• Member Since 18th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 1st, 2012

doomguy


Comments ( 84 )

Haven't read it yet but I'm really hoping it's going to be good.

EDIT: It was good although it could have been fleshed out a little more with some fine details but that's just my opinion.

HiE stories have been done thousands of times, so the premise is very old, but the clop section was done really well and it felt very romantic. Thumbs up from me.

Meeester
Moderator

This was well executed "clop" if you can even call it that when done well I'm glad you added in the 90 day time-skip; it stopped my inner cynic from yelling at you for being too speedy. I liked it :pinkiehappy:

Well done, liked/fav.

why so many dislikes? it was actually a pretty good story :eeyup:

Excellent story! :heart::twilightsmile: Take my like!

If I might make some suggestions?

Perhaps including a bit more dialogue during the actual clop portion, rather than just rephrasing similar sentences over and over.
The ending felt a bit rushed to me. The addition of dialogue would help extend the duration of the clop, as well as provide a nice emotional layer to the experience (A good example of reference would be a lovely human-Dash fic called "The Colour Of My World" by Ghost121).

Any chance we might see other drama-romantic-clop involving a human and the rest of the Mane 6? :ajsmug::pinkiesmile::raritystarry::rainbowkiss::yay:It could be a series! :heart::heart::heart:

Looking forward to seeing what you come up with in the future!

-MLS

You have my word dear sir, that I will read this fabulous manuscript in the next 24 hours :rainbowhuh:

611241
Thanks for the detailed input/like. First time I've ever written anything like this, so I'll certainly look into pointers. This was just sort of an experiment to see if I could write something out of my comfort zone. I may do more...need to see if inspiration strikes :)

611394
For a second I didn't ever remember using it, had to open the file up and check for myself. :facehoof:
It didn't feel like the best word to use, but I couldn't think of anything more appropriate.

611029
Thanks for the fav. Was is not explicit enough to be clop? :pinkiehappy:

Meeester
Moderator

614072
Short answer is no it was not explicit enough for me.

Maybe it's just my own personal idea of clop, but if I had to call this clop without a choice, then I'd add Classy to it. Not as straightforward as the typical "AW YEAH HIE, time to fuck the mane6 in 10 seconds flat!" It was all in the dialog being more (I feel a bit corny) romantic, and I have to come back to your adding of the 90 day time-skip.

Coming into this I was honestly a bit worried that this be just another HiE clop fic. But I have to say that I'm happy that wasn't the case. You sir have written something I think hands down deserves to use the Romance tag. I have seen way too many stories that slap that on there just so they can get away with blatant sex. You on the other hand gave us moments of emotional turmoil and decent amounts of intimacy rather than just jump straight into the naughty stuff. Honestly I would love to see some form of continuation from this one shot, but not the harem style someone already suggested, I for one would like to see further evolution of this relationship you've constructed and possibly the problems the pair have to deal with being such an "exotic" pairing.

Okay, I have to say that I've read a lot of "this kind of stories" but I have to say that I hardly came across a story that feels like if it was writen as a whole, there are no "edges", everything goes fluent from one scene into another. The focus is layed on the emotional relationship of the two main characters which IMO is a very good thing. Also you slowely build up to the steamy part and as I said the story goes fluently from the state of convessing the emotional to the physical experssion of affection.
As 610772 already said you could have added some more juicy datilas but that is just a minor nitpick. As for a first story: incredibly well writen, good character describtion and introperspective of these characters, and most importantly "I could feel their love".

I would like to encourage you good sir to write more stories in this style, you've got my tracking

MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

The next sex conversation Twikight has with her friends would be pretty entertaining.

that was such a sweet story! i D`awwed at the end. Good stuff, mane.:twilightsmile:

614101
Tangible I like, I think I may have considered it a one point...just wanted something a little different I suppose.

614263
I see, thanks for clarifying

614737
Thanks, it was my intention to make it just a little deeper than people expected going in to it. I could also see another oneshot coming off of this story but I haven't given it much thought yet.

614825
That's very high praise, thank you :)

618977
Either way, I look forward to seeing what else you create especially if it's still along the same level of work and detail you put into this one.

That was pretty good. It had equal parts Romance, Clop and Dawww.

A feel good romp if ever there was one... (am I stealing that line from, somewhere?)

:pinkiehappy: Spectacular. Detailed but not compulsively, short but not maddeningly so, and extremely sensual.. Well done!

Oh, and i didn't think anyone played DOOM anymore, based on your name. Or are you an avid Skulltagger?

618985
You should make a several chapter romance between him and Twilight

611102 because some men just can't handle the fact that other men want to read detailed stories about horses from a children's show having visceral sex. and they say we're the weird ones, shame on them, a plague on all their houses I say

Uh... Hm. I... was not expecting a clop story. I REALLY don't know why. :twilightoops: :facehoof: :ajsleepy:

621716
I recently rediscovered the infamous doom comic, and I thought it'd be funny to take the name of the manliest man ever as my clop-writing pseudonym :)

629721
ahh yes. "Rip and Tear." Very classy. :rainbowlaugh:

Thanks for the explanation! Excellent work by the way. POV was absolutely phenomenal.

This....is....awesome....:rainbowkiss:

Great story, it's stuff like this that gives me inspiration to make my own stories, well done:pinkiehappy:

I demand a sequel. This was great. If I had hands, I'll give you two thumbs up, but since I have hooves, you'll have to settle for two hooves up.

Please write more, your characterization of Twilight is perfect (much better than Twi and Me IMO)

837608
Thank you

908092
No plans for a sequel in the meantime, but I do see another human story with someone from the mane six happening. See my profile pic for a hint ;)

1054051
Thanks,

1153670 Yeah! My second favorite mane six character. She barely gets any 2nd person stories.

610764
Damn strait

1185344
Coincidentally, five is my favorite number :pinkiecrazy:

The mind of a deviant and a tenuous grasp of reality? :pinkiecrazy:

Aru

Yup good story this is indeed.

Doom, you should expand this, I think it would be cool to see where this goes.

I have probably said this in other comments, but I do rather enjoy these types of stories. Not for the clop even. I find the idea of two peoples of completely different species being able to look past what they are, and what each other look like. To the point that they could in fact make love to one another. I may be just a big sap I suppose, but more often than not I am going DAWWWW instead of clopping.

Hahaha. :rainbowlaugh: Liquid excitement.

I agree with Void Heart i enjoy the romance and the overcomeing spicies or races to be togather i like those stories. the sex was good too but i like the romance part more. :rainbowdetermined2:

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