- Member Since 28th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Mar 27th, 2021
BaronVonStallion
Just a guy with a keyboard, whose mind tends to vomit all over it.
BaronVonStallion
Joined 28th Dec, 2011 ·
Offline
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All I can think of is Mad About You here. Is your brothers name Paul?
Well it was good like really good human X tia for ever.
mahe
This is really good.
The characters are really well fleshed out and aren't just cardboard cutouts.
The feelings Ira has are really well written and the way Celestia responds to them only makes them more so.
Oh and Tia and Ira dancing? I dawwww'd...just a little.
Honest
Good story, well worth a fav :)
This was a very good little story. Plus a well done tasteful love scene.
Just fyi, from this point on it is entirely in italics. Don't know if you meant for that, but I doubt it.
Also, a little error at the beginning of the clop scene.
Now, as for my opinion on the story itself. . . Giggity. Kinda wish it didn't end here. I really enjoy the way you portrayed Ira and his relationship with Celestia, bott in AND out of the bedroom.
Dayum.
2614360
Thanks! I ran through it again and fixed the editing issues.
2614430
No problem! I was glad to help. I try to alert authors of any errors I see with every fic I read, to a reasonable extent (aka, I try not to post so many I come across as an ass, or if the story has so many it is painful to read, I just leave).
Those were literally the only things I saw this time however.
EDIT: Congrats on feature!
i can only say beatiful i love it.
Good story, I would not complain if there continuations or something alike of that
Dude AWESOME!!
Celestia's personality is a bit too curt on some parts of the story. Otherwise its a good one-shot.
Nice work, though I'd love to see a (maybe non-clop) sequel about their newfound relation.
Just one Murphy generated word in the first line. Shouldn't that be [slopping] not “(slipping) a bit of the bitter amber liquid”?
Really liked the way you portrayed Celestia. Even with the power of a top level adept sometimes she would just need someone to hold her without an ulterior motive. With the self serving nobles around, along with others that just want something that would be a hard thing to find.
Well done.
I loved it Tia doesn't get as much love as she deserves. I was going to ask if I could put this in a group I'm part of I think my members will love it.
Great story.
Very Good
The slight grammar and spelling errors are made up for the length (giggity) and effort put into this fic.
Human X Celestia Romance...
Ya really ask if it was decent?? It was fantastic! Seriously, ya're great dude, really great! Ya should keep goin', this was really great! Fantastic!
Two words. "Lovin it"
"So Celestia, Everything in your room is made out of White marble?"
"...Yes..."
"*Snicker* Even...your curtains?"
"...Yes..."
"...Oh...what about your furni-"
"WHITE MARBLE."
"...Your...Bed-"
"WHITE MARBLE!"
"...Your...Window's"
"WHITE...MARBLE!"
"Your Toilet! Well...thats not bad..."
"What if the water in the toilet is...WHITE MARBLE!"
"Why the hell would they put white marble in your toilet!?"
"I DON'T KNOW! WHY!?"
And it was said, that on this day, 4 mature-sex stories would hit the featured box at the same time.
2616023 Let us mourn in peace.
Eh... but most of them were good. Nothing terrible.
I guess it's not too bad.
Pretty good writing skills I gotta say. If it tickles your fancy, you could expand on this and turn it into a story of sorts.
2616023
Wait, this got featured?
2615096
Thanks! Fixed the typo... I really need a proof-reader.
2615969
You think that''s bad? Luna's room is made of garbage bags and unwashed dreams. Except for her bed. That is pudding.
2616217 YES!
A tip for self editing, wait a day or two after writing then read it again. Its a good story but grammatical errors jump out at me like knives!
Fucking amazing. Just amazing. Keep up the good work!
Not bad. not bad at all.
The backstory kind of drew me in seeing how it's different and ultimately serves a better purpose in expressing the empty feeling in the character's life, as opposed to some other introduction format that too many HiE stories tend to adopt. The ending lacked ideas and just went straight for the sex, but I can live with that, it wasn't terrible after all, it just felt that it went for something easier.
Overall, not bad. It was definitely worth a read.
JAWHOL, THIS PLEASHES MEH
2616866
2616879
Thanks for the good advice!
True, the ending is a bit weak. If any sequel comes from this, I'll keep that in mind.
2617323 no problem. Stories like these though don't warrant the best mind blowing ending out there, but it could essentially make a powerful impression on the readers if it did.
Good luck with future stories mate.
What. The. Fuck.
good story my good sir worthy of being a favorite and the main character was very likeable you did an amazing job
It's pretty good and decently constructed. But I can't really see where it would go from here if you decided to continue it, which wouldn't be a bad thing. After all Celestia needs some attention now and then too.
Two typos I've noticed
bug instead of big
keep instead of kept
Story was quite engaging, but felt a tiny bit rushed. You did squeeze over a year in there.
Excellent.
2616217 Garbage bags and unwashed dreams...
Hmmm...
Well then, looks like Luna will have to get her
OH!
Not bad, not bad at all. Some typos that need cleaning up, but the story itself was nice.
However I am confused of the use of the 2nd person view point since Ira is such a fleshed out character. Generally you use 2nd person in order to place the reader into the story, but that doesn't work so well here because Ira is his own character, and one different enough from myself that I couldn't come close to any sense of personal emerson into the story. I think a 1st person view point would have served this story much better.
But still, good job over all.
Excellent.
that's all i have to say
Make him bald and we've got Agent 47 on our hands. Nice.
2619632
I was kinda going for a role-playing type of feel, similar to something like D&D. I see your point, though. It doesn't work for everyone.
I really enjoy this... though I do think it would do better in 1st person, but then again I also just don't like the 2nd person perspective.
Asides from that I enjoyed it. A few slip ups along the way but nothing that really stood out to me that distracted from the story
That was a dern good bit of writing!
*pomf*
Swag.
Two thumbs way way up! Great story instant favorite for me!