- Member Since 15th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 2nd, 2021
Haliton
Just a place to host my pony-related ramblings.
Haliton
Joined 15th Jan, 2012 ·
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For human in Equestria clop, it isn't bad. It's well written, there were no grammar errors that i could see and treated as a fic by it's own merits it's good. I gave it 4 stars.. Trust me there is worse clop out there and for the most part this is pretty innocent and there is genuine emotion here. I think you deserve feedback. I don't agree with Twilight given godhood, but to each its own.
I second that.
133547
Thanks, I really do appreciate any feedback on any of my work. That chapter 2 was inspired by a discussion where I commented that I'd dedicate a lot to wings if Twilight had any, and somehow I got the idea for Alicorn Twilight. Things just went from there.
Expect future additions to stray away from clop, this is wish-fulfillment at its core. Just lots and lots of sappy waifu fantasies.
Personally, I don't like alicorn Twilight either, but different strokes for different folks.
The emotional intimacy was fantastic. I adored this one.
Wow, I'm impressed. This is a really great story so far.
And, just to note, this isn't really aiming at a connected series of chapters, anything new I add would probably be episodic.
This is awesome. So tender. I'd favourite it if I could figure out where the damn fave button is on this site.
134010
So, there won't be full-on penetration?
139981
Uh, there already has been.
Though there may or may not be a part dedicated to all kinds of fetishes in the future
140208
Oh...
must have overread that...
Fantastic chapter. As always, awesomely written, with great characterisation and emotional intimacy. Take all my stars, tracks and faves!
that was amazing.
I love this! Love it! Love it!
I know it's kind of weird... and I might get jumped on for saying this... but... if their genetics are magically compatible enough for him to get sick from her, plus the fact that he's being making love to her time and time again going straight into her womb... then maybe they're compatible enough for you-know
Just a thought...
Regardless,
149823
They don't have to be genetically compatible for disease transmission to occur, the cell membrane glycoproteins just need to be similar. Cross species transmission occurs all the time, which is why bird flu is so dangerous, and it's how many diseases came about in humans, one of which is Ebola.
And, uh, I've actually entertained the idea, but I won't dare touch it unless I'm sure I can execute it even remotely as well as Preggity did.
150057
To be honest, I like your story better than Preggity so far.
150070
Really? Aha, I'm quite flattered, I honestly think Preggity triumphs this in every way, apart from not having Twilight as the subject. But Rarity is a fine pony anyway.
So awesome!
Please keep writing these! 
Did she drink red bull?
Red bull gives you Wiiiings!
150057
Go for it dude! Have her knocked up! It would feel so right...
Regardless, I like your work a lot so far.
Knocked up best pony? Not sure if want...Nope scratch that, should not want but do anyway. Go for it! And I like the sort of broken continuity of this story, allowing for you to pull off anything if you do it right. Minimal amount of grammar here and there, but nothing that flung me out of immersion like so many other, another thing being a tad bit more discriptiveness in the future would be nice. But, other than the obvious, keep this up and it shall remain my favorite non TAW clop fic.
Sooo... seeing how this is my favourite combined romance/clopfic...
Are you still writing a fourth chapter? Cause I can hardly wait...
183822
Eventually. I'll probably be writing Twaifufics for a long time, though I'd like to work on my other fics as well.
184095
"Eventually"?
186900
Yeah, eventually. I've got no schedule for these fics, I write if the urge hits me and I have an idea to use
Because I'm curious as to how lack of any sex would affect quality,as future ideas make it increasingly hard to jam in.
The lack of sex didn't bother me at all. I've read all your stories in this little series of yours and this was another great one. Keep up the good work.
Gonna assume these will be like secluded episodes of the life of... actually I don't know the character's name, that are completely resetting the proverbial status with Twilight. I like it, but a bit more...intimacy would be nice if you know what I mean.
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/gif/files/132676216254s.gif
221695
Nothing's being reset, just think of the fics not being in chronological order.
And, well, intimacy would be hard considering how awkward self-insert and Twilight are at the earlier stages of their relationship.
221869 "Chronological order."
Basically the 'the time line works because fuck you.' in writing lingo.
No offense, but I would just redo the whole thing either in chronological order... or else maybe label things clearly like "Later that day", "Last week", "The week before", "Some hours earlier," and so on.
Also: when is self-insert going to make her preggers? Come on!
222370
Basically, yeah. This was never meant to be a series of any sort, first fic was a oneshot and when I got the idea fot a second one I decided hey why not use the same self insert as before
Soooo
Eventually this happened
222406
Probably never, I don't feel competent enough to execute the idea. And, well, I think it works, so no real sense in redoing everything, even if I'd like to.
Would be interesting to have happen. What sot of baby would a human and an alicorn have, anyways? Still. No sex does not negatively impact the series. Well written, would read again, etc. etc.
Eh, sexless romance is possible, but I think it was a little too archetypal than it should be. There's a reason defenseless damsels always go to the mighty knights; the damsel would do work at home that the knight would be incompetent at, whereas the knight would earn his wage in a way that the damsel cannot, or defend the damsel because she can't defend herself. What I just wrote may seem even more archetypal, but, for the sake of argument, both lovers feel completely content and happy with the role they're given. What I'm trying to say is that a believable paring must have chemistry, as opposed to the boring tween-porn ironically named after our favorite unicorn.
For example, Twilight Sparkle has a nerdy personality, having nearly infinite curiosity, while at the same time having the competence to apply the things she learns, like her research on the Elements of Harmony or Ursa bears. I think the personality of a love-interest for her needs to complement that personality, instead of trying to play off of her seldom-seen romantic side. How about he become an archivist, or find a new field in the science of magic? It would give Twilight a reason to keep coming back instead of referring to her friends for the advice or just coming back for sex and/or a back rub. Hell, you could have him be a scientist while he was in the human world, maybe explain some astrophysics to her.
222647
Awwww... I almost feel like I should write my own Twilight preggers story just to make up for that...
Although I don't know how I could compete with Preggity... I'd have to really change around the storylines. I would be fun, though.
225140
That's very true, though honestly I'm quite afraid of characterising self-insert more than I have, that way he has to become a proper character and is no longer just an audience surrogate. Though considering the direction this seems to be taking, I might have to do it. I did try to vaguely define him of sorts, you can see he's quite similar to Twilight, and that knowledge of viral membrane glycoproteins near the end of part 3... well, interpret that bit of him as you will. I don't really want to outright define him, at least not yet.
I did have a few ideas to slowly define him more and more as this goes on, but I'm still not sure if I should do it.
225518
Go ahead. Us Twaifufags could always use another Twaifufic.
Congratulations on getting past the 2k view mark, I didn't notice that before. It's pretty nice.
As for Twaifu stories, I don't know... She's pretty well covered by the fandom right now (after all, she is freaking hawt as hell), and I don't like writing about things unless I feel like I can really do a unique spin on it. I guess I might talk about the late part of a pregnancy with X-male (maybe a human guy) and Twilight, and then I'd go into raising their new daughter. It might be interesting to discuss the tension between pony and human life as they raise her. I'm imagining that their daughter is a unicorn, but she has a very human-y body color and mane color. She also would be ferociously, almost disturbingly intelligent. She would have to deal with other ponies being weirded out by her.
This actually could be really cool. Of course, their little family would be kind and lovely, a Twaifu vibe through everything.
220012 hehe, sex. hehe, jam it in. hehehe
220280 What, you don't like the "And then they fucked" stories?
Just rediscovered this story...
I remember reading the first two chapters of this a long time ago and I loved it. Glad to see you decided to continue it.
i don't like seeing fics with no comments
No safeword?
Okay...
"Hey, I have rape fantasies of you."
"Wow, I was just about so say that to you!"
and that is why you use safewords.
Posting this comment for archival purposes, and also because I'm a faggot.
I'm assuming there's a pre-amble at this point given the fact that you're talking about fetishes with Twilight... this being chapter five, I'm not invested in the narrative, so it felt jarringly forward for me, but I suppose that's only the case because I'm not sunken in to the plot thus far.
The writing is, as you said, very obviously a vessel to convey your vicarious affection for Twilight. That being said, some of the exchange during the 'conversation' felt a bit like an information dump, and as a result lost some of Twilight's personality during her dialogue.
Obviously you're writing this as a kind of wish fulfillment, but it'd better serve a more general purpose and reach a wider audience if you made it first person or at least gave the reader a chance to insert themselves. As it is, you're attempting some tanalizing descriptions that do a good job of evoking a proper 'unf' response, but would be even more effective given an appropriate perspective.
The dialogue felt stilted towards the end (which can be a deal breaker in this kind of thing, or people might not notice, depending on their investment).
All in all, it could have done with being more evocative in parts, though the motivation was easily evident. Work on drawing out immersion more, even if you don't want to shif the perspective... and reconsider the voice of the main character, he felt painfully beta in parts... even if that's true to life, it's bothersome to read.
I'm surprised that you didn't have her, erm, sitting upon him with his manhood resting right under her as she, uh, relieved herself... this mixing flesh, liquid, and pleasure among the two of them equally...
*feels weird just saying that*
I DAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW'ed as I came...
"I actually wanted to pretend to rape you, do some bdsm and some other kinky things before cumming in your ass."
"I wanted to hold complete control over your will."
Because it's just that easy.
367900 ಠ_ಠ
506420
Wouldn't that feel really f--king good, though?
506433 No.
No it would not.
I keep it to the lubrication and...rusults only, any other fluid is more of a turn off for me.
506420
Because horse sex fantasies are paragons of realism
Although I really wanted to give the impression that those two have wanted to get it out for a long time
506885 Behold;
THE TRUTH.