• Member Since 20th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Monday

JaydexTheShadowKnight


I'm an avid writer that enjoys creating human x pony romance stories. If you like what you've read, then perhaps you'd Buy Me A Coffee?

Comments ( 207 )
Comment posted by Gabriel C Media deleted Apr 3rd, 2013

Placed it to favorites, so I'll DEFINITELY going to read it later. My 'read later' has over 200 stories, so... :applejackconfused: :derpytongue2:

I enjoyed this read. Really great story, as always Mr. Jaydex.
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/collab/src/130674476697.gif

Sniff....sniff......so beautiful.:fluttercry: I think I need a moment. I'll be back later, so beautiful.:raritycry: *crys a river*

Another very lovely story. Though I wonder if this could be considered a sequel, or a standalone that is completely unrelated to the other Twilight story.

By the way, I take the position they are in is your favorite, because I have noticed that is the one used in all of your other stories.

Comment posted by Seraph973 deleted Apr 3rd, 2013

The feels, oh sweet Luna the feels!:fluttercry::raritycry:
Beautiful as always Jay, definitely worth the wait for another masterpiece of heartfelt emotion and passion. Thank you for sharing.

I loved it!!!

You never really went into it, but it felt pretty clear to me that this really was the same guy from your last Twilight story...if nothing else, he's far far too sweet to be anyone else :twilightsheepish:

It was wonderful - I have to admit, I expected a lot more drama, especially from the synopsis, with a lot of talking and back and forth about Twilight's new role as an Alicorn Princess...but looking at it, there was enough - "You" has already made it plain that he fully intends to stay with twilight for as long as he can, and even holds out that something may happen to extend his longevity: if that's not the case however, it doesn't matter....this couple fully intends to make use of all the time they have, which will be enough...more then enough :twilightsmile:.

So even though it wasn't really a humongous drama story, it's fine...romance after all, is what we care for, and that's what this story was all about -- Twilight was scared and stressed about her new self, and like the Knight he hopes to be (What else could he be?! :scootangel:), or already is, he races off into the rain to save her....which, even though he was worried, actually made the whole thing look very romantic and heroic...of course, where else would Twilight be, but a library? :pinkiesmile:

The songs, I have to say, were perfect...I've honestly never played Xenogears before, though I will say my brother did own it for a time before selling it - they were so wonderfully chosen, and suddenly make me want to look up that game now :derpytongue2:, just in the same way you did with "Lunar" in the Celestia story, which I also never played.

The rest of the story....what can I say? It has the same wonderful tasteful romance that we all enjoy...I love your touch on little things, like Twilight's wings raising up, Twilight actually caressing you with your wings, the reminders of how much he treated her like royalty before the fact...you really go out your way to not make this lewd, and it really really shows, and it's what I love about it...I mean, the story begins with him, a man trying to be a knight and really already was one, getting her flowers...rescues her from the rain and takes her home, puts her fears to rest, and culminates with them making love...what's not to like? :eeyup:

It really was a wonderful story: I do definitely see this as a sequel to the last one...seeing all three chapters as a sort of beginning/middle/end -- Twilight, loyal and dependable, wanting to go beyond being "just friends", especially after watching one-too many break ups...making up as they confess their feelings...going out on a romantic date, climaxing with a high-school prom kind of dance and singing (:pinkiehappy:)....fast-forwarding to the future, where they have already been together for years, and he is now reassuring her that he's not going anywhere: royalty or not, he always has, and will, continue to treat her as such :twilightsmile::heart:

Another fantastic work Jaydex, it really was :raritywink:

Commence read.

As always, great work. :scootangel:

CBM8 #11 · Apr 3rd, 2013 · · 1 ·

inb4 featured, about time! XD

I shall begin reading this within the hour.

That was simply great. I applaud you my good friend. I do indeed. :twilightsmile::moustache:

Edit: Now shall read.

If Twilight can't make her Human lover immortal and if she's indeed immortal.

She will then taste the bitterness of immortality.


Eternity's End.

First off, this was pretty darn good! I'm glad to see some Twilight Alicorn (Twilicorn?) stories, especially from Jaydex. Once again, you've made some very nice work.
But I have a question, about something I've been noticing every now and again in your stories. I really, really mean this in the nicest way possible, but how come you don't use conjunctions too often in dialogue? I know there are some, and maybe I missed a few (and if that's the case, I'm so sorry! :twilightsheepish:) but I was just curious.

Hot damn. You've managed to create yet another masterpiece. Dem feels...

i.imgur.com/yOUYMH6.gif

And another feature? They should seriously just rename it the "Jaydex Story Box". Bravo!

In before Sorren bitches about a second person fic being featured.

I liked it. Is it a clop sequel to For Whom She Sparkles or are they unrelated?

GAH, stop making awesome one-shots and finish your other awesome stuff!

2369595
Also, clop and OC.

2369751
I'm still debating if it directly ties into "For Whom She Sparkles". It easily could, and would just be a sequel taking place 4 years in the future. And you know, I was keeping that in mind as I wrote this. Oh, and I am still going to be doing quite a few more chapters for my first Twilight story. :twilightsmile:

2369522
Oh, you. :rainbowlaugh: I'm just glad you are all enjoying this. More than even caring about the feature box, I just wanted our newly crowned Princess Sparkle to get some love! The poor thing has been met with such a mixed response, I was hoping to let readers see things from her side, with "you" keeping her company. :twilightsmile:

2369174
I do use conjunctions in my dialogue. Within the first 2,000 words I've found several uses of "and" and "but" in the dialogue. In fact "your" first line of dialogue uses "and". But don't worry, I appreciate your comment. :raritywink:

2369082
That vidoe...my feels! That's one of the aspects I am hoping this story makes readers realize. Twilight never asked for this, and now has to deal with all it entails. :pinkiesad2: But despite the sad side of this, there is always hope. :twilightsmile:

2369081
Thank you very much! I appreciate it! :scootangel:

2368820
Your comment made me lol. :rainbowlaugh:

2369926

I just wanted our newly crowned Princess Sparkle to get some love!

I agree! Although, I don't really feel as though she's changed one bit, albeit gaining wings, she's still Twilight deep down!

2369907
Sorry about that, I keep getting asked to make more one-shots and to keep adding to my other projects. So I tried to work on both. :twilightsheepish:

2368662
Glad you liked it! :yay:

2368569
Thanks! The music from Xenogears has been such a strong inspiration in ALL of my writing, even my first novel. There's a track called "The Treasure Which Cannot Be Stolen" that has been a big inspiration for my Luna fic. Every time I write a tender scene between Luna and David, I listen to this BGM.

2368563
Your comments are always so thorough and enjoyable to read. I hardly know how to reply to them and do them justice. You're a tough act to follow. Xenogears has been a great inspiration to my writing, and is still a timeless classic as far as Squaresoft's RPGs are concerned.

Even as I wrote this, I did consider making this a future sequel of my other Twilight story. But I want to see how it does before I decide whether to make it official. So we shall see. I'm glad so far that a number of readers are wondering the same as you. :raritystarry: I'll try not to disappoint. :scootangel:

2368560
Anytime my friend. Glad to have you aboard as one of my followers! :yay:

2368548
I'm still considering making this link to my last Twilight story, i really am. I even thought about it as I wrote this one. :twilightsmile:

2368535
Aww, it's all right. :pinkiesad2: This story made me shed plenty of liquid pride as I worked on it as well. :fluttercry:

2368473
Thanks for reading! :twilightsmile:

2368376

My read later has over 200 in it.

I so know that feel. :rainbowlaugh: I'm a little embarrassed to admit I have over 300 in mine. :twilightsheepish: So many great stories, so little time to read them all. :eeyup:

2369992
That's just how I feel too. Especially that line of Twilight's after Celestia told her she's now a princess - "Is there a book about being a princess I should read?" That told me she was still the same Twilight. :twilightsmile:

Awesome story is awesome, Alicorn Twilight needs more love.

2370004 300, you say? Is this Sparta? Is this joke overused, but still fun to use? Would it be sad to say that: ''I'm not surprised you have that many?''
Hehhe, indeed there's so little time... :eeyup:

Well ima go to ma man cave, sit on ma man chair, and cry...like a man...screw it *cries like a girl* :raritycry: THE FEELS!!! ITS TO MUCH!

2370023
That's why I wrote this. Yay Twilight! We still :heart: you!

2370043
I still lol at the Sparta joke. I used it last night at work with my operator. He jokingly called himself a god and after lightly cutting himself on a cardboard box said, "Now you see a god can bleed."

I promptly replied, "This is Sparta!" :rainbowlaugh:

2370053
I was hoping this would be another moving tale! :twilightsmile:

2369926
I say you write a bunch of interlinked stories, leading up to the end of anon's natural life and Twilight's inevitable grief and later, acceptance.

And if you don't like it, then... stop being a good writer. S'your own fault. :twilightsmile:

2368376 Its okay, I have 5311 unread chapters in favorites

2370134
Who says there has to be a sad ending to anon and Twilight's life? They are living in Equestria after all. Anything is possible. :raritywink:

In fact Celestia did tell Twilight that she's never come across a unicorn with raw magical talent like hers. So that has to mean something. :twilightsmile:

2370179
Whoa! :pinkiegasp: I thought my over 300 was bad. Like I said, so many good stories and so little time to read them all. :facehoof: Thank goodness for the read later list! :yay:

Family problems + this story have made me cry. not sure if its happy tears or lonely tears though.... thanks regardless :twilightsmile:

2370196
You're welcome! :twilightsmile: I hope things get better, in regards to your family problems. :pinkiesad2:

2370004

Aww, you give me too much credit....really, all I'm doing is gushing over how much I enjoyed your story :twilightsmile:

That vidoe...my feels! That's one of the aspects I am hoping this story makes readers realize. Twilight never asked for this, and now has to deal with all it entails. :pinkiesad2: But despite the sad side of this, there is always hope.

What gets to people, is that this was thrown at Twilight without her say-so - it's a huge life-changing decision that she really has no choice to accept, that's what frustrates people....it's not that people don't love Twilight - quite the opposite....they love her, and don't want to see something like this happen, when she would have been better off without these things in the first place: at the very least, someone should have asked for her opinion before doing this huge life-changing decision which she can't reverse.

On the flip-side, there is almost nothing she can't do now....and her ability to have an unbelievably wonderful life have grown exponentially with this new change...Celestia and Luna have lived for thousands of years as ageless beings, and where they tragically lost old friends, a new generation of ponies always came later that, not only need love and attention, but also provide new opportunities for friendship. No, that obviously doesn't take away, or replace, old friends, but it does mean she has an indefinite potential for growth and happiness -- you get out, what you put into life....quality over quantity: our lives are of a short quantity, which incites us to make the most of it while we can....an indefinite life, like Twilight, would mean she has an unbelievable opportunity to have a seemingly endless life of love and happiness, a life fuller than anyone could ever know....it also means an proportionate amount of tragedy and heartbreak as she moves from one generation to the next, watching her old friends die....it's not necessarily an easy life, but it can be one more fulfilling and happy than anyone else if she'd let it.

There is always a lot to say on this issue, and as before, I've seen so many wonderful articulate reasons to like or dislike Twilight's changes - I don't want to write anything more, but there is good and bad to this, if we are exploring her character: above all, it's as you said....it's a magical world, and it could be possible to reverse her changes if she truly desired. Really, what it all comes down too, is if she is happy....because if she is, then Alicorn or no, it's all good :raritywink::eeyup:

2370189
... Is it possible to stay in love for the same person for thousands of years? I mean, most marriages don't last five.

Twas beautiful. I feel Twilight was a little ooc, just a little. I don't think she would use words like divine, that's more like Rarity. But, the daww's are epic!
Manly feels were felt and expressed.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/048/8/2/liquid_pride_by_gray__day-d5v8x8f.png

2370259
It depends on the relationship. But I suppose anything is possible. Still even if anon and Twilight lived for say 1,000 years, I'm sure their marriage or relationship in general would have it's ups and downs. No relationship is completely perfect. But why then, do I feel like it could be with one of these ponies? Maybe I'm just crazy.

2370244
Well said my friend. Well said. :twilightsmile:

2370294
You know Twilight is always trying to find new ways of expressing herself, plus after coming down from such an emotional high, I thought having her say something a little different might be enjoyable. Thanks for reading!

Oh and I love that pic! "Never hide your liquid pride!" That was a great part of the season finale, along with Celestia's song and Twilight's line about reading a book on being a princess. :twilightsmile:

I know there's something to be had in a cheesy romance... but I just can't. Sorry, there is no suspension of disbelief. And it's a pity, really, because I see moments of real ability from the author. Your descriptions, while the diction can be grating sometimes, are both appropriate and effective. You know what they're in your story for and they work. Also, to a fair extent, you know how to show the reader what these two characters are feeling.

But I can't help but feel you've made suspension of disbelief your enemy and take every effort to kill it.

Just like with "Total Eclipse" and "Brighten My Day", you have (I feel) sacrificed the character for your vision of the romance. The dialogue is beyond cheesy to the point I could never see these characters speak it. I understand cheesy, I get picturesque romance and I realize that's the route you're taking here... but it's too much. Twilight doesn't know how to romance, she doesn't know how to be sexy and seductive outside of the textbook definition. She's awkward, but the way you're depicting her she might as well be Juliet. And if your explanation is, "She picked it up while dating 'you'," then you're just taking another whack at my already crippled suspension of disbelief. Sure, I bet you could get away with it in another story where her romanticism isn't the focus of the plot OR her mannerisms were adequately explained beforehand, but you have neither here.

You also have a tendency to state the obvious or otherwise use words where they are neither needed or useful. Please, just let the characters talk sometimes. Use 'said' more. It's also known as 'the invisible word'. Trust me, it is. Descriptions are great, but too many get in the way.

Ctrl+f "softly" - 27 occurrences
"smile" - 29 occurrences
You have approximately 250 adverbs in a 7600-word story. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these stats, but they're typically symptoms of other problems.

You've got so many good things going for you as a writer and I usually really like the earlier parts of your stories, but once you get into the heavy romance I just can't enjoy it any more. It's completely impractical and very difficult to believe, mostly because the canon characters aren't themselves any more.

2370432

I know this seems a bit out of the blue, but may I say, though I probably haven't reviewed it yet, I love your Applejack story :pinkiehappy: - nice to see two great 2nd-person romance writers at the same place :raritystarry:.

As for your disagreements, given that I love both you guys, I'll just say that what draws me to his stories are that it's over-the-top romantic like this - for many people, I can understand that's it's far far too much, that "you" is too cliche, and that everything is just too unbelievable...that's exactly what draws me however, and what I'm attracted too: that everything is just so darn sweet and endearing, "You" for once isn't a sarcastic "realistic" prick, but a genuine sweetheart akin to Shining Armor, the romance and sex is all very flowery, elaborate and tasteful and never lewd...

I can understand how all of this would bore many people, but from my point of view, I love it - perhaps it's all very unrealistic, but it certainly isn't undesirable...I'm happy that I'm placing myself in the shows of such a romantic instead of a smarmy guy though others can say he's a Gary-Stu, that the love is just so open and fairy-tale like though others could feel it's generic and silly...

His works can be very archetypical, but that's my draw - working with all the fairy-tale/romantic archetypes (his works indeed can be very Romeo and Juliet), though others could say they are cliche and overdone. It's all very tomato/to-ma-to, but given that I loved your AJ story, I felt I wanted to point out what draws me to Jaydex's stories which, taking a look around, is apparently exactly what repels so many others.

About that forth Redheart story......................please :fluttercry:

might I say I find your choice of background music perfect

2370607
Yes you might! And might I say, I love your avatar pic! As soon as I saw you fav one of my stories the other day, I thought could it be the same Garhf...then I saw your avatar! So, here, this is for you! I thought of it right away!

2370591
Don't worry, I haven't forgotten. In fact I was mentally outlining and fantasizing about some of the scenes for the beginning of it. It should start out with a very saucy and entertaining beginning! :raritywink::rainbowwild: But have no fear, it will still have the same daww and feels of the others! :yay:

2370685

well I think he is one of the better video game villains with a great and tragic background story

thank one of my favorite tracks on the cds

2370729
I agree with you. Grahf is a great villain from an epic game with an amazing story. I still rate it among my top favorite RPGs! And the music has always helped inspire me with my writing. That's why I chose those two pieces for this story, they both seemed quite fitting.

The feels and dawws, so cute! Awesome way to cross-breed!

2370179 Sweet Celestia! :pinkiegasp:

Login or register to comment