[Featured on EqD] A changeling worker, stranded and far away from her home, is forced to make a difficult choice. Risk her life, or serve the enemy.
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Chapters (14)
- Member Since 31st Mar, 2012
- offline last seen May 16th, 2021
Foxy Kimchi
Feel free to contact me about whatever.
Foxy Kimchi
Joined 31st Mar, 2012 ·
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Well tell me what you think. If I get enough support, I will continue working on this. Ill see how many people want another different take on a changeling story.
After thinking about it, I am drawing a lot of parallels with this story and one of my favorite movies. I think I subconsciously based it off it. Can you guess what it is? It was considered one of the best movies of the last decade (2000-2010).
Feel free to leave comments! If you like, great! If you don't, still feel free to leave a comment so that I know what I can approve on.
This is pretty good, you have definitely caught my interest. I can't wait to see where this go's.
Why shift Celestia's gender?
I'm not intending to whine, or complain; I simply wish to know your thought process on having an alt-universe where the only alt is Sirlestia.
Also, I am fairly certain there would be huge ramifications throughout any Equestria with the slightest of changes in their monarch. She was the sole, supreme ruler of the country for over 1000 years, and is, at the very least, a minor deity. Where goes she, there go her ponies.
Going with Solaris as the name? And yes, just in the intro description for BS:I
I would really like to see this continue. So in other words... MOAR!
That's funny, I'm part invasion myself. I can definately see the 'no editors' in this. There's several minor mistakes. Liking the story so far, it's got a really nice vibe to it. And while I generally don't like the whole 'hive' thing, it looks like you're not giving them a hive mind. Elseways, what would be the point of messengers? So that's a plus in my book.
But... seriously... you've written enough stories. Enough popular stories. I think it's time to put on the big boy pants and edit your own now. Good thing you're practicing with this one.
While I don't understand the gender swapped Celestia, I'm not gonna fault you for it. Maybe you'll write
We shall see...
herhim very well!The only things I can nitpick so far are a few instances of slightly awkward grammar.
Looking forward to more updates, and not just for the story.
Oh, I get it...
Been playing that too, but the line sticks out like a sore thumb. References are usually quite a bit more subtle than that.
2621694
Thanks
2621709
Well well well, time will tell. As I see it, there IS a reason why I am going to do what I am going to do. (at least I think there is.) In due time, in which I use little to no editors, should be quick. But I may have left a hint somewhere in my blog.
As I try to put it, Equestria should not have changed much, both male and female version are equal and believe in the same vision for their state.
2621808
I am hoping BS stands for Bioshock. Can you blame me, that game was so freaking good. Such great a game....(Huge nerd here)
2621817
At this rate looks like there will be.
2621833
Well I am glad you approve! So yes, changelings are COMPLETELY different in this one. All are fully sentient beings with their own personality and what not. I used the word "hive" to describe their home. But there is no zerg like communication. So they are like every other sentient being in Equestria.
As for the gender swap, you know what was one of the most brought up things in March the Scaffold was that people were not as happy with Celestia's choice. As I said she was acting more motherly. So now I am going to try and have Celestia act more fatherly. But I don't want to change Celestia personality, so rather I made a new one instead. A different but similar one. Does that make sense?
2621960
Yeah your right, I changed it.
2621952
Yeah this story is more practice and quantity rather than what I normally do. I am working on the second chapter.
2622043
did not actually intend to create.
Ahh, but the things that change drastically are the things which
Beauty and Fashion would tend to be driven by those seeking to emulate the Princess.
Gender Dynamics would be radically different, as the ultimate female role model is now the ultimate male role model.
Social Norms would be radically different, tied to the previous reason, as it is a Stallion in charge, rather than a Mare.
Political History would be different, as Mares and Stallions are differently attractive to different ponies with whom they would react, leading to shifts of tactics in dealing with them.
Et Cetera, Et Cetera, &c.
2622097
I see your point, and it is a good one.
For which gender would wield more power, I would say it would remain the same because of pony society before Celestia and Luna took power. As in the Hearth's Warming Eve play, all the political leaders were female. In addition, I would assume the the ratio still remained same. So when Celestia and Luna took power, I think the smart thing they would have done is try to change as little of the current culture as possible. That way, it would be a much more smoother transition for them to take the throne. Best not to piss off the ponies who wielded the power so you can curry their favor.
For fashion, they really dont wear that much clothes.
But in the end, you are right, such small changes can affect so many things later in (for example, Bioshock Infinite). But I am going to use the artistic liberty card here. It would be a lot of work to mention every little change and detail that would happen with such a thing. I wanted to leave the same environment though, since other people already know that and I don't have to re-describe everything.
So yeah, I am lazy, happy?
2622247
My point is that it wasn't a question of who tried to change what. It changed by his existence, not by his will.
But yeah, I saw my original question satisfied in your reply to another commentator, so I shall stop playing Discord's advocate.
For now.
2622277
And again you are right about that, just I wanted everything to remain the same except for Celestia to fit my purpose. Hopefully it pays off.
2622043 Yes but I fail to see why you couldn't just write Tia acting differently. In all honesty, I thought she was perfectly in character in MttS.
2622351
Well I could say what I have in stored if you so really desire. But I will try to explain it in general terms. How I pictured Celestia MttS is what I truly see Celestia at this point. It is actual hard for me to try and change Celestia personality like that. Like in Enter Nurse Luna, it feels like I am writing a completely different character, which makes it really hard because I still have to picture it as "Celestia". So to make a new character like that, then lets go all out. Lets make new character in the process. By doing so, I can explore more options and paths.
So by making him 'male', I can do thinks like associate traits that are common in males. I can really change his personality if I need to. In addition, I do have other plans for it.
whats with all the talk about tia? XD
shes not even in this!
anyway hope to see the next chapter soon i feel so bad about honeycomb
2622043 Yup, it does. I wasn't sure if the need of the colon here was right or just going bsi would be right.
male celestia? what will his name be?
I am interested in seeing more of this.
Well I liked it.
I'm looking forward to seeing what else you got in store!
Though the way this stars kinda reminds me of Dusk Quill's "The Griffon War: A Soldier's Memoirs." I know using a journal isn't an uncommon thing... it was just the way it was written put me in mind of that story. Which I feel I should point out is a good thing.
Just a bit of advice: You might want to consider putting why this story is label "AU" in the story's description rather than the first chapter's A.N.--putting such information more upfront for the potential reader is, well, just a better idea, considering how some people might regard the AU tag.
2622408
I can appreciate those thoughts and reasons. Looking forwards to seeing where you take this. I think my favorite part of your writing thus far is that you let characters think for themselves for justification to their actions rather than shoehorning author's voice and intent into them. Metaphorically speaking, if that makes sense.
2622408 Alright, I guess I get it. I suppose not everyone can write a particular character any which way they want. Makes sense.
i1.ytimg.com/vi/pzUzSypE010/hqdefault.jpg
Wow. This is definitely interesting. I really like the concept—and, for something that's just a 'scrap' story, you've put more effort into it than a majority of fanfiction writers would. I didn't catch any errors or the like, so that means your self-editing isn't something to frown upon either. I'm following this, for sure.
Interested.
Me like!
I'll just say this: #1 on the "Popular Stories" list. It'd be a real shame if you didn't continue.
I will keep an eye on this one..
Welp here is the second chapter, hopeful it sets the setting for the rest of the story. I have changed both Celestia personality and Luna's slightly. There is a reason why have done this. It is meant to drive the story later on. (Well I hope and think so
)
Edit: An explanation on why I made a male version of Celestia can be found here.
PS: I wonder how many people are going to not like this change, we shall see.
Also, special thanks to theRedBrony for doing a read through and helping me brainstorm.
Sorry, I for to publish this 2 hours ago.....
I feel so stupid not hitting that button....
Time to hope so, and woo, update! There has been a major dry spell recently sadly of so many fics, glad to see some still going for the works.
There were a few places where you could stand to put a comma, and at one point you had 'more [something]er'.
Do your editors not give you a changelog of sorts when they send stuff back to you?
2635721
There is no editors on this one, it is just me. It is a scrap story in which it helps me practice and catch editing mistakes. Needless to say I am not that good at it. What part had problems?
But aren't Lord and Lady already just the gender equivalents of each other? None of this hard and soft junk, they are just the male and female versions of the same category?
2635989
Yes and no to that. Well since both lord and lady has so many broad terms. Most times, to me, Lady just refereed to the wife of something important, a lord, knight, or something. Lord is not gender specific. Lord can be, and has been used to address females head of state. For example, the Lord of Mann (the head of state of the Isle of Man) is currently held by Queen Elizabeth II. So Luna has every right to call herself a lord, because by definition she is one.
But Lady itself can refer to a whole mess of things. To a female in power, or just as a civil, respectful manner to refer to a female.
So there is SSOO many ways to use both words, and don't know why it was made all the confusing throughout history. In short, Luna could call herself Lord Luna if she wishes it. But to her, that sounds much to intimidating in this setting. She would prefer it if she was addressed as 'Lady" Luna, because it does not have that somewhat intimidating feel as Lord. When she came back, she wanted to be more approachable, she did not necessarily want to scare them. She felt but opting for a different title from her brother, that it would make her more approachable than before.
Does that help? I hope it does because even I am confused on the usage of it at times.
why do i get the feeling this will be like your other one?
why cant you let the changelings have a happy ending!? lol i mean ill read it eather way but i already feel sad about this X3
still dieing to see the next chapter soon X3
2636292
Wooh, wooh, wooh. Lets slow down here and not draw conclusions. I have said that there will be SOME similarities to MttS. Not same story different character. I have also said there will be many differences.
Tell me, what concerns are you having exactly?
pretty sure it's meant to be infiltrator. Though now I get the weirdest image in my head. Changelings going around inflating ponies like balloons.
2636089 I see the perspective you are coming from. I don't know why the Isle of Man uses Lord to refer to both male and female, but nevertheless I would call the perception of Lady that you describe as a pop culture distortion of modern times based on people not having the same class distinctions as when Lord and Lady referred more commonly to positions of actual power, but I could myself be mistaken there. Either way, I see what you are trying to drive at in your story, so whatever. Even if I'm right, just as you turned Celestia into a guy, so can you turn Lord/Lady into what you say for this story, since you explained the way you're using it in the story so people shouldn't be confused by the terminology.
2636456
Sweet Celestia, I mean Solaris, or iunno. Regardless! I have fixed that. Sorry bout that, it was late when I was writing that bit.
The image I see though is a changeling wearing a suit causing money inflation.
2636465
Hehe, I actually looked at dictionary and other sources to figure out the distinction. Needless to say it is convoluted since it was used to describe so many dam things through out history. Well good thing I put foot notes right? XD.
Hopefully I wont have to do any more confusing/altering stuff anymore. Hopefully that is all done.
2635919
I know there's no editors on this story. I do know, however, that since you had to make that specification, you've had editors on other stories. And no offense to you, but I've inferred that since you've decided to practice on this story, you either don't know what the editors do to the chapters, or you simply don't take note of the changes. If they tell you what they fixed, you could try looking for common threads/issues. Alternatively, you could try comparing what you send them against what you get back. Just an idea.
As for current issues? Well, there's a few. Mostly commas. I've noticed I'm pretty anal about those for some reason...
Missing comma in bold.
Maybe change 'while' to 'and was'? I can't put my finger on it, but something about it sounds awkward...
Slipped into present tense, there.
Present tense, again. This is supposed to be in past tense, correct? Also, saying Equestria twice near the end there sounds a little redundant. Maybe use a pronoun?
Gah, this'll take a while... I want to just comb through it with a text editor, but I can't.
This whole paragraph is a little choppy, and you have two sentences in a row starting with 'though'.
Should be 'look'.
I could go on, but I can feel my drive to keep going through this waning. You could try reading it out loud, if you haven't already.
2636351
i said that is a joke it was fallowed by an LOL XD
i like changelings that's pretty much it lol, i did say i would continue to read this due to how awesome your other story is X3
even though there are no negative repercussions for celestia for basically omitting genocide. im pretty sure the doctor would not have liked that lol XD
STILL! i didn't mean anything about it! its just the dark tag makes me think oh crap i wonder what will happen to the changelings that's all really but again i will continue to read this awesome story! X3
I helped!
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
2637884
Well if you want to edit sure fine be me!
But I understand what you mean. Part of it is that I just let my editors do what they do, look over the changes they made than post it to make sure their is no drastic change with the plot. One of the things is that I have a hard time with grammar. Like the small rules with commas and tense. It sounds right to me, but I don't know. I did read over through out loud to help me.
I think one hard thing I have is that it is hard for me to read my own work for some reason. Not because it is bad, it is just feels strange.
Yeah I know I have a lot of work to do.
2638203
As long as you're trying to get better.
And, despite the part where I should be scared out of my wits talking to a well-known author like an old chum, I'm happy to help.
2638306
Well known? Please... A well known author is someone like Varanus, GhostOfHeraclitus, Conor Cogwork to name a few. Those dues have like 30k views per story for a good reason.
I'm total fine that we talk as equals, prefer that actually.
Yeah just right now I need to figure out what to do at the moment.
2638329
...is it bad that I haven't heard of any of those three you listed?
2638337
Eh not really. Varanus wrote Composure, basically the fic that set me up for the Twiliestia thing.
GhostOfHeraclitus in my opinion probably rights the best comedy fics involving Celestia and Luna due to me believing it could easily be an episode. The way it is set up.
And Conor Cogwork wrote On a Cross and Arrow, basically the R63 fic. Pretty much if you look at 'top rated' fics, they are all there.
But right now, I am troubled because I am loosing a lot of interest in Enter Nurse Luna fast, and I want to spend more time on this. I learn that writing comedy is freaking hard.
2638402
Oh, yeah, Cross and Arrow.
For me, I've noticed that all the ideas I play out in my head end up half-serious. I can put comedy all over the place, but when it gets to serious stuff, I find myself itching to get back to random jokes.
We seem to be at opposite extremes, here...