• Member Since 21st Dec, 2011
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Random_User


I love getting feedback and constructive criticism. Please feel free to comment. If you take the time to comment, I will take the time to respond.

T
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Luna is invited to visit Sweet Apple Acres by Big McIntosh. As they tour the newly created bat sanctuary, the subject of a mysterious new animal visiting the orchard comes up. Luna decides she would like to see the creature for herself. Luna sends one of her guards to look for the creature on his own while she and McIntosh search another part of the grove. The guard finds the creature, but it turns out to be anything but what he was expecting.

Written as part of Equestria Daily's Writers Training Grounds event.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 234 )

3710141 Of course! There will be a couple of different pairings in the story. Luna and Big McIntosh will be one and Dark Horizon and Fluttershy will be the other. There may be other hinted at relationships. but those will be the primary ones.

I really want to see where this goes. Like, I really want to. Vamponies are now canon, and my dreams have come true! :yay: Take my favorite.
It seemed kind of rushed, though. That's my only problem with it. Take your time and use a little more of that time to flesh out Dark Horizon more, give the story more depth.

3710231 I admit I crammed a lot of stuff in this first chapter, perhaps a bit too much. Now that I'm not working with a word constraint, I will certainly dive into the characters and storyline much deeper.

Thank you for your feedback. I greatly appreciate it.

3710427 I most certainly will. This was just a crazy little idea that I had after reading a post on Equestria Daily that looks like it's going to turn into a multi-part story that's going to be a blast to write.

Thank you for the encouragement!

What? A Flutterbat story that's not a one-shot?

*follows*

Well well, this is quite intriguing. A Bat Pony and a Flutter Bat? Let's see if this ship floats:heart: :raritywink:

3710196 Thank you for the fave and for adding my story the all the groups you did. I'm thrilled that your enjoying the story so far. It's not my typical crack shipping and it's going to be a little on the OC side, but I think it will turn out to be a fun romp.

Great Story! I think this deserves a like and a fave and a read later :3! FLUTTERBAT IS BACK!!! With Dark Horizon and Luna and Big Mac... FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm watching this! Like a Hawk! or a Bat! or a- I need to shut up... GOOD JOB!

3710741 Thank you! I'm afraid this might be a little slow in updating, but I assure you I will not abandon it. I have a good track record of finishing my stories and I intend to keep up the trend.

3710803 I hope the ship floats. The possible contrasts been the 'vamponies' and the bat ponies sparked something that really took off with the Equestria Daily prompt. I'm trying to make sure that this story will not just be a mushly love story, though there will be ample amounts of romance, but delve into a little world building as well.

3710884 Thanks! I'm glad you're liking the story so far. After reading the comics and seeing Luna and McIntosh's interactions, I couldn't help but throw them in the mix. It's nice to see that you enjoyed them too.

This is a really nice start. The romance should not be a hard thing to achieve and looking forward to the world building especially since you are the first I have seen to make a Flutterbat fic that is not a one shot.

best shypire vampony flutterbat story so far lol
a bit hard to spot it between all the other flutterbat fics out here since the episode

3711532 Thanks a lot! Considering the number of Flutterbat stories out there right now, that's quite a compliment. I have a feeling that one of the reasons that there has been a flood of Flutterbat stories is that Equestria Daily is having a writers training event with Twilight's reversal spell not completely working on Fluttershy being the prompt.

Comment posted by deepsleep64 deleted Jan 1st, 2014

3710880
"OC side" as in lots of OCs?

On a separate note, the bit where the guard found Flutterbat felt a bit... off. It didn't quite fit Fluttershy's character or even lie between her "feral" side she displayed in the episode and her "normal" disposition.

3714633 There will not be lots of OC characters, just two. However, one of them is going to be involved in the storyline rather heavily.

I admit, writing for Fluttershy is not a strong suit for me. Unlike Pinkie, who you can do anything with, Fluttershy takes after her namesake and it's hard to get her tone quite right. I'll see what I can do with the coming chapters to capture her personality a bit more.

Thank you for the feedback. Having readers point out areas in my writing that need polish has helped me more that I can tell you. I really do appreciate it.

3715389
Just to voice my observations of Fluttershy's "feral" vampire bat pony disposition:

"Flutterbat" as shown in the episode was skittish, just like the "normal" Fluttershy, but it was much more defensive/territorial comparatively. It would first flee, then if pursued, would fight to defend its "territory." Sort of a half-way between Fluttershy and Rainbow in terms of combative tendencies.

The non-feral Flutterbat shown in this story was actually more skittish and flighty than the normal Fluttershy was, pushing her even farther from her feral side than if she was not in her pseudo-predatory vampire pony state.

Can you do a sequel plz?
(Did i spell it right? Plz tell me.)

3720844 Your spelling was perfect. Don't worry, there will be more chapters to this story. Life is crazy for me right now, so my writing has slowed quite a bit.

I'm flattered that you want me to write more. It's feedback like yours that really gives the me extra boost I need to keep my fingers flying on my keyboard.

Er... I'm not that big of a fan of Luna/BigMcIntosh, but I was still entertained throughout the story. I'd like to see how it proceeds.

3721858 ok, i just really like this story.:heart:

Finally! A Flutterbat's story that isn't an one-shot! :pinkiehappy:

I'm torn on this. On one hand, I do enjoy flutterbat stories, on the other hand, certain elements have made me averse to vampire stories. Since there's a romance tag, I get the feeling this is gonna lean more on the "forbidden love" type of vampire rather than the "feral instinct" vampire. Oh well.

3728702 I'm glad you want to read more of this wild idea of mine. I hope that I don't disappoint with my future chapters.

3730529 I promise there will be no blood, violence, or anything of the sort in this story. This is going to be more of a slice of life, world building, and light romance kind of tale. There will be some tension, if I can manage to pull that off, and perhaps a couple of conflicts of the ideology / personality types, but no violence.

I like to keep my romance stories rather fluffy and nice. Dark stuff has it's place, and I have written one story with a bit of harsher edge, but it's not something I'm skilled at.

This should be interesting. I'd like to see more Mac and Luna. I mean with the comic and their kiss, they're more Canon then any other pairing. Also I'm enjoying Lunas speech.

Flutterbat is sorta take it or leave it for me. Vampires do nothing for me. I'm here for Mac and Luna

Love this, :pinkiehappy: please keep going, give seven out of ten
:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

3853310 Thank you! I fully intend to finish this story. In fact, I hope to have the next chapter out in a couple of days. It's quite a bit longer at 5K+ words. I'm trying to edit it the best I can so that readers don't cringe at my horrible grammar and punctuation. Dialog punctuation in particular can be a beast for me to wrestle with.

I am tickled to receive seven out of ten from you. I hope that the next chapter will push that score a little higher. I have so many ideas for this story, trying to pull them in a way that makes since to the story flow is proving to be a fun challenge.

3747413 There will most certainly be more McIntosh/Luna scenes and romance. I love the idea of Luna's outgoing personality (if you follow the examples of the comics) trying to fit with McIntosh's more reserved attitude towards life.

I hope to have the next chapter out soon. It won't have much in the way of Luna/Mac, but the chapter after certainly will. Thanks for the positive feedback on Luna's mode of speaking. She is fun to write, but it can be difficult to get the right mix of archaic language with more modern dialog. I'm glad I'm doing her some justice.

3859495 Glad to hear it! Hope you update soon!

I don't have any criticisms to voice. Love the story so far! :pinkiehappy:

The entire time I was reading this the song "If I Had a Heart" by Fever Ray was going through my head, and I'm not entirely sure why.:unsuresweetie:

wonderful!!! more? and soon?

3860822 The update is out now. I do my best to keep my promises.

3866036 Thank you! I took your advice to heart and really slowed down the pace of the story. I think not going at a break-neck pace has really helped the story.

3866156 That's great to hear! I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far. I hope you like the coming chapters just as much.

3866285 Thanks! I'm working on this story much more methodically. While this is slowing down the updates, I think the quality of my writing has gained from the slower pace.

3866357 Thanks both the post and for introducing me to such an awesome band. I had never heard of Fever Ray until now. I'm listening to their music even as I type this.

Edit: Now I know that Fever Ray's music is the work of one artist. I have to say, she's certainly talented.

3866647 Thank you! There will certainly be more. As to how soon, I'm not sure. I can guarantee that the next update will come quicker than the last, but exactly when it will be done I can't really say. I have the next installment roughed out, but I need to do quite a bit of polishing before I post it.

Charictors well done (could use some eggs right now)
Plot interesting (speller charictor wrong)
I bewstow 5 no 6 derpys :derpyderp1::derpyderp2::derpyderp2::derpyderp1::derpyderp1::derpyderp2:

Keep up the awesome work, dude. Can't wait for more, preferably soon. :pinkiehappy::yay:

*-Raven Talon

I noticed maybe 3-4 words missing in certain places, but other than that, I like very much where this is going. A simple question though, one that may accidently derail everything; if she's leaving bits for the apples she's taking, why not just buy the apples during the day and eat them at night? :rainbowhuh:

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