The sound of hoofbeats echoed through the cavernous tunnel. Torches adorning the sides flickered as two ponies walked down it.
“Now, brother, are you sure you need to do such a thing?” Luna asked.
“I’ve already said, sister,” Solaris replied, his eyes focused ahead of him. “It must be done.”
“But do we really need to do this?” Luna questioned as she kept pace with her brother. “What is one meaningless changeling really worth? Their race cannot even move without us noticing them.” Luna’s eyes moved forward, staring in front of her. “In a sense, you have them trapped,” she added in a soft tone.
“Good,” Solaris answered as he continued to walk, his expression unchanging.
“Then, why not let her go?” Luna asked, her eyes looking back up at Solaris. “She holds no strategic importance to us.”
“She holds a debt to Equestria and must pay it. Child or not, she willingly participated in an activity that threatened our subjects’ safety.”
“And their leader?”
“Her time will come.”
“Very well, brother,” Luna conceded as they both stopped at a metal door. “But remember, Solaris, that she is just a child.”
Solaris nodded. He looked at the door and called, “Dr. Flask, are you in there?”
“Yes, my lord!” Crimson Flask quickly replied from the other side. There was a scuffle of hoofbeats as the door opened.
“Don’t be too harsh, brother,” Luna said softly.
Solaris glanced down at his sister for a second before he walked into the room.
Honeycomb sat there, trembling as she looked up at the terrifying pony in front of her. Holy… he is MASSIVE! I didn’t realize he looked this big up close. I only saw him from afar. His mane… is it on fire? Dr. Flask said he was nice, but he looks terrifying from here.
“You are Honeycomb, I presume?” Solaris said, his face bearing no expression as he looked down on the small changeling.
“Y-yes…” Honeycomb stuttered, her body shivering. She looked slightly to the side where Crimson was sitting in the back of the room. Next to him, she saw a pony that was almost as big as the one in front of her, although, she did not look quite as intimidating. Crimson, however, was waving his hoof at her while shaking his head towards Solaris. Honeycomb looked up and quickly added, “Lord Solaris.”
“And is it true that you willingly took part in the invasion of the capital of Equestria, Canterlot?” Solaris asked, his face still the same.
“Y-yes, I did,” Honeycomb said as she averted her eyes while clutching her right foreleg. Quickly, she snapped her head back up. “But you have to believe me, I was only a messenger, Lord Solaris! I never attacked anyone or any—”
Honeycomb instantly shut her mouth and froze when Solaris raised his hoof.
“I already know what you did. One last question: Why did the changelings attack Equestria?”
Honeycomb bit her lip, knowing her interrogator would easily see through any lie she told. Solaris' unwavering gaze bore right into her, making her tremble. “B-because…”
“Because what?”
Honeycomb sniffed, tears starting to well up in her eyes. I am sorry, Queen Chrysalis. I am trying not to tell.
“Because what?” Solaris repeated as his ear twitched.
Honeycomb bit her lip harder. Maybe if I stay quiet, he will not ask me again.
A minute passed as foreboding silence hung in the air. Solaris’ eye twitched ever so slightly as he looked down at the trembling changeling. “I need an answer,” he stated with a hint of anger.
Honeycomb just shook her head slightly in response.
“Answer me!” Solaris suddenly shouted as his wings flared while slamming his hoof on the ground.
“Because we were hungry!” Honeycomb cried out as she curled up into a ball, her body shaking as she wailed. “I am sorry, okay? Please don’t kill me! We were hungry and kept getting worse over the years. We were desperate! We can barely grow any of our own food, so we had to rely more and more on taking energy from emotions. Okay, I am sorry. Just please don’t hurt me!”
Solaris' stern face suddenly softened as he looked away from the pitiful bawling changeling before him to his sister. The two rulers gazed into each others eyes as though they were having a silent conversation.
Solaris sighed as he looked back down at the changeling. “Honeycomb,” he said, his voice taking a comforting tone. “Please stop crying.”
Honeycomb continued to cry, her body twitching from an occasional hiccup.
“Crimson.” Solaris sighed as he rubbed his forehead with a hoof. “Please make her stop.”
“Yes, my lord,” Crimson Flask replied as he made his way over to sit down next to Honeycomb.
Carefully, he gently rubbed her back with his hoof. Honeycomb’s body tensed from the sudden contact. “Shhh, easy now, Honeycomb,” Crimson said softly as he continued to rub her back. “No one is going to hurt you right now. There is no need to cry.”
Honeycomb sniffed as she lifted her head, looking up at Crimson. Crimson smiled gently as he held out a handkerchief with his other hoof. Honeycomb sat back up, taking Crimson’s handkerchief and rubbing her eyes and nose. She sat there for a minute, catching her breath.
“Feeling better?” Crimson asked.
Honeycomb nodded after she blew her nose.
“That is enough, Crimson. Thank you for your help,” Solaris said.
Crimson bowed his head and made it back to his original seat. He gave Honeycomb a reassuring smile.
“Now, back to the matters at hoof,” Solaris said.
Hearing Solaris' words, Honeycomb tensed up before venturing a look back at Solaris.
“Honeycomb, you willingly took part in the invasion of Canterlot and committed a crime against Equestria. By aiding the invading army, your actions caused harm to my subjects. By law, there should be serious punishment,” Solaris proclaimed.
“But—!” Honeycomb jerked up.
“However,” Solaris interrupted as he raised his hoof, “this situation is different, and leniency should be applied. You are not a soldier, you are young, and I feel you did not understand the ramifications of your actions. Tell me, why did you want to be a part of the invasion?”
“I―” Honeycomb weakly began as she looked down at the ground. “I just wanted to be part of something important. Something b-bigger than myself.”
“But did you think about how your actions could have caused harm to others?”
“N-no, Lord Solaris,” Honeycomb answered, bowing her head in shame.
“I had a feeling. Glory and adventure are temptations that many of my own subjects desire. I cannot blame them nor you for wanting that. However, you still committed a crime, and something has to be done. But, as I said, a harsh punishment is not necessary for you,” Solaris said.
“Then what?” Honeycomb asked nervously as she looked up at Solaris.
“Under normal circumstances, you would be forced to go to trial, but because of the nature of your crimes and the animosity of those who were hurt by the invasion, many of my subjects would demand a serious punishment or worse, take matters into their own hooves. While I would not allow an execution of any sort, they would most likely look for a very long prison sentence,” Solaris explained.
Honeycomb began to tremble in fear as numerous images of angry mobs of ponies humiliating and torturing her flooded her mind.
“However,” Solaris quickly added, “I feel that is far too harsh a punishment. So now, Honeycomb, I need you to listen very carefully to me.”
Honeycomb weakly nodded, still shaking.
“First, can you change your appearance like the other changelings that attacked?”
“Y-yes.”
“Good, that makes things easier. I am going to offer you a much more lenient alternative. It is simple. You will work as my assistant disguised as a pony for one year here in the palace. By working for me, you will be under my protection. No pony will know your true identity, but if somepony were to figure out your real identity, I would be able to intervene. In addition, not only would you be paying back Equestria the debt you owe, it would also allow me to keep an eye on you.”
“W-wait, what? What do you mean by assistant?” Honeycomb gasped.
“It means that you will assist me in doing simple tasks,” Solaris answered. “You worked as a messenger in the invasion, so it is something similar to that.”
Honeycomb was speechless. She did not know what to think or say as she tried to process what she heard.
“If you do work as my assistant, that means you will be employed by Equestria, just like every other pony that works here in the palace. You will also be given room and board in the staff housing.”
What do I do? If I work for him, no one else will know I am a changeling. What do I do if he mistreats me? A year seems like a long time, but prison seems much worse nor does a mob of angry ponies. I don't want to get hurt...
“I-if I accept, then no one will hurt me?” Honeycomb asked meekly, tears in her eyes. “Y-you promise?”
“If you do exactly what I say and follow all the rules, then no pony will hurt or mistreat you. I give you my word on that.”
What do I do? Can I trust him?
“There is one last thing you need to know before you make your decision,” Solaris said as his horn glowed. A black band appeared from behind him and floated in front of Honeycomb. “If you do take my offer, you will have to wear this.”
Honeycomb stared at the object. It looked familiar, but she could not pinpoint why. “What is that?” she asked quietly.
“This is a band that I took from our research department. You may have seen Dr. Flask wear something similar, but I modified this one to completely block all changeling magic. If you wear this, you cannot feed off of any emotions nor can you change forms which means if you are disguised as a pony, you cannot change back as long as this is on. In addition, it will allow me to track your movements.
“Once this is on, you will not be able to take it off. I am aware that this a lot to demand, but I need to ensure the safety of my own subjects. I am taking a risk by offering you this alternative,” Solaris explained.
That is why it looks familiar, Honeycomb thought. It was just a simple black band with a small metal buckle. “It is not going to hurt, is it?” she asked, shivering while she rubbed her eyes.
“No, it will not,” Solaris answered.
I have to do it… I don’t want to suffer. She reached up to grab the band. “O-okay, I’ll do it.”
“Then you need to pick a disguise, I will let you decide if you want to be an earth pony, pegasus, or unicorn as well as a cutie mark for yourself,” Solaris said as he floated the band over.
“A cutie mark?” Honeycomb asked, grabbing the band in her hooves.
“It is a mark that us ponies have,” Solaris explained. “In short, it is a mark that symbolizes something about the pony. Can you think of anything?”
Honeycomb looked back down at the ground, thinking. Finally, she looked up and asked, “Would my name work?”
“If by that you mean an actual honeycomb, then yes, that should suffice,” Solaris answered. “Now, you need to think of a form that will not draw any attention to you.”
I don’t know what to pick. I haven’t really thought about this when I was in contact with any ponies. The only ones I have got a good look at are the three that are here right now. I can’t look like their rulers. Not only that, but what form? I mean, I don’t want to lose the ability to fly or do some magic. Then again, I am really bad with magic, Honeycomb thought. Her eyes moved away from the ground towards the corner of the room. She saw Solaris’ sister, and sitting next to her was Dr. Flask. Maybe…
All of a sudden, a green, flame-like aura surrounded the changeling. Solaris blinked at the sudden light. Instead of a changeling, there was a small pegasus. She had a light-brown coat and a black mane and tail. Unlike the solid blue eyes from before, now they were regular blue eyes. Adorning her flank was a picture of a honeycomb.
“That will suffice,” Solaris remarked.
Honeycomb shifted slightly, feeling her new disguise. She rarely ever changed forms since there was never a need to back home. It felt… different to her. Instead of a smooth carapace, she was covered in fur. Instead of insect-like wings, her wings were now adorned with feathers. She reached up and rubbed her head, feeling her mane and noticing the lack of a jagged horn.
She reached back down and picked up the band in front of her, examining it one more time. Just as before, it was just a simple black band with a metal buckle on one end. It looked so simple yet held powerful magic within it.
“I know it is much, but it has to be done in order for this to work. I will remind you again, once you put that on, you will not be able to take it off. Do you understand?” Solaris asked, his voice firm.
I have to do this. It is the only thing I can do. I have to do it. Slowly, Honeycomb lifted the band, her hooves trembling. Tears again started to form in her eyes as she wrapped the band around her neck. She slowly slipped one end into the buckle when all of a sudden, there was a slight flash from the band. Honeycomb gasped out loud as she felt the wind knocked out of her. She bent over and panted, taken by surprise at what had just happened.
I… I can’t feel any of my magic. It is as if it just disappeared, Honeycomb thought. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on changing forms, but nothing happened.
“You start work tomorrow. Be outside my chambers at 8:00 AM tomorrow,” Solaris stated as he turned around. He made his way to the door when he looked over to Crimson Flask. “Dr. Flask, once she is ready, bring her to the staff housing. I have arranged for her to meet with Feather Duster, the head maid. She will give Honeycomb a room and show her around the castle. Is that understood?”
Crimson Flask bowed his head and complied, “Yes, my lord.”
“Good,” Solaris replied as he walked out of the room, his sister following him.
Honeycomb sat there as the metal door slowly closed. She clutched her foreleg as she started to cry, finally grasping her situation.
Phew, finally got this done. I can already predict some of the comments I am going to get from this chapter. I just know it.... I can already hear it XD.
Oh well...
Hope you enjoy!
I wonder what will happen to poor Honeycomb.
Also, here is a picture of Dr. Crimson Flask if you were wondering. Again drawn by the talented artist Conicer.
i.imgur.com/XVupiYz.png
Nice read so far, but I'm wondering; if she cannot use her changeling magic, how will she gain sustenance? Are changelings able to eat normal food and live on it?
3146650
yes, she explained that they can use both emotions and food as an energy source. So she will eat like normal.
I've been fence-sitting while I followed this but now you have my upvote.
3146843
Why thank you!
I am glad you like it. I was afraid people would not like this chapter.
I really love the picture too, man Conicer been helping me so much!
I love this story
Solaris is kind of a hardass, isn't he?
Great chapter, though I hope the next one will lighten the mood a bit. Poor Honeycomb needs a break from all the terror and despair...
3147373
Yes, that is a perfect word to describe him, a hardass. Hence one of the reason I made him a male. Because if it was Celestia, then it be out of character. But if I made a new one, well I can make them however I want.
But yeah, he is quiet stern, but he is fair. I mean a year + salary is better than a life locked in a cell. Her punishment could have been MUCH worse.
Now for the next chapter, hmmmm. I will say there will be a definite mood change, but I won't say when. She still has 365 days left, so thinks could change....
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
She is sooo adorable!
3146986
That picture is the real clincher on this chapter. I'd have to be a heartless ghoul to resist the temptation to run over and hug that sad pony forever.
Feels aside, I gather the neckband not only stops her from changing but also prevents her from being exposed as a changeling? Short of an overly inquisitive pony () digging too deep, Honeycomb should be able to live it up at the castle. And even telling ponies she is a changeling would get her labeled as just another crazy pony from Ponyville (they're all nuts down there) and summarily dismissed by the pompous unicorns of Canterlot.
...I have to wonder how much mothering Honeycomb will get from Luna. Heh. Well, Honeycomb is a pegasi now and someone has to teach her how to preen since the changeling can't just poof back to normal and re-poof into a 'fresh' pegasi.
3148534
Thanks! Hopefully I can get one out soon.
3148954
Yep, thank Conicer for that!
3149778
It completely shuts of all changeling magic, so as long as she wears that on, she can't change, nor can someone else change her. Even so, being under Solaris assistant, not much are going to try and look into her background, they assume she has to be trusted if she is going to be near him. Especially when Solaris forged all the necessary documents.
3149778
Hmmm, well Luna be interfering? And I wonder who will teach her necessary things? Only time will tell.
But yeah the picture is awesome. I don't think I can get any more unless I start paying XD.
I'm no expert, but it doesn't sound like equestria has a geneva convention. I might just be imagining things though.
Also, I predict those changeling are gonna get fed their own butts.
I have a few comments but little time.
First. I don't like how you define changeling magic here. From what i understand, the general concensis has been that changelings use magic to both change and keep their form. Having a collar that blocks all magic would cause her either to revert or simply cease to exist on a corporal plane.
Second. The changelings are not in the right here, but the position they are in is a direct result of neglect by the Equestrian Nations. That being said, Chrysalys was basically forced to either allow a significant portion of her population die out, or attack the nation responsible for keeping them oppressed (think third world countries or Lepor colonies).
Finally (and you likely will not be able to fix this although it doesn't effect readability). Magic should not just come from nowhere. The power luna/sirlestia's magic is related to the total amount of kinetic energy generated by the celestial bodies they govern (the power of which can be controlled or used is directly related to the mass of the object and how far from the user the object it).
But this definition of magic is only important because it explains why changlings need to feed at all. It makes emotions (love being he strongest) the source of their powers (powers in this case include flight, transformation suspension, and general magics -levitation-).
Typed on iPhone so sorry for errors. Will write more later.
I love this story though. I don't want you to take my criticism to harshly, as I would never take the time to type this out (on a mobile device no less!) unless I thought the story -writer- had a huge amount of potential.
Write on!
3158570
Why would Solaris allow such a thing? Such a thing would limit what he could do, and if he is in control of everything, why would he sign such a thing.
This is his world...
3160256
Alright, first thinks for the constructive and respectful criticism, let me try and explain myself as best as I can.
On the first note, this is where some of the creative liberty come into play. This allows me to make the story I guess flow more easily, and write easily. Easier to make something that blocks all magic then to make something that blocks all magic EXCEPT "x". So there is that. Second, and understand here that I am microbiologist so I think and look at things differently, as a changeling, it seems rather bad to have the ability to use a disguise but having it constantly drain you. It seems in this story that changelings are scavengers of sorts. In order for them to gather energy, using a method that also drains a massive amount energy seems rather bad. So it seems better to able to make a disguise, that cost an initial amount of energy, and be able to hold it. Then you can use energy to remove it. I know it is stretch, but again, creative liberty here.
Second, on the changeling situation. You are right in your comments that it would be wrong to leave a entire species of intelligent beings in neglect. But remember, in this setting, NO ONE know changelings existed. So how could they possible know they were in a terrible state? Now to Solaris. In this fic, this version of Celestia (but not her since this a different character. While Solaris and Celestia share many common things, their personality and how they do/approach things are different. I am planning on explaining more as the story develops, but in short, this is Solaris' has a vision for the world and is going to enforce his own vision. It is not that he is some evil tyrant wanting power and all that what not. He wants peace, harmony, and order. He wants everyone to get along with each other and be happy. If someone tries to upset that, he will intervene and do what every is nesscary. If that is sealing Discord in stone, or even having to banish his own sister (which he hated to do), he is going to do it. He bounds himself by his vision.
So now having changelings attack because they wanted something is NOT in Solaris' plan. So he is upset that it happened. Now were changelings desperate, yes they were. But to HIM, the first thing changelings SHOULD have done was ask for help. Attacking him is a no no. So they were in his eyes, punished when they lost the majority of forces. Basically those who perished pay with their lives (Honeycomb however, participated less, thus Solaris is much more lenient on her.) If the changelings attacked them again, Solaris would be very, very pissed.
And lastly, changelings food source. First off, you are right, magic needs energy. Everything needs energy, that is just physics baby. So living things need energy, we need food to eat to fuel ourselves. But for the changelings, it seems that limiting ones self to an energy source (while extremely potent and powerful) is extremely unreliable to gather. It seemed to me that changelings evolved the means to harvest emotions BECAUSE they were a spot that had little food. So pre-changelings if you want to call it, survived like ponies on food. But as time went on, they needed something else to gather necessary fuel, thus the ability to gather it from emotions evolved.
Think of emotions as like a purer energy source (even though in real life it is not an energy source at all). It is great for power, but it is hard to come by. So they use emotion as a way to supplement their diet. Think of it as that way.
I do hope that helps to explain my thought process. By no means do you have to agree with me, I am just explaining so other people can at least understand where I am coming from.
Thanks for reading the story,
Foxy Kimchi
3160561
........well thats not utterly terrifying in the slightest. Nope. No, not at all
3162437
Nope!
But really, I am thinking of adding more of Solaris' ideal/personality in upcoming chapters. I mean not really important to the story, but I want to put more down. So I am trying to figure it out.
But I don't think anyone needs to worry bout it.
Feather Duster, we will meet again
You were right, oh you were so right, now this is a story I can read! Interesting concept, settings, characters and moments, and it seems to be just the beginning of something much bigger, much greater, stupid ass dark tag trauma, you were withholding this piece from me
But I have one big question: Why a male Celestia? Sure I read your notes on the story, but they leave out the reason for that choice, so why?
3206536
Alright, was going to respond sooner but was in a LoL game.
Ok it is like this. Now I am withholding some info because I don't want to spoil other fic I have. So it is like this, in my other fic, March to the Scaffold, one of the things I heard the most that did not agree with Celestia's action, and felt like she was out of character. Now I explained and defended my position, and will continue to do so, but I don't want to make a canon character act out of character.
NOW to this story. So I have plans for this later on, but one of the thing is that I wanted the ruler of Equestria (aka Celestia) to act much more stern, heavy hoofed so to speak. Now I could just use Celestia, but then she would actually be out of character. She is no where near as harsh as Solaris is here. So if Celestia was put in the same situation here, she would agree with Luna and simply let Honeycomb go. Thus there would be no story hehe.
So how can I avoid making Celestia out of character? Simple, I don't use her in my story. So I made a new character, one that I can mold into whatever I want. I wanted a more stern ruler, so I made Solaris. So I simple just made a male version of Celestia. That way, people know who Solaris is and his history (and thus not changing too much in Equestria's history) but also a different character too. It allows me to leave everything the same but Celestia. Same position, same duty, same sister, but different personality. So I made a male version of Celestia.
In addition, I also felt like it
I made a blog post here explaining more of my position if you are interested. This one is much more clear and detailed on my thought process.
PS: This is what Crimson Flask looks like.
3206536
Also, I am glad you like the story! I know the name "Feather Duster" has been used SSSOOOO many times. But I needed a name quickly so I just used it. But yes, what will happen to poor Honeycomb here? Mwhahahahaha
I plan on working on both Enter Nurse Luna and this later. Prob next week because I got two exams to prepare for.
Also, since you are wondering. I was waiting on one person's approval for Enter Nurse Luna. I am gonna throw ya a hint. You should know said person, cause you are following him. WHO COULD IT BE?!
Enjoy!
3206710 Well that's an interesting though process for such a significant change, understandable as well, but to be honest, I was expecting a... less mundane explanation, no offense though. Hopefully those further plans will help cement this decision, without implying that it was a wrong one of course.
3206746
Oh, so its a name only, not the same character we all know and love from the long death "ASoL"...
Talking about that story, I'm guessing that's Dawnscroll himself If so, good to know he's still around, if not... I'm as lost as the German sixth army
Regarding your other fic, I'm already on it, but given that one's longer, it shall be finished another day.
3206830
Hmm, mundane? How so? I thought I had a good reason XD (other than the fact I wanted to use Solaris instead )
Oh and what character were you referring to?
3206927 well, because you chose a male Celestia to make her, or in this case his writing easier and more dynamic within this story, which it seems mundane to me give that it was more of a tecnical reason than anything else.
Feather Duster, a character first introduced, as far as I'm concerned, by Dawnscroll's A Slice of Life.
3207008
Wait, THATS where Feather Duster came from? Ok now that makes sense. I knew I heard that name SOMEWHERE, but I can't remember it. But no, they are COMPLETELY different characters XD. I just used the name cause, well I needed a name and that came to mind. I don't know how, but it just did.
I guess that makes sense about the whole Solaris thing. I mean I also just wanted to write a male Celestia cause I thought it be more interesting. And it is! It is much more fun for me because I can make Solaris and Luna contrast each other even more. Like what to do with Honeycomb. Luna has her own ideas on what to do with her, where as Solaris has a drastically different plan. I enjoy that contrast, and it adds to the whole Sun and Moon thing.
And lastly, there are other reasons........maybe. I dont know yet because even I don't know how this story will end! I have ideas though....
Welp I enjoy your comments and I am glad you like the story.
3207058 Yeah, the few glimpses of contrast we have gotten so far does seem interesting!
And I'm glad you wrote it
PS: Who was that person you were waiting for his approval anyway? You left me wondering...
3208287
Ohh, you'll find out...huehuehuehuehue
I really, really like this so far, make no mistake about that. Before I can approve it for Twilight's Library, however, it needs a fair amount of polishing -- and I can help you with that, if you like. None of the errors that I see are really big ones, but they're pretty frequent. Once we get rid of the rough edges, I think this is going to be spectacular.
Wait,this is a scrap story you say??? No,no,no this story is just brilliant.
I just hope the chapters can be a lil bit longer :)
Really,this is a good story
3226866
Well well well, good thing you joined the dark side...huehuehuehue
But seriously, I am glad you like it. Yeah as I said, this is considered a "scrap" story, in which I do not have the same editing process what so ever. Basically, 90% of it was me just skimming over it for mistakes. And since I suck at grammar, well here ya go.
If you want to look over it you can if you wish. I can send you the GDocs
3227663
Well I am glad you like it! Yep this idea just popped in my head one day, and decided to go with it. As for longer chapters, well if I have more time. I am dealing with grad school work so I am busy if I am not studying or something.
But I am thrilled you like it.
Geez, that's a sad looking picture if I ever did see one. Poor Honeycomb, scared out of her mind... At least she's not, hopefully, maybe, not going to get injured.
This is really good so far
3229803
Ohh what will happen to her? Huehuehuehuehue *evil cackle*
But Solaris dosent seem like a bad guy, does he?
3237524
Thanks!
3226866
Ok so when does it get approved?
3254178
How about now?
tinyurl.com/mbho6go
(I've been having internet issues, but I will give Chapter 2 a good shine today, and try to get in 3 as well.)
MOAR chapters!! :P
3290132
Grad School :(
3317632
Well I am sorry that you feel that way. I made a blog post to help explain my rationle. I can see why people may be turned away from it.
3490560
So here is a brief overview.
Numerous grammar change. Everything from word choice to sentence structure.
A large change in dialogue in chapter two between Luna and Solaris.
Combined previous chapter 3 and 4. Completely removed journal entries, instead adding scenes.
And numerous other things to help foreshadow a bit.
Also, thanks for pointing that out XD.
3490854
Hey there,
Yes that was one of the major changes I did. I had a long talk with my editors about this very subject. The biggest reason why I got rid of it was, it was to telly. What I mean is that section, the journal entries, was an example of the show vs tell problem. It is better to show what happened in a specific scene rather than just saying something happened.
For example, let us say that you are reading book where a major fight/battle scene was going on. It would be MUCH more interesting if the author of said book showed the scene. Said author described it and you got a feel of what was happening. That is interesting. Said author showed what was happening. You got a mental picture. But lets say said author just told the scene. Basically, said author just put "a major battle broke out" and that's it. That is lack luster compared to describing a scene.
So when I was reviewing it, in the end I felt it was just too telly. It just told what happened. Editors felt that I should show the bond forming between Honeycomb and Dr. Flask. And that is what I tried to do with the scene of Dr. Flask checking Honeycomb's heart. There I could show the bond and trust form between the two. I feel that it is more effective than before. So that is that part.
Now with that being said, I will tell you that Dr. Flask role has not changed, it is still the same as before the revision. Now what is role is, well I will let you have fun trying to figure that out.
Also I threw in bits for foreshadowing here and there.
Thanks for the reply, and I am happy that you like the story.
I still feel like changing Celestia's gender was unnecessary. It actually probably would have worked better if Princess Celestia remained a Princess, rather than becoming Lord Solaris.
3493029
Hey there,
As I mentioned on my blog post, I did it to avoid out of character characters. Basically, one possibility was that I could "stern" Celestia up, but then to me that would make Celestia out of character. It is not her personality to be authoritative and heavy handed at times. Personally, I highly doubt Celestia would ever force someone into indentured servitude, because that is what Solaris is basically doing. Does Solaris have an argument where Honeycomb should repay her debt to society, yes he does. But does he really need to do it? No. Honeycomb holds no importance strategically what so ever.
So that is one of the reasons why I did. It is not that I wanted a different version of Celestia, but I wanted a different character that shares similarities to Celestia. Does that make sense?
Lastly, it is only the beginning of the story. If you do choose to read on, maybe you will see down the line on why I made the difference.
Hope that helps.
3493635 Fair enough, I do plan to keep reading. I just don't like alicorn OCs. While I realize that Solaris is a stand-in for Celestia, he's still an alicorn OC.
3503389
Technically, that is true. I too do not like OC alicorns. But think of it as an alternate universe where something is just replacing Celestia.
But yeah I know what you mean.
Quick question here.... If they dont know much about changelings... how can they come up with a device that blocks changeling magic? And since they only have dead drones around save for Honeycomb then I dont thinks it's been tested either so.... Solaris just made a little child, who's terrified to death by him, wear an untested , artificially created magical device that could very well have backfired terribly, possibly killing her in a very painful way, that can not be removed from her again, effectively forcing her to give up being what she is and instead become and live as a pony, a race of being who see her and her kind as nothing but monsters?
And he says he doesn't enjoy doing bad things?
3510614
To answer your question....yes, yes he did just do that.
But let us expand on that topic. Here is a great example of the difference between Celestia and Solaris, and why they are separate. It would be hard to imagine Celestia from the show doing such a thing, much less putting someone into indentured servitude. If I were to make Celestia do that, then she would be out of character. Celestia, most likely in my opinion, would kiss Honeycomb's injury and then whisk her back home.
But not Solaris. He is much more entrenched of his ideas of "honor" and "justice". And he is not willing to give it up, nor make exceptions at the moment. This is a changeling who willingly attacked his nation. That is what Solaris sees first. Enemy first, child second. So he is willing to take the risk, because she is the enemy. He is still upset for being attacked, still upset being put in some cocoon, and just overall angry at the changelings. If something bad did happen, yes he would feel bad. But, he has seen this before. Signing up for war only for it to horribly backfire. That is the risk in doing such a thing. And, the fact that Honeycomb is so scared of him, well that's good for him. That means she will obey and behave. (Now remember, this is the enemy we are talking about/. He definitely wants to be viewed differently from his subjects. So if the changelings fear him, good, that means they won't do something stupid like this again.)
Now let us step back for a second. In Solaris' defense, he was not going into this blind. Remember, after the invasions (in this universe), there was a lot of dead changelings. Changeling stuck between a barrier and a wall, yeah not pretty. Then all of the others that were knocked out of the air only to hit the ground. So, in short, there was a lot of bodies they could use to learn more about the changelings.
Now I aint an expert on magic, but I will make these assumptions. I feel like somethings today, magic can be reversed engineered. They could have seen magic from changeling and the bodies, and reverse engineering it backwards to figure out what changeling's magic really is. Then from there, they can make counter's to it. Then, on top of that, they did have a live changeling that they got to observe for a month. So Solaris had time to prepare. I would assume Solaris is very knowledgeable in magic, so he does have the ability to work with it and figure out a way to counter it.
So, with all that knowledge he gathered, I feel he could make said device, and have ways to test it before forcing it on Honeycomb. I also feel that Solaris is confident in his ability, and knew it would work most likely. Was there a small 1% chance of it horribly fucking up, probably. But then again, Solaris was confident that it would work as intended. And, it did. So Solaris can wipe his hands (hooves) and say "it worked." It worked, so he is not going to loose any sleep over it.
So hopefully that helps shed light on the situation. And I hope this example shows the drastic difference between Celestia and Solaris. Why I wanted to make a different character, that shared some similarities with Celestia.
Does that help? I was rushing this before class.
3511288 well, in that case he's a pretty big asshole^^ Now, lets walk through these things one by one. DISCUSSION COMMENCE!
One of the few good things about the princesses not getting much screentime is that alot of things are up to imagination. For example I've read a Twilight/Fluttershy story in which Celestia goes out of her way to brake them up again before their relationship gets too serious because she does not approve of same-sex relationships. She even outright lies to Twilight at one point to drive them apart. Now, lets have a look at Celestia from the show. Would she do something like that? Probablly not but it is still possible because we dont know her point of view on this matter so I wouldnt consider that "out of character". It's shocking to see her do these things yes but it still works in the context of the story. I can see your point why you replaced her with Solaris though so that is only a minor point.
Now about "enemy first, child second". I can perfectly understand that. The Changelings attacked without and kind of provocation after all. However, there's one thing that nullifies that at least in my opinion: the facts that he asked why they attacked and that Honeycomb answered him. They weren't attacking out of malice but out of desperation. Their race is starving because the soil isnt very fertile where they live apparently so they have to rely more and more on emotions and love as their source of food and I can imagen that feeding an entire race would take ALOT of it so Chrysalis and her Changelings raided Canterlot in order to "harvest" it. Granted, they could have tried a diplomatic approch before attacking the capitol of the dominant race on this planet but neither does Solaris after learning about their situation. He doesn't send them an offer to help them or anything. Instead, he basically forces a little girl to essecially give up what she is and to become his servant.
Then there is the fact that she took part in this because she wanted "fame" and "glory". Solaris himself said that the same desire is present in his own subjects when they are her age and that he cant blame them for that. So why does he blame her? Now lets take a theoretical jump ino the future. Would Honeycomb take part in the invasion if she was older and the attack would take place just to dethrone Solaris and conquer Equestria? Given the way you described her so far, probablly not because her childish dreams would have disappeared by then and she'd know that the Changelings would stand no chance against the forces the ponies had, but what if it were to ensure the safety and survival of her race? Of course she would, because I think she'd do anything to save her kind. Either way I think this is a way too extreme punishment for her.
Finally, we have the "if they're scared, good for him" part. Leaving the universe of ponies for a second, do you know why the Heartless in Kingdom Hearts always attack Sora? Because he wields a keyblade. And why do they attack him for this reason? Because they're scared of the keyblade, the power it possesses and the threat it poses to them as a race. Now back to the ponies. Does Solaris really think that fear will keep the Changelings at bay? Well, he better prays to whatever god he believes in that it does, because fear can provide a suprising amount of courage and power. I wouldn't be suprised to see the Changelings at his doorstep agin at some point.
Also, taking out his anger with te changelings on one single individual who had little to nothing to do with the reason why he's angry at them seems more than a little extreme and unfair to me.
Before I say anything about the magic subject, could you please explain what exactly you mean by "revers engineering"? One thing though. I higly doubt that tests on dead bodies can give you more than a very vague hint about what something can do to a living organism so I dont think the device could be considered "tested".
I apologize for this long post and any spelling errors I might have put in it and I hope you will answer to it Have a nice day^^
PS: we can move this to notes if you dont want a discussion in your comment section^^
3511570
Oh this is getting good.
So first point. Yes it is true that there could be many possibilities due to lack of screen time. But based on what we know (and how she sings, seriously her little ballad at the end of S3) I highly doubt she is that heavy hoofed at times. Is it possible, sure. But given the context of the show (in which I would love slightly more darker themes in the show to actual show real life problems, but I doubt that will ever happen to my disappointment), it is very unlikely. And for me, personally, after writing March to the Scaffold, it is hard for me to see Celestia do such a thing.
Now two your second point. Yes, if the changelings attacked due to hunger, it sheds a new light on the scene. But, Solaris is a hardass as he appears so far. He gets that they were desperate. The fact that they did it out of non-malice attentions is the reason why he has not launched a counter attack and why they are still alive at this point. No matter what the reason, to Solaris they were wrong because they attacked him unprovoked. In his mind, if they ask for help, he would give it. He does not give two ****s about their honor, they were wrong for attacking and they should have asked for help.
Now, why didn't he send food their away after the attack. Simple, because they attacked him. He is not going to reward the enemy for attacking him, regardless of their circumstance. No, now if they want food from him, Chrysalis better due some ass kissing towards him. The changelings need to prove that they are willing to follow the rules if they want help (the rules being set by Solaris). Yes, it is heavy hoofed, he is stern. But think of it like a strict father. Yes he cares, yes he wants everyone at peace, but if something happens, he wants an apology. He will help, only if you follow the rules. He does not want violence, he wants harmony. And if he has to be strict and force others to that, so be it.
Now to the third point, about the fame and glory. Yes Solaris understands it very well that young beings make reckless choices for fame and glory. Can you fault her? No. But that does not mean she is free of fault. It was her choice, and she as to deal with the circumstances. Solaris understands it, but that does not mean she right. She made a mistake, and has to deal with it. Now he knows it was not out of malice and it was a stupid mistake, so that is why is bypassing prison time or a court appearance. Because still, serving him is better than rotting in a prison for years.
Now the fear part. We are getting in Machiavellian terms here. Machiavelli argues that for a ruler, it is better to be feared than loved. Because if people fear you, it is less likely they will break the rules or betray you. Because now, the changelings have the fear that if they lost when the Equestrains werent trying, what would happen to them if they were at full force. Now is it true that fear can drive someone to desperation, yes, yes it can...
I never said Solaris was free from fault. And you mentioned something from your previous post that highlights this (though you may have misinterpreted it), what that is I will let you figure out
And lastly, the reverse engineering part. Here are some examples. You see some device, you know how it functions and what it does, but do not know how to build it. But based on the things you can see, you can try and find out how it is made. Here is a wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reverse_engineering.
Now what about living things? It is not the proper term to use, but I was hoping it underlies the logic behind it.
So for example, let us say I have a protein, and I know exactly what it is made out of. But what I don't know is the DNA sequence that codes for that protein. What I can do is use the amino acid sequence of the protein to deduce a possible DNA sequence. So I am going backwards per se. Since only certain DNA sequences code for one specific amino acid, you can deduce a possible DNA sequence if you know the entire amino acid sequence of said protein of interest. Now, with you newly deduced DNA sequence, you can now make said protein of interest.
Now how does this apply to changelings. Well I am assuming there are some "laws" of magic, and maybe specific organs that control said magic. By studying various dead ones, they can figure out how the magic worked. Now I have NNOO freaking idea if this is possible, I mean it is magic. So basically I am using creative liberty here.
Hope that helps, and yes I do like discussions.