For some odd reason I felt like playing a casual game and installed it. The writing was great, the game had solid mechanics, and it scratched my itch for a old school style RPG.

I have to warn you about one thing, if you decide to play it. While the game looks cute and cuddly, it will hand your butt to you on a plate if you're not careful. The difficulty fluctuates wildly and you will get decimated if you don't stay on your toes.

3455884 Thank you! I got a wild idea for a Halloween story and ran with it. Discord's magic has such potential, yet they have done so little with it. His character is fun to write for too. I could see Luna, who is used to shifting worlds through her dream walking, enlisting the help of someone who could do such things in the waking world to spice up her festival.

Bravo! his was really sweet and fun. I loved the idea that the enemies could be caught out as well and the kids all felt very much in Character. Excellent work.

3464654 Thank you very much. It was a trip back to my adventure writing for me and I was afraid I would not be able to pull it off, to be quite honest. It was a lot of fun to write and I felt I was just along for the ride for most of it.

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Luna's Nightmare Night Challenge
Grammar score (out of 10): 9/10 I saw a handful of typos, and occasional out of place word, but nothing that distracted from the story, or was glaringly obvious.

Pros
1. Really fun premise that even Sad Pinkie Pie would get a few laughs from. To me, this builds quite nicely as an aside to the episode, 'Luna Eclipsed'. Nightmare Night shenanigans are always a winner in my book.
2. Great use of a ton of characters that are usually overlooked, like Pip, the Lunar Guard, and some of the other fillies and foals. Also, I really liked the interplay between Luna and Discord. They'd make a pranking tag team that RD couldn't match on her best day! :pinkiesmile:
3. The pacing was well done, and the story was good about dropping enough information and description in the right places without feeling like adjective salad (something I'm guilty of, lol)

Cons (list three cons)
1. A few grammar and typo issues here and there, but nothing that can't be chalked up to human error. A quick re-read would probably catch all of them fairly quickly. :)
2. This is more of a personal style thing, but I did notice a few spots where thoughts or sentences could be combined, or different punctuation methods used to smooth out the transition between sentences. Imo, it helps the words roll off of the tongue better, so to speak. Again though, that's really more of a style qualm than a true 'con'
3. Really, nothing else here. :)

Overall, this was a great, fun read, and really gets into the NN/Fall spirit! Well done, and I look forward to your next stories!

Bravo, Random_User, bravo.

3796495 Thank you! I had a blast writing this. It was fun to see how much a could bend the magical rules of Equestria without breaking them while letting the foals, Luna, and Discord have fun.

3831540 wait a minute....if applebloom bit the sombra guy how come there was no damage? like could they literally "kill" the others without achiwally hurting them?

oh and WHY ISNT THIS AN EPISOOOOOOOOOOOODE...coughanimatorsgettoitcough

3883080 Discord made the magical changes so that the ponies involved could not hurt themselves or others by using the powers or attributes granted by their new forms. I sort of hint at that during the barn scene, but I should have explained that with a little more detail.

3883123 Thanks! I don't think it's quite episode worthy, but I'm glad you think so highly of the story.

I know its a little late to say this, but wonderful story. I really enjoyed reading this.

Any chance of a sequel? Maybe the misadventures of the guards training the cutie mark crusaders and friends?

5008661 I do not have anything planned right at the moment, but its certainly not outside the realm of possibility. I have a couple of stories that I would like to finish up first. Then, if real life quits kicking me around, I might take a crack at it.

5008661

I just read this and I fully agree with Boneywings.
In fact, I would have suggested it if he hadn't done so already.
GREAT WORK!

5926350 Thank you! While I loved writing this story, I am afraid I would stretch the characters and story a little to thin if I continued. I am flattered that you enjoyed it enough to want me try.

I loved this so much that I'm making a new slot for stories better than favorites, regardless of your writing a sequel I will be coming back to this story a lot! :raritystarry:

6168465 I am flattered that my stories get their own section in their collection. I had a grin on my face most of the time that I was writing this story. I have loved Halloween since I was a little kid. Being able to write a story about my favorite holiday allowed me to really let loose.

I want ot think of complaints to hit this with, but i can't. I loved it too much.

So, here's a vid

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!