1: Shattered Dreams
From the diary of Honeycomb, a worker of Queen Chrysalis’ hive.
Dear Diary,
I finally did it! After much begging and pleading with my superiors, I finally got to meet Queen Chrysalis herself! I then begged her to let me be part of the invasion. I am just a simple worker, not a soldier or infiltrator, so of course she denied me.
But I was determined. I’m not strong, nor will I ever be a hero. I can never be a legend, but that does not mean I can’t be part of one: something that will be remembered forever. I want to be there when we changelings stand victorious over Canterlot.
My show of determination must have worked. She was skeptical at first, but she ultimately agreed. I will be her personal courier and assistant during the invasion.
Even though I will merely be sending simple messages, I’m so excited! I have never left our borders until now; I have never even seen a real-life pony face to face. All that will change, thanks to the generosity of our Queen. I will not disappoint her! I will bring you along with me, so that I can write down all the details of our victory. I cannot wait to stand victorious by her side. Now, I can really be part of the story, a story where we are triumphant!
Honeycomb's chest heaved as she coughed violently, splattering the dirt in front of her with blood. Looking around, through her tear-filled vision, she spotted her satchel lying on the ground; it was tattered but still intact. “W-what happened?” she groaned.
She began to push herself up, only to collapse face-first into the dirt when her right foreleg didn't obey. Honeycomb lifted her head to look, only to gasp in horror at what she saw. Her leg hung uselessly by her side, connected only by a twisted mess of flesh. Honeycomb screamed.
Closing her eyes, she turned her head away from it. Wanting to get her mind off the mutilated leg, Honeycomb tried to piece together how she ended up in such a wretched state. She remembered hearing an explosion, and when she turned around to see what it was, all she saw was a wall of violet before everything faded into darkness.
“No no no no!” she cried out as her eyes flew open. “This isn’t real! We couldn't have lost! Queen Chrysalis won! She beat their leader! I saw it with my own eyes! This is a bad dream, wake up, dammit! This can’t be real.”
Her eyes darted around everywhere except near her leg. Not recognizing her surroundings nor seeing anyone that could help, she began to hyperventilate. “I don’t want to be crippled! I don’t want to lose my leg. I just can’t!” Tears started to pour from her eyes. “Queen Chrysalis, help me,” she sobbed weakly. “Please help me, I’m scared, a-and I don’t know where I am. Chrysalis, my queen, help me...”
Minutes passed, and no help came. Honeycomb continued sobbing to herself, her eyes shut tight so she could avoid seeing her leg again. “Please,” she cried out. “Help me! Someone—anyone, please help me...”
“I hear something!” a voice called out. “It’s this way. Over here!”
“Is someone there?” Honeycomb responded in a trembling voice, swiveling her head to desperately find her savior. “Please help me!”
She heard some rustling in front of her. Her pupils shrunk as a light-brown male unicorn, wearing a large white coat and a pair of saddlebags, walked out from behind a tree.
“I found it,” he announced while slicking back his mane. He adjusted his glasses as he stared down at her with an expressionless face. Honeycomb let out a loud whimper as she saw two more ponies: unicorns wearing the armor of the Equestrian Guard.
“It seems that we have found a live one, gentlecolts,” the unicorn with glasses remarked. “A live one with a grave injury.” His horn glowed as he lifted off his bags and placed them on the ground behind him. He turned around and began to rummage through his bags. “All right, we need to hurry; we have our orders.”
“W-what are you going to do, what’s going on?” Honeycomb asked, her eyes darting from the two guards staring at her with blank faces to the other unicorn digging through his gear.
The unicorn stopped and turned back around to look down at Honeycomb, a surgical mask over his muzzle. He answered softly through his mask, "Nothing to worry about, little one.” His horn glowed as he levitated a small vial, containing a green liquid, and a large syringe with a long needle in front of him. His attention turned from Honeycomb to the large syringe in front of him, filling it with green fluid from the vial quickly but carefully. He then tapped the syringe with his hoof, removing any air bubbles. Once done, he looked back down and pointed the needle towards her. "It would be better if you didn't move."
Honeycomb’s heart began to pound. “No! I don’t want to die!” She tried to push herself up with her intact limbs, struggling to escape.
“Dammit, this is not good,” the unicorn muttered through his mask. “She’s becoming hysterical. You two, hold her down. Make sure she doesn’t move her neck or limbs.”
Honeycomb cried out again as she was pinned down by the two guards’ magic. Honeycomb stared helplessly at the unicorn looming above her. “Please don’t do this...” she whimpered.
The unicorn gazed down at her, his expression hidden behind his mask. He turned around for a second as he grabbed a large white rag out of his bag. “It would be best,” the unicorn said as he held the rag in his forehoof, “if you didn’t watch.”
Honeycomb wept uncontrollably as the rag covered her eyes. “Please don’t kill me!” she wailed. “I’m sorry! I’m very sorry! I don’t want to die, please spare me! I was just a messenger! I didn’t actually do anything!”
“Relax, little one,” the unicorn replied softly as he gently placed a hoof on her neck. “I’m not trying to kill you.”
“Y-you’re lying!” she shrieked.
“Well, it seems like I can’t say anything to make it better.” The unicorn sighed. “Regardless, I think it’s only fair that I mention this is going to sting slightly. So brace yourself.”
Honeycomb’s response was cut off by a gasp as she felt a pinch in between the chitin plates of her neck and chest. Afterward, the piece of cloth on her face was removed. Feeling her body go limp as her heart rate and breathing slowed down, she looked up at the unicorn through her drooping eyelids. "I don't want to die..." she mewled weakly, tears flowing from her eyes.
“Don’t worry, little one,” the unicorn replied softly. “Everything is going to be okay.”
A small whimper escaped Honeycomb as her eyelids finally closed.
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Well tell me what you think. If I get enough support, I will continue working on this. Ill see how many people want another different take on a changeling story.
After thinking about it, I am drawing a lot of parallels with this story and one of my favorite movies. I think I subconsciously based it off it. Can you guess what it is? It was considered one of the best movies of the last decade (2000-2010).
Feel free to leave comments! If you like, great! If you don't, still feel free to leave a comment so that I know what I can approve on.
This is pretty good, you have definitely caught my interest. I can't wait to see where this go's.
Why shift Celestia's gender?
I'm not intending to whine, or complain; I simply wish to know your thought process on having an alt-universe where the only alt is Sirlestia.
Also, I am fairly certain there would be huge ramifications throughout any Equestria with the slightest of changes in their monarch. She was the sole, supreme ruler of the country for over 1000 years, and is, at the very least, a minor deity. Where goes she, there go her ponies.
Going with Solaris as the name? And yes, just in the intro description for BS:I
I would really like to see this continue. So in other words... MOAR!
That's funny, I'm part invasion myself. I can definately see the 'no editors' in this. There's several minor mistakes. Liking the story so far, it's got a really nice vibe to it. And while I generally don't like the whole 'hive' thing, it looks like you're not giving them a hive mind. Elseways, what would be the point of messengers? So that's a plus in my book.
But... seriously... you've written enough stories. Enough popular stories. I think it's time to put on the big boy pants and edit your own now. Good thing you're practicing with this one.
While I don't understand the gender swapped Celestia, I'm not gonna fault you for it. Maybe you'll write
We shall see...
herhim very well!The only things I can nitpick so far are a few instances of slightly awkward grammar.
Looking forward to more updates, and not just for the story.
Oh, I get it...
Been playing that too, but the line sticks out like a sore thumb. References are usually quite a bit more subtle than that.
2621694
Thanks
2621709
Well well well, time will tell. As I see it, there IS a reason why I am going to do what I am going to do. (at least I think there is.) In due time, in which I use little to no editors, should be quick. But I may have left a hint somewhere in my blog.
As I try to put it, Equestria should not have changed much, both male and female version are equal and believe in the same vision for their state.
2621808
I am hoping BS stands for Bioshock. Can you blame me, that game was so freaking good. Such great a game....(Huge nerd here)
2621817
At this rate looks like there will be.
2621833
Well I am glad you approve! So yes, changelings are COMPLETELY different in this one. All are fully sentient beings with their own personality and what not. I used the word "hive" to describe their home. But there is no zerg like communication. So they are like every other sentient being in Equestria.
As for the gender swap, you know what was one of the most brought up things in March the Scaffold was that people were not as happy with Celestia's choice. As I said she was acting more motherly. So now I am going to try and have Celestia act more fatherly. But I don't want to change Celestia personality, so rather I made a new one instead. A different but similar one. Does that make sense?
2621960
Yeah your right, I changed it.
2621952
Yeah this story is more practice and quantity rather than what I normally do. I am working on the second chapter.
2622043
did not actually intend to create.
Ahh, but the things that change drastically are the things which
Beauty and Fashion would tend to be driven by those seeking to emulate the Princess.
Gender Dynamics would be radically different, as the ultimate female role model is now the ultimate male role model.
Social Norms would be radically different, tied to the previous reason, as it is a Stallion in charge, rather than a Mare.
Political History would be different, as Mares and Stallions are differently attractive to different ponies with whom they would react, leading to shifts of tactics in dealing with them.
Et Cetera, Et Cetera, &c.
2622097
I see your point, and it is a good one.
For which gender would wield more power, I would say it would remain the same because of pony society before Celestia and Luna took power. As in the Hearth's Warming Eve play, all the political leaders were female. In addition, I would assume the the ratio still remained same. So when Celestia and Luna took power, I think the smart thing they would have done is try to change as little of the current culture as possible. That way, it would be a much more smoother transition for them to take the throne. Best not to piss off the ponies who wielded the power so you can curry their favor.
For fashion, they really dont wear that much clothes.
But in the end, you are right, such small changes can affect so many things later in (for example, Bioshock Infinite). But I am going to use the artistic liberty card here. It would be a lot of work to mention every little change and detail that would happen with such a thing. I wanted to leave the same environment though, since other people already know that and I don't have to re-describe everything.
So yeah, I am lazy, happy?
2622247
My point is that it wasn't a question of who tried to change what. It changed by his existence, not by his will.
But yeah, I saw my original question satisfied in your reply to another commentator, so I shall stop playing Discord's advocate.
For now.
2622277
And again you are right about that, just I wanted everything to remain the same except for Celestia to fit my purpose. Hopefully it pays off.
2622043 Yes but I fail to see why you couldn't just write Tia acting differently. In all honesty, I thought she was perfectly in character in MttS.
2622351
Well I could say what I have in stored if you so really desire. But I will try to explain it in general terms. How I pictured Celestia MttS is what I truly see Celestia at this point. It is actual hard for me to try and change Celestia personality like that. Like in Enter Nurse Luna, it feels like I am writing a completely different character, which makes it really hard because I still have to picture it as "Celestia". So to make a new character like that, then lets go all out. Lets make new character in the process. By doing so, I can explore more options and paths.
So by making him 'male', I can do thinks like associate traits that are common in males. I can really change his personality if I need to. In addition, I do have other plans for it.
whats with all the talk about tia? XD
shes not even in this!
anyway hope to see the next chapter soon i feel so bad about honeycomb
2622043 Yup, it does. I wasn't sure if the need of the colon here was right or just going bsi would be right.
male celestia? what will his name be?
I am interested in seeing more of this.
Well I liked it.
I'm looking forward to seeing what else you got in store!
Though the way this stars kinda reminds me of Dusk Quill's "The Griffon War: A Soldier's Memoirs." I know using a journal isn't an uncommon thing... it was just the way it was written put me in mind of that story. Which I feel I should point out is a good thing.
Just a bit of advice: You might want to consider putting why this story is label "AU" in the story's description rather than the first chapter's A.N.--putting such information more upfront for the potential reader is, well, just a better idea, considering how some people might regard the AU tag.
2622408
I can appreciate those thoughts and reasons. Looking forwards to seeing where you take this. I think my favorite part of your writing thus far is that you let characters think for themselves for justification to their actions rather than shoehorning author's voice and intent into them. Metaphorically speaking, if that makes sense.
2622408 Alright, I guess I get it. I suppose not everyone can write a particular character any which way they want. Makes sense.
i1.ytimg.com/vi/pzUzSypE010/hqdefault.jpg
Wow. This is definitely interesting. I really like the concept—and, for something that's just a 'scrap' story, you've put more effort into it than a majority of fanfiction writers would. I didn't catch any errors or the like, so that means your self-editing isn't something to frown upon either. I'm following this, for sure.
Interested.
Me like!
I'll just say this: #1 on the "Popular Stories" list. It'd be a real shame if you didn't continue.
I will keep an eye on this one..
It has been a while. So that I'm not lost or confused I'm starting from the beginning again instead of jumping right into the updates. I just realized that a lot of changeling stories I have read start with the protagonist waking up in pain, not knowing what is going on, and then remembering being ejected by the force field.
Kinda had to stop reading here.
I don't think it was a good idea to use Solaris instead of Celestia, but that's just my opinion
This is the first chapter and I'm already feeling the feels! I need to read more.
Nice start. Nice and dad, poor Honeycomb.
I hope Chryssie survived a well in this verse. If Honeycomb was staying near her, I imagine she's survived too.
6919724
It depends on what she landed in and how. I did roofing and were told that is what kills you, the height isn't really the main cause most of the time.