[Featured on EqD and FiM Fiction] Chrysalis is brought to Canterlot to stand trial for her failed invasion. Thinking her fate is sealed, she is determined to be defiant to the very end. Loosely based on March to the Scaffold, the 4th movement of the musical piece Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz.
All links to the music pieces are in the Author Notes.
Dramatic reading of the entire story by Illya Leonov
Dramatic reading of Chapter 1 by xPsychoShyx
Picture is by Huussii
Chapters (19)
This chapter is based off of the 4th movement of the musical piece Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz. The title of this story and this chapter uses the same title as the 4th movement, March to the Scaffold. It is highly recommended to listen to the movement and read the program notes.
I commend you on finding such a unique and interesting source for inspiration. you get a bonus for that.
Definitely tracking, hopefully it has an end worthwhile.
So are Changelings Communist?
While I dislike the canon character of Chrysalis, I have been allowing myself to allow for some creative licence recently in her favor, the perfect manifestation of evil and vanity. One of the most poetic beauties is the defeat and capture of a once great and prideful king or general, especially when juxtaposed with the elated and triumphant pride of the victorious.
When reading this, and things of its sort, I cannot help but think back to Satan's speech in the book of Isaiah 14 when he said, "I will ascend to heaven/ I will raise my throne above the stars of God./ I will sit upon the mount of assembly./ I will be like the Most High ." But he was stricken down and made low that all the nations mocked him. I compare this to Chrysalis' situation.
Of course the difference is, as you do well to depict, Chrysalis' failed invasion of Canterlot was not out of pride or desire for conquest, but to feed herself and her subjects. Thus you do well in invoking pathos in this story. I, myself felt sympathy for her both because it is a pity to see such a mighty foe fall and be made low, paraded in the city that she failed to invade, and because in part because you portray her as a victim of her own desire.
I look forward to seeing how this will develop.
Love the piece of music, played it with my County Youth Orchestra last year!
Great inspiration, interested to see how this goes...
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Wow thanks
This is the first time I wrote something that did not offend some people XD right off the back.
At first I was thinking of making this a one shot, but I do have an idea of how I can incorporate the 5th movement of the piece, the "Dreams of a Witches Sabbath" and actually make a story out of this.
Problem is, I am not a good writer. I need a proofreader/editor. I am bad at writing dialogue and I have problems with pacing (what other people told me).
If anyone could help me I could extend this story. I would like to try to get this featured and submit this to EQD.
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I was not planning on making them. I was more trying to put the idea that Chrysalis views all of her subjects as equal (like a good leader should). The same way Celestia and Luna do.
But you can view them like that if it makes it more interesting. I put the slice of life there to keep it open, so other people can guess.
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Well, I'd be glad to proofread and edit for you and provide some ideas.
I hope that you'll be writing a lengthy public trial scene. Between that, you should maybe write two dungeon scenes: One before and one after the trial, but in which Chrysalis introspects. Then end it with either an elongated poetic description of her execution or her unforeseen escape. That's how I would write it.
As far as getting this into EqD, get in line, mate. I've been trying to write a piece good enough to get in for too long, though I suppose there's no harm in trying.
Firstly I'd like to say what an excellent job you have done with this!! I listened to the music while reading and it really was quiet powerful. Although being short and straight to the point you did a very good job referring to Chrysalis's feelings and how the other ponies treated her! this defiantly holds great promise. Defiantly deserves a like!
I'd be happy to proof-read this story in the future - although the next few weeks are chaos for me - afterwards, should be fine. I'm not saying that your spelling; grammar etc. are bad, it's just that a fresh pair of eyes always helps iron out the last of the small mistakes!
Please PM me if you want to follow this up!
ImmortalScientist
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Something like that, but I do have my own ideas on where I am taking this. I want to someone incorporate more music and I already have two pieces lined up.
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Thanks, I am not used to the compliment. This was my third piece of work. Lets just say the other first two did not go well at all. I told myself I was going to do this again, but being awake at 4am and drinking vodka changed my mind. But really thanks for compliment, it is motivating me.
626857 Np!! also I was in the complete same situation as well not long ago with failed stories, but at the end of the day I learned from my mistakes and eventually It payed of in the end! But this is very well writen and I think you and this story has great potential, Keep up the good work!
I will work on the next chapter soon. To those interested in pre-reading/editing the rough draft send me a PM. Ill try and think of something on who to share it.
PS: If you like the story I would greatly appreciate if you gave it a like (trying to get this featured lolz)
Good enough story. Minor grammar/spelling problems. Otherwise and over-all good start.
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Yeah thats why I need an editor, I really am unable to catch those. My brain is hardwired for numbers and science, not grammar XD.
Wunderbar. Not going to ask why, if your brain is hardwired for math, you chose to be a writer, but whatever!
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Actually, even though my brain is hardwired for something, I do like to explore different things. Plus I had this idea in my head and I just had to write it down. I got a lot of free time right now, school is off and my job does not start till June. I can only play Diablo 3 so much. I want to do SOMETHING productive.
'Something productive'... writing Ponyfics is productive?
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Can you think of anything else? I am on break from college, research does not start till June, already worked out and took a nap. The only thing I have not done is drink, but I will probably do that later. Writing keeps me busy I guess, since it is hard for me.
Just being facetious man.
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Second Chapter done.
Special thanks to Letedwend and Ponysopher for their patience and editing. Ponysopher also added some beautiful lines in the second chapter.
Oooooooo nice chapter, I demand moar! You has been warned, muffins will be used!
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The song in general has both light and dark elements, I added that part so they it could add a little humor to it. I found the piece (well how it was made) to be humors, so I followed suite with it.
As to why I focused on the guards, again this is how I view the actually music piece. In the music there is very somber and dark parts (which I try to associate with Chrysalis). However, there is a lot of loud, majestic parts in the piece. These parts to me inspired images of pride, and the only characters that can really feel pride at this moment in time are the soldiers. Mentioning showing off their wounds was a point that wounds (such as scars) draw attention. Sometimes people use that attention to attract or impress people. When a bystander views such a thing, they cannot do anything but admire such a thing. It is a way for these younger soldiers to show off. Let the world see what they did, it is proof that they are warriors.
As for the lack of focus, I tried to follow the flow of the music. In the music, the flow changes a lot. It is somber than instantly is it grand and majestic. With this chapter, I tried to follow the music flow to the best of my ability.
The thumping is supposed to mimic the song, there are constant slow drum beats in the beginning as if people were marching. That is what the composer was trying to show. I just put it in words.
As for Chrysalis, the sympathy for her comes in the next chapter. I went in detail on why she did what she did and how she feels. The second chapter goes into much more detail. She is not supposed to be hated by the readers, but viewed as a tragic character
The changeling class system, how I see it is that their kind of like a colonial insect. Everyone is equal in a sense. There is really only two classes, the queen and workers.
So the bloodthirsty nobility. This was tricky. In the song, the music becomes more frantic as the crowd is cheering for his blood. I tried to paint this in way with the story. You are absolutely right that show never shows the nobility being like that. The show does however portray the nobility to be snobbish, rude and in general the least liked characters (Blueblood, Jet Seven, Upper Crust, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon). So I had to assign the bloodthirsty part to something, the nobility presented me with opportunity.
Lastly for the story to jump around, I tried to follow the pattern the music did. The music did jump about a lot, from going to soft parts and the instantly to loud and intimidating parts (I mean the guy composed this movement after overdosing on opium so it is kinda chaotic, it is a romantic piece after all) . I tried to follow that
So those are my attempt to answer your questions. I do appreciate your honest comments. I hope that these answer will help. (Sorry if the answers seemed rush and sloppy, I am juggling other things at the moment)
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And hopefully you shall get more.
Like the first chapter, I tried to loosely base it off of a piece of music. This time I chose the first movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Even as the world stood against him, and with the increasing loss of his hearing, Beethoven stood in defiance. With this chapter, I tried to incorporate the intensity, sorrow, and defiance that is present in the first movement into this chapter.
Ponification.
Calling it.
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Thoughts on story, like, dislike, tips?
I am really trying to get this on EqD, but apparently simple grammar issues is denying me.
Well edited chapter three a little bit, almost final product (I hope so).
And woot 502 views.
Now if only I could get more comments and opinions. I find that low number rather boring.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE THINKING!
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Defiantly interested to see where this goes. Closest I can guess is that she's been changed into a pony.
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Now I dont have to read your mind....
I wish I had mind reading powers
Wow. Nice chapter, but way too short. I demand moar brain powar!
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Wow thanks, nice to know that someone people really like it so far. Um yeah I was hoping the chapter to be 2k words, since the song is twice as long as the 4th movement. But I did not know how I can add more. My mind is thinking on how I am going to set up the next chapter and waiting for EqD's pre-readers response. I am really hoping this can get on there. Though short chapters are nice, as I heard a saying about how much to write...
"Think of it as a girl's skirt, short enough to keep it interesting and long enough to cover the important parts."
Also Luna is best pony. (saying that cause of your avatar)
I like the premise of it. I like to think about how it would have been if the whole Chrysalis incident was a war campaign rather than just a single day.
So far 4 out of 5 Fluttershy roars
Agreed. It is now at 5 out of 5 Flutter Roars
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I tried that, describing a little bit about the battle.
Too many people did not like it so I scrapped it.
Thanks to everyone who has favorited and liked the story. I am crossing my fingers and hoping I can get this on EqD. I am currently having a slight writers block on 4th chapter. I know what to do, just not how I am going to do it.
> It is highly recommended to listen to the movement and read the program notes.
Passive voice, Stunk and White are rolling in their graves
> against the changelings was a success as they had defeated the enemy, and most importantly captured their leader, Queen Chrysalis
"most importantly" is distracting - omit needless words.
Your writing is full of passive voice - this article is a quick start on fixing it up, but I advise reading through a copy of The Elements of Style(do note that the grammar part is somewhat outdated).
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Thank you for the help.
I have found out that grammar is killing me here. Pretty much my review on Ponychan was
plot: 9/10
Grammar: yeah I dont want to talk about it. This is my ACT all over again.
The hard part about this is that I cannot see these grammar mistakes. I am hardwired for numbers and science. Grammar eludes me.
Excellent. Everypony seems IC. One vote for continuing in the sad/dark vein.
Chapter 3 is based off of the 5th movement of the musical piece Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz. The title of this story and this chapter uses the same title as the 5th movement, Dream of a Witches’ Sabbath. It is highly recommended to listen to the movement and read the program notes.
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Grammar is ultimately a system, when you get right down to brass tacks, so an analytical mind is actually pretty well equipped to tackle it. With that in mind, do what I did: read up on grammar from a variety of sources on the interwebs and try to systematically deconstruct it. You'll probably discover a lot of errors that you were making heuristically; that alone will be a big step in improving. I started this about a month ago and I've improved my grammar skills tenfold. 100% satisfaction or your money back!
A unique, interesting piece. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
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Sweet Celestia! Thanks.
GET TO IT!
It'll definitely be interesting to see where this goes. As someone guessed, I"m guessing they changed her into a pony. Makes me wonder if all of her Changelings got changed into ponies as well, if that is the case.
You have my interest. I can't think of any specific critiques, though I had to fight not to glaze over Chrysalis's monologue.
Allow me to parrot the previous sentiments, as I, too, am quite intrigued by this tale and am quite curious to see where it goes. I try not to ponder overmuch on what is going on in a story – I find it taints my reception of what actually happens – but I still cannot help but suspect that chapter 3 is hinting at a "purgastory"-style punishment. (purgatory story).
Regardless, it is very interesting and rather well-written and conceived, good job!
I guess I'm in the target audience for this story, as when I saw the title at ED, my first thought was of Berlioz. And "March to the Scaffold" has been running in my head all day long.
I think you've done an excellent job translating the music into story form. It's an idea I'd like to try with some of the more vivid pieces of Liszt and Richard Strauss and Sibelius. I just need to think of a general story idea.
A really interesting story.
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A lack of reader feedback is usually what causes me to give up on something; when I create /anything/ and nobody notices, it gets pretty disheartening. You finally got your EqD post, though; your views and comments should skyrocket at this point.
As for the story itself, this is by and far one of the best Chrysalis redemption (at least, that seems to be the general aim of the story) fiction I've seen. The music-inspired parts so far have been really good (listening to the music and seeing how the story flows along with it is an amazing experience) and you aren't going for the 'Chrysalis finds true love' angle. You have no idea how happy I am for that q;
As everyone else is, I'm awaiting the next chapter eagerly. Good luck getting through your writer's block, eh?