• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Darkswirl


Ha ha, I am a HECCING mess, my dudes.///Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm good at writing.///Purpose in every penstroke.///

T

THIS STORY IS NO LONGER BEING WORKED ON. THE IDEA IS UP FOR GRABS; PLEASE CHECK MY USER PAGE FOR MORE INFORMATION.

Humanity has had the urge to learn and understand since the dawn of their species as Homo Sapiens. From the first telescopes and the study of the stars by sailors, to the colonization of new worlds, Human beings have pursued the unquenchable thirst for knowledge in all of its forms, no matter what the cost.

Now, in the year 4025, long after Humanity began expanding their reach into the deep expanse of space, a new world is found that defies all laws of physics and reality...

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 252 )

oh now this is my kind of shit right here. you got it going on now. :pinkiehappy:

if this doesn't get Featured, I'm going to riot. this deserves it.

Did you just kill Rainbow Dash? :rainbowhuh:

2255708 There are more Pegasi that Rainbow Dash who live in Cloudsdale...

So apparently you aren't dead. Cool.
Also, insane timing. Just got the request of Awakening to be added to our Gold Archives.
Will read... later. Thursday or Friday. Mu to-do-list requires more caffeine.

Btw: is it just me or do the Archives look a bit... dusty?

2255836 I've.... Uh... Been on vacation from the archives... Yeeeaaa...

The 'It' is Twilight, isn't it?

Niiice. A human explorers land on equestria story without any obvious stereotypes!

I'm favin'

2256259 What obvious stereotypes were you expecting, just out of curiosity?

Oh no, things in suits, they're gonna kill us all! Run at them, maybe they'll be confused and leave! Lol..... Cool story.

That... was... AWESOME! Dalek, would you mind?

Dalek: Negatory. Lower communications barrier!

Yeah, it's that good.

Ponies can be so fucking stupid sometimes. they litrally charge anything they don't know about. In cannon and fannon.

A laser pistol with a two second lag discharge.....? :ajbemused: Yeah that will get ya out of a pinch....:facehoof:

2256805 Hey, I needed to make it a weapon, just not a badass weapon, and one that was believable for a scouting party.

2256636 You'll find out exactly why in the next chapter.

I have this terrible feeling that we're going to be finding out if pony language has an equivalent word for 'vivisection' in the next couple of chapters, lol.

so far the story is really good and for once humanity isn't discovering the planet with military grade suits and weapons.

Yes. All my yes'es. I love these human-pony-contact stories :pinkiehappy:

Interesting concept, but the writing seems a little stilted and un-polished.

2257891 Define stilted and unpolished?

You got to make this thing unique. Right now, it just seems like every other "Human's explore Equestria" story that's been copied on this site a million times before.

Be unique, don't be boring.

2258155 It's just starting. >.>

Nice job getting featured!


Sadly, I must read this tomorrow... I'll get to it somehow! :rainbowdetermined2:

Came for the Skylon spaceplane on the cover, stayed for the sci-fi adventure!
Will be paying attention to this one - I like that it maintains a sense of exploration and danger.

2258367 That makes two people who recognized it as Skylon. :P

2255653

It did get featured!

YAY! NO RIOTING!

well thats second on the ponies taken out

Awesome! Can't wait for more! =D

2258098

take this segment of charecter introductions in chapter one:

There was Duncan O'Reilly, the ship's Engineer and Technician of Scottish blood, despite hailing from the mining colony world of New Haven. He sported his dark red, newly grown full beard happily while violating HCE regulations, but made up for it by keeping to his daily training regiments while the ships' artificial gravity was online.
Then there was Emono Mytsukiano, the team's Biologist and Geologist of Asian descent who hailed from the Human home world of Earth. She kept slim by eating the bare minimum of required food, and constantly brushed her long, dark hair out from in front of her face.
Thirdly, there was Rochelle Rosenburg - the team's Medic of African descent who hailed from the lush colony world of Pundi. She followed the rules and regulations of the HCE almost to the letter while keeping her cheerful demeanor present.
And finally, there was himself: Michael Harker, the Captain of Flight E01, whose mission was to accurately log the coordinates of the planet, dubbed E1, before linking up with HCE via long distance spaceband and receiving the confirmation to proceed with the mission and land on the planet.

It just reads robotically, the descriptions of the crew should be worked naturally into the surrounding narrative, not condensed into an unseemly block.

So for example to describe the biologist and engineer you could do something like this:

As Michael looked over the map the O'Reilly, a man who took extreme pride in his scottish heritage and an extreme disregard for HCE regulations, had sent to the terminal his thoughts were interrupted by a feminine voice addressing him.
"Look at all that green down there!" Emono Mytsukiano, the team's Biologist and Geologist exclaimed. "When can we get down there? Comparative Evolution studies are calling my name." Looking at her Michael was again amazed that someone so thin had made it through the required physical fitness tests to be qualified for a mission like this, but he was glad to have her. She brushed her long hair from her face with anticipation as he spoke....

Instead of "story ->*block of description* -> story" you now have description woven into the story. We weren't plainly told out of the blue she had long hair that she often brushed from her face, we were shown that as part of a natural conversation between the crew.

Anytime your describing something, basically it should be in service of something that one of the characters is doing or experiencing - thats my two cents anyway - cheers :twilightsmile:

Ermagherd Skylon as the cover art!!
:raritystarry:

So how'd they miss the signs of intelligent life from orbit? Manehattan, Canterlot, roads, traintracks, farming, etcetera.

this is really good so far

73.08% nitrogen, 22.94% oxygen, 0.94% argon, 0.041% carbon dioxide, and about 0.98%

that's really close to Earth's...

hooray, a human exploration team that actually follows a set of rules and act like scientists would:scootangel:

Just wondering if you could give an estimate on how long do plan this story to be. Either chapters or word count is fine.

2258927

Anytime your describing something, basically it should be in service of something that one of the characters is doing or experiencing

This.

Exposition is a horrible way to provide background info. Let it come naturally through the character's experiences rather than tossing it out in an info-dump. It feels a lot better to read and can make the character more interesting overall.

I don't really like the introductory quotes in each chapter. I don't really think they're necessary.

MOAR. *bangs table* MOOOOAAAARRRRR

Duncan is funny, ever space ship need a human with an accent

2259146 I knew this question would come up eventually. I did kind of space that, but late last night I kind of figured that their map wasn't as zoomed in, so they saw what they assumed were craters, lakes, or something that would be small and dark when viewed above.

2259156 I looked up Earth's composition and simply edited the numbers by a few points. I wanted the planet to be able to support life, and since we have Equines here on Earth....

2259019 Third person to notice! :D

2259309 I'm planning well into at LEAST half a year, but I'll need to make the chapters longer than 2,000 words.

2259556 I understand exactly what you're saying, and will do my best to incorporate this into the story from now on.

2259694 You'll understand why they're there once more chapters are added.

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