Under the Sun's Wings

by Foxy Kimchi


10: Regret

Luna stared at her food, idly poking it with a fork. She looked up at the empty seat in front of her. Her eyes looked up the clock on the wall. Where is he? The sound of a chair rubbing against the immaculate tile floor filled the room. She let out a snort as she made her way to the door, opening it.

She took a breath to collect herself. “Excuse me, guards.”

The two night guards guarding the door turned around, saluting. “My lady,” they greeted in unison.

“Relax, my little ponies,” Luna replied with a smile.

The two guards nodded as they resumed their guard positions. “Is something wrong, my lady?” one of them asked.

“Actually, yes,” Luna answered. “Have you seen my brother?”

“No, ma’am.”

“I see,” Luna replied. She took a step forward. “Thank you.”

Both guards stepped forward, standing ready at her sides.

Luna smiled in response. “While I do appreciate the gesture, I am fine, thank you.”

“Are you sure, ma’am?” the other guard asked.

“Yes,” Luna replied.

“As you wish, my lady.”


It was a curious thing for Luna to fly at night alone. No matter how many times she did it, for as long as she lived, it was always a pleasant way to relax. She wished she could have done it more, but being a princess took most of her time.

But now was a time when she really felt the need to fly. Walking around the palace to find her sibling with no success was frustrating to say the least. She checked his chambers, the gardens, the library, and even the meeting rooms for officials to see if something went longer than expected. But she could not find him. To make matters worse, none of the ponies she asked had seen him recently as well. Really, how hard was it to spot the largest pony in Equestria that had a mane of fire?

Luna let out a sigh as she did a small aerial flip. As she twisted her head, she spotted something in the corner of her eye. Out in the distance, in the very back of the palace, stood a white figure with a fiery mane and tail. Luna rolled her eyes. “You are truly easy to spot, you know that?” She adjusted her wings, gliding down towards her sibling who was standing in front of two statues.

Her hooves made a small ‘click’ as she landed. She took a step forward, folding her wings. “Your food is getting cold.”

Solaris didn’t turn, his eyes fixed on the statue to the right.

Following her brother’s gaze, Luna turned her head to give the statue a better look. She let out a sharp, quick gasp. The statue hooked into something faint and familiar from deep within her, as if a thousands years of suppressed worries were suddenly wretched into the surface. She instantly recognized the unicorn it was depicting. She was a beautiful mare. Lithe and tall, her presence instantly commanded the attention of every stallion. Said mare did, for the moment Solaris looked upon her, he was awe struck.

Luna took a step forward, seeing the plaque near the base. It confirmed her guess.

Lady Star Shower, Second Consort of Lord Solaris
Beloved Wife, Mother, Grandmother
114 - 174 N.E.E
Let her spirit brighten the future

It was her grave.

Luna turned her head to the statue to left. Again, memories were dredged up as she gazed upon the figure. Wild, determined, and majestic, the statue was of a small, but strong earth mare, strong enough to temper Solaris’ fiery nature.

Lady Hazelnut, Consort of Lord Solaris
Beloved Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Great Grandmother
16 B.H - 68 N.E.E
Her strength lays the foundation

“What do you want, Luna?” Solaris asked, his voice quiet and distant. [4]

Luna exhaled, composing herself. “I was wondering where you were. You are late for dinner.”

Solaris didn’t move. “I must have lost track of time.”

“Yes, you have.”

“Just go eat without me. I am not in the mood.”

“I do not like eating alone.”

Again, Solaris refused to move.

“Solaris, look at me.”

Solaris ignored her, his gaze never leaving the statues, causing Luna to scrunch her face.

Solaris, look at me now.”

Solaris sighed before finally turning to face his sister.

Lady Luna, Regent of the Moon, Keeper of Dreams had seen many things in her life. She had faced Discord at his height, banished Sombra from the Crystal Empire, and even saw herself fall from grace, only to be given another chance. But here… here was something that was new to her: her brother looking tired. She gaped as she saw his shoulders were slouched, his ears splayed back, his eyes red, and she could have sworn that the fur under his eyes looked damp.

“B-brother?” Luna asked as she blinked. “What are you doing? What is going on?”

Solaris turned back to face the statues. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

She stepped next to her brother, draping a wing over him. Thoughts raced through Luna’s mind, trying to figure out what to do next. Her brother was the pillar of Equestria, somepony that can be relied upon, a pony that you can depend on. He always knew what to do, even if it was wrong. He followed his path, but now… Never had she seen him look so… lost.

“My beloved brother, what is wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“Please, there is no point of hiding it.”

“Nothing—”

“Solaris, don’t,” Luna interrupted. “Please, for mine and your sake, do not repeat the mistakes I have made. Do not hide your problems.”

“Luna, I… I”

“Is it Star Shower?”

Solaris deflated even more, his wings sagging.

“I remember,” Luna said as she tightened her embrace on her brother, “you told me that you were having marital problems with her after the Griffon attack so long ago. I knew it worsened your depression afterwards, and I tried to help. But you didn’t want to talk about it. Out of respect for your privacy, I conceded. I assumed it got better afterwards. I talked to Star Shower later, and she assured me that everything was fine.”

Solaris let out a bitter laugh. “Of course she would…”

“Of course she would what? What do you mean?” Luna asked again. She watched as her brother worked his jaw, biting his lower lip. And then there it was: a tear dropping from his eye.

“Solaris, brother, please. Do not let this rot and fester inside you.”

Solaris choked slightly, desperately trying to keep a strong face. “She was terrified…” he said, his voice breaking.

“Of what?”

“Of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“She saw, sister. She saw me.”

“Saw what? What are you talking about?”

Tears were flowing down his cheeks, only to have them wiped away by Luna. “You remember what I did at the Griffonstan nation’s capitol?”

“Yes, yes I do,” Luna replied, her own ears splaying back.

“You know what I looked like during that time. She saw that.”

Luna’s eyes widened in realization. “B-but, I snuck you back in. I made sure no one saw you. I ordered everypony to stay clear.”

More tears came from Solaris. “She must have slipped past. But she must have saw me. Star Shower saw me covered in the blood and ashes of my foes. She did not see her husband return. Instead, she saw a monster.”

Solaris shook his head and looked up at the night sky. “After coming back, she… she changed. Star Shower was always… timid, delicate. After that though, she was terrified of me.”

“How do you know that?”

“She was so… obedient.”

“Obedient? What do you mean?”

“She tried to make sure everything was perfect for me: making sure the cooks made the best food, I got the best drink, and making sure the children behaved. She always agreed with whatever I said and allowed me to do whatever I want.”

Luna’s eyes widened. “You mean…”

Solaris sighed loudly. “I would never force anypony to do anything. I could never do that. But Luna, I enjoyed it. She was always following me and paid attention to my every need. It felt great. I felt so loved.”

“She does, brother. That is why she married you. That is why she stood by your side until the end.”

Solaris winced, a pained look on his face. “One day, we were having an argument. You remember Starlight?”

“Of course I do, I remember all your children.”

“He wanted to join the Guard. I was fine with it, but Star was adamantly against it. Looking back I can see why. The invasion was still fresh in her memory. Anyway, the argument escalated. I should have just backed down, but I didn’t. I can’t remember what I said, Luna, but I said something to really make her upset.”

“So, what happened?”

“She slapped me.”

“You… you must have made her really upset, especially after you told me she tried to indulge you. What did you do?”

“I can never forget what happened. My own wife, the mother of my children, prostrated in front of me. She groveled, begging me for forgiveness, swearing that such a thing will never happen again, and that she would be a good and faithful wife from now on. I will never forget the look on her face.”

He stood up and smashed his hooves into the ground, cracking it. “My own wife, begging for her life when I vowed to never hurt her, to protect her! She was terrified of the same pony that was supposed to let her feel safe!”

Solaris fell back down on his haunches, tears flowing more freely. “L-Luna, my own wife feared me.”

Luna wrapped her hooves around Solaris’ weary body. “Brother…”

“It was never the same after that. I asked if she was okay, if there was anything she wanted. She said everything was fine, but I knew it wasn’t. She never dared to come too close to me, and everytime I tried to touch her, she looked at me as though I were about to strike her. I tried to comfort her. I tried to rekindle what we once had. But it just never felt the same.”

Luna’s ears flattened, tightening her grip slightly.

“I… I offered a divorce, so she didn’t have to be near me. She refused, saying that nothing was wrong. I don’t know if she thought it was some kind of test or something.”

“Then what happened?”

“You already know, Luna. She lived the rest of her life by my side.”

“Brother…”

Solaris sank into Luna’s embrace, trying to hold back his tears. “Did she ever love me?”

Luna sat there, trying to think of what to say. She knew her brother had problems with Star Shower, but to put him in complete doubt…

“Luna, do you remember what you said about Star Shower when you first saw her?”

“I… I don’t think now is the time for this.”

“What did you say about her?”

“I was jesting at the time.”

“Luna.”

Luna sighed, adding her wings to wrap around Solaris. “Fine. I said that she was a mare bred to be your wife. I remember when she first came to our palace and how she caught the eye of everypony, especially you.”

“I know. She came from a lower family in Manehattan.”

“Brother, why bring this up?”

“I think… I think she was pushed to marry me from the beginning.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Think about it, she came from a family nopony knew about. If that family got their daughter to marry me, they would instantly climb the social ladder. What if she never really loved me? What if she was forced to be with me for the rest of her life?

He stomped a hoof into the ground again. “How? How could I let that happen? I watch over this land. I worked to abolish arranged marriages. How could I let a pony suffer like that, to be forced in a loveless marriage? I—”

“Brother,” Luna interrupted softly. “Stop, no more.”

“But—”

“Brother,” Luna repeated as she looked up at him. “Maybe she was pushed into marriage, maybe she wasn’t. You cannot spend all your time thinking about what could or could not have happened.”

Solaris just sat there, his eyes distant.

“I want to believe that she did love you. She carried your children, loved them, took care of them, and she did stay by your side to the very end. I had seen her smile and laugh when she was around you. Even though your marriage might have been far from perfect, do not think she resented being with you. If she really wanted out, if she truly couldn’t be by your side, I don’t see why she wouldn’t take your offer. Star Shower was a stronger pony than she looked.”

“Regardless of what you say, it doesn’t change who I am,” Solaris said quietly. “I am a horrible ruler, father, husband,” Solaris looked back at Luna, pain and guilt etched onto his face, “and as a brother. I failed you all those years ago.”

“No,” Luna quickly replied, glaring at Solaris. “I failed on my own, brother. That was my fault and mine alone. Is that clear?”

“But, sister—”

“No! It was my fault, my burden. Is that clear?”

“Luna—”

“Is that clear?”

Solaris hung his head. “Yes, sister.”

“You ruled for a thousand years, and Equestria is prospering. What could make you think you were a bad ruler?”

The elder alicorn sighed.

“Look at what you have done. Brother, both the dragons and the griffons are our allies. I would never imagine it possible. The griffons are our closest allies, the griffons, Solaris. Do you know how many centuries of bad blood there was between our nations? After all of that, after their last invasion, they stand with us as our most loyal allies. Do you still think you did a bad job as a ruler?”

“It only looks like that because Bucephalus is the current griffon ambassador.”

“And the hundreds of years before that?”

Solaris did not respond.

“What standard are you trying to live up to?”

Solaris looked at Luna. “My standards.”

Luna sighed as she shook her head. “You put such impossible standards for yourself. You think you failed at everything, but you haven’t. You were a great father and a great husband. Just look at your children. I remember how happy you were with them, how happy you were with Hazelnut and Star Shower. I believe that she did care about you, I truly do. Is that why you haven’t taken any others, because you think you failed just that once?”

“I never said that was it…”

Luna’s eyes widened slightly. “What do you mean?”

Solaris worked his jaw, his shoulders tensing. “When I,” he uttered, struggling to say the words, “when I banished you, I was devastated. Not only did I fail to ease your worries and prevent you from falling, I also could not save you and had to resort to using the Elements of Harmony, and all that accomplished was sealing you away for a thousand years.”

Luna placed a hoof on Solaris’ shoulder. “Brother, I already told you it is my burden to bear.”

“I know you did, but it doesn’t excuse what happened afterwards. I was… depressed. I became a recluse and refused to be seen in public. I… I started to drink.”

“Brother, please don’t tell me—”

“I did. I drank to forget.”

“No,” Luna replied softly, “you know I don’t like it when you drink too much.”

“I know, you don’t have to worry about it now.”

“I hope not.”

Solaris lifted his head, looking at the night sky. “I don’t know how long I was in my chambers, I can’t remember. Days, months, years, it was just a blur for me. It must have worried our subjects.”

Luna leaned more on Solaris.

“I remember the palace begged me to come out and meet them. They tried everything, saying that there was good food and drink for me. I conceded, and they led me to the dining room. They threw me a surprise party, something to cheer me up.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It was, but then…”

“Then what?”

Solaris gritted his teeth, his mane becoming more erratic. “They dared…” he hissed, his teeth gleamed as they grew sharp. “They dared to talk about you in a negative light. They wanted to celebrate what happened. The very ponies that shunned you dared to bring it up in front of me.” Solaris crashed his forehooves into the ground, small fissures erupting from the impact.

Luna jumped slightly.

“How dare they mock you, after what they did to you, after what they took from me! It was their fault that you had to undergo through so much suffering!”

Luna’s eyes widened, quickly tightening her embrace. “Solaris, brother, calm thyself.”

Solaris panted slightly, his shoulders relaxing slightly. “I saw red again that day…”

Luna’s heart sank a little bit. “You didn’t lose control, did you?”

“If you’re asking if I hurt anypony physically, no. But that didn’t stop me from shouting at them with all I had. I berated them, I insulted them, I… I cornered them and just screamed at them, venting everything.

“I destroyed the party, broke every piece of furniture and statue I could find. I just had to vent at something.”

“Oh, Solaris…”

“I locked myself in my room again, determined to not leave. I just moved the sun and the moon, that was it. I didn’t want to see our subjects. I was just so angry at them. That one time, Luna, I wanted to lose control, just to unleash everything I had. But I couldn’t. I refused to allow myself to lose control. If I did, then any hope of bringing you back would vanish.

“But it hurt so much. I wanted to leave, Luna, just leave the throne, the palace, the nation. Just leave it all behind. If they didn’t want you, then they shouldn’t have me.”

Luna nuzzled her brother. “So, why did you stay?”

“I made an oath… I just couldn’t ignore it.”

“Well, it was good that you didn’t. I do not think the nation would of lasted if both you and I weren’t there. Think about it, with a small army and no Twilight Sparkle and the new bearers of Elements of Harmony, the nation would be ripe for the taking for any invaders.”

“Maybe…” Solaris sighed. “Anyway, after the so-called celebration, I just resumed mourning in my room. I didn’t want to leave. My guard, my staff, everypony begged me to come back out. I didn’t. I was bitter and miserable. Inconsolable, I suppose. But one day…”

Solaris gently leaned on Luna, nestling his tired head against her neck. “One day, just like all the other horrible, painful days before it, there was a soft knock on my door, just like all the other soft, pleading knocking before it. At that time, I was already ignoring everypony who knocked. They all wanted to help me, console me, but I just couldn’t take it. Every voice I heard was like a dagger in my chest, and I was already on a bed of nails. They just made it that much more painful for me.

“But this pony was different. When she spoke to me, it did not hurt. For the first time in what already felt like an eternity, a tiny ray of sunshine shone in from between the clouds. Curious who the unfamiliar voice belonged to, I had to open the door. I couldn’t help myself.”

Luna nudged him gently.

“She was beautiful, Luna.”

“Ah.” Luna nodded in understanding.

“Her coat shimmered in the sunlight, her silver hair flowed like a river, and her blue eyes were like the summer sky. Luna, her grace and beauty rivaled that of my dear Star Shower. And that’s… hard for me to admit.”

“Star was a stunningly beautiful mare.”

“I know,” he sniffed, “but Windy Gust could have given her a run for her money.”

“Windy Gust, hm?”

“Windy Gust,” Solaris repeated wistfully. “She had a heart of gold, too. She took one look at me and somehow instantly knew exactly what I needed. A simple touch. That’s all it took. One gentle caress of her hoof and her silent understanding. I cried, Luna. I cried so much before that, but I absolutely bawled in her embrace.

“She was so nice to me, Luna. I really needed somepony, and that somepony was Windy. It felt like she understood. Well, maybe she didn’t quite understand what I was going through, but she understood enough to see my pain. And that was what I needed.

“We talked for days. Just talked. I told her how I felt about… you and you-know-what. It felt good to just talk about it, with somepony who would listen. After a while, she got me out of my chambers. We flew together in the gardens that day. A lot of ponies, the castle staff, and my advisors came to me. It felt like they were trying to hoard me. Windy shooed them all off. I didn’t have to say a word to them.

“Eventually, we talked more about her than me, and I began to wonder just how she happened to come across my chamber door in the first place. I think I at first assumed she was just a chambermaid, and I was in no state of mind to question it. However, I found out that she was born to an impoverished family of weathermakers. She was good at it, but it wasn’t a particularly prosperous career back then.

“The question of how we happened to cross paths kept gnawing at my mind. I had to ask her eventually. When I finally did, her trepidation in answering was all the answer I needed. She never actually answered, but I knew what it was. My advisors and guard had found her and tossed her at me in hopes of getting me out of my room. They must have promised her a fortune for her services. Needless to say, I was not happy about this.”

“Oh no, what did you do?”

“Well, she begged me to forgive her. I told her there was nothing to forgive her for. She had helped me, and her feelings and actions were genuine. Windy cared for me, just not that way though. It was my advisors that I was… less than pleased with.”

“What did you do to the ponies responsible?”

“Ultimately? Nothing. I definitely let them have a piece of my mind and more than their fair share of being shouted at, but I understood exactly why they did what they did. They lost one leader, and they were desperate not to lose another. They put their nation first and foremost, and admirable though as it was, it was still at her expense. So I can’t say I didn’t hold a grudge against them.”

“And what became of this Windy Gust?”

“Ah. Windy.” Solaris nodded. “She was under the impression that she had been ‘sold’ to me as a wife. And she was completely prepared to go through with that. Of course, I couldn’t let that stand. I had already banished my own sister, and the last thing I wanted my little ponies to think was that I was a tyrant who would take whatever mare he wanted for a wife.

“No, I gave Windy a big bag of bits worth three times what she was paid and made her promise that she would go and live her life however she saw fit.”

“Did she?”

Solaris nodded. “Yes, she did, just as she promised me she would. I attended her wedding, you know. It was some scrawny little stallion who had tried to court her many moons before I met her. His family was poor as well, and Windy’s family was trying to get her married into money, so they never really had a chance together. When she left me, she left with her head held high. The first thing she did was ask that stallion out on a date.”

A smile appeared on his face at the memory. “I’m glad they did start courting each other. Windy would come and talk to me about him and about life. I could tell they were very much in love.” Solaris sighed. “She didn’t visit me much after they were wed. But that’s to be expected I guess.”

“After that, Luna, I refused to take another pony in marriage. It was just too much for me really. With Star Shower and Windy, it didn’t make me feel right. Many suitors came, but I knew that all they wanted was the status. I couldn’t find one on my own, because what mare would refuse the Lord of Equestria? Besides…”

“Yes?”

Solaris looked beyond the two statues. Behind the two mares stood eleven other statues of various ponies. “I remember my eleven children, and I remember their children, but after that, it gets fuzzy. I try to remember all of my descendants, Luna, but I just can’t.”

Luna lifted her head, finally looking at the rows upon rows of tombstones. She let out a slight gasp as she placed a hoof on her stomach.

“You were right, back then. It hurts, Luna, it really does, to see all your loved ones pass away before you. It just never stops for me now. My line still continues, and I have to watch it all end the same way. I had to build an underground crypt just to accommodate them all. It’s so heavy, Luna. It’s gotten to the point where I think it’s easier to just distance myself from them.”

Luna nuzzled into her brother’s side.

“Do they hate me, Luna, that I still look the same? That I still stand? I failed—”

“Dearest brother…” Luna gently shook her head. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve only ever tried to do good. How you can consider yourself a failure at anything when you have accomplished so much is a mystery to me.”

Solaris looked up at Luna. “But—”

Luna placed a hoof over his mouth. “Look at me. I am here now, am I not? We might have our disagreements, but in the end, I will always love you. You are a good brother.” She held him close. “We both make mistakes, you know. You and I have the luxury of having very long lives with which to make very many mistakes, but it also means we can enjoy the good things that come our way.”

Solaris opened his mouth, as though to say something, but remained silent.

Luna merely smiled. “Come, brother. While our food may be cold now, at least we can eat it together.”